Baby's First Christmas

by Pratt, Lulu

“Do you want to breastfeed him?” I asked, trying to sound as non-judgmental as possible.

  “Not at the moment. I do most days, but it’s difficult sometimes,” she smiled and kissed his fuzzy head.

  “Here, I’ll take him,” I reached for him before she could answer. It was obvious she didn’t want a break from him, but she relented, kissing his cheek one last time before I lifted his small body, holding the bottle with my other hand. “There ya go. You hungry, buddy?”

  With his eyes locked on mine, Chris enjoyed his breakfast. A few feet away, Holly generously poured syrup over her entire plate as her tongue slowly moved across her top lip.

  “Why don’t you have a Christmas tree?” I asked.

  Knowing how festive Holly was, always decorating her family home, and making sure the hotel reflected the holiday, I was shocked to see little to no decoration around her house. It was the first time she was out on her own, and as far as I could tell, she hadn’t created traditions of her own.

  “Well, it’s just me and Chris,” she shrugged, glancing around the place with a mouthful of pancakes. “I figured he won’t remember, anyway.”

  Her tone was sad and tired, as if she’d debated the possibility until she exhausted herself. As much as I enjoyed living in the big city, Christmas in Savannah was one of my favorite things in the world, so I was excited to share that with Chris.

  “We’re going to get a tree today,” I announced, partly to myself and partly to Holly.

  “We don’t need a tree,” she giggled as she brought a piece of bacon to her lips, holding it delicately between her thumb and index finger.

  “I know. It’s a tradition. We can start it this year – we’ll go and cut it down just like we used to when I was a kid. I know the farm and everything,” I explained, reaching across the table to steal a strip of bacon from her plate.

  I could see the gut reflex to argue in her eyes, but thankfully she softened a second later, and I watched what I thought was appreciation cloud her hazel eyes.

  “That would be really nice. I’ll have pictures to show him when he grows up,” Holly nodded as she ate another bite of breakfast.

  “We will have pictures to show him when he grows up,” I corrected her.

  So used to handling everything on her own, I could tell it was going to take some time for Holly to accept that she wasn’t alone anymore. I could help her when she needed help, but I wondered if she would be able to swallow her pride and ask for help if she was in need.

  In a week, I’d be returning to New York, and while what we were doing was fun, I needed to find a way to stay in her life after the holiday season was long gone. In a way, a Christmas tree was my way of leaving a piece of me behind. Something that would remind her of our time together until I could return again.

  Finished with his feeding, Chris wiggled in my arms to free himself of the bottle before I lifted him over my shoulder, preparing to burp him. Holly watched, her eyebrows rising as I pat his back softly.

  “I didn’t think you’d know how to burp a baby,” she said as she ate her final piece of bacon.

  “I practically raised Jessie,” I teased, poking my chest out jokingly, and we both laughed as Chris burped loudly.

  “Thank you for breakfast,” Holly smiled as she made her way around the kitchen island.

  Rubbing her body against mine, I felt the urge to take her back to bed, but our son’s yelp as he reached for her grasp quickly disrupted my selfish thinking. Holly took him from my arms, her eyes lighting up as she spoke to him in the sweetest voice. It was obvious she was in love with him.

  “How quickly can you be ready?” I asked, unsure if we could make it to the farm in time before lunch.

  “You’re serious about this Christmas tree idea?” Holly smiled, glancing at the clock hanging in the living room.

  “If we leave in the next half an hour, we can make it,” I explained, calculating the car ride in my mind.

  “Okay, let me get him washed up and we can go,” she smiled, kissing me on the cheek as she made her way back to the bedroom with Chris in tow.

  Watching Holly play with Chris as he laughed and squealed, I caught a reflection of myself in a full-length mirror in the bedroom. More relaxed than ever, I was shocked to see the smile on my face. Being around Holly and Chris was beginning to feel more and more like home, a comfortable space I never wanted to be without.

