The Secrets of a Lady tj-1

by Jenna Petersen

  “Yes, but you must have been lonely just the same.”

  Griffin finally took her silent cues and opened the bedroom door to motion for her to step out. She followed his lead, leaving the masculine place where she’d nearly begged him to take her innocence and entering the bland hallway where they could both pretend nothing had happened between them. Though she should have felt relief, Audrey couldn’t help but take a backwards glance at Griffin’s room before allowing him to take her to the library down the hall.

  “I suppose I was lonely from time to time. But I knew my role,” she answered as she settled into a leather chair by the fire and watched Griffin pour himself a snifter of port.

  When he offered her a glass, she nodded.

  “What do you mean, you knew your role?” Griffin took the chair beside her as he handed her the glass.

  Slowly she sipped the wine, letting its rich, heady flavor fill her senses as she contemplated the question.

  “Everyone has a role to play in life,” she began. “Right now you’re playing Lord of the keep, are you not? The great Viscount Berenger, future Earl of Ashton? Once upon a time you dreamed of other roles. I remember privateer and war hero were two of your favorites.”

  Griffin gave her a half grin. “I’m surprised you remember those children’s games.”

  “I remember everything.”

  He didn’t answer, though his face tightened at her honest answer. For a moment she wished she could take the words back, but realized it would be pointless. Griffin obviously knew what a ninny she’d once been and what a silly girl she still was.

  She struggled to continue her explanation. “A-at any rate, what Noah and I do is only an exaggerated playing of those roles. Noah plays the rake. He has enough power and money to influence those around him, but is allowed into the seedy underbelly of society if he chooses to play out his vices there.” She grinned. “And I’m sorry to say he relishes the role.”

  Griffin laughed as the tension around his eyes bled away. “I imagine he does.”

  “I believe Hannah’s role is the most interesting,” she continued. “She isn’t only my protector and maid, but her past allows her to do things most women would never dream of.”

  “Her past?” He cocked his head with interest while he sipped his port.

  “Hannah was once…” she paused, searching for a genteel word for her maid’s former profession. “She was a… well, prostitute is the best word for it.”

  He stared at her in disbelief. “Hannah?”

  “You wouldn’t know it to look at her now, would you?” Audrey said with a nod. “Noah found her God knows how and God knows where. I don’t ask and they don’t tell me. She left that life to join us. However, knowing the ins and outs of that world has come in handy to us many a time.”

  “What do you think of Hannah’s former life?”

  Griffin’s question took her aback for a moment.

  “Hannah frightened me when I first met her,” she admitted with a blush. “I’d always been sheltered and taught that a woman who sold herself was the lowest person one could meet. But Hannah was so kind. I imagine her story was one of many young women. She was thrust into that life by circumstance. I cannot judge her when I was raised in a fancy house with everything I could ever desire. I never knew her kind of desperation.”

  She watched Griffin closely for his reaction. Most men of the ton saw prostitutes and mistresses as simply another way to relieve their male needs. They rarely looked on them as human beings. Many of the gentlemen she knew would have recoiled in horror if she’d implied that a woman in that position was worthy or good.

  He simply smiled at her.

  “You’ve matured so much in five years.” His voice grew bitter when he continued, “A woman with Hannah’s past can be the most caring and decent woman, while one respected by society can be a harridan and a fraud.”

  At his harsh tone, Audrey leaned closer. The brief anger and betrayal that had clouded his eyes faded in an instant.

  “So what is your role in the masquerade?” he asked as he cleared his throat.

  “My role,” she answered with a small sigh. “Is that of the lady. It’s the most boring of the bunch.”

  He let out a short burst of laughter. “Why?”

  “I wear the beautiful gowns and the elaborate hairstyles, but I cannot ever do anything dangerous. I’m simply there to listen and learn what I can from the gossip of the aristocracy. You’d be amazed what people will say when they’ve had a few drinks and enough turns around the dance floor to make their heads spin.” She shrugged a shoulder. “No one feels they have to respect me, though. I’m only the bait for the traps my brother lays.”

