Secret Admirer

by Melody Carlson

  But even more troubling than knowing she’d been stupid was that she felt betrayed by Chelsea now. Betrayed and hurt. Oh, she knew it wasn’t really Chelsea’s fault that she’d broken her arm. But at the same time she knew she wouldn’t have attempted such a daring stunt if Chelsea had kept her big mouth shut.

  “Hey, Carlie.”

  She looked up to see Enrico approaching. His ski hat was in his hands, his hair was all ruffled and sweaty looking, and he had two bright red spots on his cheeks, probably from the cold. But what really got her attention was that he seemed uneasy — like he was almost afraid of her, which was ridiculous.

  “Hi, Enrico.”

  “How are you doing?”

  She nodded down to her blue cast and the sling. “Great.”

  He sat down across from her. “Sorry about that.”

  She shrugged. “It was my own stupid fault.”

  “Well, Chelsea kind of egged you on.” He shook his head. “I heard her going on about it … before your run. I could tell that she was kind of challenging you. Then, after you fell, I saw her acting like you were just faking it to get attention. She’s such an idiot.”

  “No, she’s just Chelsea. She doesn’t always think before she speaks.”

  “So, you’re not mad at her?”

  Carlie considered this. “Yeah, I guess I am. But she’s in our club … so I probably shouldn’t be mad. I’m pretty sure Morgan would tell me to forgive her. But I guess I don’t totally know how to do that.”

  He nodded. “Me too. I mean, I heard the stuff that Cory said last night about forgiving people, but what if you can’t forgive someone? Like what if someone did something so wrong you didn’t want to forgive him?”

  “I know … I wondered the same thing.”

  “So, are you a Christian, Carlie?”

  “Yeah, I think I am,” she admitted in a way that didn’t sound very convincing.

  “But you’re not sure?”

  “No,” she said firmly. “I am a Christian. I invited Jesus into my heart last summer. But my family, well, we’re Catholic, and although we pretty much believe the same things … I guess I still have some questions. Like I see Morgan and Emily and sometimes it seems like they have something that’s different … like they take their faith really seriously. I guess I kind of want to be like that too.”

  Enrico studied her closely. “I know what you mean.”

  “But I’m just not sure what to do about it.”

  “Cory was telling us some more stuff last night, before we went to bed. Some of the things he said really made me think.”

  “Like what?”

  “Like he said you can pray to God, and he will really hear you. And he’ll answer you. Cory makes it sound like God wants to be your best friend … not just some old dude with a long white beard who lives up in the clouds, you know?”

  Carlie nodded. “That’s what Morgan and Emily say too.”

  “But you don’t believe it?”

  Carlie considered this. “Well, I actually do sort of believe it.” Then she told him about some of the things they had prayed about in their club. Like most recently when Emily’s family was in trouble, and then the time when she and Chelsea almost drowned. “And it really did seem like our prayers were answered — miraculously.”

  They talked some more about God and faith and being a Christian, and as they were talking, Carlie almost forgot that Enrico was a boy. It’s like their conversation was natural … and interesting … it just didn’t matter. Then Carlie looked up and noticed that Chelsea, Amy, and Whitney were walking through the lodge now. Chelsea looked in Carlie’s direction then quickly turned away as if she was trying to act like she hadn’t seen her, although Carlie knew that she had. Still, Carlie wasn’t sure why Chelsea would do that. Carlie was also pretty sure that she didn’t care. In fact, if she never spoke to Chelsea again, it would be too soon.

  Before long, Morgan and Emily showed up. “How’s it going?” asked Morgan as she flopped into a chair across from Carlie.

  “Good,” said Carlie.

  Then Jeff came over and joined them, sitting next to Enrico and warming his hands by the fire.

  “How was snowboarding?” asked Carlie.

  “Pretty good,” said Jeff. “The snow was perfect.”

  “Yeah,” said Morgan. “You should’ve seen my last ride, Carlie. It was awesome.”

  “She’s really getting the hang of it,” said Emily.