  After washing up as best I could without an overnight bag, I put my clothes from the previous day back on, strolling around Holly’s cottage while she finished dressing Chris. It was a small place, dominated in white, pinks and frilly furniture.

  As much as I liked to think of Holly as home, it was clear that her place was not as inviting. Thinking of the dark gray and black palette of my place in the city, I wondered if our two lives could blend, or if they were as different as our residences.

  Chris had instantly created a bond between us, and it was up to me to see how I could best fit into the life Holly had created for him. If I wanted to be a part of my son’s life, I had to find ways to compromise, which I knew would be a challenge with the distance and history.

  Our families were at odds, and the sole existence of our relationship was enough to set off a massive wave of discord, but I wasn’t ready to face the mounting list of challenges yet.

  When Holly entered the living room dressed in a flowing white dress, holding Chris, whose eyes were even brighter in blue overalls, I decided that nothing else mattered. Tomorrow would be there. For now, I wanted to enjoy creating memories with Holly and Chris for as long as I could.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  HOLLY

  “WELCOME TO Cheshire Farms!” An older woman wearing a red apron greeted us as we walked into the immaculately decorated barn house.

  After an hour-long car ride, we’d arrived at the same farm Jude’s family used to travel to for their Christmas trees. The light in his eyes as he recalled treasured childhood memories was enough to make the trip worth it, but knowing that he wanted to pass on those traditions with Chris was more than I could fathom.

  Jude was turning out to be more special than I even gave him credit for. So many of the characteristics I’d loved in him as a friend and protector were great reasons he would be an amazing father. More and more, I wondered if there was a possibility that something could happen between us, even with all the odds against us.

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked again, leaning to kiss Chris’ cheek.

  Jude had insisted on wearing him on his chest, though I planned to have him close. It was strange having to share Chris, and even more strange that he didn’t seem to object to Jude’s greedy behavior.

  “He’s fine. Aren’t you, little buddy?” Jude asked, and Chris’ eyes lit up watching his father. I wanted to cuddle with Chris on my day off, but I could see how special the bond between Jude and Chris was, so I nodded instead, grateful for the time they would get to spend together.

  Jude would have to return to New York soon, and I tried to remember that at times I wanted to hold back or put something off. Over the past year, I’d replayed our evening together with regret, wishing I’d been more bold or told him how I felt. There was no way I was going to let that happen again. I wanted to be in the moment and present while he was here, enjoying these precious moments with Chris.

  “Jude?” A deep voice called from the back of the barn and a young man raised his hands in greeting.

  There were four other families spread about in the cabin, and everyone was turned to us, watching the two men embrace at the center of the room.

  Sitting on one of the brown leather couches situated throughout the barn house, I picked up the pamphlet sitting on the coffee table before reading all about the different packages available at the farm.

  “Hey, sweetie! Would you like hot chocolate or warm apple cider?”

  Glancing up, I saw an older woman standing with a small notebook and pencil. She was wearing a red apron and the sweetest smile
I’ve ever seen.

  “May I please have apple cider?” I asked, my voice shrinking twenty years as nostalgia kicked in.

  “And I’ll have hot chocolate, Michelle,” Jude added, surprising the older woman. She greeted him with a hug before jotting down our orders and slowly making her way across the large barn house.

  “This place is incredible!” I whispered as Jude sat beside me on the sofa.

  “Isn’t it? My mom went to school with the owners. Well, our moms,” Jude explained. Our mothers had been best friends since grade school, so any friends of one was a friend of the other, until recently of course.

  “I can’t believe she never brought us here,” I frowned, a little jealous of Jude’s childhood memories.

  The barn house looked to be torn out of a novel, surrounded by trees as far as the eye could see. Inside, the ceilings peaked at close to forty feet, with wooden beams accenting the height. A fireplace at each end of the large open space kept everyone toasty, with separate areas acting as private living rooms for the waiting families.

  “Hi, Chris!” I waved my fingers when he turned to face me. His cheeks were red, so I reached into the navy blue baby bag I’d packed for his blanket.

