Underneath

by Maggie Walsh

  Christian knew there was something wrong with his friend. Usually Cass was playful when they patrolled, and very talkative. But today he was quiet and subdued. Christian shifted back to human form and sat next to him on the rock. Being nude sitting next to his best friend who was also naked didn’t even register for them. They had been naked in front of each other for over two centuries and it wasn’t even a blip on the radar to be uncomfortable about it. They were wolves, it came with the territory. “So what’s wrong with you today? You’re not yourself,” he asked Cass.

  “I just got a lot on my mind about Raf. Did you see how upset he got when he thought I didn’t approve of the towel on his head? Or when he thought he made me sad? And then the hug. Damn, man. He stiffened up like a board and I could feel him start to shake.”

  “He’s been through a lot, Cass. It’s going to take him some time,” Christian said as he picked up some rocks and threw one into the water.

  “I know. It just kills me to think about what he’s been through, you know. And we only know a very small part of it. I wish there was something I could do to help him,” Cass said in a defeated voice.

  Christian looked at his friend. “You are helping him, buddy. With every conversation, with every tease or joke, and with every hug, you are helping him. It may take some time, but it all helps him to realize that he’s safe here. You’re doing fine, Cass,” Christian said, and patted his shoulder.

  Cass took a deep breath and let it out fast. “I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just gonna say it. Is Raffy your mate, Chris?” Christian’s eyes went wide for a moment before he caught himself and looked away.

  “What would make you think that?” he asked, and tossed another rock into the stream.

  “Come on, man. In all the years we’ve known each other you have never lied to me once. Don’t start now.” Cass gave him a pointed look.

  Christian deflated, his shoulders relaxed, and his head dropped. He couldn’t look at his friend when he answered. He was afraid he would see anger or disapproval in his eyes. “Yes.” He nodded as he said it.

  “Fuck, man. Why didn’t you say anything sooner? Do you not want him? Are you ashamed of him or something?” Cass asked angrily.

  Christian’s head snapped in his direction. “No, Cass, that’s not it. Of course I want him. And I would be proud to show him off as my mate. He’s so fucking beautiful and sweet. Who wouldn’t be proud to have a mate like him?” he answered, and dropped his head into his hands.

  “Then what’s the problem, brother?” Cass asked in confusion.

  Christian took so long to answer that Cass was starting to get angry with him. “I’m scared,” he whispered.

  Cass looked at him in shock and confusion over the confession. “But why?”

  Christian lifted his head and looked at Cass. “He’s been through so much, Cass. You just said it yourself, every touch makes him look like he’s about to jump through the roof. How am I supposed to claim him when I can’t even touch him? And I won’t force him or pressure him. He needs to heal. He needs to do this in his own time, not mine.”

  “I didn’t mean to insult you, Chris. I know there’s a lot to deal with when it comes to Raf. I’m sorry, man,” Cass said, and patted his knee. “If it’s any consolation, I couldn’t think of a better mate for my little brother.”

  Christian looked at Cass. “Thanks, man. That does help, actually. I was a little worried about telling you.”

  “Why? We tell each other everything,” Cass asked in confusion.

  “I know, but this is your little brother. And he’s been through so much and I don’t want us to lose this between us by mating your brother,” Christian said in a defeated tone.

  “First and most important, I know you better than you know yourself, and you would be the perfect mate for Raffy. You’re a good man, Christian Angel. How many times have we all teased you about being a mother hen? And Raffy needs someone like that. He needs someone who won’t pressure him and will be patient with him. I honestly don’t know how you’ve been doing it, buddy. You’ve known he was your mate from the start and you’re not clawing to get to him. I think I would be pouncing if I found my mate.”

