by Jen Valena
“True. Why choose here?”
“I am on my way to Kladmunt—I have family there.”
“I know all the villagers there,” Tyrsten said with skepticism. “Which is your family?”
“Is this an interrogation? I do not have to submit to you.”
A fierceness fell over Tyrsten’s face. He tired of playing games. “Where is she, Nolan?”
“Who?”
“Ithia.”
Nolan smirked. “She was with you.”
“I need the truth.” Tyrsten jumped down from his horse.
Nolan jumped down to confront him. “If I did know, why should I tell you? You have no intention of changing what is wrong with the world. Even after you have lost all your teachers, this war has not gone beyond an idea.” Nolan leaned forward, into his anger. “And now? You are obsessed with keeping Ithia to yourself.”
Feron and Huldo slowly grasped their weapons, avoiding the notice of either Tyrsten or Nolan.
“I will finish our war right now if you do not tell me what you have done with Ithia.”
Nolan fluffed his fighting feathers. “You are no match for me.”
Ithia’s voice cut through the cold air, “No, neither of you are a match for me.”
“Ithia!” Feron, whose eyes had been constantly checking their surroundings for an ambush, was surprised to see her materialize out of thin air. “How did you do that?”
Ithia ignored his question and addressed Tyrsten, “Nolan was taking me to Garrick.” She labored over her words.
Tyrsten lunged at Nolan.
Nolan blocked Tyrsten’s attack. “I was delivering her to her destiny.”
“Fool! She is unprepared—”
“You will never think she is ready.”
Ithia moved between them, arms raised. “Neither of you are in charge of me or my destiny.” She delivered Nolan a stern gaze. “I fear that your desire to win glory blinds you to my path. I’ll move forward with my goals without prodding from anyone. Not even Tyrsten will deter me. I believe you are capable of doing the right thing. I ask you to establish a position at Garrick’s palace. Your time to be a hero awaits you there. That is your destiny.”
Tyrsten yelled out, “Do not trust him, Ithia!”
Rage filled Nolan, but he stopped himself from striking Tyrsten. He jumped onto his horse and raced off. Feron began to chase after him.
“Let him go!” Ithia cried out to Feron. “He might contemplate it for a while, but I don’t think he will betray me.”
“I hope you are right. He is dangerous.” Angry that he had found Ithia at the mercy of Nolan, Tyrsten asked, “What were you thinking, running off like that?”
Ithia gave him a flash of resentment that he wasn’t likely to forget.
Tyrsten rubbed his mouth, wishing to erase his words.
Ithia swayed from exhaustion. Tyrsten reached out to stabilize her wobbly stance.
Ithia’s accusing finger landed in Tyrsten’s face. “As for you, what were you thinking? What have you accomplished these last weeks?”
He dropped his hands that were so willing to hold her. “I will impede you no further. Take Feron and Huldo with you though. They will aid in your travels.”
“There’s your problem. Take ownership of this.”
“I—I was giving you your space.”
“I’ve gotten plenty of damn space lately. Let’s get our acts together. If we get through this, we can determine what will become of us—if I even survive.”
Feron and Huldo were rather embarrassed by the lover’s spat playing out in front of them. Huldo crinkled his nose. “This is wildly entertaining, but could you continue this conversation on your own time?”
Her anger was what had kept her upright until now. Seeing Ithia falter once again, Tyrsten reached out to catch her. She raised up her hands in protest, but her body refused to stand any longer. Jumping between worlds had taken its toll. As she collapsed, Tyrsten caught her. Huldo helped him get Ithia on his horse.
“I’ll be fine,” she insisted.
No one believed her declaration.
Feron asked, still puzzled, “Ithia, how did you appear out of nothingness like that?”
16 ✹ Binding Ties
The magical probability of the situation is that
we were shipped here piece by piece.
A new phase of cosmic awareness, transcending mistakes and epiphanies,
preparing for the next incarnation.
— Ithia Sydran
On their way back to Kladmunt, Ithia had avoided the questions about her sudden appearance by keeping her eyes shut and allowing her body to repair itself from the inter-dimensional jumps. She pleaded with the laws of physics to be a little more complaisant with her traipsing about dimensions. Perhaps quantum mechanics itself was angry with her.
She would confess to Tyrsten, but she wanted the conversation to be with him alone.
Tyrsten helped her inside their previous room at the inn and tentatively closed the door behind them.
Ithia knitted her brow at his entering uninvited. “It’s not a good idea for you to stay with me.”
“I am not planning on staying, but I have to ask how you materialized from nothing.”
“Now? I have a splitting headache.” She didn’t want to admit it was due to her head actually splitting between two worlds.
“Tell me. Please. We have let too much go unsaid.”
“I want to blame all of that on you.” Ithia sat down and indicated for him to do the same. “But that wouldn’t be fair. I’ve kept my share of secrets.”
“Is it connected to your strange arrival?”
“It was a crack to travel between the worlds.”
“How did you come upon this discovery?”
Perched on the side of the bed, she slumped her shoulders, closing herself down.
“This is the secret you kept from me while we were at the cabin?”
“Yes.” Shame chewed at her. Ithia fidgeted with the tie on her pack to avoid eye contact.
