Shadow Soldier

by Carol Lynne

  “That system wouldn’t really make me feel better about that day, because although I might’ve saved the boy, I lost four good men in the process,” Aaron reminded Deacon.

  “See, that’s the thing, you can’t focus in on one moment. Think of all the people you saved before that day, and all who’ve come after. You were pretty fucked up when you were discharged, and you could’ve easily become one of the statistics you read about, but you didn’t let that happen. You took a job that would put you right back into the position of saving lives. If you would’ve pulled your gun that day and tried to help your friends, you’d no doubt be dead. Even if you’d managed to kill one of the insurgents, you wouldn’t have made it out of that building alive. And think of all the people’s lives you’ve saved since then.”

  Aaron felt sharp claws dig into his shin. “Ouch!” He reached down and pulled Groucho off his leg. “Bad kitty,” he reprimanded, shaking his finger at the cat. He understood what Deacon was trying to say, but he needed to let it stew for a while longer.

  Without a word to Deacon, Aaron stood and carried Groucho into the bathroom where he’d put the makeshift litter box. “Go potty.”

  “You’ve never had a cat, have you?” Deacon asked from behind him.

  “No, I had a dog for a while before my parents were killed. Why?” Groucho ran between Aaron’s feet and escaped the bathroom.

  “Because cats don’t take orders.” Deacon squeezed in beside Aaron and glanced at the cardboard box filled with shredded newspaper. “Looks like he’s gone at some point. He knows where it is when he needs it.” He tugged on Aaron’s hand. “Ready to go back to bed?”

  “I’m not sure I’m ready.” Aaron thought of the crumpled drawing. “You sorry you decided to stay the night?”

  “Nope.” Deacon led Aaron back to the bedroom. He lifted the blankets and hustled Aaron under them before moving to the opposite side of the bed. “There’s something I’d like you to try. Next time you have a bad dream, instead of focusing on the men who died, try rejoicing in the fact that you’re still alive. I accept blowjobs or handjobs day or night if that helps.”

  Aaron chuckled. “I can’t believe you’re going to use the nightmares against me.”

  “Not against you, but if you’re going to have them, we might as well put them to good use.” Deacon pulled Aaron against his chest. “Of course that’ll mean sleeping together as often as possible.”

  Aaron decided to play along. “Then who should I suck off if I’m at work?”

  “Hmmm, the plan still needs tweaking, I guess.”

  Aaron brushed Deacon’s sac with his hand before petting the growing length of his cock. “Fucking always makes me sleepy. Maybe if you made sure I was exhausted all the time, I wouldn’t have the energy to dream.”

  Deacon’s cock began to harden. “I think I’m up for that.”

  Chapter Five

  Deacon reached for the hose and gave the table skirt a quick shot of compressed air to knock away the woodchips. He’d put off discussing his trip to Washington DC as long as he could, but with his flight less than twenty-four hours away, the time had come.

  Although he’d started to tell Aaron on several occasions about his involvement in the agency, he’d never fully explained what his duties were. Deacon waited for Aaron to finish using the air stapler before getting his attention. “That’s looking good.”

  Aaron set down the tool and stood back, staring at Groucho’s new jungle gym with a critical eye. “I think it’s lopsided.”

  Deacon stood and walked over. It was indeed lopsided but for the first project he’d taken on himself, Deacon thought it looked damn good. He found several dowels in a bin and carried them over. “Maybe you should go ahead and use one of these on each corner instead of the pedestal in the middle. That way if Groucho gets fat, he won’t wind up on his ass one day.”

  Aaron took the dowels and held them up. “Yeah, that would work, but what will he use for a scratching post? Should I cover them with carpet, too, or use something else?”

  “Well, it’s mahogany, so if it was me, I’d just rub it down good with tung oil. Actually, I’d rub the entire thing down with oil and just attach your carpeting to the flat of the platforms. That way you’ll end up with a gorgeous piece instead of an eye sore.”

  “What will he scratch on then?”

  “The carpet. All you have to do is rub some catnip into the nap and Groucho’ll think he’s died and gone to heaven.” Afraid Aaron would get him off track, Deacon changed the subject. “I have to go to DC for a few days.”

