Beauty and the Wiener

by Casey Griffin

  Addison twitched, the word rubbing her the wrong way. “Nobbling?”

  “Disabling the competition by drugging or poisoning. Food tainted with laxatives, sleeping pills, or even chocolate. It leaves a nasty film around the mouth, you see.”

  Addison had completely forgotten about her list of questions. She stared at the woman in disbelief. “But you’re talking about dog lovers. How could they do something to harm another animal?”

  “They say these tactics exist only in the minds of disgruntled owners that have lost a competition, that there’s no truth to them. Only rumors. But I’ve seen enough in my day to know it exists. But this,” she said. “These dognappings are bold. This reeks of desperation. Of insanity.” Her pug eyes bulged out of her head.

  Addison suddenly felt cold, her fingertips tingling from lack of circulation. If Kitty Carlisle deemed it “insanity,” then Addison was afraid of what she and Felix might uncover.

  Elvis had been very still on Kitty’s lap for some time, as though he’d been replaced with the statue in her entranceway. The only way she could tell he was alive was by the occasional blink of his dark eyes. His constant stare was beginning to freak her out.

  Kitty sat upright in her chair again, her air of aloofness settling back over her. “I hope they find whoever is doing this. It makes a mockery of what the association and the shows stand for. At the heart of it, it’s about discovering and preserving the best genetics of any particular breed. And because,” she said simply, “we truly love our dogs.”

  That much was apparent. Maybe a little too much in Kitty’s case.

  As though Elvis could understand her, he leaned back and gave her a kiss on the chin to let her know he felt the same way.

  It was interesting to see the other side of the coin. The local animal activist group that her friend Piper used to volunteer for demonstrated against the dog shows because they loved animals. Meanwhile breeders continued to support dog shows for the same reason. Addison didn’t know which side she stood on yet. All she knew was she loved every dog. Perfect genetics or not.

  There was a click from the wall as the cuckoo clock struck four. Instead of a bird to signal the time, a dog leapt out of a miniature doghouse. Addison jumped at the mechanical barks. Elvis continued to stare at her with those bottomless black eyes.

  “Was there anything else?” Kitty asked, drawing her attention back.

  Addison mentally shook herself, but she stiffened, anxious to leave. “Oh, yes.” She glanced at her clipboard. “On a scale from one to ten. How likely are you to use Pampered Puppies’ services again or recommend it to a friend?”

  Kitty reached out to touch Elvis, as though weighing the risk of someone stealing him versus the featherlike caress of his jojoba-infused fur. Now that Addison knew what people in her world were willing to do to win, she didn’t blame her.

  “I think I’ll stick to my regular girl for now.”

  Addison nodded and held back a disappointed sigh. The fact that Kitty had even considered meant she was interested in the services, but the speculation surrounding the dog disappearances had everyone on edge. And if the roles were reversed, Addison wouldn’t want to risk anything happening to Princess either.

  But the “for now” gave her hope. It meant that maybe once Addison’s name was cleared, Kitty would reconsider. And others might follow. That was, if her business survived that long.

  Addison was shown to the door. Elvis took a seat next to his younger clay rendition where they both watching her steadily as she walked through the door and turned back.

  “Well, if you reconsider,” Addison said, “here’s a ten-dollar-off coupon, along with some free samples of my homemade jojoba coconut cleanser.”

  Kitty’s pug eyes widened as she peeked into the bag. “Oh, thank you.” She bent down and picked Elvis up to wave his little paw at Addison. “Good luck with your survey.”

  Addison returned to her Mini parked on the street, a smile on her face. Maybe things weren’t so bleak. Maybe she could repair her reputation, one customer at a time. Ground up sort of thing. It would be hard work, but she could do it.

  When she climbed into the convertible, Felix eyed her expression from the passenger seat. “So? How did it go?”

  “Okay. Kitty doesn’t want my services. But I’m hopeful. If I can just clear my name—”

  “No, I meant is she our dognapper?”