  “Is he cold?” Jude asked, his eyebrows bushing together as he leaned back to better see Chris in the harness.

  “His nose is red. I just want to make sure he’s cozy,” I smiled, tapping Chris’ nose with my fingertip.

  “He has my nose, you know,” Jude smiled.

  “Yea, he does,” I had to agree. Staring into his eyes, I felt so strong and yet so vulnerable, all in one moment.

  With the force between us, there was no limit, like I could do anything I wanted. But to feel that deeply for anyone, or anything, was terrifying. I couldn’t quite grasp how I felt for Jude, but I knew it was deep. Love felt too shallow for whatever it was that burned between us.

  “Hey, I got a tour set up for you!” The same deep voice from earlier called for Jude’s attention and he reluctantly turned away, breaking our gaze as his hand fell to mine, rekindling the connection.

  “You ready for us now?”

  “In about fifteen minutes,” the guy answered as he glanced at his watch.

  “Sounds good. Thanks!”

  “We’re going to go out and get the tree, then they’ll deliver it to your house for us,” Jude turned to explain to me, wiping a stray hair from my face as he spoke.

  “Okay,” I answered, leaning into his touch. Nothing ever felt like enough. I always wanted more of him.

  “Here ya go.”

  A blonde girl quickly set two plates of cookies onto the table before placing two mugs down, one in front of each of us. “These are ginger snaps, and those are chocolate chip,” she pointed out before excusing herself.

  “You’re not good for my diet,” I said, biting my bottom lip.

  “Holly,” Jude said my name seriously, taking my chin into his grip as he brought my attention to his eyes. “Trust me. Your body is perfect.”

  There was such intensity in his eyes, I could feel that he meant his words. Memories of the night before came flooding back, feeling him lose control in my mouth as he gripped a handful of my hair, straining to handle the pleasure.

  My thighs pressed together as Jude’s hand found my knee, squeezing tightly as his fingers slid higher and higher up my leg. My breathing was delayed, a silent prayer that he keep going looping through my thoughts.

  “I can see that you want me,” Jude leaned in close to whisper in my ear as he ran his fingers between my legs, grazing along my center with the pad of his thumb before biting my earlobe and sitting back in his seat.

  As if nothing happened, he took a chocolate chip cookie from the plate, dipping it in the hot chocolate before taking a bite. Finally I exhaled, my body still wound up from the night before. Taking a sip of the apple cider, I ate a gingersnap with my body pressed firmly against Jude’s. The tension between us was electric and addicting, and we both seemed to be hooked.

  “Are you the Hatches?” A man dressed in a red and blue flannel shirt asked from the end of the coffee table.

  “Yes!” Jude stood, extending his hand before I could correct the man.

  I watched in awe, realizing for the first time that a future with Jude meant a lifetime of reservations under a new name. I wasn’t expecting to find excitement in that thought, and had to look away to hide the smile spreading across my face.

  “Let’s go,” Jude called to me, holding his hand out. Accepting the offer, I followed along to a waiting tractor outside the barn house.

  The man introduced himself as Ian and told us to climb into the back, where hay bales had been converted into seating. After climbing the narrow ladder, I turned to offer my hand to Jude.

  “Be careful,” I yelled as he chuckled, climbing onto the hay.

  After a short and bumpy ride to the farm area, we climbed out of the tractor for more instructions. Ian had been a tour guide at Cheshire Farms for over ten years, so he gave us a brief history lesson on our walk through the forest. Trees stood as far as you could see, all bright green, with a scent so strong I wished I could bottle it.

  “This feels like Christmas,” I said to Jude as we walked down a narrow path lined by trees. As usual, his arm was draped over my shoulder, pulling me close to him. Unimpressed by the tour, Chris had drifted to sleep, his head resting on Jude’s chest.

  “Don’t worry, buddy. It’ll be more fun next year,” Jude whispered to Chris.