  The tape measure Aaron was using slid back into its housing. “For work?”

  “Yeah. I got a call earlier. The guy I’ve been waiting to hear from is safe and on his way back to the states with the agent he went to find. I need to go to Washington to see about transferring my job duties to him.”

  “Can’t you do that from here?”

  “Not really. I have to clear it with someone who prefers to conduct meetings face to face, besides, I owe the man more respect than quitting over the phone.”

  Aaron tossed the tape measure onto the cat tower and walked over to Deacon. “You’re quitting? Is it because of me?”

  “Partially. I guess I’ve come to realise I’ve given up enough. There’s a younger man out there who can do a better job. He’s worked hard and deserves it. And to be honest, my heart isn’t in the job anymore, hasn’t been since I moved here.”

  Aaron hugged Deacon. “So no more mysterious phone calls in the middle of the night?”

  “Hopefully not.” Deacon had confidence in Midnight’s abilities or else he wouldn’t vouch for him with the President of the United States.

  “You won’t start resenting me for it, will you?”

  The decisive factor in giving up the job was Deacon’s need to keep Aaron safe. After losing Bobby, he swore he’d never put another lover in the same position. “Never. I hope to live a long and happy life. If I quit this job, I’ll have a much better chance at it.”

  “So it is dangerous, I’ve been wondering about that.”

  “Not as much anymore. I’ve been on desk duty for years, but I won’t take the chance of someone coming after you just to get at me.” The thought of losing Aaron caused an ache deep in Deacon’s chest. Life had finally become more than a series of empty days filled with wood and someone’s mysterious voice over the phone. He’d spent the last two weeks remembering what it felt like to be human. To dream of the future while someone he cared about lay in his arms sleeping.

  “I just don’t want you to put all your eggs in my basket. I still have a lot of crazy going on in my head. What if you get tired of dealing with it?”

  Deacon tilted Aaron’s chin up for a short, but intense kiss. “You’re not half as crazy as you think you are. And since we’ve worked out a new way for you to deal with the nightmares, I’ve been getting the best end of the deal.” Aaron claimed to have bad dreams every night, but there had been a few occasions over the last few weeks that Deacon had suspected he’d simply been horny.

  “Will you be able to afford this place without your other job? I don’t have much left over at the end of the month, but I’d be more than willing to help out where I can.”

  Deacon reared back as if he were offended. “What’re you saying, you don’t think I can make a living on the store?”

  Aaron winced. “Sorry, but you don’t seem to get a lot of business through here.”

  Deacon gave Aaron another kiss. “I’ll do fine. I’ve managed to save some money over the years.”

  “Okay, but the offer’s on the table in case you ever run short.” Aaron’s stomach growled. “I swear I’m hungrier now than when I used to only eat one meal a day. Spending time with you is going to make me fat.”

  “I don’t think that’s possible.” Deacon gave Aaron’s ass a playful slap. “Would you go next door with me and have an early dinner?” He was prepared to beg if he needed to. Aaron had made great strides lately, b
ut he still hadn’t gathered the courage to eat at O’Brien’s.

  “What’s the special tonight?”

  “Pot roast.” Deacon licked his lips. “Better than momma used to make.” He chuckled. “Jay always stops by on the days he’s making it and gives me a heads-up. I haven’t missed a single pot roast dinner except the few times I’ve been out of town since I’ve moved here, so if you don’t go with me, you’ll probably really hurt his feelings.”

  “I don’t even know Jay, but the last thing I’d want to do is hurt his feelings.” Aaron stepped back and took off his apron. “Am I presentable enough or should I run home and change?”

  Deacon reached out and knocked some of the errant sawdust out of Aaron’s hair. “There, you’re good.” He removed his own apron and hung it on the hook beside the door next to Aaron’s. “Groucho upstairs? I’d hate to shut him in here for the night.”

  “Yeah, last time I checked on him he was trying to sneak up on one of your socks.”

  Deacon shook his head as he turned off the shop lights and shut the door. “I didn’t realise when Tabby wandered into my life how grateful I should be she’d already passed the kitten stage.”

