Beauty and the Wiener

by Casey Griffin

  She could feel the tears start to form, stinging her eyes. She blinked them away, using her anger to keep them at bay.

  “Girl.” He held up a finger. “As in singular. Just you. I just did that with you.”

  “Oh great. So I guess that makes me the other woman.” She crossed her arms. “Well I’m not that kind of girl.”

  Felix threw his hands up in frustration. “What other woman?” He half-laughed, half-yelled.

  “How about Celia?”

  “Celia.” This seemed to catch him off guard. “How do you know about her?”

  “When I used your phone to call the cops yesterday, she texted you.” She rolled her eyes. “‘I miss you. Come home soon.’” She scowled, and he backed up as she advanced on him, forcing him to the door so she could kick him out. Out of her life forever. “The hearts? The kissy faces?”

  Felix covered his face with his hands, like he was embarrassed he’d been caught. Good, Addison thought. He should feel embarrassed.

  “So what is she? A girlfriend? Or just some poor girl you’re stringing along like me?” What was she saying? She wasn’t being strung along. She didn’t care. Nope, not at all.

  Beneath his hands, his face had turned red. His shoulders began to shake, and Addison hesitated. Was he crying? But the noises that came out of his mouth next weren’t sobs, they were pure, gut-aching, uncontrollable laughter.

  Addison stared at him, stupefied. Her fists clenched and she could feel her own face grow hot with fury. Felix was actually laughing at her. “This is funny to you?”

  He leaned against the wall for support, like he was struggling to compose himself, his whole body rigid with laughter. “Yes. It’s hilarious,” he finally managed between gasps.

  “You have no scruples, do you?” Addison’s nostrils flared with anger. “I’ve had enough. You can leave right now.”

  Felix wiped a tear from his eye. “I’m not dating anyone.” He took a calming breath. “Yes, the text was from Celia’s phone, but she was texting on behalf of someone else.”

  “Who?”

  “My girl.”

  Not wanting to hear another word, Addison reached for the half-open door and flung it open. She hadn’t been expecting anyone on the other side, so when she found a little girl standing at her door like something out of The Shining, she screamed and jumped back.

  Princess seemed to sense the newcomer and began to bark furiously, but was just too lazy to leave her perch on the sofa to investigate.

  Addison clenched her fuzzy housecoat together. What now? She didn’t think any of her neighbors had a kid, and she would have recognized this one since she was pretty cute. Two cinnamon braids ran down either side of the little girl’s head, a stuffed rabbit dangling from one hand, its feet dragging on the hardwood floor.

  Princess was still barking, making Addison’s head throb again.

  “Princess. Shhh.”

  Addison rubbed her temples. Not the best start to nursing a hangover. She’d had quite enough of this morning already. All she wanted to do was climb back into bed.

  “Hello,” the little girl said. She couldn’t have been more than five years old.

  “Are you lost, sweetheart?” Addison asked the girl. It didn’t look like she was there to sell Girl Scout cookies—although Addison could have really used some chocolate right then.

  “Have you seen my dad?” the girl asked.

  “Your dad?” Addison leaned outside the door and looked both ways down the hall, but she didn’t see anyone around.

  “Addison,” Felix said, dragging the door open farther. He gestured to the little girl. “Meet my girl.”

  The moment the girl saw Felix, she ran into Addison’s apartment and into his arms. He picked her up like she was as light as her ragged stuffed bunny. “Addison, this is my daughter. Naia.”

  Addison gawked at the girl cradled in his arms as if she were an alien. “You have a daughter?”

  “I do.” Felix was watching her reaction very carefully. He wasn’t laughing anymore. In fact, he looked nervous.

  “I had no idea,” she said, unsure of what reaction she was supposed to have. What had he expected? “I never would have thought.”

  “There’s a lot you don’t know about me.” It was his usual sarcastic response, but his expression was more serious than she’d ever seen.

  The battering ram inside her head finally broke through and her head throbbed. She collapsed onto the couch.

