by Pratt, Lulu
“I do, Mom. I love him! I really do. He’s everything I would ever want in a man, for me and for Chris. Jude is a great father — you should see them together!” I smiled just thinking of Jude so eagerly strapping Chris to his chest.
I’d never seen my son’s eyes light up the way they do when he sees his father. It was a privilege reserved for someone else, and now that I knew, I would never deprive my son of that. A child needed his father, and I was going to give Chris everything in my power.
“It’s bigger than that,” my mother closed her eyes as she shook her head.
“You heard her, Barbara-Jean,” my father stepped in from the corner of the room. He was never one to intervene in disagreements between us, and it seemed she was as shocked as me at my father’s word, turning to glare at him, her hand coming to her chest in disbelief.
“She said she’s in love. Sweetheart, let it be.”
The front door opening and closing saved us from the uncomfortable silence that was to ensue, all of us turning to see Dylan walk through the foyer with dirt stains on his white T-shirt and jeans.
“What happened?” I yelled, running to him.
“I went to see Jude. He told me,” he looked at me, seeing me for what felt like the first time. “Don’t worry, we’re friends again.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck, squeezing my big brother tightly as a heavy tear fell down my cheek.
“Why didn’t you tell him, Holly? Jude wouldn’t have been mad,” he whispered, glancing up to my parents, trying to carve out a pocket of privacy.
I took a deep breath, closing my eyes as I thought back to that scared girl almost a year ago. I didn’t know what to say to Jude or Dylan or to my parents.
“I didn’t want to let you down,” I admitted, unleashing a fresh batch of tears.
“Holly,” he pulled me away from him so he could see me. “You could never,” he pleaded with his eyes before pulling me back into his embrace until I’d finished my tears.
“What happened? Is Jude okay?” I finally asked, gasping for air after crying like a baby.
“Yeah, he’s fine,” Dylan chuckled as we began the short walk to the kitchen where my parents patiently waited.
“What did you do?” I jokingly cut my eyes at him, remembering how angry he was leaving the house.
“He wouldn’t fight me,” he shook his head recalling the memory.
“So, you beat him up?” I gasped, glancing up and down as I looked him over. His hair was littered with bits of grass, and his right arm was scraped above his elbow.
“He’ll be all right, Holly,” he assured me with soft eyes as we arrived at the kitchen island.
Looking across the marble countertop, it felt like looking at a glacier the way my mother stared back. She was livid, still as unmoved as earlier.
“Listen, I’m glad you two can come to your own agreement, but I’m not okay with this,” my mom started, waving her hand in the air.
I could feel the lump developing in my throat, the anxiety churning in my gut. I didn’t want to have to explain, but she was forcing me. I lowered my head as I sucked in as much air as my lungs would hold, readying myself for a long bout, but Dylan beat me to it.
“Mom, don’t even waste your breath. Holly didn’t want to tell, but Jude didn’t know. They love each other, he’s going to be there for Chris. I mean, there’s no taking it back, is there? Jude is Chris’ father, and he’s happy about it. It’s all going to be okay,” he waved like it was all casual, water under the bridge.
For a second, I perked up, a lightness in my chest as I thought that it could all be resolved so peacefully. Dylan had a point — there was nothing that could be done, so why even waste time arguing about it? Jude was Chris’ father, and there was no taking it back.
My optimism was short lived, shattered by the sound of my mother’s laughter. It was eerily silent with the exception of her loud outburst, as me, Dylan and my father looked from one another to my mother in confusion. She looked from him to me with pity, shaking her head as a smirk played on her lips.
“Ya’ll don’t even know,” she said, laughing again.
“That’s enough,” my father piped up, causing Dylan and me to share a glance of confusion.
“We’ve shielded them for too long — and look where it’s gotten us!” my mother screamed at the top of her lungs, startling me.
Far from intimidated, my father stepped forward, meeting her sharp glare with furrowed eyebrows as he clenched his jaw tightly, pursing his lips. “Barbara-Jean, I said that’s enough.”
HIs words were too calm, like he was overheating and so he was only able to operate on a low and smooth tone. My feet felt glued to the floor, unable to turn away as my mother stared defiantly back at my father before returning her gaze to me.
“You want to know who you’ve chosen to lay with, Holly?” she asked.
I watched my father’s eyes close before his head shook from one side to the next, ever so slightly. I feared for his next movement, unsure of how he might handle what looked to be rage. To my surprise, he turned in silence, leaving the room without another word. It was as if he didn’t want to witness whatever it was he knew was about to happen.
“Mom, just calm down,” Dylan interjected, his eyes following my father as I looked on, wondering if he was as clueless as I was.
“No, you too. You should know about your best friend’s family,” she said mockingly as she walked around the island, placing herself between myself and Dylan.
“You’ve both asked me over a dozen times why I no longer speak to Anita. I guess I thought I was doing you a favor. I didn’t want to ruin your ideas. Hell, you were just kids,” my mother’s words faded as she looked to the ceiling.
“What are you talking about?” Dylan asked.
“You remember your sister’s accident, right?” she asked, looking from Dylan to me.