  “Who knows,” said Morgan, “by this time tomorrow, I might even try the half-pipe.”

  “Just make sure you’re careful,” warned Carlie.

  “I’m not going to try to jump,” said Morgan quickly.

  “Don’t let anyone talk you into doing something you don’t want to do,” said Enrico in a serious tone.

  “Well, unless you’re a guy,” said Jeff. Then he held up his hands when the girls all glared at him. “Just kidding!”

  Emily sort of laughed. “Hey, I think we all learned a good lesson today, Carlie.”

  “Just sorry that it was at your expense,” added Enrico.

  “And,” said Emily, “if it makes you feel any better, Chelsea is feeling a little foolish now. She seemed pretty shocked that your arm was broken.”

  “Hopefully she’s feeling sorry too,” said Morgan.

  “She should be sorry,” said Enrico. “She’s partly to blame, you know.”

  “It’s not totally her fault,” said Carlie, although to be honest, she still thought Chelsea was sort of responsible. “I mean, it’s not like she made me do it. It was my dumb choice to jump.”

  “Even so, Chelsea didn’t help much,” said Jeff.

  The group talked a while longer, and finally the guys noticed what time it was and said they needed to go to their cabin to clean up for dinner.

  Carlie blinked in surprise. “You guys actually clean up for dinner?”

  Jeff laughed and tugged on the T-shirt beneath his jacket. “If you smelled me right now you wouldn’t even ask that question.”

  “See ya,” called Enrico as they walked away.

  Emily chuckled as she poked Carlie in her good arm. “See, even guys have to clean up sometimes.”

  Carlie looked down at her cast. “Well, even if I wanted to clean up, it would be a challenge now. I don’t know how I’m going to take a shower with this thing on. The nurse said not to get it wet.”

  “We can help you,” said Morgan.

  “Okay.” Carlie slowly stood up then grinned at her friends. “I guess I don’t really want to be known as Pigpen after all.”

  “Not with the way that Enrico was looking at you,” said Emily slyly.

  “Not because of that,” snapped Carlie. “And, besides, we’re just friends. I am not about to become boy crazy like some other people I won’t mention.”

  “I wasn’t saying that you were boy crazy,” said Emily.

  “Good,” said Carlie. “Because I am not.”

  “Speaking of boy crazy,” said Emily, nodding toward the back entrance to the lodge. “There goes Chelsea, Whitney, and Amy right now.”

  Carlie glanced over in time to see their friends walking toward the game room. All three of them looked like they were on their way to a party or maybe a fashion show, and Carlie could just imagine the smell of perfume floating around them. Well, that was their choice.

  “So you’re really not mad at Chelsea?” asked Morgan as they went outside into the crisp, cold air.

  Carlie took in a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds then slowly letting it go. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “I guess I’m still sort of mad. I’m trying not to blame her, but she still hurt my feelings when she said I was faking it. I wasn’t!”

  “Obviously,” said Emily.

  “And that was wrong of her do that,” said Morgan. “She broke the rule of our club.” She fumbled with the sleeve of her jacket until she could get the bracelet out, holding it up as a reminder.

  “It sure wasn’t very loving,
” said Emily.

  “To be honest, I don’t feel very much like I love Chelsea right now,” said Carlie. The truth was she felt more like she hated the girl. She wished that Chelsea wasn’t in their club. It seemed like they had all been a lot happier before Chelsea came along. And yet she knew that was unfair. Not to mention partially her own fault since it had been Carlie who had actually introduced Chelsea to the others in the first place.

  “I don’t feel very loving toward Chelsea either,” admitted Emily.

  Morgan sighed. “I hate to say it, but I feel the same way. I know it’s not what Jesus would do either, but I really don’t like how Chelsea and Amy are acting all boy crazy and sort of snotty. I’m kind of embarrassed to think that I’m the one who invited them on the ski trip.”

  “Is there anything we can do about it?” asked Carlie eagerly. She suddenly imagined the three of them standing up to Chelsea and Amy — giving them both a great big piece of their minds and telling them to straighten up or be kicked out of the club. So there!

