Stephanie draped her legs diagonally over Alexander’s lap and he wrapped his arms around her shoulders. Their fingers interlinked, gently rubbing each other’s skin.
The only thing I could do was close my eyes and pretend I was somewhere else, anywhere else.
That was exactly what my parents wanted though, wasn’t it? Were they right? Why was this bothering me so much? Was it because Alexander was a complete slime ball, with his long, tousled hair and untamed facial hair? Or did the problem really lie with me, in how I had been raised, making me incapable of seeing two people be affectionate.
And was this the right way to show affection? Or wrong?
The more I thought about it, the more confused I got. I could feel the anger bubbling up inside of me again, sending hot tendrils shocking through my thighs. My fists clenched and released over and over, desperate to do something. I had no idea what, but they wanted to do something more than just sitting idle on my thighs while tension built inside me. I was going to erupt. I could feel it right beneath my skin, like a scream that was buried in my chest, trying to claw its way out.
The heat was only getting worse, pushing its way through me until sweat dripped down my back and misted on my forehead.
I tried to be cool about wiping it away, making it look like I was just brushing my hair away from my face, but when I glanced over to them again, I saw that they weren’t even paying attention to me or the TV.
I knew I shouldn’t look at what was happening over there. It was supposed to be a private thing you did in loving relationships that had been approved by God by marriage. I knew that. And I looked anyway and couldn’t stop.
Alexander had his arm slung around Stephanie’s shoulder, his hand resting on her breast as his fingers slowly twirled around her nipple.
In my head, I heard the sound of my mother’s shrill scream. It was like all of Mom’s worst nightmares were coming true, and now they were going to infect me as well.
I instantly looked away from them, unable to control the rage that was pulsing through me. I didn’t want to see my sister’s erect nipple through her sweater, nor did I want to see her boyfriend playing with it. Seeing them act like this was torture. I just wanted to stand on their couch and scream at them for being so disgusting.
The only thing I could do was sink down into the couch cushions and sneakily put my hand on my left cheek, blocking my view of them. Even seeing them out of the corner of my eye was too much. Watching his fingers flick so deftly through the air was enough to set my teeth on edge.
I brought my knees up to my chest and gritted my teeth together in anger. The more I tried to block it out, the louder they became. I could hear my sister’s hitched, lustful breaths as her savage boyfriend continued to play with her body.
I kept cringing away from them, trying to focus on the TV instead of hearing their soft moans, but there was nothing in the world that would have blocked out those awful noises.
I kept my hand plastered on the side of my face as I squinted hard, hyper focusing my attention onto the TV. I described the images to myself in my head, stating all of the colors I could see and repeating the words the people were saying.
None of it helped. I could hear Stephanie’s moans getting louder and stronger with every shaky breath she took. The anger was fueling me. I felt it in my thighs and stomach, red-hot, making my entire body warm to the touch. I could feel the heat radiating out of me as if I were made of nuclear waste.
I knew that I was being at least a little irrational. They were in their own home and were free to do what they wanted but they were doing it in front of me. They knew I wouldn’t like it. It was inconsiderate, downright rude, and entirely inappropriate to fondle each other’s nipples in front of blood relatives. Or any relatives, for that matter.
My discomfort didn’t seem to bother them. Stephanie was moaning loudly, longingly, and Alexander was letting his hands drift all over her body, from her neck down to the waistband of her pants.
I could see her chest heaving in my peripheral vision, her breasts bouncing up and down as her erect nipples pushed through the fabric. Alexander was leaning over her a little, putting his lips on her cheek and neck, kissing and licking her skin.
I desperately wanted to put my fingers in my ears and sing loudly but I couldn’t be such a child.
Would other people act like me? Is this what Stephanie meant when she said I need to learn how to be a big girl in the real world?
I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, trying to calm myself down, even though it felt like my whole body was on fire. My skin was burning, prickling all over with goosebumps.
Stephanie moaned louder, followed by the sound of skin slapping against skin. I risked a glance through my fingers clamped on the left-side of my face.
To my horror, I saw that Alexander had shoved his hands down my sister’s pants. My hand dropped away from my face as my mouth popped open in complete shock.
I couldn’t stop staring at the sight of his hands down my sister’s pants. It was so unreal, as if I was watching a movie and not experiencing it for myself. There was the skin above her private place, the bits usually hidden by underwear, along with Alexander’s hairy arm diving down between her legs.
When I was finally able to rip my eyes away, I saw that Alexander was staring at me while he fondled my sister.
The disgust rose up my throat like vomit. Without thinking, I leaped up from the couch and rushed across the living room. I didn’t care if I disturbed them, I just needed to get out of there before they started having sex right in front of me.
I ran into the bedroom and slammed the door shut behind me. Once it was closed, I locked the door and pressed my back into the thick wood. My heart was racing and my stomach was roiling.
As much as I didn’t want to think about it, I couldn’t get the image of Alexander’s smug face as he fondled my sister out of my mind.
I went over to the bed and burrowed under the blankets like the memory was a monster I could hide from. I didn’t want to be subjected to that filth. Not now, not ever.