  “Oh, that. It’s tough to say.” She took out her notebook and mulled it over. “Her passion for dog shows borders on obsession. But she seems to truly love dogs, so I’m not sure if she’s capable.”

  Addison reviewed everything that was discussed during her shakedown. As crazy as Kitty seemed, Addison thought her an unlikely culprit, but she wasn’t ready to scratch her off the list quite yet.

  “But she did mention one name,” Addison said.

  “Who’s that?”

  “Judge Walter Boyd. She complained that he’s letting the judging standards slip. I don’t know if it means anything, but it isn’t the first time I’ve heard that.”

  “Well, then I guess we know who to talk to next.”

  15

  Hot Diggety Dog!

  The dense woods at the edge of the Presidio seemed to drive the sun away as Addison and Felix pulled onto the dead end street. Situated at the end of the block, Judge Walter Boyd’s Spanish-style home backed onto the dense woods that lined Lobos Creek. It made for a great view, but gave it an uber-creepy feeling after the last light drained from the sky.

  Addison stared out the front window of her car at the white columns and arches along the first- and second-floor balconies. They looked like the bared teeth of a guard dog, warning them away. A cool breeze blew through the open top. Her curls tickled her neck and made her shiver. Reaching for the controls, she closed the roof.

  Felix was texting on his phone in the passenger seat. Addison couldn’t help but glance at the name at the top of the screen. It was a girl’s name. Celia. She wondered if she was his sister or something, but she thought he would accuse her of being jealous again if she asked. And she was so not jealous.

  “I’ve got a bad feeling about this guy,” she told Felix. “Like creep factor ten.”

  He glanced up from his text. “Why?”

  “Just a feeling, I guess.” She shrugged. “He called Princess the b-word.”

  Felix’s mouth twitched. “A bitch?”

  She scowled and held a finger to her lips. “Shhh.”

  “That’s because Princess is one.”

  “I know,” she said. “But I didn’t like the way he said it.”

  They sat back and watched the place for a while, waiting for—well, Addison wasn’t quite sure what. Maybe for a pack of dogs to come rushing out of the gate or a chorus of howls at the moon. But that would be too easy.

  Her phone chimed. It was a text from her dad. A potential buyer came to view the store today. They seemed very interested. Keep your fingers crossed.

  Addison frowned. She was running out of time to help her dad. Things with the sale were moving a lot faster than she’d hoped. Or rather, their investigation was going a lot slower.

  That’s great news Dad, she texted. Is that what you want? Are you happy?

  A moment later, her phone chimed again. It’s not ideal. But it’s the best scenario for our situation.

  No, she thought. The best scenario would be for her to find the dogs, return them to their worried owners, win back her customers, launch a successful fashion line, and save her dad’s business. Then everyone could live happily ever after.

  But it wasn’t like she could make any promises, so she texted, Then I’m happy for you. Fingers and toes are crossed for you.

  I’ll keep you updated. Love you.

  Love you too. Say hi to Dora for me. X

  After twenty minutes, a car’s headlights appeared in Addison’s rearview mirror.

  “Car,” she said.

  They ducked down as it passed by, then watched its prog
ress until it pulled up to Walter Boyd’s house and parked outside the property’s stone wall. The driver got out, ducking their head as they headed for the house. Before they went through the gate, the person glanced nervously around the street, and Addison caught sight of the person’s profile and the telltale hooked nose.

  Her mouth dropped open. “No way. That’s Penny Peacock. What do you think she’s doing here?”

  Felix sat forward in his seat. “A handler fraternizing with a judge? It’s got to be against the show rules.”

  “Come on,” she said. “Let’s get a closer look.”

  They got out of the car and snuck up to the judge’s yard. The driveway was barricaded by a steel gate, but they were able to hop over the low stone wall. Addison was happy she’d chosen a more spy-appropriate ensemble tonight: black leggings, a loose tank top in case more acrobatics were required, and a black leather jacket for nighttime camouflage. Not to mention a badass flare.