  “Isn’t it better that way?” he asked. Though his tone was nonchalant, she didn’t miss the way his hands gripped his glass even tighter. “You’re out of danger then.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I am capable of doing more. I can shoot, in fact Noah says I’m good with a pistol.”

  Griffin’s nostrils flared and his face paled. “I’m sure you are, but the thought of you in the middle of a gun fight…”

  He trailed off as he finished his drink in one gulp.

  “Why do you assume I wouldn’t come out the victor in such a situation?”

  The one thing she longed for most was respect for her independence and capabilities. Though Noah allowed her into his world, he’d always kept her on the fringes. In fact, the case with Ellison was the closest she’d ever come to real danger. Now she desperately wanted Griffin, of all people, to recognize that she was competent enough to take care of herself.

  His frown lengthened. “I’m sure you believe you could manage it, but…”

  He stopped as he met her eyes, allowing her a glimpse of all the concern mirrored there. While it gave her a thrill that he cared enough for her to worry over her safety, she hated that he lumped her into a ‘helpless female’ category with everyone else.

  “I could manage.” Rising from the chair, she walked to the fireplace. As she turned, she crossed her arms in a challenging stance.

  “Well, with that look of pure venom in your eyes, I have a tendency to believe you.” He laughed as he stood up to come to her side. “Could we call a truce on this issue, Audrey?”

  “I suppose,” she conceded.

  She was surprised when he reached out to take her hand. He drew it to his lips gently, burning the delicate skin on her fingers as if she’d put her hand in the fire. Why did he push her away only to draw her back to him half an hour later?

  “I’m sorry,” he said, as if he’d read her thoughts. His voice was husky as he released her. “I shouldn’t keep doing that.”

  “Why do you?” Her voice trembled as she drew the hand he’d kissed up to her chest.

  “I don’t know.” He backed away as he ran his fingers through his thick hair. “I keep telling myself I’m a fool for wanting you. That it can only lead to problems for us both, but then I get near you and…”

  Trailing off, he uttered a soft curse. “I apologize again, Audrey. I shouldn’t speak so freely about such things.”

  Her heart slammed against her rib cage. “Don’t. I’d rather you be honest with me than to lie and treat me like some fragile dove.”

  A small smile lifted one corner of his lips. “I would never insult you by treating you as such. But I shouldn’t send you mixed messages either.”

  She frowned. “What do you suggest?”

  “Perhaps we should try to stay away from each other,” he said with a quick sigh. “Though we’ll be forced together at events, there is no reason why we should be alone.”

  “I see.” She hoped her tone was noncommittal and didn’t reflect her disappointment. “If that’s what you want.”

  He took a few brisk steps toward the door. “It isn’t what I want, Audrey. But I think it’s what both of us need.”

  With that, he was gone, disappearing out the door. When she heard him enter his chamber, she covered her eyes wi
th her hands. What had begun as such a glorious night had ended in bitter disappointment. Though she should have been familiar with such emotions, they hurt.

  Taking her time, Audrey went to her own chamber. When Hannah appeared in the doorway from her room, Audrey smiled.

  “I thought you were never coming to bed,” Hannah grumbled, her eyes heavy from dozing.

  “I needed to speak to Griffin about tonight.” In the mirror, she saw her friend’s eyebrows shoot up. “Don’t fret. Nothing happened.”

  It was a partial lie, but there was no reason to go into the whole exchange. As Hannah came and helped her take down the rest of her hair, Audrey watched her in the mirror. The only person who could help her understand men was the woman she’d come to trust over the years. Not only did she have experience, but Audrey knew she would keep any secret as long as it didn’t endanger their mission.

  With a sigh, she said, “Hannah, I wanted to ask you a question.”

  “What is it, love?” the older woman asked, putting another hairpin between her lips as she worked Audrey’s curls down over her shoulders.