  The rush of emotion was overwhelming. He was planning for Chris to be in his future, making plans for Christmas traditions, and I felt for not the first time this week that happily ever after might really be a possibility for me. I thought I would be doomed forever as a single mom, unable to have the man I loved. There were so many ways things could go wrong, so many hurdles to overcome, but seeing Jude with Chris gave me a surge of strength that made me feel it might all be worth it.

  “Let’s get this one!” Jude announced excitedly when we passed a small but full tree.

  I laughed, thinking of how perfectly it would fit in my cottage and nodded my approval. After unhooking the harness, I took Chris from Jude, stepping back a few feet to watch the show.

  Together, using a bow saw, Ian and Jude slowly cut down the tree. Holding Chris with one arm, I halfway managed a clap when the tree fell on its side. Satisfied, Jude raised both hands in the air, and we both celebrated.

  Afterwards, Ian brought us back to the barn house where Jude paid for the tree and arranged a delivery in the evening, giving us just enough time for a meal and to shop for decorations before they would arrive.

  “Time for a photo!” The same woman who greeted us when we entered the barn house re-emerged holding a Polaroid camera.

  Bashfully, I posed with Jude, turning Chris so he faced the woman as she snapped the picture. Just as suddenly as she’d appeared, the woman was gone, leaving Jude with his arm draped over my shoulder.

  “That was fun, right?” he asked, the need for approval clear in his eyes.

  “It was perfect.”

  His eyes brightened at my compliment and I leaned up to kiss him. Jude was sweeter than I could’ve ever imagined, and I felt myself longing to be back in my house alone with him. When the woman returned with a framed copy of the photo, I stared in awe.

  Jude was beaming in the photo, his arm wrapped around both me and Chris. Both their eyes gleamed as I blushed, bright faced and relaxed. It was the most carefree photo I’d ever seen of myself in years, instantly a favorite.

  Jude added a cash tip to a glass jar before making his way around the room to say his goodbyes, and then we were on our way. It was the first of many traditions we would have together, and I was already looking forward to more.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  JUDE

  “HERE OR HERE?” I asked, moving the string of lights higher and higher up the tree.

  After an hour of shopping, Holly finished buying every ornament she coul
d get her hands on just in time for the Christmas tree delivery. It was the first time I’d ever put a tree up alone, usually having my father there.

  While I’d focused on Holly’s and Chris’ experiences, it was a first for me as well. Christmas was a holiday I still spent at my parents’ house, even all these years later. So I never bothered to get a tree of my own in any of the places I lived.

  “Right there!” Holly pointed excitedly as she carried two glasses of eggnog from the kitchen.

  “Sit down. I’ll be right over.” I pointed to the sofa. She’d just finished bathing Chris and putting him to bed, and I figured she needed a break. It was amazing how well she was with him, multitasking to feed him and clean up at the same time.

  Smiling behind a glass of eggnog, she sat on the sofa, pointing, giggling and ordering me around the living room while I hung her decorations. It was a festive make-over, and I could see the happiness it brought Holly as the alcohol loosened her tongue.

  “Today was perfect,” she sighed, leaning onto a small pile of pillows.

  Her back arched and I had flashbacks to the way she moved in my grip, pressing into me so greedily. I had to turn away, focusing on the garland I hung above her fireplace to calm my nerves.

  “What do you think?” I asked as I settled onto the sofa after turning the switch on the lights. Flashing alternating colors, the tree came to life, soft melodies playing Silent Night.

  “It’s perfect!” Holly smiled, immediately snuggling up to me.

  Leaning back, I pulled her small frame close, resting my hand on her thigh. “I’m glad you like it,” I leaned down to kiss her forehead.

  “Are you staying the night again?” she asked, and I could hear the hope in her tone.

  My stomach relaxed, because the thought of leaving her or Chris was unfavorable to say the least. “If I’m allowed,” I smirked, looking down at her rosy cheeks.

  “We’d like that, but I must to go to work tomorrow,” she warned me.

  “I think we can arrange that,” I teased, turning back to the fire.