  Felix wore his usual attire, which she’d dubbed ruggedly-sexy-in-a-completely-careless-way-style. While he claimed not to care about fashion, she knew he was a liar. She’d caught him checking her tush out more than once that night. It wouldn’t have been quite the same if she were wearing baggy sweats.

  Sticking to the hedges lining the drive, she and Felix crept around the side of the house. When they passed the kitchen window, Addison could see Walter and Penny’s silhouettes, one round and the other skinny, through the sheer curtains. It looked like a comical shadow puppet show.

  “Come on,” Felix said. “We’re too exposed here. A neighbor might spot us.”

  Addison nodded and followed him around to the back. The main part of the yard was fenced off. Felix unlatched the gate, but as it swung open, it creaked, sounding like a siren in the night.

  Felix grimaced. They both froze, straining their ears for a hint that someone had heard them, but after a few painful heartbeats, no one came.

  Felix made a silent show of blowing out a sigh of relief and slipped into the back. Addison followed him, but at the last second she searched around for something to prop the gate open with so it wouldn’t squeak when they wanted to leave. She spotted a garden gnome hiding beneath an azalea bush. Snatching it up, she placed it in front of the gate.

  The backyard was pitch black. The moon hung low in the night sky, blanketed by the thick cover of trees hugging the property line. She made her way forward more by feel than sight.

  She shuffled her feet through the grass, bumping into Felix whenever he stopped to listen. After the third time that she face-planted into his muscular back, he reached around and grabbed her hand.

  Addison tried to snatch it away, but he held it firmly, tugging her along. As they crept farther onto the heart of the property and into the open where they could be spotted from a back window, she found she was holding his hand in earnest.

  A scent crawled its way up Addison’s nose, stinging her nostrils. The smell was caustic and hinted at chemicals, but was so out of place that she struggled to find a name for it. She wrinkled her nose, fighting the urge to sneeze.

  Just as they began to creep toward the back porch, a light flicked on in one of the windows.

  Addison winced, momentarily blinded. Felix’s body tensed next to her. She squeezed his hand as though she could silently communicate, Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap.

  Then the porch light turned on. It lit up the two of them like a spotlight. Addison caught a glance of Felix’s clenched jaw before the back door cracked open. Voices drifted out.

  Felix hesitated and glanced back the way they came, probably wondering if they should make a run for it. In that frozen moment, Addison whipped her head around, ignoring the sweat forming down her spine. Her darting eyes landed on a small shed on the other side of the yard. Maybe ten feet away, she calculated.

  Gripping Felix’s hand, she made a dash for it, silently tugged him along. She didn’t dare look behind her, in case she stumbled.

  By the time they reached it, her lungs were aching with a suppressed scream. She fumbled for the handle. Her shaking fingers finally wrapped around it. Wrenching the door open, she ducked inside, Felix right behind her.

  A wave of heat hit her, nearly knocking her over, but she was in too much of a rush to care. The strong scent of cedar overpowered her senses. They’d barely shut the door behind them before the voices became clearer.

  Addison held her breath, listening for signs that they’d been seen or heard. When no one had called “Release the hounds!” and there were no footsteps drawing closer to their hiding spot, she dared a peek out of the small window at the top of the shed door.

  Walter and Penny were stepping out onto the back porch with a pair of basset hounds at their heels. And they were in their bathing suits.

  Addison’s hair shifted as Felix came up behind her. His stubbled jaw brushed against her hair as he came close enough to try and see out the window. She flushed at how close he was. Was it just her, or was it really hot?

  “What’s going on?” Felix asked.

  She shivered as his breath tickled her neck. “They’re in their bathing suits,” she said. His nearness was preventing her heart from slowing down after their mad dash.

  Felix inhaled sharply.

  “I know, right?” she said. “You don’t want to see Judge Boyd in his speedo. Once you see it, you can’t unsee it. It doesn’t get worse than that.”

  “Oh yes it does.” There was a tinge of panic in his voice. “That means they might come in here.”

  “What?” She spun to take in her surroundings clearly for the first time.