  “I guess we can pray for them,” said Morgan.

  “That’s right,” agreed Emily. “We can.”

  Carlie wanted to shout, “No way!” She wanted to question why they should pray for someone who was acting the way Chelsea had been. And Amy too, for that matter. But instead she just nodded like she agreed. And, right then and there, on the trail halfway between the cabin and the lodge, Emily and Morgan stopped and bowed their heads and prayed. Carlie didn’t actually pray, but she pretended to. And when they said “amen” she said “amen” too. But she didn’t mean it.

  chapter ten

  The cabin was hot and stuffy and noisy with girls trying to clean up and get ready for dinner. “Maybe I’ll just rest on my bunk for a while,” said Carlie as she realized there was a crowd in the bathroom. “Until it thins out in there.”

  “Good idea,” said Morgan. “It’s almost an hour until dinner anyway.”

  Carlie closed her eyes and wished she could fall asleep, but all she could think about was Chelsea now. Despite that nice prayer that Morgan and Emily had prayed, Carlie was feeling more and more anger toward Chelsea. She was replaying everything that Chelsea had said and done since they first came on the ski trip. And each time she replayed it, Chelsea seemed to get worse and worse until Carlie wondered how any of them could possibly stand her. Then Carlie started to remember other things about Chelsea. She remembered how selfish and spoiled Chelsea was, and how she was sometimes snooty because she was richer than everyone else in their club. She even remembered the time Chelsea had shoplifted and not been the least bit sorry for it. Really, Carlie had a whole list of reasons to hate Chelsea. And yet, there were times when they had been friends too. It was confusing. Mostly Carlie knew that Chelsea had hurt her. And for that reason, Carlie decided to keep Chelsea at arm’s length — even if it was a broken arm’s length.

  “Okay,” said Emily, gently tapping Carlie on her good shoulder. “It’s cleared out in here, time to fix you up.”

  Carlie sat up and looked around the messy cabin. “Okay …”

  “Where’s your bag?” asked Morgan.

  Carlie pointed to her duffle on the floor at the foot of her bed, and Morgan immediately started to go through it. “How about if you wear your warm-ups?” she suggested, holding up the slightly rumpled Tommy Hilfigers. “That might be easier on your arm.”

  Carlie nodded. “Yeah, I could probably just sleep in them too.”

  Emily laughed. “It looks like you already did.”

  “Hasn’t anyone taught you how to pack?” asked Morgan as she continued to rummage through Carlie’s bag. “Hey, what’s this?” She stood and held out the pink and white polka dot bag.

  Carlie rolled her eyes. “My mom must’ve stuck that in.”

  “Good for Mom,” said Emily as she took the bag and unzipped it. “Yeah, just what you need.” Then she paused. “And there’s a note too.” She chuckled as she handed the slip of paper to Carlie.

  “Cleanliness is next to godliness,” read Carlie. “Love Mom.”

  Morgan and Emily both laughed.

  “Is that really in the Bible?” asked Carlie.

  “I don’t know,” said Morgan. “But I do know that God likes to make us clean on the inside.”

  “And I’m sure he appreciates it when we’re clean on the outside too,” added Emily. “So, come on, Carlie. It’s time to clean up your act.”

  It was awkward taking a shower with one arm sticking out, but Morgan and Emily did their best to help her and to keep her cast dry. After a while she was clean and dry and dressed in her warm-ups. And, the truth was, it felt pretty good. “I suppose there are better ways to rebel,” she admitted, “instead of sacrificing personal hygiene.”

  “I’ll say,” said Emily as she fussed with Carlie’s curls.

  “Hold still,” said Morgan, as she put some cherry lip gloss on Carlie’s chapped lips.

  “There,” said Emily finally. “Done.”

  “And just in time,” said Morgan, pointing to the clock.

  “Thanks, you guys,” said Carlie. “I really do appreciate it.”

  “So do we!” exclaimed Emily as she helped Carlie with her parka.

  “Farewell to Pigpen,” added Morgan, and they all laughed.

