Catch Him if You can (Accidentally Yours)

by Jennifer Shirk

  Arden heaved a sigh. “Look, I know your sister will kill me if I tell you this, but…she’s been worried about you. Actually, I have to admit, even I’ve been a little concerned about your hermit-like tendencies.”

  “I’m not a hermit. I go out on dates. Once in a while.”

  “Once in a great while you mean.”

  “You should talk, Miss Married-to-My-Job.”

  Arden’s jaw went rigid. “Oh no you don’t. Don’t turn this around on me. At least I go out with my friends. When was the last time you went out for fun?”

  Wade scratched his head, then it occurred to him. “Last Sunday,” he answered with confidence.

  “Really? Where did you go?”

  “My in-laws.” Former in-laws, he mentally corrected. “I go there every other Sunday for dinner and it’s always fun.” Usually fun. Usually kind of fun. His skill at three-person mah-jongg was at an all-time high.

  She rolled her eyes. “Ooh, I stand corrected, Kanye. You’re a regular party animal. I’ll make sure and tell Kinsley she has nothing at all to worry about then.”

  Wade sniffed. Okay, maybe calling dinner with your dead wife’s parents fun was stretching things a bit. But it was always…comforting and he did appreciate their company. He enjoyed hearing her parents talk about Miranda, sharing memories with them. He found he often needed that. Miranda was slipping from his mind more and more every day. But whenever he was around her family, it was much easier to hold onto her memory.

  So what was wrong with that?

  Just then his neighbor, Isabel Rollins, turned around and came walking their way with a box of doughnuts clutched in her eighty-four-year-old hands. “Wade Roberts,” she said with a warm smile. “How are you, dear?”

  “I’m good, Mrs. Rollins. How are you?”

  “Never better. Are you here to get your daily dose of vitamin D, too?”

  He frowned as he glanced out the window. No sunshine. The weather looked about as miserable as his mood. “Vitamin D?” he asked.

  “Why, yes. vitamin doughnut,” she said with a chuckle.

  “Oh. Good one, Mrs. R.”

  Mrs. Rollins’s smile faded as she cocked her head at him. “What’s wrong, dear? Has your love life not picked up yet?”

  His jaw dropped. “My what?”

  “Your love life. After I saw that post on Faceblog, I gave Judy a few names of some women who are complete sweethearts. Good cooks and such fun personalities, too. One of them even holds the speed-knitting record in Ocean Township.”

  He heard Arden snicker behind him, which helped him keep his own similar reaction at bay. He always found women were a poor judge of what was actually attractive to men about women.

  “It’s Facebook, Mrs. Rollins. And with all due respect, I don’t want to meet any women,” he said firmly.

  “Don’t tell me you’re into men now.” She shook her head wistfully. “I knew it. It’s always the handsome ones. What a waste of sperm.”

  He heard Arden half choke, half snort next to him.

  “Hey,” he said, feeling a rush of indignance, “for your information I am not now into men, but even if I were, it would be nobody’s business but mine.”

  “And your partner’s of course,” Arden chimed in.

  Mrs. Rollins pointed to Arden. “She’s absolutely right. Whatever you want to do with your partner is your business.”

  “But I don’t have a partner,” he stressed. “Male or female. And I don’t want one. Male or female.” Good grief. They had him babbling now.

  “Methinks thou doth protest too much,” Mrs. Rollins said sadly. “Well, don’t let your sister’s engagement get you down. You’ll get married again someday I’m sure. Same-sex marriage is now legal in New Jersey.” She smiled brightly, then, after giving him a light pat on the cheek, turned and walked out the door.

  Wade looked at Arden with disgust. “Did you hear that?”

  “Heard it and loved it.”

  “You could have helped, you know.”

  Her lips twitched. “You’re right, you did need help. You did do a terrible job of coming out of the closet just then.”

  Wade closed his eyes and ran a hand down his face. This was a friggin’ nightmare. He’d bet his veterinary clinic that tomorrow he would have love notes and baked goods from men now, too. If he couldn’t make this matchmaking nonsense stop he would have no choice but to sell his practice and move ten towns over.