  Felix sat next to her, an awkward distance away. Or maybe it just seemed that way to Addison. Naia shifted in his lap to peer at Addison from the crook of his neck.

  Princess crawled over Addison’s lap to greet the little girl. Naia’s eyes widened and she held out her hand for Princess to lick. Forgetting her shyness, she slid off her dad’s lap to pet the doxie, who Addison had never seen act so submissive. Normally she was the queen bee. Instead, she flopped on her side, exposing her belly for a rub.

  “Look,” Felix said. “I know you’re still mad at me about, well, come to think of it, I’m not sure what you’re mad about anymore.”

  Addison half-laughed, half-sighed. “You and me both.”

  “But I’m kind of in a bind. Joe was desperate for someone to cover a split shift today at the bar. He said he’d allow me back for the day, but my babysitter’s come down with the flu.”

  Addison stared at him blankly, the rusty cogs in her brain struggling to turn. She needed more aspirin. Or chocolate. Suddenly she remembered her coffee and took a regenerating sip, trying to make sense of where Felix was going with all this.

  “All my usual backup babysitters aren’t available,” he said.

  She continued to stare at him, uncomprehending.

  “So I was hoping, if you weren’t busy, that you might be able to look after Naia for a few hours.”

  “What?” Addison sat up, spilling coffee on herself. “Me?”

  “I know it’s a lot to ask, but I wouldn’t unless I was desperate. With everything that’s going on, I feel like Joe is just one excuse away from firing me. As it is, I’m lucky he’s giving me this shift. I can’t lose this job, Addison.” He reached over and grabbed her hand, squeezing it. “Please.”

  His forehead creased with worry, and she supposed with his job on the line, she didn’t blame him. And with a daughter to provide for … God, a daughter. Her thoughts were still reeling from the news, especially after she thought it was a girlfriend he was hiding from her. And why did he hide it from her in the first place?

  “I don’t want you to lose your job,” she said. “But me? I’ve never really taken care of a kid. I’m not sure I’d even know what to do.”

  “It’s not like she’s in diapers or anything. She’s five years old. Just play with her, hang out. She’ll let you know if she needs anything.”

  Addison considered the little girl for a moment. She supposed he was right. It wasn’t rocket science. It might even be fun. You know, compared to the full day of wallowing she had scheduled. But she had to wonder why he’d trust her with his daughter. Or was it just out of complete desperation that he was asking?

  “Please,” he said again.

  She smiled. “Sure. We can hang out,” she said, more to Naia than Felix. “What do you say?”

  Naia nodded shyly.

  “Awesome. Let me grab her stuff.” Felix practically shot out the front door. In less than ten seconds he returned with an armload of stuff. “Here’s her car seat, her favorite book, and a list of emergency numbers in case you need them.” He handed her an overstuffed bag that weighed a ton. “And I’ve packed the two of you a picnic so you don’t have to worry about cooking.”

  Addison stared at all the stuff that he’d obviously stashed out in the hall. “What if I’d said no?”

  “I knew you’d say yes. You’re too sweet.” Before she could react, Felix leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.

  Her skin warmed where his lips had touched, and for some reason her brain finally caught
up. Just in time to remind her that Felix was beaming at her like he always did, but this time she had no makeup on, her hair was a mess, her breath tasted like stale wine, and her unshaven leg hair prickled beneath her frumpy housecoat.

  He waved as he headed for the door. “You’re the best. I owe you one. Just name it.”

  Addison watched Felix leave with a dazed expression. She plunked down next to Naia on the couch. Naia looked at her expectantly, and all Addison could think of was that she wanted another aspirin.

  19

  Hair of the Dog That Dumped You

  Naia released a blood-curdling scream, running for her life across the field, a pack of wild doxies hot on her tail. Her two little legs were no match for their four stumpy ones. They surrounded her, jumping up and attacking her with vicious licks and the odd slap of a happy tail wag.

  Naia’s scream morphed into giggles until she just couldn’t take it anymore. Whipping her arm back, she tossed the ball as far away from her as she could—which was only about ten feet. The wild pack took off after it, droopy ears flapping in the wind. She let them fight over it before stealing it back and starting the process all over again.

