Hard to Handle litb-2

by Jessica Lemmon

  Much.

  He chuckled as he recalled the small wrinkle in her forehead. How am I supposed to hold on to you after all that great sex? I’m going to look like a wind sock, flapping behind you on the air.

  She turned him on in the weirdest ways sometimes. He shook his head to himself as Axle lumbered into the store. Aiden looked at his phone. “It’s not seven yet.”

  “Go,” Axle said, gesturing to the door. “Finished early.”

  Aiden didn’t have to be told twice. He pulled his keys from the drawer, his mind on Sadie.

  “Why are you smiling so much?” Axle asked, eyes narrowed.

  Aiden looked up at him, more than a little shocked that Axle noticed. “I, uh…I’m happy.” He gave him a slightly embarrassed smile. “I guess I haven’t been happy for a long time.”

  Axle surprised him further by leaning on the counter and crossing his arms over his big chest. “Yeah. Your family got served a shit sandwich last year.” His mustache twitched and his expression turned somber. An expression on Axle was alarming. All Aiden could do was stare. “I loved your mom. She was like a sister to me. Your dad like a brother. I know he doesn’t show it, Aiden, but he grieves. Men like us just grieve different, is all.”

  Aiden was struck dumb. This had to be the longest conversation he’d ever had with Axle Zoller.

  “You worry about him, but you shouldn’t,” Axle continued. “He’s your dad. Let him worry about you, not the other way around.” He glared down at him. “Okay?”

  Aiden nodded, speechless for a moment. “Okay,” he managed.

  Axle palmed Aiden’s shoulder and gave him a brief shake. “I’m glad you’re happy. Now go.” His mustache curved into a genuinely warm smile. “Tell Sadie I said hi.”

  Outside, Aiden replayed the conversation with Axle with a chuckle and a shake of his head. Maybe he had been worrying too much about everyone around him and not enough about himself. Since he’d turned his focus on buying the stores, and on Sadie, Aiden felt more whole than he ever had in his life.

  Things were coming together. Life really did go on. And while he’d never forget his mother, he didn’t want to live in the shadow of losing her for the rest of his life, either.

  Neither did Dad. He could see that now.

  Aiden straddled Sheila and scrolled through his phone for the number for the Chinese place near Sadie’s house. He planned on ordering at least six different things and crawling into bed to feed her a bite of everything. Then he could stash the rest in the fridge for a midnight snack, or a three a.m. snack—whenever they woke famished from the workout he had planned tonight.

  He couldn’t get enough of that woman. He loved her so much his chest ached with it. He didn’t want to get over her…and he knew after one miserable, failed attempt, he’d never be able to.

  He wanted to shout with victory.

  Aiden had never felt this way about anyone. Not even his ex-wife. He may not have broken any vows during their short marriage, but he hadn’t known what it meant to be married. Not really. He’d never before wanted to give absolutely everything, strip himself bare—literally and figuratively—for another person.

  Sadie made him feel everything at once. Made him feel like he had all he needed, even as he gave her all he had. She also made him want to walk down the aisle sooner than later. Make this thing official so he could start the next part of his life. He didn’t care where he lived—her apartment, a new place they picked out together—as long as he was with her. Aiden didn’t want to go home anymore. To him, she was home.

  He pocketed his phone and started his bike. Maybe Chinese in bed wasn’t the best idea. Maybe a better idea was a nice restaurant, candlelight, and a small velvet box.

  He sped down the road, trying to remember where, exactly, he could find the closest jeweler. Saturday, Sadie had turned him down. But that was before all they’d shared. Aiden knew Sadie was right for him. Knew it deep in his bones.

  He thought back to the shower this morning, where he’d washed her and stroked her and told her he loved her in every way but saying the words. She had to guess where this was going. He wasn’t in this halfway. She had to know that he wanted it all.

  After giving himself so completely, there was only one gesture left to make.

  He’d get a ring. And he’d ask. Again. But this time, he thought as he spotted the jewelry store, she’d say yes.

  He knew it.

  * * *

  Sadie growled and dropped her phone. She’d gotten Aiden’s voice mail three times in a row. Her fretting had turned into frustration.