  “Well…” Heat rushed to her limbs. “I wanted to know exactly what pleases a man. What makes him want to go to bed with one woman over another? And what one can do to make him stay?”

  Hannah coughed and sent pins flying across the room. “You’re certain nothing happened between you and Lord Berenger, now?”

  Audrey’s face flushed darker, but she nodded nonetheless. “Nothing that I can’t manage.” She questioned if that statement was truthful. She certainly couldn’t say she’d ‘managed’ anything tonight. “But he confuses me and I want to know why he behaves the way he does.”

  “Well, that is a whole other subject.” Hannah laughed, sitting down on Audrey’s dressing bench beside her. “I’ll do my best to explain the mysteries between a man and a woman, but I’m not sure you’ll like the answers.”

  An image of Griffin’s mouth grinding against hers as their bodies moved together flashed into her mind. With a shiver she said, “I might just like the answers fine.”

  Chapter Nine

  Audrey gave Noah a quick glance. Her brother’s normally handsome, smiling face was darkened with a deep frown, his brows furrowed until they almost hid his eyes. Though he hardly ever showed this darker side, Audrey knew full well what it meant. He was worried and considering forbidding her to continue with their plan. But that was impossible.

  “You worry too much,” she reassured him with a smile that was brighter than she felt. “What can he do to me in Griffin home?”

  “More than I would like to imagine.” Noah folded his arms with a grunt. “After all, Ellison virtually assaulted you in a carriage right outside my bloody window.”

  “Don’t swear,” she admonished with a quick grin.

  Noah couldn’t help but return the smile as he shook his head. “Don’t take the man too lightly, Audrey. It’s dangerous to underestimate your enemy.”

  She nodded, but barely heard his words of wisdom as she watched Ellison stroll from his home down the street. His stride was purposeful as he reached Griffin’s door. Stepping back from the curtain so he wouldn’t see her watching him, Audrey turned back to her brother.

  “He’s here.”

  “Well, at least wait until the maid announces him unless you want him convinced that you liked his wretched kiss.” Noah scowled. “You never could wait for the proper moment before you acted.”

  “And you always wait too long,” she countered with a brief pat on his arm as she passed by him. “That’s why we work so well together.”

  Glancing in the mirror to check her hair one last time, Audrey saw she was rewarded by a grin from her sibling. She returned the smile as she pinched her cheeks and fluffed the curls around her face.

  “So where is our host?” she asked, hoping her tone was unconcerned. “I haven’t seen him for a few days.”

  It seemed Griffin was making good on his vow to stay away from her, for he hadn’t even eaten with Audrey and Noah since the evening when he’d kissed her nearly senseless. An evening that had haunted her every moment since.

  “I’m not sure,” Noah said with a shrug. “He’s been acting very strange of late. Perhaps it’s returning to this house that makes him behave this way.”

  With a frown, Audrey turned from the mirror. “Why would this house make him act differently? I would think coming home would be a good influence on him.”

  Her brother’s answering frown was deep and there was a long silence before he spoke again.

  “This place doesn’t hold only happy memories for Griffin. In fact, he might not have come here again if I hadn’t asked him.” He sighed. “Perhaps I did him a harm by forcing him back to London life.”

  “But Luci died in the country,” Audrey said. “I would think anything that happened in London couldn’t compare to that blow.”

  “There are worse things than the death of a loved one, Audrey,” he answered softly.

  “Such as?”

  She couldn’t think of anything worse than losing a wife so young and under such tragic circumstances.

  “Betrayal,” her brother offered.

  Before she could ask him to explain his cryptic remark, the door to the sitting room swung open and a maid appeared. Dropping a short curtsey for them, she said, “I beg your pardon, but Mr. Ellison is inquiring for you, Lady Audrey. He says he’s expected.”

  Audrey covered her frustration with a smile. “Tell him I’ll join him momentarily.”

  The maid nodded and left them alone again.

