Identity

by Nat Burns

  “This one is Hattie,” Shay said, quietly drawing Liza’s attention. She stood by the bulletin board, holding Liza’s glass of wine.

  Liza approached and took the glass from Shay’s hands. She finished the wine in one gulp as she studied the photo. “She’s beautiful. You loved her a lot, didn’t you?”

  Shay nodded and a huge tear rolled slowly along her cheek. Late day sunlight streaming in through the western dining room windows caught the tear and made it into a sparkling diamond. The sight broke Liza’s heart.

  “Oh, Shay, honey, please. I can’t take it if you cry,” Liza said gently. She placed her empty glass on the desk and took Shay’s hands in hers. She leaned forward and kissed the salty tear away, following its path down to the corner of Shay’s pale lips. She leaned back and found Shay’s gaze upon her.

  Without warning, Shay’s arms were around Liza’s neck, her hands entwined in Liza’s thick hair and their eyes locked, just inches apart. Shay’s pleasant coconut scent engulfed her. It was too much. Liza’s whole body lurched into combustion and her brown eyes smoldered.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Shay saw the need appear in Liza’s gaze and a thrill went through her body. This woman wanted her badly. That desire hit Shay below the belt and she felt a quicksilver pool suddenly form there. Her own desire caused her to stop breathing, and she moved her form sensuously against Liza, enjoying the taller woman’s gasp of surprise.

  Liza held the firmness of Shay’s runner form close and Shay felt her knees weaken. Liza’s hands came around to cup Shay’s small bottom and pulled their bodies even closer. Only then did Shay allow her lips to touch Liza’s. The kiss transported both women to a new place, a cocoon of rampant desire. Liza’s hands moved up to smooth through Shay’s long hair, the strands thick and silky. Her fingers were hypersensitive as they caressed Shay’s long white neck and jaw. Her lips followed her hands, then returned to find the warm energy of Shay’s mouth which ignited Shay anew.

  Shay’s hands wandered under Liza’s T-shirt and over her sports bra, finding full, firm breasts, their nipples rigid with need. Her hands moved around and caressed the hard musculature of Liza’s back. She sighed. Liza felt so good.

  Another, powerfully penetrating kiss weakened Shay’s knees, and she felt that if Liza weren’t holding her she would fall. She pulled away, tugging Liza with her and led the way down the hall. At her bedroom door, she paused in a moment of trepidation. Making her mind up, she pulled Liza’s shirt over her head, mussing the short blond hair. She chuckled and combed the hair into place with her fingertips. Liza’s eyes were at half-mast and her breathing heavy.

  “I knew you’d be the one,” Shay whispered as she studied Liza’s dear face.

  Liza nodded. “I’m the one,” she whispered against Shay’s mouth before taking possession again.

  They undressed slowly, Liza enjoying the gradual revelation of Shay’s small form. Freckles followed tan lines, but her breasts and bottom were like white clouds in a summer sky. Reverently, Liza reached to touch the whiteness, sure she’d never seen such purity before. Oddly enough, a dark blue tattoo of a lizard stretched diagonally across her pale lower stomach. Seeing Liza’s interest, Shay covered it with her hand, her mouth growing grim. Knowing that now was not the time to comment, Liza moved close and took Shay into her arms.

  Shay ran her hands across Liza’s broad shoulders, fingers lingering as if enjoying the planes and curves usually hidden by clothing. Her palms teased at Liza’s hard nipples and Liza closed her eyes and moaned. Encouraged, Shay smoothed her hands along Liza’s tight waist and suckled gently, first one breast, then the other.

  “Oh God, no you don’t,” Liza murmured as she pulled back and maneuvered Shay onto the bed. Her gentle touch was everywhere. Her warm lips would leave Shays mouth to worship her body, then come and plunder anew, leaving Liza weaker and more aroused each time. Soon Shay was whimpering with need. She pulled Liza’s hand low, pressing herself against Liza’s palm, seeking release from the torment of her desire. Liza pushed rhythmically in response to Shay’s innate movements for some time. Then her fingers slipped easily inside, going deep and pressing upward. Shay exploded. The orgasm ripped through her and from its power, Liza imagined she could see Shay actually leave her body and then rain back into herself. Shay cried then, great, tearing sobs that she could not seem to stifle.