  “You don’t think I want to? From the moment I walked in that room and smelled him, my wolf has been clawing at me to claim what is ours. Every moment of every day since I first met him, my whole body is on fire. My mind won’t go to anything else except thinking of my mate. And that’s why I fight my wolf. Because every minute I think of my mate and what he’s been through and I know I can’t push him. So I try to spend as much time as I can with him and get to know him. It’s a double-edged sword, my friend. I want to be with him, but then it hurts to be with him and not be able to touch him, to kiss him, to hold him in my arms and make love to him.” Christian’s voice was full of pain as he let it all out. “I have wanted to talk to you about this, but I was afraid to because he’s your brother, and to talk to you about touching him and making love to him just doesn’t seem right. But it’s killing me, man. To have my mate right here, right in front of me, so close that I can smell him, but I can’t touch him. I can’t have him. I can’t claim him. It’s the ultimate fucking torture,” Christian said, and ran his hands through his hair.

  Cass put an arm around Christian’s shoulders. “Fuck, Chris. I’m sorry. I hate seeing you going through this, but at the same time I’m grateful you are. It just proves to me that I’m right. That you are the perfect mate for Raffy. I wish I could take his fear and memories away from him so that you didn’t have to go through this. So that neither of you had to go through what you are right now. As Raffy’s brother, thank you for being such a good, honorable man. As your best friend, I’m here for you. Yes, details will probably not be welcome, if you know what I mean, but I will always be here for you, Christian. You need to talk, to get all of this out. It’s good, I’m here.”

  “Thanks, Cass. That takes a lot off my mind, knowing that you don’t hate me and that I haven’t lost you over this,” Christian said.

  “The only thing that would make you lose me would be if you were a dick and treated Raffy badly. But I know you and I don’t see that happening.”

  * * * *

  “Okay, precious, time for you to go into your hidey hole. My mate and my brothers are on their way up for Thanksgiving dinner, along with Micah, Jesse, and Taylor. I don’t know how they would react to finding you here. We’re shifters and don’t believe in having pets, but how could I have turned you away? Everybody needs someone to care about them and to care of them,” Raffy said as he sat on the floor in the bathroom in front of the linen closet and pet the black cat in his lap. The cat meowed and rubbed his head against Raffy’s belly. Raffy laughed at the cat. “You’re just a sweetie, aren’t you? Don’t worry, I’ll still be able to hide some food for you. It’s turkey and stuffing tonight. Do you like that? Yeah you do, don’t you? Soon I’ll be able to have real cat food for you, or maybe a fish. How does that sound? I haven’t told anyone, but I can feel my power coming back. Then I can just get you whatever you want whenever you want. Okay?” Raffy asked as he continued to pet the cat.

  “Mate, pretty,” Raffy heard in his head.

  Raffy laughed. “You always say that. And yes, I know my mate is pretty.”

  “Mate is good and strong. He will always protect you, Raphael. You can trust him with everything. I have seen him. He is a very good man,” the cat’s voice sounded in his head again.

  “I know he is. I just don’t know what to do with him. He’ll want to know what happened to me and I can’t…I just can’t,” Raffy said as tears welled in his eyes.

  “Someday you will be able to talk to him about it and he will be wonderful, I just know it,” the cat said.

  “I hope you’re right, Adam. It’s getting harder and harder to not be with Christian. I dream about him holding me, about him kissing me and loving me. I want that with him so badly. It’s just that the memories get in the way.”

&n
bsp; “I know they do, Raphael, but your mate won’t give up on you. Trust me when I tell you this. And you will be ready for his love sooner than you think, I promise,” Adam said.

  Just then there was a knock on the door. “Hey, Raffy. Can I come in?” Taylor said from the other side of the bathroom door.

  “I’ll be right out,” Raffy called back. “Okay, Adam, it’s time to hide for a while,” Raffy said as he kissed the cat’s head and laid him on a pile of soft towels in the back of the closet. He closed the door and stood up. He walked to the bedroom door and opened it. Taylor was sitting on the bed.

  “Hey, cutie,” Taylor said with a big smile.

  Raffy returned Taylor’s smile and sat on the bed beside him. “Hi, Taylor. Is it time for dinner already?” he asked.

  “Well that’s what I came up to talk to you about. Dinner is being pushed back a little, so we’ll be up a little later than planned, but if you’re hungry, Jesse does have everything ready and I can bring some up to you. It’s just that we won’t be able to join you right now,” Taylor explained.

  “Is everything okay?” Raffy asked in concern.

