Forbidden Fantasies Bundle

by Dawn Atkins

  Then she thought of the way Jed had paced like some kind of large caged cat when they’d all been brainstorming a short time before. He’d radiated an air of reckless danger that she’d always imagined Lucifer would have.

  Now that she thought about it, even Jed’s sense of humor coincided with that dry wit she’d detected in some of Lucifer’s reports.

  She should have made the connection sooner. There was only one explanation for why she hadn’t. She’d let that overwhelming attraction she’d felt for both men blindside her.

  The same thing had happened with Ethan Blair, she reminded herself. And if she was going to do a thorough analysis of how blind she could be when it came to men, she’d better add Hadley Richards to the list. She might not have had an affair with him, but she’d been so thrilled with his attention and approval that she’d let him use her.

  Why was she so stupid when it came to men? She hadn’t seen through Hadley any more than she’d seen beneath the surface of Jed Calhoun. And she’d always prided herself on being intelligent.

  A little flame of anger began to burn inside of her. Rising from her chair, she began to pace back and forth in the small office space. She was a doctoral student in psychology for heaven’s sake. It was time she did an analysis of the men in her life.

  Her father had never loved her. She didn’t think either of her parents had. They’d only been interested in their work and in what she could achieve in the academic world that would reflect well on them.

  Next on her list was Hadley Richards. Hadley certainly hadn’t attracted her in the same primitive way that Jed or Ethan had. He’d been kind, understanding—a substitute father figure. And he’d been the first man in her entire life who’d paid any kind of attention to her. He’d praised her work. He’d offered her jobs that he’d been sure only she could do. Her father had never once praised her work. Hadley had taken the time for her, and she’d been completely overcome by the attention.

  Poor, pathetic little Zoë. Disgusted, she nearly kicked her chair. But this wasn’t about her, she reminded herself. This was about the men.

  Hadley had used her. Pausing at the window, she stared through the glass, but it wasn’t the view of the Mall that grabbed her attention. She was picturing her first interview in Hadley Richards’s office. He’d offered her tea—somehow he’d known that she preferred it. He’d told her he’d heard good things about her. There was a private matter that he’d wanted her to research and to keep completely confidential. No written report, no file. She was to report on it verbally to him.

  Again, she experienced a little nibbling at the edge of her mind. Ruthlessly, she pushed it aside. First she was going to finish with Hadley Richards. Had he set her up from day one, sweet-talking her, inviting her to those business lunches, knowing full well that he was going to ask for her resignation and forge her name to reports that had nearly gotten Jed killed?

  Of course he had. The piece of slime. She could picture him poring over her résumé, looking at the photo that she’d submitted with it and saying to himself, “Yes, she’ll make the perfect patsy!”

  And she had. Needy little Zoë had just lapped up all of his attention like a hungry kitten licked cream.

  And she’d been ripe for Jed Calhoun’s attention, too. Sex starved, that’s what she’d been. And he’d probably known it. All that teasing, the mocking looks, the hand on her arm, at her waist. He’d known exactly what effect he’d had on her.

  She pulled her hair free of the ponytail and ran her hand through it. He’d known all right. She was the kind of woman who was an open book to a man like Jed Calhoun. Whirling, she moved to the open doorway of the office. He was totally focused on the data he’d brought up on the screen.

  The fact that he could concentrate on the assignment, and she couldn’t, fanned the flame of anger inside of her even higher. But even as she huffed out a breath, she knew that she wasn’t angry at Jed in the same way she was at Hadley.

  There was a big difference between the two men. She couldn’t accuse Jed of using her. She was the one who’d propositioned him and who’d come to Ryder’s office this morning secretly hoping that she would see him, hoping that he would touch her again.

  And she was in love with him. The realization slammed into her with the force of a Mack truck. Breathless, head spinning, she gripped the side of the doorjamb and wondered that she could still stand. The panic clawing its way through her nearly made her knees buckle. How could she be in love with Jed Calhoun? She barely knew the man. She hadn’t had a clue that he was really Lucifer. What she was feeling right now was just an aftermath of the great sex they’d had. Women—even smart women—confused the two. Frequently.