Chapter 3
Lust
I tossed and turned in my bed, causing the mattress to bounce wildly beneath me. It didn’t help my situation. I kept wondering if this is what the mattress did beneath my sister’s back as she got fucked by Alexander.
My mind refused to stop, no matter what I did. I had no choice but to leap out of the bed, keeping my back turned to the mattress. The rage was still running through me, heating up my body until my skin was white hot, all my blood pulsing through my body before settling in the spot between my legs.
I didn’t know what was happening to me. I’d never felt anger like this before. It was all-consuming, taking hold of every inch of my body and staining every thought in my mind.
The worst part about it was that I couldn’t escape. I came here specifically to spend time with Stephanie. There was no way she was going to let me go home early, not when we had made all these plans to catch up and spend some quality time together.
Quality time, I scoffed.
As if there was anything quality about this. All she was doing was dry humping her boyfriend in front of me. She could do that while I wasn’t there. Hell, she could do that literally any time she wanted. Why did she have to do it in front of me?
For a moment, I considered that it might have been some weird punishment. After all those years I went without really talking to her or trying to see her, could this be what I deserved? Or maybe she was trying to cut the link between me and our parents, trying to show me how good life could be out of their clutches.
If that’s what she was going for, she was failing miserably with her demonstration. I wasn’t interested in boys, or relationships, the only thing that mattered to me now was getting into a good college.
Trying to talk myself down didn’t help anything. I was still furious. The rage was coursing through my body unlike anything else I’d ever felt before. Another hot wave washed over
me, causing my skin to sweat like crazy.
I moved my hair off the back of my neck and fanned myself with my free hand, pacing around the spare bedroom. I was making myself dizzy but I needed to move, otherwise my legs would tremble and shake involuntarily. I could feel the adrenaline in my muscles, powering me and fueling my rage.
I couldn’t help but think that my parents had been right. If they knew Stephanie acted like this, then it wasn’t surprising that they wanted to keep me out of her clutches. I had been so young, so impressionable. They had acted not a moment too soon.
And now not only was she ruining my stay, but she was going to succeed in ruining my life. I could already feel myself slipping off the rails. It was her idea for me to come here in secret, but I’d agreed. I had gone behind my parents’ back and come here against their wishes.
What was I going to do next? How else was I going to betray their trust? I didn’t want to change, I didn’t want to become a bad person, but now I had a sneaking suspicion that it could easily happen.
Guilt started to pile up on top of me, aimed towards my parents, towards Stephanie for not being happy to see her after so long apart, towards myself for not knowing what was right for me. The weight of it all was too much for my weak shoulders. I stopped pacing and slumped onto the edge of the bed, listening to the sheets rustle underneath my butt.
My shoulders drooped and my back curved as my mind continued to spin so fast it made me feel dizzy.
I had imagined this weekend being blissful, full of laughing and hugs and sisterly love, but instead it was everything but that. I just wanted to curl up in the bed and pretend that I was back at home under my parents’ protection, safe from all of this weirdness.
There was no use crying over spilled milk. I just had to make the best of the situation and hope that everything turned out alright in the end. I leaned back, allowing myself to fall down onto the bed behind me, and tucked myself into the sheets.
I wasn’t sure how things were going to ever go back to normal, but I had to remain hopeful. I snuggled down beneath the comforter, only letting my face peek out from behind it.
My heart was pounding in my chest and my blood was still pumping through my body. I could feel my pulse in my thighs, steadily thrumming away as I tried to get to sleep.
It was clear to me it wasn’t going to happen. My anger was still consuming me. I’d already tried to walk it off but that hadn’t worked. I didn’t know what else to do besides sit in bed and sulk.
The pulsing in my thighs was only going stronger. It was uncontrollable. I didn’t know how to make it stop. I let my hands slip down to my thighs, my palms resting against my bare skin.
I could feel my pulse throbbing, shivering through my thighs and up to my hands. I curled them into fists, nails biting into my palms. My mind skipped back to Alexander and Stephanie, how their fingers fluttered and flexed as they touched each other. Kissed each other.
As soon as I thought about Alexander’s mouth gliding over my sister’s tender neck, the pulse in my thighs throbbed harder. The heat burned brightly, spreading up my legs and into my stomach.
I let my hands drift up from my thighs, around my hips, before settling on my stomach. Just feeling my skin brushing against itself sent electric tendrils shivering up my spine.
For a moment, I couldn’t understand what was happening to me. It was like my body had awoken from a deep, dark sleep, like half my senses hadn’t worked until just now. I could even smell myself, a soft musk that clung to the bedsheets.
My hands drifted down from my stomach and stopped just above the waistband of my underwear. I could feel my slender hips at my wrists as my fingers extended down to the soft, downy spot between my legs. I could feel the heat there, calling out to me.
Was this what my body had been calling out for all this time? Was I really so out of touch with my own body that I didn’t understand what I’d been feeling?
There was only one way to find out. I let my fingertips slip beneath the elastic waistband. They slipped through my neatly trimmed hair and stopped just shy of my lower lips.