  Aaron followed Deacon through the shop. “Oh, but there’s nothing cuter than watching a kitten explore his surroundings.”

  “Yeah, you’re right.” Before they could get out the door, a loud crash sounded from upstairs. “What was that you said?”

  Aaron bit his lip. “I’ll go up and check on him. You go ahead and get us a table.”

  “I’ll find something in the back.”

  “Thanks.” Aaron gave Deacon a quick kiss before running towards the stairs. “Groucho, what’ve you done now?” he called ahead of him.

  Deacon shook his head, wondering if he’d survive Groucho’s adolescence.

  * * * *

  After cleaning up the broken pieces of glass and sweeping the rest of the mess into the dustpan, Aaron disposed of it in the trashcan. “Rest in peace,” he whispered. He turned to stare at Groucho. “You owe Deacon another sugar bowl.”

  He bent down and gave the kitten a couple of good scratches. “Stay off the counter or Deacon’ll have you stuffed and mounted.”

  Smiling, he left the shop, making sure to lock the door behind him. He went next door and took a deep, calming breath before reaching for the handle. He stepped inside and studied the room, searching for Deacon.

  “Deacon’s in the back corner,” the bar owner yelled.

  Aaron threw up his hand. “Thanks.” A name was on the tip of his tongue. Of course he knew the man’s last name was O’Brien, it was on the outside of the building, but he couldn’t think of his first name. He continued to think about it on his way to the dimly lit table. “This isn’t bad at all.” After taking a seat across from Deacon, Aaron looked around. “You were right, this is a good time to come. The crowd doesn’t bother me at all.”

  Deacon took a sip of his bourbon and smiled. “What crowd?”

  “Exactly.” Aaron picked up the cold mug of beer. “Did you order already?”

  “Yeah.” Deacon rested his forearms on the table and leaned towards Aaron. “So what did Groucho get into?”

  “Well, let’s just say, I hope your sugar bowl wasn’t a family heirloom.”

  Deacon ran his fingers through his hair. “That damn cat.”

  “He looked really ashamed of himself if that helps.” Aaron doubted God would hold the white lie against him.

  “I thought I could just ask you to check on him once or twice a day while I’m in DC, but I’m starting to think the little bastard needs a fulltime babysitter.”

  “I don’t mind staying at your place if you don’t. I have to work tomorrow, but I’m off for two days after that.” Aaron liked the idea of staying at Deacon’s place while he was out of town. They’d spent several nights together there since getting the kitten, and except for the bed, he’d found the apartment quite comfortable. It was a huge improvement over the way he’d viewed the place the first time he’d seen it. Aaron supposed it had something to do with his growing feelings for the man who lived there.

  “I don’t mind at all. To be honest, I’d feel better if you were there to keep an eye on the place.”

  Aaron leant back in his chair when…oh, shoot, what was the guy’s name? Mad Dog?

  “Thanks, Moby,” Deacon said, winking at Aaron.

  Moby! Aaron said the name silently to himself several times in hopes he’d remember it. “Looks good.”

  “The best,” Moby replied. “You need refills?”

  “We’re fine for now.” Deacon waited until Moby walked off before chuckling. “You couldn’t remember his name, could you?”

  “Did it show?” Aaron unrolled his silverware and set his napkin in his lap.

  “Only to a trained observer.” Deacon gestured to the bar. “That’s Sean O’Brien behind the bar, and once in a while you’ll catch a glimpse of Jay through that cut-out window to the kitchen.”

  “I’ve met Jay before. He introduced himself at the grocery store right after I moved to town, but I’ve never really talked to him. Sean, I recognise, but I couldn’t remember his name either.” Aaron jabbed a thick slice of carrot with his fork. “I swear I didn’t used to be this bad with names. Then again, I’ve never lived in a place where everyone seems to know each other. Half the time when we’re called to an emergency, Luke knows the people and their family history.”

  “A town like this does take some getting used to. To tell you the truth, I don’t know many folks either unless they’ve come into the shop or I’ve bumped into them either here or at Deb’s Diner. Maybe the two of us need to try getting out more, mixing with the locals.”