  “Oh, honey, oh babe, please, sweetheart, don’t.” Liza pulled her close. Her foot flipped up the blanket folded at the foot of the bed and she snuggled Shay, warming them under the blanket. She murmured soothing words and kept kissing Shay’s face and hair until the smaller woman quieted into soft hiccups.

  “I’m sorry,” Shay managed finally, wiping her face with her hands. “I’m such a fool and it’s been so long…”

  Liza reached and brought her T-shirt around to dry Shay’s face. “Here, blow,” she said, holding the shirt over Shay’s nose. Shay laughed then, the sound shattering her heart into shards of joy. Shay took the shirt and mopped her face and nose, then tossed it aside. Within seconds, she had flipped Liza and was sitting astride her, her wet center pressing onto Liza’s stomach. She took Liza’s arms and stretched them over the woman’s head, holding her prisoner. Shay gently ground herself into Liza’s stomach, gasping each time the sensation overloaded. “God, you feel so, so…” she said.

  Liza was watching Shay with amused desire. She grinned. “Kiss me, Shay. I want you.”

  Shay obliged, leaning forward to pillage Liza’s mouth. Her breasts grazed Liza’s and as the kiss progressed, Liza felt as if each thrust of Shay’s tongue in her mouth melted her further into the bed. She pushed her body into Shay, frustrated by her inability to pull her close. Shay shifted her thigh, pressing it between Liza’s legs, and her lips moved to Liza’s breasts, suckling and nipping gently. Liza cried out from the sensation this spawned, and Shay’s lips smiled against her skin. Freeing Liza’s arms, Shay moved lower until her lips and tongue found Liza’s flat belly. She played there for some time as her hands tweaked Liza’s breasts. Liza pressed upward with need, and Shay’s tongue easily penetrated Liza’s softly furred folds to flick against her clit.

  Liza stilled and the only sound was her harsh breathing.

  “You like that?” Shay teased as she pulled her mouth away. Her fingers slid inside and she explored the slick walls within Liza.

  “Oh yes,” Liza murmured.

  Shay’s tongue found Liza again and too soon it was over. Liza cried out and her inner walls clutched and throbbed on Shay’s hand. Shay’s mouth moved to luxuriate across Liza’s muscular thighs as her fingers splayed inside, as if enjoying the final pulsations of passion.

  Later, Liza moved their bodies into a horizontal curve across the bed and pulled the blanket over them.

  They studied one another with new eyes, knowing that a bond had formed. Liza, still basking in the glow of their lovemaking, watched as Shay’s usual anxiety began to rebuild itself.

  “How did we get here?” Shay moaned, hiding her face in the blanket.

  Liza, now alert to the nuances of Shay’s fear, tried to reassure her. “It’s gonna be okay, sweetheart. You know this was meant to be, don’t you?”

  Shay lifted fearful eyes and finally nodded. “No one has ever felt so right before,” she whispered.

  They lay quietly dozing until a towhee’s loud call outside the window roused them.

  “You need to go,” Shay said sharply, sitting up in the bed.

  Liza rolled onto her back and looked up at the bed-tousled redhead. “Do you know how gorgeous you look right now?”

  Shay smiled slightly but persisted. “You need to go.”

  “But I want more,” Liza said, reaching for Shay.

  Shay leapt from the bed and slipped into the bathroom. “No, you don’t understand. If anything happened to you…”

  Liza pulled on her damp shirt and followed Shay, who was returning to the bedroom as she shrugged into a robe. They almost collided.
r />   “Shay? What would happen to me, honey? You need to explain,” Liza said calmly. “What is it you’re afraid of?”

  Shay studied Liza’s face and one hand came up to caress her cheek. Her eyes were warm sapphires. “I knew it that first day, you know.”

  “You did? What did you know?” Liza’s smile was cajoling and sweet.

  “That you’d be my undoing.”

  “How so?”

  Shay turned away. “I tried not to care, not to love you, but it’s impossible.”