  “Yes and no. We had a visitor from the pack show up and he’s in bad shape. He’s been injured and he’s scared. Aaron is with him right now trying to heal him and Micah and Raith need to talk to him and find out what happened. And Jesse and Rory are trying to keep everything warm and Ryland and I have to go put protection spells around the house just in case. Seeing as all the enforcers will be in having dinner and we don’t know exactly what happened to Dale yet, Micah just wants to take the extra precaution.”

  “Wow. No, that’s okay, I can wait. I’m not that hungry yet anyway. Is there anything I can do to help?” Raffy asked.

  “If your wicked mojo was back I would love to have your help, but we got this. I just wanted to check in and see that you were okay,” Taylor said, and brushed his hand down Raffy’s long hair.

  “Maybe you can help me braid this mess when you’re done? It’s so long my arms start to get tired halfway down,” Raffy asked shyly. His hair was so long that it ran almost to his knees and got in the way a lot, but he liked it and he didn’t want to cut it. Taylor had braided it for him when they were in Napa and he liked it that way.

  “Sure I can. Let me go take care of the guarding spells and then I’ll be back,” he said, and kissed the top of Raffy’s head. He stood up and headed for the door. Taylor turned to look at him. “I think Christian likes it down though,” he said with a smirk.

  Raffy’s eyes widened slightly, but he covered it quickly. He wanted to talk to someone about Christian but he was scared. “Taylor…um.” He sighed and looked down. “Nothing, thank you.”

  “It’s all good, brother-in-law,” he said, and Raffy looked at him. “I’m always here to talk to, braid hair, apply makeup, give dancing lessons to, shop for shoes and stuff, whatever you need, and always without judgment.” Taylor winked at him and then turned and left.

  Did Taylor know his secret? But how could he? Raffy bit his lip and twisted his hands together in his lap. No he was just being the kind person he has always been since I met him. I’m lucky to have such a great brother-in-law.

  Chapter 2

  “Merry Christmas, angel,” Christian said as he walked into Raffy’s room. Raffy sat up in bed and stretched as a cute little yawn escaped his lips. Christian smiled at how adorable his mate was. Christian moved closer to the bed, carrying a tray. Raffy rubbed his eyes with his cute little hands and then turned to look at Christian. Gods the man was beautiful. Even just waking up, with his hair all messed, sleep still in his eyes and pillow lines on his face, he was hot.

  “Merry Christmas, Christian,” Raffy said, and gave his mate a smile.

  And when he does that, I know I will never be able to refuse this man anything. Boy does he have me wrapped around his finger already. Christian smiled at the thought. It was perfectly fine with him that his mate owned his heart already. Over the past month they had spent so much time together and learned almost everything about each other. It was still hard for Raffy to talk about his five years in captivity, and it was still hard for Christian to talk about his life before, in his birth pack. But he was happy that they were sharing stories about all the other parts of their lives. Christian placed the bed tray over Raffy’s lap and pulled the silver dome off the top.

  “I can eat at the table, Christian. You didn’t have to do this,” Raffy said. But Christian could see his mate’s eyes light up from the gesture.

  “Today is a special day, and my mate deserves breakfast in bed. So eat up, angel, and then you can open your present,” Christian said, and sat on the edge of the bed.

  Raffy’s eyes lit up at Christian’s promise of a present. “You got me a present?”

  “Of course I got you a present. It’s Christmas and you have been a very good boy,” Christian said teasingly. Raffy giggled at him, and then suddenly the smile dropped from his face and he looked sad. “What is it, angel? What put that look on your face?” Christian asked tenderly, and placed his hand on Raffy’s blanket-covered knee. He rubbed Raffy’s leg in comfort, and Christian noticed that he hadn’t pulled away from his touch or even started to shake.

  “I didn’t get you a present, Christian,” Raffy said sadly as he looked down and twisted his hands together in his lap.

  Christian reached out, put a finger under Raffy’s chin, and drew his head up until Raffy’s eyes met his. “You already have given me my present, Raphael. You walked into my life,” Christian said tenderly, and he softly ran his thumb over Raffy’s bottom lip.

  “But then I got the same present, so you shouldn’t have gotten me anything else,” Raffy said shyly and looked away.