  She glanced around, taking in the dark panels of wood that made up their hiding spot. The entire structure was made of cedar, which was why the air was so heavy with its musk. She stepped away from the window to allow the light to flow into the shed. But it wasn’t a shed. They’d found their refuge in a sauna. And the reason it was so unbearably warm in there was because it was heating up to be used.

  Addison backed away from the door, staring at it like it could open at any moment. “What do we do?”

  Felix gripped her like he was ready to throw her over his shoulder and carry her out if it came to that. Or else throw her aside and leave her behind to take the fall. “If they come in here, we’ll just barrel past them. They’ll be taken by surprise if we’re quick enough.”

  “Okay, but we can’t let them see our faces.”

  Addison dared another look out the window to see if Penny and Walter were headed that way, but they were still on the porch, climbing a set of stairs to a platform. No. Not a platform, she realized as Penny threw a leg over it. It was a hot tub.

  “That’s what that smell was,” she breathed. “Chlorine. They’re going in a hot tub.”

  Felix ducked down to look out the window. “So, we’re okay for now. But eventually they’ll come in here or he wouldn’t be warming it up.”

  Addison tugged the collar of her leather jacket away from her neck. “You mean it’s going to get hotter in here?”

  “We’ll have to make a run for it at some point,” he said. “Maybe they’ll have a quick soak and head inside for a bit.”

  Penny’s moan drifted over from the porch. “Oh, yes. Yes! Mmmm. Right there.”

  Addison tensed. “Ummm, did you hear that?”

  “You like that, baby?” Walter asked Penny.

  “Mmmm. Don’t stop.”

  Addison’s eyes widened. “Or maybe they’ll be a little longer.”

  She couldn’t believe her ears. Her gaze automatically returned to the window and she instantly regretted it. Penny had removed her bikini top and was straddling Judge Boyd in the hot tub.

  Thank God for jet bubbles, she thought, averting her eyes. But the image was already seared into her retinas.

  “I wouldn’t look out there if I were you.”

  Felix blew out a breath. “It’s kind of hot.”

  “Eww. Whatever floats your boat, I suppose.” Addison tried to wave hers
elf with her hand, but it was just wafting hot air around. She turned back to Felix who was now standing there half-naked. He’d peeled off his shirt to reveal a tight six-pack.

  “Oh, you mean in here. Yeah. Hot.” She swallowed, but her mouth had already gone dry. “Very hot.”

  Now that she was thinking about it, it was hot. Stifling. Following Felix’s lead, she pulled off her jacket, but it didn’t help much. She was already sweating. And the walls felt so close. The sauna was just big enough for two people—and in Judge Boyd’s case, one.

  She sank down to the cedar floor where it was cooler and rested her head against the bench seat. She tried not to think about the walls closing in like when Luke Skywalker and the others were in the Death Star garbage compactor. Felix sat across from her, making it impossible not to stare at his muscular chest.

  The stove in the corner clicked and clacked as it heated up the pile of stones on top of it. Addison closed her eyes, trying to imagine she was on vacation, lying on a hot beach somewhere in the Caribbean. It wasn’t hard, what with a half-naked man across from her. She pictured a big, wide, open beach. Not a tiny, cramped, suffocating hotbox.

  “How long do you think they’ll be?” she asked Felix.

  He snorted. “Are you really asking me about Judge Boyd’s stamina right now?”

  “It’s just hot. Like really, really hot.” The dry heat made it impossible to breathe. Her next breath came in a gasp. “Aren’t you hot?”

  He bit his lip, eyeing the neckline of her tank top. “I know a way to take your mind off things.”

  She didn’t answer. Instead, she focused on inhaling slowly, counting in her mind as she did so. One Mississippi, Two Mississippi … But it wasn’t long before the famous river lost a few syllables and she was panting, clawing at her chest. It was similar to the feeling she got when she was under the stage floor, only this time, there was no way out—unless she wanted to go to jail.

  Felix had been talking, although she hadn’t really been paying attention. Suddenly he went quiet.