“Why would you keep that from me?” Tyrsten plopped himself down on a chair, realizing now why she had suggested he sit. “How would you have that knowledge? Has everything been a lie?”
“No. Remember when you found me in the clearing and brought me up to Kladmunt? You never asked how I got there or why I was sprawled out in the field.”
Tyrsten nodded. He had been so relieved to have found her, he hadn’t bothered to ask.
“I was tempted by the devil.”
“The what?” Tyrsten asked.
“A figure of speech. After the Women’s Circle, a man confronted me. I couldn’t see him clearly or tell you if he was real. He taunted me. Then he grabbed me and pulled me through the veil. I felt like I was torn in half. Then I heard the roars of the cars in the distance, and the frequencies of electronic waves battered my senses once again. It was comforting to be in the familiar surroundings of Earth, yet jarring since it is so quiet here. This cloaked man told me he would leave me alone, stop haunting me, if I would stay on Earth, if I promised not to come back.”
“Who was he?”
“Maybe it was the same presence haunting my nightmares.”
“Did he hurt you?”
“No.” Ithia crossed her arms over her belly hoping to protect herself.
“Did he say anything else?”
“He said I very well may be the great tribulation of Ma’thea. That I’m not the hope that people think I am.” Ithia’s eyes teared up. “And if I dared to return to Ma’thea, I would not want to discover my true nature. It would lead to destruction. What he said scared me, because when I was being pulled through the veil, I had a vision. And in it, I killed Garrick. I had a knife in my hands, and I was covered in blood. I killed him!”
Ithia rubbed her eyes with her palms hoping it would combat the emotion stirring inside her.
“The man said if I returned, I was death to myself and those around me. Then he vanished. I wandered the empty streets of Earth t
hat night. It confused me to see the world that I knew, so changed by my new eyes. Everything was distorted. But I realized just how easy my life was before I came to Ma’thea. There was no hiding from soldiers under floorboards. I had a warm bed. Easy meals.” Ithia drew out an exhale. “I considered staying. What if what he said is true? Of course, maybe his words are all lies to keep me away. But what if I do bring on something awful?” The rims of Ithia’s eyes struggled to hold the tears in place.
“He was wrong.” Tyrsten sighed.
“And what if you are wrong about everything?”
“I cannot believe that.”
Ithia took a deep breath. “Then I thought of you, and all the wonderful people I’ve come to know here. It’s one thing to fail myself, but to not even try, to not find out if there is something I can do to help. Then I felt pulled by a presence, a shadow—like a buried memory—and I was compelled to come back. And what if that shadow is a horrible part of myself that is capable of doing awful things?” Ithia bit her lip. “I realized that man was probably using my fears to mess with me, but I am still scared that I will only make things worse.”
Tyrsten knelt at her feet holding her hands. “I have seen your soul. I know. You will do the right thing, whatever that is.”
“I’m not the strong person you think I am. I was tempted to leave you all behind.”
“Fear does not make you weak.” He kissed her hands with the power of understanding in his touch. “You returned, which makes you strong in confronting your self-doubt.”
He wiped her tears away and felt like he was trying to smother a stormy sea with a blanket.
She sucked in a breath and calmed down. “I need to sleep now.”
He kissed the top of her head as he made his way out of the room. “I want you to meet someone tomorrow morning.”
✹ ✹ ✹
Cloaked within the concealing dawn, Tyrsten and Ithia made their way to the Seer’s house. Tyrsten didn’t tell her that she was to meet a Magian Innocenti. He was curious to see if she could sense the woman’s power before it was revealed.
A voice from inside called to them, “Come in.”
With one glance at the woman sitting on the floor, Ithia said, “Mother Urica!”
Urica opened her arms as Ithia fell into them.
Tyrsten’s mouth lagged open. “You have already met?”
“Urica was our protector at the Women’s Circle.”
“You knew of a Magian Innocenti and did not tell me?” he asked in an accusatory tone.
“You knew of a Magian Innocenti and did not tell me!” Ithia mimicked.
Urica laughed. “Now, children, let us behave. Well, you two behave. I am too old to have to do so.”
“Mother Urica, how did you end up here?”
“The question is how you ended up here.”
“We seek your insight,” Tyrsten said.
“You will likely focus on all the irrelevant topics.” Urica winked her blind eye.
“Perhaps.” Tyrsten nodded. “We want to know who took Ithia through the Earth portal the night before I visited you.”
Surprise flashed on Urica’s face.
“You don’t know,” Ithia said disappointed.
“Not one of your spirit animals?”
“No. A man. He did feel somehow familiar.”
“Odd. I did not have a vision of a man. Disconcerting. Did he harm you?”
“Just my integrity.” Ithia gulped. “If he had wanted to harm me, he could have.”
“Whenever anyone begins to find their true path, invariably there will be tests to prove your resolve, and those attracted to bright lights of purpose. If he is an entity other than a projection of yourself, he is privy to the location of a gateway which suggests a Magian at work. However, it may be your own shadow side. It is possible your ego does not want to perish with the old and created this escape. One’s old-self can tempt one away from one’s path.”