  “Wow, I’m so glad we ran out of coffee today,” Arden said, taking another step up in line. “This whole exchange has made my week. In fact, whenever my problems are about to get the best of me, I’ll only have to look back on this day for cheering up.”

  He eyed her grimly. “You’re a twisted soul, Arden Pearson.”

  “What can I say?” She grinned, batting her eyelashes at him. “You bring out the very best in me.”

  Wade peered down at her, suddenly noticing how nice she was dressed in her black-and-white plaid dress coat with black scarf. Arden not only looked attractive, but also smart and professional. She had a successful career, and when she wasn’t being a smart-ass, she was actually quite funny. “Why aren’t you dating anyone?” he blurted.

  Her eyes widened. “What?”

  “Why aren’t you seeing anyone or engaged? Isn’t that your business?”

  “Um, my business is not online dating, thank you. It’s event and wedding planning. A little different.”

  He shrugged. “The end product is the same. Fairy tales, happily ever afters, and all that crap. Isn’t that the dream you’re selling to other women? I would think you’d want to be planning your own wedding at this stage in your life.”

  Arden’s expression tightened but then just as quickly relaxed. “Well, as per usual, you thought wrong.”

  They were up to the counter, so he leaned against it and folded his arms. “Really?”

  She folded her arms back at him, lifting her delicate chin. “Yes, really. I’m just as happy as you are being single. In fact, I prefer it.”

  He narrowed his eyes. Up until this point, he hadn’t really thought too much about Arden’s love life—or at least, had tried not to think about it. He’d always found her attractive, even back in high school. But he’d made a promise to his sister. As a result, Kinsley’s friends were completely off his eligible dating list. So he’d made sure to always view Arden as just that: Kinsley’s friend. His friend, too. That’s all. But now, looking at her and seeing that flash of defensiveness in her eyes had him wondering all sorts of other things about her—especially about her nonexistent love life.

  “You’re next, Wade,” Judy Tavish called from behind the counter.

  He whirled around, collecting his thoughts. He’d almost forgotten what he originally came into the coffeehouse to do. “Judy, you have to stop this,” he demanded.

  Judy’s eyebrows climbed an inch up her forehead. “I can’t stop. This is how I earn my living.”

  “Not stop your coffee shop. Stop trying to play matchmaker.”

  “Oh, you didn’t have to come here to thank me,” she said with a dreamy smile. “It’s been a pleasure. And quite easy, too. With your kind of bait, the fish are practically jumping into the boat.” She chuckled, wiping her hands on her red-and-white gingham apron.

  “Thank you? I’m not here to thank you.”

  “Hmm. No luck yet, huh?” She pursed her lips for a second. “Well, don’t worry. Clara Slate told me she has a second round of women already lined up. Don’t you worry.”

  A second round was coming? A combination of dread and fear clawed up his spine. Dear God, no. Judy Tavish, Isabel Rollins, and now Clara Slate were in on this scheme. And who the hell was Clara Slate anyway? Whatever, it didn’t matter. They were like the Daleks in Doctor Who. You couldn’t reason with them—they either wanted you to serve them as slaves or they wanted you to die.

  And like the Daleks, these women had to be stopped.

  Glancing around the store in a heated frenzy
, his gaze zeroed in on the sassy blonde standing next to him and he got an idea. Perfect.

  Wade wrapped an arm around Arden’s shoulders and pulled her in to his side. “Judy, thank you so much, truly, but I came here today to tell you that your matchmaking services will no longer be required.”

  “They won’t?” Both Arden and Judy asked.

  He threw Arden a tight smile, hoping she’d get the hint and play along. “Yes, because I’m dating Arden here. We’ve been waiting to finally make it official in town.” He gave Arden’s shoulder an extra squeeze when her mouth dropped open. “Didn’t want to tell people too soon. You know, in case it didn’t work out. But I think we can finally come clean, don’t you agree, honey?”

  Arden slowly blinked her ocean-blue eyes up at him as if coming out of a yearlong coma. “Uh, right…babycakes.”

  Babycakes? Seriously? That’s the first nickname she could think of?