  Soon he’d be in her living room, crowding her, turning her on…and she would melt into him, of course she would. How could she not? He was sexy and perfect and turned her into a wanton sex goddess.

  And yet she felt utterly buried, smothered by him. It didn’t make any sense.

  Maybe she just needed time. An evening, a morning to herself to process. She’d made herself a very big promise last year—to never trust Aiden again, to never show her vulnerability to him again. And boy, had she broken that vow. He’d seen her more vulnerable, more exposed—in more ways than one—than anyone ever had. And now the boundaries she used to trust in were blurred beyond recognition.

  Sadie tried to heed Crickitt’s sage advice to stop holding the sins of the past against Aiden. She tried to forget the phone call last year, tried to forget how his dismissal of her had torn her heart out. She tried to forget the weeks following, the weeks when she’d ignored his calls before they’d stopped completely. She tried to ignore the terror she still felt at the idea of losing him. He wouldn’t ever cheat on her, or leave her for her sister, but he could wrap his motorcycle around another tree…or go skidding into a field with an exposed water pipe like her father had…

  Her hands shook as she pulled her phone out of her purse and dialed his number again. Then she heard it: the low rumble of Aiden’s motorcycle.

  And her hands shook harder.

  Chapter 16

  Aiden adjusted the collar of his shirt. He’d made reservations at Triangle after his purchase and had run home to change into a blue button-down shirt and black pants. He hoped to God not to make an ass out of himself in a fancy-pants restaurant, he thought, sweeping a hand through his hair. But he couldn’t very well propose to Sadie in a steak house.

  Though they did make love in a tree house…so maybe it was a safe assumption Sadie wasn’t into the five-star scene, either. He didn’t know why he was suddenly so riddled with doubt over the right way to ask her. Then again, yes, he did. Sadie spooked as easily as a wild mare. He didn’t want to blow his chance at spending the rest of his life with her because she didn’t like crème brûlée.

  She opened her apartment door and Aiden’s fears evaporated. Seeing her there, dressed in a smart black skirt and pale pink top, her heels as high and impractical as ever, reminded him he had nothing to worry about. He knew her. Knew what she wanted, what she needed, before she even knew it herself.

  “Change of plans,” he said, stuffing his hands into his pockets. He clasped on to the ring he’d purchased tonight. It wasn’t hard to pick out at all. The moment he saw it, it practically shouted Sadie. “We’ll take your car. You’re dressed perfectly for where we’re going.”

  It was then he really looked at her face. The wide, sorrowful eyes, her full lips drawn into a pout. He held out a hand to touch her and she stepped out of his reach. The threshold of her apartment seemed to be a barrier he wasn’t supposed to cross.

  “Axle says hi,” he said, his voice thin.

  She crossed one arm over her middle and clasped on to her elbow, bracing herself—for what, he had no idea.

  Fear and anger mixed in his throat, making his next words a demand rather than a question. “Sadie, what’s going on?”

  She shook her head, dropped her arm, and squeezed her cell phone between both hands. “I thought I could do this.”

  His vision blurred and he grasped the doorway for support.<
br />
  “I mean, I don’t think we need to stop seeing each other,” she continued. “Just…you know. Maybe a little less…”

  Faint. He was going to fucking faint.

  “I appreciate you offering to take me to dinner, Aiden, but—”

  “You appreciate it?” he asked, incredulous. “What am I, your coworker?”

  She frowned, rolling her shoulders back. “No, of course not. I just think you and I went from zero to a hundred and skipped all the numbers in between. I need a—a break. From you. For a night or two,” she was quick to clarify.

  Like that was supposed to make him feel better. “A break,” he repeated, his chest constricting.

  How many times had he done this with Harmony? The start, the stall, the start, the stall. She’d ease off, come back, and he’d accommodated her each and every time. Marriage took work. Marriage took trying. And he got that, he did.

  But just how much of the “trying” was supposed to come from him?

  “I don’t want to stop seeing you,” Sadie continued, hell-bent on making her point. “If we could…slow down…”

  “Slow down.” He was numb. From the hand that clutched the ring in his pocket to the legs somehow holding him up. “How is that even possible?”