“Of course,” we answered in unison.
There was no way we could ever forget. Her death had turned our family, and worlds, upside down. Of course we remembered the accident that changed everything.
“You know your dad and I forbid you from going to the court hearings. It was tedious and devastating. To hear all the details over and over, day in and day out. It was like burying Christina all over again,” her voice cracked, and I instinctually went to her, rubbing her back as I softly assured her it was okay.
“We didn’t want that to continue, so it was opted for a small hearing in private,” she paused, inhaling deeply. “The drunk driver who killed your sister claimed to be a great guy, who had just lost his job, down on his luck after being fired from Hatch Towing,” she glanced up as she said the name, wanting to see the shock on our faces.
“I didn’t know he worked for the Hatches,” Dylan stepped back, his eyes clouding over.
“Neither did I,” I admitted, my voice weakened by the shock.
“Yeah, well, Anita even gave a nice testimony, claiming he had been a great employee who didn’t deserve jail time,” my mother shrugged, the hurt icing over the tears in her eyes.
“She what?!” I whispered.
“You heard me. Chris’ grandmother is the reason your sister’s killer is walking free,” her eyes stared through me.
The urge to double over was severe, the wind sucked out of me like I was punched in the stomach. There wasn’t enough air in the room, as I glanced from Dylan to my mother in disbelief. In all these years, I never had any idea what my mother’s problem was with the Hatches, but now I wasn’t sure how I felt about their involvement in something so devastating to my family.
Chapter Thirty-Four
JUDE
TOO MUCH TIME had passed for things to be fine. Without so much as a text, I was left alone at my parents’ home, fearing the worst. Pacing the living room had led to pushups in the great room, which somehow set me on a jog around the family property as I thought of possible scenarios that didn’t leave me without Holly.
No matter how h
ard I tried, I just couldn’t imagine Holly turning her back on everything we had. It was a cruel joke the world was playing on me, showing me all I’d ever wanted wrapped in a pretty package before snatching it from my reach just as my fingers closed in on the prize.
As my muscles tightened, I turned it up a notch, picking up the pace. The grass was beginning to yellow in the far end of the yard, and I crossed into the barnyard, where my mother used to keep her horses. As time went on, she found it to be too much of a chore for an older woman, but the space was still as she left it, ready for a new horse any day. I’d always thought that I’d restore the barn house one day, helping to rekindle the flame my mother had for horses.
It was a passion she’d given up for children, but I dreamed of her teaching my children to ride the way she taught me and Jessie. Chris was her first grandchild, and looking at the barn, I felt a pang of guilt for giving my son such a chaotic introduction to the world.
After not having me around for the first months of his life, everything seemed to be falling apart as the truth unraveled. I never thought of myself as the perfect guy, but there was nothing anyone could say about me that would make a woman want nothing to do with me.
Dylan would always say I was a standup guy. I just couldn’t understand what could have gone so wrong at Holly’s for her to distance herself.
Turning at the edge of the property, I decided to turn back to the house. I’d already wasted too much time being too timid or thinking there was more time. I was tired of putting things off when I could face them much sooner with a little effort.
I wasn’t in New York, so if Holly wanted some space, she was going to need to try harder than missing a few phone calls. My chest rose and fell quickly as I pumped my arms, taking full strides as the grass greeted my toes with an unforgiving bounce.
By the time I reached the front door, I was covered in sweat, greeted by my curious mother. “Do you think you’ll be here for dinner?” she asked.
“No, I’ve got to go out,” I leaned down, kissing her cheek despite my state.
I was halfway up the steps, on my way to the shower, when she called to me. “You going to get your girl?”
I stopped, turning to see the gleam of pride in her eye. “It’s only right,” I shrugged, winking before I ran up the last few stairs.
I was grateful for a cleanse after the day I’d had. So much had transpired in so little time, it was hard to believe it was real. I massaged the cool shampoo into my hair, rinsing out the suds as I thought back to Holly’s face when she left my house. She was so afraid of her family’s reaction. I should have never let her tell them on her own.
Just thinking of my faulty decision made me shake my head. Holly was used to being strong for everyone around her. She always put on the brave face and did what she had to in order to keep others comfortable. It was up to me to take charge and help her even before she could admit she needed help.
I’d left her to raise Chris alone, and while she’d done a tremendous job, it was never her work to do alone in the first place. The more I thought of it, the more I admired her.
Not once had she ever complained, even after revealing the truth to me. Holly never threw it in my face or even mentioned how much she had to take care of while I went on about living my life in New York, unaware of her struggles.
I didn’t realize my thoughts had turned darker until my fingertips touched, gripped around my erection. It was impossible to think of her without getting turned on. Holly was the girl of my dreams, a forbidden fruit.
Knowing I was so close yet so far from her was torturous, so I turned the water to ice cold. I wanted to save every drop of passion I had for Holly.
By the time I dried from the shower, I’d checked my phone at least three more times. Still nothing. I sent one last text, asking if I could come by, but I received no response. I wasn’t going to let her silence push me away like it had a year earlier.
