Dirty, Reckless Love

by Lexi Ryan

  My breath leaves me in a rush at that image, but he’s already climbing out of the car and heading into the house. I practically chase after him, closing the door behind me as I step into the hallway. “Need someone to wash your back?”

  Levi pauses in front of the alarm panel before punching in the numbers to disarm it. When he turns to me and speaks again, his voice is lower, and all the teasing from his earlier tone is gone. “We rushed this last time and then you pushed me away.” His gaze drops to my mouth and his nostrils flare. “You’re so fucking tempting, Ellie, but I want more than sex, and until you remember more, I’m not sure either of us can trust your decision to give it to me.”

  Saturday, October 27th

  I slept alone. On purpose.

  It was awful.

  The first night here, I was truly too afraid to sleep by myself, and that made me go to Levi, but last night was different. After my encounter in the woods, maybe fear should have had me tossing and turning in my sheets, but all it did was reinforce my instinct to protect Colton.

  Instead, I was restless from the ache between my legs, and the memory of the night at the lake with Levi played on loop in my brain. Lust and hot memories left no room in my brain for fear of the faceless boogeyman who assaulted me in my own home.

  I’m at the kitchen table, sipping my second cup of coffee, when Levi strolls into the room, and I nearly drop my mug at the sight of him. He’s shirtless in low-slung jeans that reveal the defined muscles of his stomach and the delicious V of his hipbones. If I could get pre-injury Ellie in a room alone, I’d read her the riot act for walking away from him.

  “All the guys are meeting at Brayden’s to get ready and do some pictures before heading over to the park for the ceremony.” Levi grabs his wallet off the counter and shoves it in his pocket. The movement pushes his jeans down another inch.

  I want to lick those muscles. To unbutton his jeans and follow that path of hair from his navel all the way down. My thighs clench at the thought.

  “You should come with,” he says, oblivious to the X-rated fantasy reel playing in my head. “Mom would love to see you, and then you could ride with me to the wedding and reception.”

  I blink, trying to bring my brain back to the moment. “Ride . . . you?”

  “With me?” Levi tilts his head to the side and grins as my cheeks heat. “I wouldn’t mind you riding me either, but that might be a little awkward with all my family there.”

  “So says the man who didn’t want me in his shower,” I mutter, narrowing my eyes playfully.

  He crosses the kitchen to stand beside me at the table. Gently, he takes my chin in his hand and lowers his mouth to mine. His kiss is slow and coaxing—a soft press of lips, then a minty exploration of tongue that lights my skin on fire and makes me squeeze my thighs together. He sucks my bottom lip between his teeth, and when he pulls back, his eyes are dark and hungry. “You’re wrong about that,” he says, his voice husky. “I wanted you there more than you can imagine. I’m just trying to do the right thing here.”

  My heart’s racing, and I take a deep breath to calm it. “That helps my fussy ego at least.”

  He skims his thumb over my lips. “Your ego has nothing to worry about.” He steps away from me. “How’d you sleep? You could’ve stayed in my bed. I would’ve behaved myself.”

  I fold my arms. “Obviously I didn’t doubt that, or I’d have crawled between your sheets. Naked.”

  He squeezes his eyes shut. “You’re killing me. You know that?”

  “Alas, I had total confidence in your self-control, so I stayed on my side of the house and saved us both a case of blue balls.”

  “Speak for yourself,” he mutters, heading to the coffee pot. “So, about today—will you come with me to Brayden’s?”

  “I don’t want to intrude. I’d just be in the way.”

  “Nonsense. There’s room for everyone.”

  “I appreciate you sharing your family credo with me, but I really don’t feel comfortable hanging around while you all do your official wedding stuff.”

  “Then go spend the day with the girls.” He pours himself a cup of coffee before turning back to me. “You could help them with their hair and makeup or whatever.”

  “And spend my day with homewrecker Molly? Hard pass, but thanks.”

  He frowns. “I already told you about that.”

  I arch a brow. “That when I went back to Colton I believed he’d been faithful? Yeah. I remember you sharing that with me. I’m just not trusting the judgment of the pregnant and scared Ellie.”

  He studies me for a long beat, and something changes in his eyes—a warmth gone cool. “Right.”

  Shit. “Pregnant Ellie” slept with Levi. “I mean with decisions regarding Colton,” I say quickly.

  He doesn’t press. “Molly said he didn’t cheat on you. I believe her.”

  “Good for you.”

  He looks away, and I can tell there’s more he wants to say about this, but he doesn’t.

  “I’m really fine here. What’s the point in a fancy security system if you never get to use it?”

  He studies me for a long time, his face growing more and more serious. “I’m more concerned you’ll start looking for those paintings while I’m gone.”

  “Oh, so the truth comes out.”

  “I don’t want you playing PI without me by your side.” He drags a hand through his hair. “Hell, I don’t want you playing PI at all, but I’ll lose my mind if I think you’re pursuing this on your own.”

  I slide back from the table and join him by the counter to look at the clock. It’s just after nine. “I think I can behave myself for a few hours.”

  He scratches his chest, drawing my eyes down past his broad shoulders and over his pecs, which makes me drop my gaze even lower to the ridges of muscle across his stomach. “Ellie,” he growls.

  “What?” I try to sound innocent, but I haven’t managed to get my eyes off his abs, so I’m not sure I’m successful.

  He grabs me by the hips, then spins me so I’m pinned against the counter. He plunges his hands into my hair and brings his mouth down on mine. I gasp against his lips. Pleasure heats my blood, and the kiss turns desperate. My hands are in his hair, and his slide around to cup my ass.