  “We don’t have to stop having sex,” she added as a caveat.

  Okay, he wasn’t going to faint; he was going to puke. “You think that’s what I want? To have sex with you a couple times a week?”

  She nodded, clutching her phone, and looking so hopeful it made Aiden’s stomach toss. “I want that. Don’t you?”

  He bit the inside of his lip and leaned against her doorway frowning down at the welcome mat.

  Welcome, my ass.

  “No, Sadie,” he said, lifting his head to meet her eye. “I don’t. I want more, not less. I want every day, not every other. I want marriage, not dating. I want it all. I want you. In every way.”

  She blanched. She looked as sick as he’d felt when she’d told him she wanted to back off. Only he had suggested the opposite. And her reaction was telling.

  A smile—the same fake smile she’d given to Garrett at the wedding reception a few months ago—curved her mouth but failed to reach her eyes. “Aiden, we’ll get there—we’ll get—”

  “I love you.” Where was her smile now? Sure as hell not on her face.

  She blinked at him.

  “I said I love you, Sadie.”

  “I know.”

  He laughed, but the sound was hollow. Empty. “And you don’t love me.”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  He pushed off the doorway, the ring in his pocket a leaden weight dragging down his soul. “You didn’t have to.”

  He stalked to Sheila as the rain started. And when he climbed on his bike, he felt the same kind of echoing anger he had the night he’d wrecked on I-75.

  Like that night a few years back, Aiden gave himself to the road, and the piercing raindrops on his face. Anything was better than feeling betrayal…this time from Sadie, who couldn’t have hurt him more if she’d stabbed him in the heart with one of her four-inch heels.

  * * *

  Aiden paced the width of Shane’s office while his cousin finished his phone call.

  Aiden had sweet-talked his way past Keena, Shane’s secretary, at the front door, and Shane had waved him in while he wrapped up with whoever he was talking to now.

  Shane ended the call and stood from his desk. “To what do I owe the honor?” He held out a hand and Aiden embraced it, bringing it in for a half hug. “Haven’t seen you in a while…”

  “Since I asked Sadie to marry me at your party?”

  “Something like that.”

  Shane had sent a text to Aiden a day later. A simple “What’s up?” to which Aiden replied, “Working on it.” He hadn’t talked to him since.

  Aiden had been standing in front of a bookshelf on the far wall, studying the books and trinkets lining the wood. He turned back to it now and pointed at the three mismatched monkeys, all covering their mouths with their hands. “Why do you have three Speak No Evil monkeys?” He picked one up. It was pink, for God’s sake.

  Shane took the effeminate monkey from his hand and put it back on the shelf, careful to line it up with the others. “Crickitt gets them for me,” he said. Followed by, “Don’t ask. What can I do for you?”

  Aiden paced away from the shelf to the center of the room before turning around and facing Shane. “You can buy me out of the Axle’s contract so I can get the hell out of town.” Aiden had lashed himself to the motorcycle shops in every way. Now he had a sudden longing to move back to Oregon. Or China. Or the moon. But he couldn’t. He was stuck.

  “What are you talking about? You love that place. This is going to be your final score. Your retirement plan.”

  Aiden blew out a breath.

  “Sadie,” Shane guessed. “Didn’t work out?”

  He would never cry in front of Shane. Even though he felt the humiliating burn behind his eyeballs. He shook his head and bit his tongue.

  Shane sighed and ambled to his desk. He collapsed into his executive chair and gestured for Aiden to sit in one of the guest chairs. He did, sinking into it like a sulking kid.

  After a moment of silence, Shane said, “Falling in love with Crickitt scared the shit out of me.”

  Aiden’s eyebrows rose. Shane wasn’t one to admit weakness. Wore his stiff upper lip as proudly as the tie knotted around his neck. Shane loved Crickitt, obviously, but to hear him admit he was…scared? It was…Aiden didn’t even have a word to describe what it was.

  “You have my attention,” Aiden told him.