Undeterred, I dressed quickly in a black sweat suit before rushing out the door and into the rental car. In the short ride, I thought of all the things I would say when I saw her.
The thing I knew about women was that they wanted a plan. They needed to hear commitment and see that you were serious about making something happen. I wanted to tell her about all I’d saved, how I could afford to buy her any home in Savannah so we could raise Chris together.
I didn’t know if she would want to come to New York, but I was willing to do anything and everything to make Holly smile. I wanted her to know that. She was the most important person in my life, and I was ready to act on my love. Nothing was too much for us to overcome, or at least that was what I thought as I pulled to the curb in front of her house.
I climbed the steps to Holly’s house and pressed the doorbell.
There were lights on throughout the house, and a movement let me know someone was definitely home.
Holly answered the door, her eyes red and puffy, her lips bright red. It was obvious she had been crying, but from her sniffles it appeared I interrupted her.
“Yeah?” she whimpered, her eyes trained on the floor.
“Babe, can we talk?” I asked, careful not to be too abrupt when I stepped forward. Holly backed away, still looking down.
“Jude, it’s not a good time,” she shook her head.
“Please, Holly. Just let me in. If you don’t want to talk, that’s fine, but let me be here to help you,” I pleaded, praying she wouldn’t turn me away.
I couldn’t bear to be in the dark, unaware of what she was thinking and what had set her into such a state. I stood quiet, waiting patiently until her eyes slowly rose from the floor, her vision locking in on mine. I could feel all the hurt in her eyes, though I wasn’t sure of their origin.
“Okay, but I just need some space,” she whispered.
I nodded, waiting patiently until she moved to the side, inviting me in. I walked slowly through the small entry way into the living room. The bassinet sat at the edge of the room, and I glanced into see Chris fast asleep.
“Let’s go in the bedroom so we don’t wake him,” she announced quietly at the edge of the room.
Watching her closely, I followed her through the cottage and back to her bedroom. The bed was perfectly made up with what looked to be twenty pillows decorating the headboard. Holly went to the chair sitting at the edge of the room, but then decided on the bed, sitting as far away from me as possible.
“Babe,” I said the only thing I could, a one-word cry for her to remember the connection, to let me in and tell me what was wrong.
“I can’t even look at you right now,” she turned away.
“What happened?” I tried to understand.
“You know,” she looked to me and I saw what looked like rage mixed with disappointment.
“What did I do, Holly? I swear I never did anything to intentionally hurt you,” I promised, certain I would never cross her in any way.
“My mom told me about the trial, Jude!”
In all the years I’d known Holly, I had never seen her so upset. Now, she glared across from me with such emotion I racked my brain to remember how I had messed up, certain she couldn’t be mistaken.
“The trial?” I repeated her words, confused even further.
“My sister. Your family helped the man who killed my sister get off,” she snapped, quickly checking herself, probably concerned with waking the baby.
While I knew the meanings of every word she spoke, nothing about what Holly said made any sense to me. It was as if she were speaking another language entirely, and I tried to replay the sentences back to make sense of it.
“Christina?” I wondered aloud.
“Oh, great, you remember her name,” she said mockingly, her fury growing. “The man who killed my beautiful, lovely sister worked for your parents and they testified to get him time off.”
Her words hung in the air like a foul smell, and my mind reacted accordingly. The accusation stunk and I stood frozen in the midst of it,
unable to believe what I’d heard.
“Just tell me this,” Holly finally spoke, breaking a long silence. “Did you know about it? That’s all I want to know, Jude. Did you know?” she turned to face me.
Inhaling as much courage as I could muster, I turned to Holly, fighting to control my emotions. “The last time I was over here, I stood looking at those pictures on your mantle for a really long time. I thought back to the day Christina passed,” I paused, shaking my head as the powerful words left my mouth.
“It’s still one of the worst days of my life, Holly. Everything changed after that. My sister was different, my mother was different, my best friend was different. Not only did I not play any role in anything that had to do with Christina’s killer getting off, I cannot believe my parents did either.”
Holly’s eyes softened as I continued, and I took a step closer, needing desperately to close the distance. She was too close and too far, a growing trend for us.
“Christina was like a sister to me. I would have never done anything to help out the bastard who…” I growled saying the words, but she cut me off, finding my mouth with hers.
“Holly,” I pulled her from me. “I need you to know this. I didn’t know anything about that,” I looked deep into her eyes, begging her to believe me.
“I know, Jude. I believe you,” she whispered, pulling my face to hers as our tongues collided in a sweet and passionate reunion. I tried to express all the longing, sharing all the plans I had with my desire.
Holly moaned her appreciation against my tongue, her body pressing against my hardness as my hands roamed down her shirt to find her zipper.
“I love you,” I said, panting, as I broke our embrace.
“I love you too, Jude.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
HOLLY
THE DAY HAD been too tumultuous and I was ready to crumble into pieces only to let Jude put me back together. My body melted into his as my clothes tumbled to the floor, his fingers working to free me from the restrictions. Falling from my bra, my breasts felt heavier in his hands, caressed by his touch.