  Addison watched on from the gazebo while she ate her Sunday pancakes. Apparently it didn’t take long to fill up a five-year-old tummy, but it looked like Naia had found plenty to keep her occupied around the rescue center.

  Piper had abandoned her seat at the picnic table for Aiden’s lap, where he lounged on the grass. Princess was sprawled out next to him, her pink belly exposed. He rubbed it absently while his own dog, Sophie, was part of the pack wrestling with Naia.

  Piper watched the little girl play with a distant look in her eye. Addison recognized that face. It was the baby face. She’d had that look once herself.

  Addison wondered if her friend was feeling the pressure of the ticking clock yet. She was twenty-seven. Had she and Aiden discussed it? She figured it wouldn’t be long before they were married and popping out ridiculously beautiful babies.

  It had been a long time since Addison last thought about having kids. Could think about having kids. That was one fantasy she didn’t allow herself to dream about. Because it was one dream that would never come true.

  “She’s a cute little girl,” Marilyn said, observing Addison over her teacup. She’d taken Picasso out of his tiny wheelchair, and he sat on her lap while she spoiled him with little bits of pancake.

  “She sure is,” Addison said.

  Bob placed another plate of sausages in the center of the picnic table and helped himself to one before sitting back down next to Marilyn. “You’re good with her, you know.”

  “Maybe I’ve found my backup career,” she said. “Professional babysitter.”

  Addison hadn’t planned on showing up for their traditional rescue center pancake breakfast, considering her hangover and plans to wallow all day. But it quickly became apparent that there was little to interest a five-year-old in her apartment besides, of course, a ton of Disney movies.

  So Addison put Frozen on and grabbed a quick shower before heading to the center for some help entertaining Naia. But it turned out Naia was pretty good at entertaining herself. Well, the rescue dogs were entertaining her, and she seemed pretty thrilled by so many playmates.

  When Addison shifted her attention from Naia back to her group of friends, she found Marilyn giving her a strange look again. Addison wondered if maybe she had something on her face and wiped a napkin over her mouth. But when the look didn’t disappear, Addison stuck her fork in another pancake. Not because she was hungry, but because she just wanted to avoid Marilyn’s probing eyes.

  “So Addison,” Piper called from Aiden’s lap. “Still no news from the police, huh?”

  Addison had been trying to avoid the topic around Aiden. She still hadn’t told him just how bad business was, and if she didn’t figure out who was stealing the dogs, it was only going to get worse. But there was still a chance that she could turn things around. She didn’t want to tell him if it wasn’t necessary. Or rather, she was too embarrassed to.

  “No,” Addison said. “But Felix has been helping me look for information about the dognappings. He knows a lot of people who were working both parties when the dogs went missing.”

  She stuffed another mouthful of pancake into her face. She didn’t want to explain exactly how they were looking, since it would probably worry her friends. Not to mention, some of it hadn’t exactly been legal, and what with Bob being a cop and all, she didn’t think he would approve.

  “So you two have been working closely,” Piper said, hopping off Aiden’s lap and sliding onto the picnic table bench next to Zoe. “Spending a lot of time together.”

  Her two best friends were watching her from across the table, watching her, she noted eerily, as closely as Marilyn. She fidgeted under their scrutiny and shoveled more pancake into her mouth.

  “You and Felix, huh?” Zoe asked.

  Addison cleared her throat, pretending not to notice the thick layer of suggestiveness in her voice. “Yeah, he’s got his ear to the ground. He knows a lot of people in his line of work. He’s got his hands in everything.”

  “Everything, huh?” Zoe bit her lip. “And how are those hands?”

  Addison shot her friend a look, but could feel heat crawling up her neck beneath her polka dot scarf. “It’s not like that. We’re only working together to figure out what’s going on. We have a mutual interest in finding the dognapper. That’s all.” She jabbed another piece of syrupy pancake to show there was nothing more to say.