  “You’re not like I am, Aiden. You’re okay with this”—he waved a hand—“feelings stuff.” Shane leaned forward in his chair and folded his hands on his desk. “Maybe Sadie’s more like I am. Less…sure of herself.” Shane frowned like he hated to admit that.

  Aiden watched him, his mind spinning. Partially because he’d never thought about Shane not being sure of himself in any capacity. He had it more together than anyone Aiden knew. Shane was a billionaire, for God’s sake.

  But Shane wasn’t the focus. His cousin was suggesting that Sadie wasn’t sure of herself, that she was the one not okay with this “feelings stuff.” Wasn’t it more important for her to place her trust in Aiden? Faith, trust—that’s what this whole thing was about. Yet the faith Sadie had placed in Aiden had petered out almost immediately.

  Aiden shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. I can’t do this again.”

  Shane’s phone buzzed and Keena announced into the intercom, “Mr. Alberts is here.”

  “I’ll be down in a minute,” Shane answered. He let go of the button. Aiden stood to leave. When he reached the door, he halted at the sound of Shane’s voice.

  “Crickitt gave me one more chance than I deserved,” he said. “Just one.”

  Aiden swallowed hard and nodded without turning around. Then he opened the door and let himself out.

  * * *

  “Drinks at Bo’s Tavern,” Perry said, leaning into Sadie’s cubicle on Friday evening. He frowned at her. “What’s wrong with you?”

  She was numb, that’s what was wrong with her. This time, when Aiden walked out, she hadn’t cried. Hadn’t curled into a ball and wept like last time. Also unlike last time, she hadn’t had to ignore his calls and texts, because none had come. He’d shut her out completely.

  And the horrible, awful truth was that she understood why. And she didn’t blame him one bit. He’d been nothing but transparent and loving and she’d been her normal, obstinate self, hiding behind her Great Wall of No Emotion. Which may have been cute when she’d first met Aiden. May have been endearing after they’d spent a little more time together. But now? Now that sex was in the picture…now that Aiden had declared his love for her…yeah, not so much.

  Perry cleared his throat and Sadie mumbled something about having plans tonight. She gathered her things, left the building, and climbe
d into her car. But instead of going home for the fourth lonely night in a row, she drove to Crickitt’s house. Maybe if the pool was installed, Sadie could drown herself in it.

  She knocked on the front door, still unsure of what she’d say, and pretty sure Crickitt already suspected something was up. Aiden was Shane’s cousin, after all. Word had to have traveled.

  Crickitt opened the door, dressed in a casual cotton dress. “Sadie. Hi.” She frowned, gave Sadie a once-over. “Were we supposed to go out tonight?”

  “No. I just stopped by.”

  Crickitt conked her head. “Brain not functioning lately, I’m telling you.” She stepped aside and Sadie walked in, admiring what Crickitt had done with the place. She’d moved into Shane’s monochrome world and infused it with color. From the paintings on the walls, to cherished knickknacks, Crickitt’s eclectic style was showcased in each room.

  They crossed to the kitchen, and Crickitt opened the narrow wine cooler on the far wall. “Red or white?”

  “What will get me drunk the fastest?”

  Crickitt slid her a smile and extracted a bottle, using an electric wine opener to uncork it. She poured Sadie a glass of red and joined her at the counter. “All right. What’s going on?”

  Sadie looked at her glass and frowned. “Aren’t you having any?”

  Crickitt shook her curls. “I have to write up a proposal tonight. I’d better not. So…?”

  Sadie took a drink from her glass. The wine sat in her mouth, flavorless, tasteless. Like everything else in her life since Aiden had walked off her stoop and rode off into the rain. Even the sun didn’t feel warm on her skin anymore.

  She blinked over at Crickitt who sat, eyebrows elevated in anticipation.

  “Aiden and I had sex,” Sadie blurted. “A lot of sex.”

  Crickitt smiled and inhaled, probably to squee, but then her face fell. “You don’t look happy about it. Was it…bad?”

  “What? No. It was amazing. I mean, I don’t have anything to compare it to, but if it got any better, he would’ve had to poke me with a stick when he finished to see if I was still alive.”