  Liza pulled Shay close and stroked her hair. “Love is a good thing, Shay. Together we’ll work through whatever is scaring you. Trust me, okay?”

  Shay nodded and moved away. “You need to go, though. I need to think. All I know right now is that if anything happened to you…I couldn’t go on. It would kill me, Liza. It really would.”

  Liza saw that conviction in Shay’s gaze. “You really want me to go, Shay? Wouldn’t it be better if I stayed a while longer? I don’t want to leave you upset.”

  “I’ll be okay.” She tried to smile, but it was a weak effort. “Seriously.”

  Liza pulled Shay back into her arms and sighed. “Okay. I’ll go. Pop’s probably sending Sheriff Lyles out to find me as we speak.”

  Shay smiled for real this time and entwined her arms around Liza’s neck. “I’ll miss you, though,” she whispered against Liza’s lips.

  Liza’s kiss was filled with all the gentleness and sweetness she could muster. She knew that anything more would land them back on the bed. Breaking away, she hurriedly scrambled into her clothing. “Will you call me later, just to talk?”

  “I will. I would like that.”

  Liza eyed Shay. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

  Shay nodded. “I know.”

  They walked silently to the front door. Shay opened it and Liza stepped through. Turning to face Shay, she laid one palm against Shay’s cheek. “See you Tuesday?”

  Shay nodded and blowing a kiss, gently pressed the door closed.

  Liza listened as all four deadbolts turned before starting down the drive. She looked back once and saw Shay watching from a small window set high next to the door. They waved to one another.

  Liza missed her already.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  After seeing Liza walk along the drive, Shay double-checked the locks and made her way to the kitchen, flicking on lights as she progressed. Realizing she was hungry, she opened the fridge and stared inside. Nothing appealed so, after many long minutes, she let it slide closed. Leaning her spine against the cool door, she wrapped her arms around herself and allowed her time with Liza to replay in her mind. She wanted so badly to trust Liza.

  No. She mentally checked herself. It was not about Liza, it was about learning to live an unafraid life. Or so Dr. Frye would say. She had a sudden urge to call Dr. Frye and let her know about this monumental accomplishment but realized it was late and her office had closed. She could leave a message but just didn’t have the gumption. She was too busy enjoying the glow engendered by Liza’s loving touch.

  Shaking off the spell she was under, she laughed low in her throat and moved to the pantry. Nothing appealed there either, so she settled on a big apple from the sun-shaped bowl on her bar. She carried it across the living room and settled in front of her laptop. It sprang to life when she opened the lid, and she quickly accessed the Internet via the wireless router. Hesitating only a moment, she typed in Liza Hughes.

  After scrolling through an annoying wealth of information about Liza Minelli and her ex-husband, she discovered Liza’s serene gaze looking out at her from a 2002 press photo in which Liza and a beautiful ebon-haired woman were accepting a community service award for providing food for a local after-school program. Shay spent a good while studying Liza’s ex-partner, Gina Morrow. She was an attractive woman, no doubt about that. She resembled the Friends actress Courteney Cox, with a lean face and abnormally dark, sleek hair. And Liza gave her up, she thought to herself. Amazing.

  Intrigued, she started reading everything she could find about the candidly adorable Eliza Jane Hughes. It was all good. Liza had been involved in charity work even before teaming up with Gina in the early nineties.

  Shay leaned back finally. She couldn’t find one negative item about Liza. Or Gina, for that matter. This gave her plenty of food for thought, and she chewed on the apple just as earnestly. Could she trust Liza? Maybe so. That still left the problem of Pepper. What would happen once Pepper was out of jail, about three years from now? Would she come looking for Shay? Now Pepper had another target, someone Shay cared about that she could destroy.

  She had witnessed Pepper’s spiteful anger on too many occasions and so had ample reason to worry. What would she do to Liza? Would she hurt her as she had hurt Shay?

  Shay stopped chewing and swallowed nervously. Suppose she turned that blue-eyed charm on Liza? Suppose she seduced Liza away?

  Shay stood and paced the living room nervously. That would be the ultimate revenge. Take away, again, what Shay cared for.

  Filled with sudden worry, Shay sped back to the desk and did what she had done so many times before; she typed her own name into the computer search window.