  “Well, good luck. I’ll be down to ‘save’ you in a short time,” Noah said.

  “My dear brother,” she answered with a shake of her head. “When will you and Griffin Berenger and the rest of the world learn I don’t need saving?”

  With that, she turned on her heel and sailed out of the room with her head held high.

  ***

  “Audrey,” Douglas Ellison said as he rose from his seat to hold out his hands to her. “I’m so glad you invited me this afternoon.”

  Holding back a grimace, Audrey put her hands into his and forced a smile to her face. “I haven’t seen you since that night at the opera. I must admit I missed your most pleasant company.”

  “As I’ve missed yours.” Ellison motioned to the place beside him on the ottoman.

  Audrey hesitated, but then gave in to his request. She had to pick her battles if she was to defeat Douglas Ellison. No doubt he would be offended and suspicious if she avoided him physically. After all, he was supposed to be courting her.

  God help her, she was supposed to behave as if she welcomed that courtship. Briefly closing her eyes, she tried to think of what made her body react with pleasure, not distaste. The only thing that came to mind was Griffin.

  Griffin running his hands up and down her body. Holding her mouth captive with his own. Making her ache with longing from her head to her toes. And Griffin doing the things to her that Hannah had described a few days before. Interesting, titillating things that made her toes curl when she dared to think of them for more than a brief moment.

  As she smoothed her skirts and nodded to the maid who poured their tea, Audrey tried to clear thoughts of Griffin from her head. He was only a distraction, a danger to the game of cat and mouse she was playing.

  After the maid had gone, Douglas turned to her with gleaming gray eyes. “I must admit after our last encounter, I wondered if you would ever speak to me again.”

  “You mean because you were so forward?” She somehow managed to keep her tone light and flirtatious.

  “Yes.” He edged closer to her on the narrow couch and she just barely reined in her desire to move away an equal distance.

  “I don’t condone that kind of behavior in my suitors, but I do understand how one could get swept away in a moment. After all, we’d just experienced the romance of the opera.” She nearly choked on her own insincerity.

  “I’m glad you unders
tand,” Ellison replied with a sigh of relief. “It’s difficult for a man of a certain age and disposition not to be driven to distraction by a beautiful woman such as you.”

  With a pause, she calculated her next move. She needed to say or do something that would encourage Ellison to trust her, but wouldn’t give him the impression she wanted him to touch her again.

  “Thank you, Douglas, er Mr. Ellison.”

  A thin smile turned up his lips. “Of course you must call me by my given name, Audrey. Our friendship has progressed to a point where that kind of familiarity might be expected.”

  Blushing, she shook her head and dropped her eyes. “Oh, Mr. Ellison, I’m not sure.”

  “If you’re uncomfortable with calling me by my name in public, perhaps you’ll only do so in private,” he offered with a light touch of his hand on hers. It was cold and slightly clammy, reminding Audrey of a fish at market.

  “Hmmm.” She pretended to ponder the inappropriate request. “Do you mean like a secret between us, Douglas?”

  One corner of his lips bobbed up in triumph. “Yes, exactly.”

  She batted her eyes just a flutter and looked at him with a slow smile. “Very well. I trust you enough to share a secret with you. I hope you feel the same way about me.”

  “I do, Audrey.” Now his voice was deathly serious and he leaned forward a fraction, his eyelids heavy with what she now recognized as desire.

  With a shiver, she stood up. “Now, Douglas, I see that same gleam in your eye that was there the night of the opera. I hope you understand if I don’t include passionate embraces as part of our relationship… at least not yet. A lady must protect her reputation, you know.”

  With a purse of his lips, he sank back against the ottoman. “Of course. Your reputation was part of what drew me to you.”

  “W-Well,” she stammered. “I’m glad I meet with your approval then. And that you understand my position.”

  “Of course,” he said with a smooth smile she didn’t trust for even a moment. For the first time, she realized he would take what he wanted if it wouldn’t be given freely. He was only biding his time to have her.