I could feel the energy in my hips. If I didn’t have such tight control of my body, they would have bucked and forced my fingers even lower. My stomach was tying itself into knots, screaming out for my fingers to just edge that little bit lower.
Every inch of me started to radiate heat. This was it. This is what I had been yearning for. It wasn’t rage I’d been feeling—it was desire, that sinful yearning that drove people to lawlessness. I was racked with it, my body obsessed, calling out for some affection. The sudden understanding was euphoric in its own right and now I’d experienced some, I wanted so much more.
I let my hands sink down until I could feel my own arousal soaking into my skin. It was so warm down there, so wet, so inviting. I let my fingers explore, gently touching myself as I tried to find my way around.
I’d been taught where everything was but I’d never actually gone looking. My parents’ had always told me it was sinful for a woman to touch herself for pleasure, and I’d listened.
I couldn’t listen right now. My ears were filled with the thrum of my own heartbeat. I parted my wet lips and found the sweet spot, tucked up between the folds of skin. As soon as my fingers touched against it, I felt my whole body course with electric energy. A shuddering gasp escaped out of my mouth as shudders ripped through my body. The reaction was instantaneous, making me go wild. I felt my toes curl up as I continued to touch myself, my fingers gently pressing against the soft little lump.
I was too scared to start moving my fingers. I was already enjoying this sensation too much. I didn’t want to start something that I couldn’t stop.
I’ve already started, I thought. If I’ve already broken the rules, what’s a little more going to do?
Ever so slowly, I began to move my fingers. I slipped them up and down on either side of my clitoris, gently squeezing it between the sides of my fingers as they moved.
I clenched my teeth together as I felt my body respond. All of the muscles in my thighs instantly tightened as waves of hot euphoria coursed through my body. Rattling, gasping breaths came as I moved my fingers faster.
I switched positions, putting the tips of my fingers square onto the swollen, throbbing bud, and began to rub myself in circles.
This was even better than before. My chest heaved as I breathed deeply, enjoying the warmth spreading out from between my legs. I could feel my whole body coming alive, adrenaline coursing through my veins as I continued to work myself.
My free hand slipped down between my legs and my fingers found their way inside me, pushing into my depths as I continued to stroke myself. I gasped, barely able to contain my moans, as I thought about how Alexander had treated my sister. I thought about his full lips, the curly hairs of his moustache, imagining them stroking down my tender neck. I thought about his tongue lapping against my skin before his mouth closed around me and sucked gently. I imagined what it would feel like if his teeth nibbled on me, what it would be like if his strong hands began to undress me.
I rubbed myself furiously, feeling all of my muscles tightening, thoughts of Alexander spurring me on. My arm was moving so fast it was shaking the entire bed, sending the headboard knocking into the wall behind me. I didn’t care about the noise, the potential property damage. I could almost feel Alexander’s big hands grabbing my breasts and tugging on them roughly before bringing them into his wet, waiting mouth. It was so real, so vivid. I wanted to strip him, touch his muscles, feel his hard body sliding over mine, but my hands were occupied.
It hit me then, what I was doing, where exactly my hands were and what I was doing. I stopped touching myself. I stared all around the bedroom, stinging from the sweat dripping into my eyes. I was panting, breathless, and the horror crashing down upon me made it all the harder to get any air.
I’d been masturbating.
I wrenched my hands out of my underwear and brought them up to my chest, holding them t
ightly against my body. That only made it worse. I could smell my own body on them, my arousal. My fingers were slippery. I wiped them hurriedly on the sheets and folded my arms over my stomach, and clamped my thighs together.
One day with my sister and I had changed into a completely different person. I didn’t recognize myself anymore. Not only had I touched myself for pleasure, but I’d touched myself to my sister’s boyfriend.
That frightened me more than anything else. I kept my arms firmly around my sides as I lay in bed, my eyes permanently wide. I had shocked myself, right down to my core, and I had no idea how I was going to show my face to them in the morning.
What if they head my headboard knocking against the wall? What if they saw my embarrassment in my face? What if they could sense what I’d done, just like my parents always knew when I’d done something against the rules?
I gripped myself harder, muscles clenching, working myself into a knot. I didn’t trust myself to move lest my body betray me again. I didn’t even allow myself to relax, not even when my legs started cramping and I lost feeling in my fingers. The pain was nothing compared to what God had in store for me.
I started to pray, apologizing for every little indecent thing I’d done, said, and thought, over and over in every way possible.
It was going to be a long, sleepless night.
Chapter 4
Envy
In spite of what I thought, I must have fallen asleep at some point. When my eyes opened, everything came rushing back to me. In the cold light of morning, I felt the shame come into my cheeks, heating them up. I wanted to hide, but there was nowhere for me to go. I had to get up and face the day.
I pushed the covers off my body and got a whiff of myself, sweat mixed with arousal. I moved my hands to my face and inhaled. There it was, still clinging to my skin after all that time. Memories flashed through me, phantom sensations. I could feel remember the feeling of my fingers touching my spot down below, rubbing it gently as sparks flew inside of me. It had turned electric when my pace quickened, like nothing else in the world mattered at all.
Sister's Arrogant Boyfriend Page 2