  Wade’s smile was frozen in place as he turned back to Judy. “See?”

  Judy pushed her dark-framed glasses up her nose, then laid a hand on her heart. “Oh my. This is such wonderful news! Better than I’d hoped. I knew something was going on between you two.”

  “You did?” they both asked. He and Arden regarded each other. She seemed as confused as he felt.

  Judy nodded. “Yep. I’m an expert on true love. Been married sixty years next month,” she said proudly.

  “That must be why you’re so good at matchmaking,” he lied. “Sorry to take your work out from under you like this.”

  She blushed and waved his comment away. “You’re too sweet. But the girls and I just wanted to see you happy for a change now that Kinsley was settled.”

  Happy for a change? Was he really that miserable looking?

  Arden cleared her throat, nudging him in the side with her knuckle. Ow. The woman had steel for bones.

  “Babycakes,” Arden said between her teeth, slyly poking him again, “I really need to buy my coffee and get going. I have an appointment this afternoon to prepare for.”

  “Oh right. I forgot. Well, you know your money’s no good when you’re with me, honey,” he said, winking at Judy. “Order what you like. I’ve got it.”

  Arden smiled up at him sweetly before ordering. “Two regular macchiatos—no, make that grande macchiatos, a bag of regular ground coffee, and four gingerbread muffins. Oh, and you might as well throw in a couple of those ham paninis. It’s almost lunch time after all.”

  Wade narrowed his eyes. “Two coffees, a bag of coffee, four muffins, and a couple of paninis, honey?”

  “Yes, babycakes,” she said with an innocent smile. “I’ve been so very hungry lately. Gee, I hope I’m not eating for two.” When she gingerly pressed a hand on her belly, he choked.

  “Uh, she’s kidding,” he told Judy, handing her the money. “That’s what I love about her.” He gave Arden a sidelong glare. “She’s so much fun to be around.”

  Fun as a rabid rottweiler.

  Judy winked as she gave him back his change. “Trying to one-up Kinsley with a baby, huh?”

  He shook his head. “No. There’s no baby.”

  “Yet,” Arden chimed in.

  Wade gritted his teeth. At that very moment he wasn’t sure who he was more annoyed with: his nosy personal matchmaker or his sassy, fake, almost-pregnant girlfriend.

  One of Judy’s staff came over to the counter and handed Arden her bag of food and take-out tray of coffees. “Thanks so much,” Arden said. She gave Wade a wide grin. “And thank you, baby lips.”

  It’s babycakes. Couldn’t she even keep the nickname straight? She was a terrible fake girlfriend.

  Judy chuckled. “You two are so cute together.”

  Wade harrumphed as he watched Arden sashay to a side table for napkins. “See you later, Judy.” He pointed a finger at her before turning away. “Remember, no more matchmaking. Arden is very jealous.”

  “Oh, of course.” The older woman folded her hands and seemed insulted. “I wouldn’t think of it now.”

  Hallelujah. He was almost sure he heard angels singing, and hoped what Judy said was true. No more matchmaking. No more women. No more gifts. And if it were true, he needed to ensure pronto that his newfound-fake girlfriend didn’t blow his cover. He glanced around, and when he saw Arden had left, rushed out the door to catch up with her.

  Chapter Three

  Arden treaded carefully over the icy sidewalk as fast as her high-heeled boots would allow. Thank goodness she had a microwave at her office. The temperature of the air probably had her coffee lukewarm by now. However, that wasn’t the only reason she was in such a hurry. For the first time in a very long time, she wasn’t just anxious to get back to work. She was more interested in getting away from Wade.

  That whole scene at the coffee shop was surreal—the way he’d held her, the way he’d announced to Judy and anyone else listening that they were dating. He’d completely lost it, and it unnerved her. Oh, she’d known why he’d said what he’d said. The poor man was obviously borderline harassed by Judy and her friends—and who knew who else in town—to find a girlfriend. She’d seen the Facebook post as well. They obviously felt for sorry for him for being such a young widower. But did he have to involve her? The situation was ludicrous.