  Aaron chewed a piece of roast, trying to figure out why Deacon suddenly wanted to chat it up with people. From everything he’d heard from Luke, Deacon was almost as reclusive as Aaron. “Are you feeling okay?”

  “I feel fine. Why?”

  “Just wondering why you want to make friends all the sudden. Does it have something to do with you quitting your job? Do you think that would be a good way to drum up more business for the store?”

  Deacon sighed. “For the last time, you don’t have to worry about the store. I have more money in the bank than I’ll probably be able to spend in my lifetime.”

  Aaron didn’t care about Deacon’s money as long as he had enough to live on. Still, he couldn’t let the moment pass without teasing Deacon. “I’ve always wanted a wealthy older man in my life.”

  “Good, because this old fool doesn’t plan on letting you get away any time soon.” Deacon reached over and speared one of Aaron’s potatoes with his fork. “Eat up before I have to finish that for you.”

  Aaron took another bite to make Deacon happy. “They need some music or something in here.”

  Deacon swallowed his bite of food before answering. “Ummm, actually, I asked Moby if he’d turn off the music while we were here. I knew I was asking a lot for you to come here, and I wanted you to like the place. I figured the quieter the better.”

  It was an incredibly sweet thing to do, but what else did he expect. Since the first time he’d met Deacon, the man had been nothing but kind. Aaron wasn’t sure what he’d done to deserve a man as nice as Deacon, but he wasn’t about to turn him down. The fact that Deacon was one of the sexiest men Aaron had ever known didn’t hurt. So what does he see in me? He quickly ran through his assets and compared them to everything that was fucked up about him. It didn’t make sense, any of it.

  “I’m sorry, did I do something wrong?” Deacon asked, setting his fork down.

  Aaron shook his head. “The opposite.” His thoughts were suddenly a jumble of scenarios. “Are you doing all this because you feel sorry for me?”

  “What? Where’s this coming from?”

  Aaron noticed Deacon didn’t deny the accusation. “That’s it, isn’t it? You’re one of those guys who thinks he can heal me with a few nice words and a big fat dick.”

&
nbsp; “Stop it,” Deacon growled.

  “There’s no other explanation. My looks are attractive, at best, and as we both know I’m not quite right in the head.” Aaron reached into his back pocket for his wallet. “Maybe you should rethink resigning your job because of me.” He slapped a twenty on the table before standing. “Sorry, but this isn’t going to work.”

  “Don’t you dare walk out of here,” Deacon warned.

  “You know what? I stopped taking orders the day I was discharged from the Army.” Aaron stormed off. He didn’t even bother to acknowledge the friendly wave Sean threw him on his way out the door.

  Aaron was almost to his car when he heard Deacon call his name.

  “Aaron!”

  Aaron dug into his pocket for his keys. Why was it whenever you tried to do something quickly it always turned to shit? He fumbled the keys and they fell to the ground. By the time he retrieved them, Deacon was on him.

  “Goddamit, don’t you dare walk away from me after saying something like that.” Deacon grabbed Aaron’s keys out of his hand and put them in his pocket. He used his superior size to press Aaron against the car. “You’ve got a lot to learn if you think I’m just going to sit by and let you hurl accusations at me without setting the record straight. You want to do this here in the street or do you wanna come inside where we won’t draw a crowd?”

  Aaron crossed his arms, pushing Deacon back as much as he could. “Are you saying I’m wrong?”

  Deacon stepped back and walked to the front of the store. He unlocked the door and took a step inside. “You coming?”

  At war with himself, Aaron kicked the tire of his car, hoping it would release some of the frustration he felt. All he got in return was a fucking sore foot. He tried not to limp as he headed for the shop. Once inside, he shut the door. “Talk.”

  Deacon moved a bowl full of painted wooden balls to the side as he took a seat on a coffee table. “Since you seem to have me all figured out, I think it’s time I enlighten you. The first man I ever truly loved was killed because of me. I know what it feels like to carry guilt so heavy it threatens to drown you. Why do you think I’ve stuck to myself all these years? Do you honestly think I like being alone?”