  She pressed a hand against her stomach. That must be it.

  Or—better still—she was letting her crush on Lucifer influence her. Yes, that had to be it.

  But as she continued to look at Jed, none of the emotions streaming through her dissipated in the wake of cool logic.

  Still, she was sure she was right. It had to be the combination of great sex and her fixation on Lucifer that had her heart doing cartwheels. Because if she’d been in love with Jed Calhoun, how could she have run off with Ethan Blair and let him seduce her?

  Would her next realization be that she was in love with Ethan Blair, too?

  The thought had barely entered her mind when Jed’s head whipped around and his eyes met hers.

  Later, she would try to analyze just what it was that triggered the realization. Was it their eyes meeting that reminded her of that moment at the Blue Pepper when she’d first locked gazes with Ethan? Was it simply that falling in love made you see things more clearly?

  Or maybe it was just the fury that was still rolling around inside of her, trying to find a release valve. Whatever it was, she moved at the same time he did and when they met in the middle of the kitchen, she lifted the sleeve of his T-shirt and saw the bandage. Ripping it free, she found the jagged and still angry-looking mark that the bullet had left.

  “You’re Ethan Blair.” And then she used both hands to give him one hard shove.

  JED HADN’T BEEN PREPARED for the shove. That’s why he ended up on his rear end on the floor. “I can exp—”

  She cut him off by launching herself at him. The next thing he knew, his shoulders were pinned to the floor and she was straddling him. Her fist connected with his jaw before he could prevent it. He tasted blood where his teeth had clamped on his tongue. The yank on his hair told him where her other hand was. He captured both her wrists and rolled.

  The struggle was brief, and he took every advantage he could before she finally stopped struggling and lay still beneath him.

  “Ouch,” he yelled. He’d forgotten that she retained her grip on his hair. “Stop that. I can explain.”

  “I’m listening,” she said through gritted teeth.

  Jed looked down at her. He’d never imagined she could get this angry. Her eyes had narrowed to slits, and they’d deepened to the color of dark toffee. He was amazed by her, delighted with her. Each new layer that he discovered only drew him in deeper.

  “Well?” she bit out.

  Explain, he reminded himself. Explain why he hadn’t told her immediately that he was Ethan Blair. Why he’d seduced her as another man.

  Why he wanted to seduce her again right now. But he’d promised himself that he’d keep his distance. He’d even convinced himself that this time he’d be able to keep his word. But he wasn’t going to be able to, he now realized.

  “Okay, I’ll explain it for you then,” she said.

  He could feel the fury radiating through her, from her. Panic bubbled up in him. He was going to lose her over this. More than that, he deserved to lose her over this.

  “You used me. I thought it couldn’t be true—but it is. What was I? Just something that you were amusing yourself with while you were figuring out a way to clear your name? Well, you’ve had your fun. Now leave me alone.”

  “No.” The bubble
s of panic had transformed into a steady stream. He wasn’t going to leave her alone. He couldn’t.

  “I thought you were different from Hadley Richards, but you’re not. You’re just like him.”

  Fury rose up, slapping him just as hard as her fist had. Releasing her wrists, he grabbed her shoulders and gave her a quick, impatient shake. “I’m not Hadley Richards.”

  He had to make her understand. “Last night—I never should have returned to the Blue Pepper. I never should have asked you to follow me. I told myself that I came back for the envelope Gage had left with you. But that was a lie. I came back because I wanted to see you again. I’d promised myself that I wouldn’t, that I couldn’t, until I’d cleared my name. That’s why I—Jed—didn’t call you. And then when I saw you last night at the Blue Pepper…”

  She said nothing, but she wasn’t struggling anymore. She was listening. Some of the panic eased. He drew in a deep breath and tried to push down the other emotions flooding him. “Last night at the hotel, I know that I should have told you I was Jed. I convinced myself that I was protecting you, that it was much better that you didn’t know the truth. I—” He broke off and dragged in another breath. “Hell, I can’t do this. I can’t even explain it to myself. I just know that I had to make love to you again.” He gave her another little shake. “I can’t be in the same room with you without wanting you. Without wanting this.”