“Did you know that I would be tempted?”
“We all have our series of temptations, your stint at the cabin being one. My instincts told me that you would fight whatever your fears would use to test you. As for you leaving Ma’thea, I knew in the end that you would want to see your mirror again.”
“My mirror?” Ithia glanced to see Tyrsten was confused as well.
“Your A’darsam Mirror. The Buddhist Traditions of Earth have a similar concept called Kalyana Mitra, the Noble Friend. You are one half of that relationship. Your mirror gently but firmly confronts you with your own blindness. In life, no one sees their own being completely. Just as we have a blind spot within the human eye, we also have a blind side to our souls that we cannot readily perceive. We all depend on our Mirror to see for us what we cannot see in ourselves. You think it is a coincidence that you and Tyrsten have twin stars in each other’s eyes?”
“Doesn’t that have to do with the Actuation?”
“The Actuation happened because it was already there, ready to come forth. You see—you cannot get rid of each other even if you want to.” Mother Urica let out a belly laugh as Tyrsten and Ithia stared dumbfounded into their matching eyes.
“We should learn from each other… as friends?”
“As whatever you need it to be. You must decide your future. In your case, unlike many relationships where one partner tries to become someone they are not in order to please the other, your relationship started off by expanding what you already are. Ithia—you claimed your Magian nature through Tyrsten’s assistance.”
“But what could Tyrsten ever get from me?”
“Dearest.” Urica smiled gently. “We all are teachers for those around us, and students, if we are willing to learn. As for Tyrsten, he expanded his knowledge of self, expanded his limited view of life. If it were not for you, he would not have questioned who and what he was. He needed to be shaken. Parts of himself awakened. Both of you have felt the stir of the deepest emotions and confronted your darkest fears.”
“Other people have Mirrors then?”
“Oh my, yes. Though most are not so blatant to have matching Sidari eyes. Even I have a Mirror, another Innocenti. Oh, the patterns do emerge, do they not?”
“What patterns?”
“The true skill of a Seer is to identify the patterns that arise. One day, you will understand what I mean.” Mother Urica’s voice became intense. “History has a way of repeating itself, in strange variations, the same themes.” A suffering filled her eyes.
“You aren’t going to tell me what you mean by that, are you?”
“Not my place! I have told you too much.”
“You haven’t told me anything at all.”
“Disappointed?” Urica cocked her head.
“I still don’t know about my past. And in my future, how to challenge Garrick.”
“When it has not been dealt with, the past becomes the future. Repeating issues until resolved.”
“How can I resolve issues that I have no knowledge of?”
“Secrets will not be hidden long, when searching for Truth.” Urica held her hands out to take Ithia’s, and Ithia felt the love of a thousand generations pass into her. Urica’s voice shifted, so that Ithia sensed there was a personal plea mingled within it. “My dearest one, when your life’s history and present conditions are revealed to you, forgive those that made decisions in your best interest. Understand, not all secrets have ill intent.”
Ithia didn’t respond immediately. She sensed there was something that the old woman desperately wanted to confess, but that she wasn’t ready to do so.
“If I ever find out what you mean, I’ll do my best to forgive.”
“As for Garrick, I believe the answers will be obvious to you, when you come to that point. That story is hidden, even to me. However, I have my intuitions about you. The answer may not exist within your powers, but within the strength of your heart.” Urica’s gaze pierced Tyrsten, and he blanched. “Remember that the moon sheds its shadow to be born again.”
Tyrsten honored Ithia’s silence. He thought about her as his mirror—showing him all the weaknesses that he possessed. He had always seen himself strong and resilient. When confronted with her mere presence, he knew he was wrong to assume that he had control of himself and his emotions.
The seclusion of her room allowed the space to talk. Tyrsten sat on a wooden chair, and Ithia sprawled on the bed.
“Riddles and more riddles.” She moaned.
“Now you understand what it is like to live with a Sauvant.” He smirked.
“Maybe it’s an old person thing. Gramps used to say crap like that to me, but at least my life wasn’t wrapped up in the center of a mystery then. I didn’t get anything out of Urica except more questions.” She smacked the pillow and threw it over her face. “I feel like I’ve been blindfolded my whole life.”
“What did you think of the A’darsam Mirror?”
Ithia slowly pulled the pillow off of her face and tucked it under her head. “It makes sense. What have we been doing but projecting onto one another? Since the moment we met, we have been dredging up all our desires, hopes, fears—even shadow sides.”
Tyrsten looked oddly remorseful.
“Come here. Hold me.” She opened her arms. They held each other, with no expectations, no attachments, only the bliss of their mutual presence. “Honestly, you are my first true friend, meaning I’m not good at letting people get close. And since this is the first relationship for both of us, this is probably doomed to be problematic. We needed our time at the cabin to appreciate the song being played. We should pause this dance of ours and let it continue when the moment is right.”
“How did you become so poetic?”
“My mirror.” Ithia stroked his temple.
“What do we do now?”
“You’re asking me?” She laughed.
“I defer to a more intuitive mind.”
“Whatever our roles will be, our paths will come to us.”
Tyrsten sat up. “Why did you let Nolan go?”