  Although there were numerous references and photos, none told where she was currently located. Everything she saw still referred to her simply as award-winning Washington, DC dog trainer and she liked that just fine.

  One recent article, a Washington Post piece, had a small, below the fold article, asking what had happened to Candy’s hard shell. Silly headline, she muttered as she perused the article. It bore conjecture only, such as rumors of drug use and a sudden fear of dogs. Rubbish. The articles covering the somewhat sensational court case were the ones she feared most. If one of those nosy writers wanted to get radical, Shay was sure he could ferret out her whereabouts. She sighed. She had covered her tracks as well as she could.

  Few people knew about her Uncle Stamos who had lived outside Maypearl in a log cabin amid the bald cypress groves of the Alabama bayou. The Raynor family had visited only twice in Shay’s lifetime and that on the way to somewhere further west. Her mother’s brother had been a strange man with a limp and shocking, frizzy red hair poking out in all directions. Shay had been fascinated because some of that hair sprouted from his ears and nose. He didn’t work, other than prowling the bayou and trapping, and Shay had loved hearing the tales he told about capturing each of the dried, stuffed animals that decorated the walls of his cabin.

  Thinking back on it now, Shay realized that her hermit-like Uncle Stamos had been an embarrassment to her mother. Not that Gertie Raynor ever showed this; her manner with Stamos had been full of kindness, tempered with a loving tolerance during his fitful, periodic rants. The mature Shay could see that his behavior was far from society’s norm; she now knew it stemmed from a head injury. Legal documents discovered after her parents’ death had let Shay know that Stamos had been in a debilitating motorcycle accident in the early sixties. He’d never recovered fully and, much changed, had left the family and headed south, retreating into a bayou cabin built with his own two hands.

  As far as she knew, she’d never mentioned Stamos to Pepper or even mentioned southern Alabama to her. They’d talked about visiting Jamaica once but little else about traveling. That was good and as long as no reporter searched out Shay and revealed it to those who remembered her, the likelihood that Pepper would find her was slim. And now that Stamos had passed away, his cabin returning to the wildness of the bayou, the connection to Shay had, she hoped, been erased.

  Still. Shay closed the computer and made her nightly rounds, closing drapes and blinds and checking all the locks on windows and doors. She really wished she could relax.

  Memories of Pepper’s rage lingered, as well as the attitude of superiority that had worn Shay down so quickly. Pepper excelled at finding any iota of self-doubt in someone and magnifying it to the nth degree. Shay never wanted to be in that particular place again.<
br />
  The fact that Shay couldn’t forget Pepper and might not do so for the rest of her life often made her feel suicidal. She knew, deep inside, that those feelings simply had to be dealt with and banished. Anyone with any joy in life, and she had once possessed plenty, could not allow one brutal woman to take it away.

  Standing in her bedroom doorway, she glanced back along the murky hallway, resisting the urge to switch all the lights back into brightness.

  “She’s in jail, she’s in jail, in jail,” she muttered aloud as she touched the pillow where Liza had lain. She pulled the pillow close, inhaling sandalwood, and cuddled into the bed, willing herself to sleep.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  “You are really starting to piss me off, Steve.”

  “Well, that sure ruins my day, little sister,” he replied, his tone infuriating. “I’m gonna run right out and find a church this minute just so I can make amends.”

  Liza shifted her phone to the other hand and leaned her elbow on the kitchen table.

  Rich sat across from her, loading his mouth with cereal and chewing with bovine complacency. His eyes glanced her way every now and then, disgust evident. Once, when he was looking down at his bowl, she stuck her tongue out in the direction of his dark hair. It made her feel better.

  “You are simply too stupid to realize what a good thing you have in Mary and the kids,” she said with a sigh. “I don’t know why I bother talking to you.”

  “I don’t know either,” he countered. “Mary and the kids are fine. Now, butt out.”

  “Fine. Lose your family. I just hope that when Mary leaves your sorry ass, she doesn’t take Mason and Stevie so far away that we can’t see them.”

  She slammed the phone closed and looked up at her father who was making an egg sandwich at the stove.