  “It is the holiday of giving. You know the phrase, ‘Tis better to give than to receive,’ so I am giving. I saw this and thought of you and I thought you might like it,” Christian said. He pulled his hand away from Raffy’s face and pulled off another dome from the tray, uncovering a golden box with a red ribbon wrapped around it. “Please accept it, angel,” Christian said when his mate hesitated.

  Raffy slowly took the gift from the tray and started to unwrap it. When he finally removed all the paper and saw what his mate had given him, his eyes went wide. “You got me an iPad?” Raffy asked with excitement.

  Christian smiled at his mate’s excitement. “That’s not all. Open the box.”

  Raffy opened the box and pulled out all the contents. Inside was a purple iPad and a purple iPhone, along with gift cards for iTunes and Amazon. He looked up at his mate in shock.

  “You said you liked to read and listen to music. And some of the guys love to play these games on their systems that I thought you might want to try out. And the phone makes sense for safety. I already put everyone’s numbers in the contact list, and if you press the one, it speed dial’s my phone. But if you want Gabe or Cass as your first speed dial then we can always change it,” Christian explained in a flurry of words. Raffy sat just staring at him. Christian sighed. “If you don’t like any of it, we” he stopped talking when Raffy placed his hand over Christian’s mouth to quiet him.

  Raffy smiled at him with tear-rimmed eyes. “Thank you, mate. It is the kindest, most considerate gift I have ever received. It is the only gift I have ever received, but it most definitely is the best. Thank you, Christian,” Raffy said, and then did something that completely shocked Christian right to his soul. Raffy sat forward, slid his fingers from Christian’s lips, and replaced them with his lips. Christian just froze. He didn’t move a muscle. His eyes remained wide open in surprise and he even held his breath.

  The feel of his mate’s soft lips against his sent a jolt of electricity through him like nothing he had ever experienced before. He wanted so badly to return the kiss, but he was afraid of freaking his mate out. He needed to let Raffy lead. Raffy needed to take what he was comfortable with, and only that. He willed his cock to go down as it filled incredibly fast from the feel of Raffy’s lips. As
much as he tried, his shaft wouldn’t listen. It remained hard as steel and began to leak with his arousal. Raffy pulled back and looked down at his lap. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, and Christian could hear the distress in his voice.

  “I’m not,” Christian said. Raffy’s head snapped up and their eyes met. “I loved it, angel.”

  “It didn’t seem like you did,” Raffy said nervously.

  “That’s where you are wrong, angel. I loved it more than you will ever know,” Christian said, and took Raffy’s hand in his. He smiled to himself in triumph when Raffy didn’t even try to pull away. He brought Raffy’s hand to the hard bulge in his pants and pressed it against his groin. Raffy gasped, but made no attempt to pull his hand back. “That is what you do to me, mate. That is what your kiss did to me,” he said, and continued to press Raffy’s hand against him. “Make no mistake, Raffy, I want you. I want you very much. But I also know that you have been through so much and I won’t push you or force myself on you. You are my mate. But more than that, you are the man that I have fallen in love with. As much as I want you, I will wait for you, my angel. I leave it in your hands to decide when you are ready and what you are ready for.”

  Raffy sat there quietly, staring at him for a few minutes. “You love me?” he asked in shock, but Christian could hear a little excitement in his voice.

  Christian moved his hand from Raffy’s and cupped his cheek. “Yes, my angel. I love you. It has been my pleasure to spend all this time with you over the last six weeks, getting to know you. With each passing day I find myself more in love with you than the day before and I want nothing more than to be with you. To kiss you. To hold you in my arms. To show you that you are safe and to hopefully make you see and feel that you are. I dream of touching you and making love to you. Of hopefully someday being able to claim you. But I know that I have to control myself and give you the time you need. So I leave it up to you, angel. You don’t have to be shy with me. If you feel like a kiss, I’m right here. If you need a hug, my arms are always open for you to come into and I will gladly wrap them around you. If you just want to sit quietly and cuddle, I’m your man. And if you want more, then just say the word and I will be there in a heartbeat to share with you what you seek.”