  Zoe grinned back, clearly with plenty more to say. “Oh. I’m sure there’s loads of mutual interest.”

  “We’re just coworkers. Associates.”

  “An associate who babysits?” Piper asked.

  “He was just desperate,” Addison said. “He needed someone to watch Naia or he might have lost his job.”

  “He wouldn’t have trusted you with his kid if he didn’t feel comfortable with you.”

  “I suppose,” she said, wondering if she should grab another pancake so they’d leave her alone, but she was already stuffed. “But it’s no big deal. We’ve just gotten to know each other well, that’s all.”

  Then again, Addison thought, she obviously had a lot to learn about him yet. But he’d gotten to know her. If he already trusted her with his daughter, maybe it was kind of a big deal, after all. But what did that even mean?

  Addison grabbed another pancake, ignoring that line of thought, because it didn’t go anywhere, right? He wasn’t that kind of guy. The one-woman, settle-down guy, and that was what she wanted. Although, she also wouldn’t have pegged him as a dad guy, either. And yet, here Naia was.

  What exactly did a guy like Felix want?

  “Phillip on the other hand,” Addison said. “Now there’s potential.”

  Zoe leaned on her fist. “Oh, do tell.”

  “Well, he’s cultured, and a humanitarian for animals, and a gentleman. Of course the good looks don’t hurt.” She was counting all the amazing things about him off on her fingers. “We’d never have to worry about money. If any big expenses came up, it wouldn’t be a big deal.” The thought of her dad’s business suddenly popped into her head. She wouldn’t be the only one who wouldn’t have to worry about her livelihood or her marriage surviving financial hardships.

  It wasn’t the first time she’d dreamed about it. Heck, over the years she’d imagined a million different scenarios of how she could save her dad and herself from bills, and budgets, and bank loans. She felt a little guilty for spending Phillip’s money, even if it was only in her head, but what if…? And what was the point of money if you didn’t use it to help the ones you loved?

  Phillip was a great catch who just so happened to be rich. It’s not like she’d planned to meet a man with a large trust fund, but she wasn’t about to complain either. Ending up with a guy like him would be like having that Prada dress and wearing it too.

  “Sounds exciting,” Maril
yn said. “Not to mention you could spend your weekends flying to Paris or Milan or London.”

  Addison sighed wistfully. “It does sound exciting, doesn’t it?”

  “Will we get to meet this Phillip at the gala on Friday?” Zoe asked.

  “I hope so.”

  Marilyn poured herself another cup of Yorkshire tea. “So after Paris and London, then what?”

  “Well.…” Addison hesitated.

  As she thought about the answer, Marilyn added sugar to her teacup. Her spoon clinked loudly in the silence. Everyone had stopped whatever it was they were doing, waiting for her answer.

  She spread her hands. “The sky’s the limit.”

  “Come on,” Piper said. “We know you better than that. I’m sure you’ve daydreamed your way through every romance flick ever made.”

  “Yeah, like when Bridget Jones finally notices Mark Darcy,” Zoe said.

  “Or the one where you’re Audrey Hepburn and he’s Humphrey Bogart.”

  “Have you imagined him as a sparkly vampire yet?” Zoe asked. “Or better yet, Fifty Shades of Grey.” Her eyes practically rolled back into her head.

  “Audrey Hepburn? Vampires?” Marilyn shook her head. “It’s all well and good to daydream about this man, but are you thinking about him? About what life would be like together? That’s the real test. Have you thought about what it would be like to live with him? Does he pick up after himself? What about waking up next to him when he’s got drool stuck in his moustache?”

  Zoe was fighting a grin. “Speaking from experience, Marilyn?” She glanced meaningfully at Bob’s thick moustache.

  Bob subconsciously dabbed at it with his napkin. Marilyn turned a shade of red that Addison had never seen on the woman before. And she’d known her for five years.

  Raising her chin, the proper British woman focused studiously on stirring her already-stirred tea. “I’m just saying that it’s important to be realistic. Imagine your man the way he really is. Not how you want him to be.”

  “Does he leave the toilet seat up?” Piper asked.