  As they walked back to the lodge, Carlie considered her mom’s neat-freak ways. She thought about how hard Mom worked to keep her home and her family clean and fed and well cared for. And then Carlie thought of all the times she’d gotten mad at Mom for those same things. Suddenly she felt bad. Mom was just doing what she thought was best. And even packing that polka dot bag had turned out to be a good thing. Carlie knew that she’d have to thank Mom for that when she got home. And she’d have to apologize too. Just like that, Carlie realized that she had forgiven her mom. And she wasn’t mad at her anymore. It seemed slightly miraculous too. Like God had helped her somehow. Then she wondered if the same thing could happen with Chelsea, but she doubted it. That was different!

  “How’s it going, Carlie?” asked Amy as they sat down at the same table to eat. “Is your arm hurting much?”

  “A little,” said Carlie, carefully avoiding making eye contact with Chelsea, even though she was sitting directly across from her.

  “I miss having you as my buddy,” said Whitney.

  Carlie looked at Whitney and could tell she was being sincere. “Thanks,” said Carlie. “You were a really good buddy — and a good teacher too.”

  “Well, thank you.” Whitney grinned.

  “So who was your buddy after I left?” asked Carlie.

  “We became a trio,” said Amy. “Whitney, Chelsea, and I.”

  Carlie nodded, still not looking at Chelsea.

  “But we stayed off of the half-pipe,” said Whitney. “After seeing what happened to you, there was no way I was going to try it.”

  Amy nodded vigorously. “No way.”

  “We saw you talking to Enrico,” said Whitney in a slightly teasing tone. “Is he your boyfriend now?”

  “No,” said Carlie sharply. “We’re just friends. That’s all.”

  “Sorry,” said Whitney, obviously offended.

  Carlie softened now. “Sorry,” she said quietly. “I didn’t mean to bite your head off.”

  Now the other girls started talking, and as the noise level at their table increased, Carlie was relieved not to be the center of attention anymore. Her friends were sharing various snowboarding stories and almost mishaps and planning for what they would do on the slope tomorrow, and after a while, Carlie started to feel slightly left out. Plus, her arm was starting to ache, and she realized that she’d forgotten to bring her Advil with her.

  She reached down to rub her arm, but all she could do was rub the surface of the blue cast. Then, for no rational reason, Carlie wanted to cry. Maybe it had been a mistake to stay here after all. Maybe she should’ve asked Mom to come get her. If Carlie had been worried about being an outsider before coming up here, she had a lo
t more cause to feel that way now. The lump in her throat was growing larger. But the last thing she wanted to do was to start bawling in front of her friends.

  Then she looked up to see that one other person at their table seemed to be on the outside of things too. Carlie stared at Chelsea across from her. She was just sitting quietly, poking at her barely touched food, her head down, and not talking to anyone. And no one was talking to her either. Just then Carlie felt the tiniest pin prick of pity for Chelsea. It wasn’t much … but it was something. More than that, Carlie felt sorry for herself. But she didn’t want to cry.

  “Excuse me,” she said quietly, although no one seemed to notice. Then she awkwardly got up, and without looking back, she hurried toward the exit. Her plan was to go back to the cabin and get her Advil. Whether or not she came back … well, she’d figure that out later. Going to bed was actually sounding like a good escape at the moment.

  “Hey,” said a voice from behind, followed by a hand on her shoulder.

  Carlie turned to see Chelsea. “Huh?”

  “Where ya going?”

  “To the cabin,” said Carlie in stiff voice. “My arm hurts, and I forgot my pills.”

  Chelsea pushed the door open for her. “Mind if I come along?”

  Carlie shrugged. “Sure, whatever …”

  They both walked quietly on the trail, snow crunching beneath their boots. Carlie wasn’t sure what to say, wasn’t sure that she wanted to say anything at all. Finally they were at the cabin, and Chelsea opened the door, waiting for Carlie to go in before she closed it.

  Carlie started fumbling through her things, using one hand to check pockets and trying to remember where she’d put the sample packets the nurse had given her.