  He crushed his mouth to hers.

  SHE’D WANTED THIS. Even when she’d punched him, she hadn’t stopped wanting this heat that threatened to consume her. Pride and anger, even logic, vanished in the tangle of needs and desires that only he could ignite in her. Greed filled her. Threading her fingers through his hair, she held on, wanting more as his mouth raced down her throat, teeth scraping, tongue soothing.

  Oh yes, she’d wanted this fever in her blood that only he could ignite. His hands—those hard, lethal hands—tore at the snap of her jeans and dragged them down her legs. And she wanted the hunger—she could taste the flavor of it in his mouth, feel it pump through her veins.

  Together, they worked off his T-shirt and pushed down his jeans. When he paused to get the condom out of his wallet, desperation spiked inside of her. Pressing her hands against his chest, she rolled him over, then she straddled him and sheathed him in the condom herself.

  “Now.” They spoke the word together and moved in unison. His fingers dug into her hips as he lifted her. Her fingers wrapped around him as she guided him in.

  Then they were both moving fast as pleasure built with a speed that stole her breath. Her vision grayed until she could see only him—Jed, Ethan, Lucifer. He was all of them and for now, for this moment, he was hers. Glorying in the realization and in the power, she gave herself to him.

  Even though she thought she knew what was coming, thought she’d experienced every nuance of pleasure that he could give her, the climax, when it came, slammed into her and threw her higher. She heard his cry as he joined her, and then there was mindless bliss.

  WHEN HIS MIND WAS WORKING again and his senses absorbing data, Jed discovered that he was lying on the floor and Zoë was snuggled on top of him. What in hell was he going to say to her now?

  “Are you all right?”

  “Mmm, hmm.”

  She didn’t sound angry. “I’m sorry.” He winced at how inadequate the words sounded.

  She raised her head and met his eyes. “I’m sorry, too.”

  He frowned. “For what? You didn’t do anything.”

  Her eyebrows shot up. “I punched you and I said you were like Hadley Richards.”

  “Okay. Apology accepted for the Hadley Richards part. But I deserved the punch.” He studied her. She hadn’t said she’d accepted his apology, but she clearly wasn’t angry anymore. Maybe he ought to leave well enough alone.

  Going with instinct, he rose to a sitting position and then settled her on his lap. “You pack a mean wallop, but I deserved it for not telling you I was Ethan Blair. Are you going to forgive me?”

  “Perhaps,” she said. “I kind of liked him.”

  “You did?” Jed wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

  When she said nothing and merely nestled her head against his shoulder, Jed found the gesture almost unbearably sweet. For a moment he couldn’t speak, couldn’t think. Minutes ago, there’d been so much heat, and now, all he felt was a warmth, pure and true, spreading through him.

  “I think that punch had Hadley Richards’s name on it, and you got caught in the crosshairs of the anger I was feeling for him.”

  He tightened his arm around her. “He used you.”

  “Right from the beginning, I think. I’ll bet that he hired me with those reports in mind, and then he seduced me.”

  Jed tried to keep his voice calm as jealousy sliced through him. “I thought you said that you didn’t have an affair.”

  “We didn’t, and he didn’t literally seduce me. I don’t think I’m his type.”

  Frowning, Jed lifted her chin so that she met his eyes. “What are you saying?”

  “He seduced my mind by telling me what great work I was doing, how he trusted me more than any of the other data analysts. And all the time he was setting me up.” Her hands fisted in her lap and her voice tightened. “He knew that I wouldn’t go for an affair because he was married. But I can see now that he set it up to make it look like we were having an affair—inviting me to business lunches, asking me to deliver that report and meet him in the bar. He even took me to high tea once because he knew that I preferred tea over coffee. He’d done his homework.”