  Not that she didn’t think Wade was an attractive man. Oh please. He may be her best friend’s brother, but she wasn’t punched-in-the-eye blind. Nor was she unaffected by those dark good looks of his. The man was so hot a person could get first-degree burns just standing in the same room with him. He had a little Chris Pine thing going on that he happened to hate. In fact, he got all bent out of shape whenever somebody pointed it out to him. So naturally, Arden made sure to mention it often. She kind of got her jollies seeing him all riled up. Plus, there was a time—unbeknownst to him or Kinsley—a long time ago in high school, when she would have definitely given up her cell phone and best padded sports bra to pretend to be dating him. Too bad all he’d ever done was tease her relentlessly. He’d never seen her as anything more than his little sister’s friend. Then in his senior year, he’d met Miranda.

  “Arden!”

  She stopped and glanced over her shoulder. Wade came barreling toward her like a man on a very determined mission. Even scowling from the awful weather today, he still looked windblown and adorable. She held in a sigh. Well, she’d almost made a clean escape. Too bad. She was only a few doors from her office, too.

  Wade stopped in front of her, his cheeks rosy from the cold and from the exertion of catching up to her. As his brown eyes popped with gold against the gray weather of a typical January day in Cape Harmony, she steeled herself from their effect and got ready to verbally battle with him instead.

  It was their thing. The sparring. Sort of. More like her thing. She found snarkiness was her best weapon against his sex appeal. It was either that or she’d jump him, and she liked having both her friendship with his sister and her pride fully intact, thank you very much.

  “What’s your rush?” he said, giving her that patented Wade Roberts lopsided charming grin. “A girlfriend shouldn’t run out on her boyfriend like that. Especially after said boyfriend just bought said girlfriend a mini convenience store full of food.”

  She snorted. “One, we both know I’m not your girlfriend, and two, I told you back at Judy’s that I have an appointment to get ready for, and three, you’re totally exaggerating on the amount of food. And actually, I was going to ask Judy to throw in a few loaves of her Irish soda bread, but I had a change of heart. So…you’re welcome,” she said with a wide, fake grin. She turned to head back down the street, but Wade took hold of her coat sleeve.

  “Uh, yeah, about that number one of yours…”

  She held up a hand, not wanting to hear his justification for lying. “Look, Wade, you don’t need to explain. Maybe if I were in your shoes and Judy and her friends were trying to throw men in my direction at every which turn, I may have done the same. It’s fine, really.”

&
nbsp; Wade let out a relieved breath. “I’m so glad to hear you say that. So, you’ll do it?”

  “Do…what?”

  “Pretend to be my girlfriend.”

  “I thought I already had.”

  Wade shook his head. “No. Well, yeah, you did. But it can’t be a onetime thing. We have to have a real fake relationship now.”

  “A real fake relationship…” She blinked. “What on earth for?”

  “My God, Arden, you saw what I’m up against back there. It’s like I’m Doctor Who and I’m suddenly being attacked by Daleks, Cybermen, and the Black Guardian all at once.”

  She couldn’t help but grin. “You are such a geek.”

  The worst kind of geek, too. Completely hot, kind to animals, and apparently still not over the death of his wife. A true pity for all women within a fifty-mile radius of Cape Harmony. All women except her of course. She’d given up on men long ago. It just wasn’t in the cards for her. She wasn’t meant for a meaningful relationship or lasting love. Too bad she hadn’t been privy to the signs years before her engagement. She’d learned her lesson. Clearly, she wasn’t the kind of woman men wanted for the long term, and she accepted that fact. Now she was a successful businesswoman who in no way needed a man to make her happy.

  Wow, look at me. Such mature thinking for someone so young.

  “So…is that a yes?” he asked.

  She gave him a look that no doubt mimicked her thoughts. “No, it’s a blow it out your ear.” So much for mature thinking. “I don’t have time to be playing these games with you.”

  “Come on, Arden, you’re so perfect.”

  That off-the-cuff perfect comment had her narrowing her eyes. “Oh? How am I perfect?” she couldn’t help asking, even though she wasn’t sure she wanted to hear his answer. She obviously hadn’t been perfect enough in high school.