  Jed ran his hand down her back and up again. “The bastard,” Jed murmured. He could see exactly how Hadley had orchestrated it. “It wasn’t your fault.”

  She met his eyes steadily. “Wasn’t it? I was gullible and needy for some kind of male approval. He saw that and used it to his advantage. I’m never going to let a man do that to me again.”

  Whatever Jed would have said dried in his throat when he saw something flash into her eyes. “What?”

  “That’s it.” Scrambling up, she grabbed her clothes and struggled into them. Then she raced for the small office.

  By the time he caught up with her, her fingers were racing over the keys.

  “There’s been something bothering me all day, something I couldn’t quite remember. Shortly after I was hired, Hadley told me that the reason he’d hired me was because of my data-gathering skills. He wanted me to do a little off-the-record research for him. He claimed a friend had extensive corporate holdings, and he suspected that one of them was being used for money laundering. He asked me to investigate. There.” She paused to point at the screen. “The company was called Manning Imports.”

  “So?” Jed asked.

  “In my confidential report, I told Hadley that Manning Imports was indeed laundering money for the Vidal drug cartel.”

  This time, Jed said nothing. He could hear the excitement in her voice.

  “I might not have even remembered this report if I hadn’t gotten so angry just now.” She scrolled down a screen and pointed to a name. “Manning Imports is owned by a company that is owned by McManus Pharmaceuticals.”

  Jed stared at the screen, his mind racing. “He had you find the proof that his wife’s company was engaged in money laundering? Why?”

  “I was naive, impressionable, and he knew he was going to fire me under circumstances that I would find humiliating. Maybe he wanted to see if the connection could be made?”

  Jed nodded. “And if you could make it, then someone else—like Frank Medici—could also find it?”

  “Yes. But I think he’d already made his plan to get rid of Frank. And you. What I was able to find probably just cinched it.”

  “You’re a genius, Zoë McNamara.” He lifted her out of the chair and whirled her around. “You’re an absolute genius.”

  Then as suddenly as he’d grabbed her, he set her down and frowned at her. “Hadley Richards must be worried as hell about y
ou right now. You’re a loose end. And he’s already tried to kill you once.”

  Zoë stared at him. “What do you mean?”

  “Those two thugs who grabbed you when you followed me away from the Blue Pepper—I assumed they were working for Bailey and they were after the envelope Gage sent you. But now we know that they weren’t working for Bailey. And we know that Hadley Richards doesn’t hesitate when it comes to eliminating anyone who poses a threat to him. I’d say you’re at the top of his current hit list.”

  16

  “MAYBE IF WE TAKE IT one more time from the top,” Ryder said as he set down his empty bowl of chili and moved to his whiteboard. “We should be able to figure something out.”

  Zoë glanced around the room. The expressions on the faces of Gage, Bailey and Jed were not hopeful. From what she could see, they were experiencing the same discouragement that she was feeling.

  For the past two hours, they’d tried to look at the facts from every possible angle. Not even the hiatus they’d taken while they’d eaten Jensen’s chili had helped.

  Ryder pointed to his whiteboard where he’d drawn appropriate lines from Hadley to McManus Pharmaceuticals to Manning Imports and to the Vidal drug cartel in Colombia.

  “In a nutshell, one of the subsidiary companies of McManus is laundering money for a drug cartel. Hadley Richards either discovers this or knows it and is worried that someone else might find out. So seven months ago he hires a new data analyst, takes her under his wing and gives her a special assignment. When she’s able to trace the money trail in less than a day, he decides to act on a plan that he must already have had in place.”

  “Oh, he had it in place all right,” Bailey said. “He’s a very meticulous planner. I’ve never known him to miss a trick.”

  Gage took up the summary. “He either knows or suspects that Frank Medici is about to uncover the real business that Manning Imports is involved in, so he assigns Zoë the task of researching Lucifer, and he arranges for Jed to contact Frank Medici on the same night that he has Frank taken out.”