  He drags his mouth down my neck—kissing, nibbling, sucking, and setting my nerve endings on fire. “What happens if he comes back?” he asks, but his hot whisper against my ear feels so decadent that I have trouble focusing on his words. He sucks my earlobe between his teeth, and I gasp at the sharp sting that sends warmth pooling between my legs. “You don’t have to answer now, but I need you to think about it.”

  “Think about . . .” I grip his arm to keep him from pulling away, but he steps back anyway. “What?”

  “If Colton comes back. If he’s okay, and there’s an explanation for everything. If he didn’t cheat on you, and you can forgive him for disappearing and for shutting you out before that. What happens then?”

  “That’s a lot of ifs,” I mutter.

  He searches my eyes and shakes his head. “Maybe it’s not fair to put so much stock in a hypothetical question, but I need to know.”

  I can’t answer for the memories I can’t retrieve, but I know exactly how I feel right now. I want Levi, and only Levi. But he’s right. And while his question is hypothetical, I know Colton’s very much alive and planning to come back.

  “I’m supposed to be on my way to Brayden’s already.” He rakes his gaze over me and shakes his head, as if walking away is causing him physical pain. “Jake will kick my ass if I screw up the schedule for the day.”

  “Go. We can talk later.”

  “I’ll see you at the ceremony.”

  Levi pulls on a shirt—and I watch because I’ve become a desperate perv and need to get my thrills where I can. He grabs his tux bag and heads out, setting the alarm on his way. When he’s gone, I finish my coffee and then grab my bag from the guestroom and head to the shower. I’m glad
I packed a dress for Ava’s wedding. But when I get out of the shower and put lotion on my legs, I’m not thinking about my friend and wanting to dress well for her special day. I’m thinking about Levi and the way I want him to look at me tonight.

  I want him to want me when he sees me.

  Am I betraying Colton? He seems to believe we’re going to be reunited when he’s no longer hiding, and despite believing I couldn’t return to him, I still have too many unanswered questions. Should I feel guilty about what I’ve been feeling for Levi?

  Levi’s question makes sense, and since Colton is alive and well, I need to figure out for myself what happens when he comes home and our lives return to a semblance of normalcy—assuming they ever do. To me, it’s clear that whatever was between me and Colton was already coming to an end before I saw him with Molly, but I know there’s more I’m missing. Sometime between then and now, I agreed to marry a man who’d broken my heart. A man who’s hiding for reasons I don’t understand and whom I feel compelled to protect.

  Levi

  Brayden’s place is full of family, and the cacophony of voices has me grinning the second I walk in the door. I hang my suit on the banister and head to the back of the house, where the kitchen overlooks the oversized family room and the big stone fireplace.

  Mom and Dad raised the six of us in this house, but after Ethan’s wife died, Mom moved in with him to help with Lilly. Since we weren’t ready to get rid of our family home, Brayden moved in here to take care of it, making my eldest, workaholic brother the unlikely host of the Jackson weekly Sunday brunches and any holidays we don’t celebrate at the cabin.

  “How’s the groom this morning?” I ask Jake when I step into the kitchen.

  My older brother grins at me over his coffee. “I’m better than Shay.”

  My sister is at the kitchen table, cradling her head in her hands. “I’ll be fine. Just give me a minute.”

  “You didn’t stop after talking to me, did you?” I ask.

  She lifts her head and squints in my direction. “I talked to you?”

  My jaw drops, and I turn to Jake. “Is there a reason my normally sensible sister got blackout drunk last night?”

  Jake frowns. “She wouldn’t say, but I’m guessing it had something to do with the guy at the bar who couldn’t keep his eyes off her.”

  “Did not,” she mutters. “I was celebrating with my family. Is that such a crime?”

  “It is if you puke at my wedding,” Jake says.

  “She’s a liar,” Brayden says, joining us in the kitchen. “The excessive drinking was totally about the guy at the bar.”

  Shay scowls. “Fuck off.”

  “Language!” Mom shouts from the family room.

  My brothers and I laugh, but Shay just holds her head.

  “I’ll fix her up,” Brayden says, smacking Jake’s shoulder. “No worries.”

  “How’s Ava this morning?” I ask Jake.

  “I called, but Molly answered the phone and reminded me it’s bad luck for me to see Ava before the ceremony. Apparently, phone calls count as seeing.” He shrugs. “I’m ready to sign the papers and have my bride all to myself on the beach for a week.”

  “Your bride.” Grinning, I shake my head. “I’m happy for you two. I’m sorry everything else is such a mess.”

  “Me too, but she’s tough and handling it all with grace.” He puts his coffee cup down. “Come on. We’ve gotta get dressed before the photographer gets here.”

  On our way to the stairs to retrieve my suit, my phone rings. The screen shows a New York area code. I wave it at my brother. “I’ve gotta take this.”

  “Go for it. Meet us out back when you’re dressed.”

  I nod and step onto the porch as I accept the call. “This is Levi Jackson,” I say, shutting the front door behind me. “Is this Isaac?”

  “Isaac’s my assistant,” the man says. “He gave me your message, but I wanted to return your call myself.”

  From my pocket, I pull the business card that I took from Ellie’s purse this morning. She was still sleeping, and I was up for my morning run and thinking about the name the woman at the gallery had given her. The card had the name Isaac and a phone number. I called Isaac this morning and left a message.

  “My name’s Tate Andrews,” the man says. “I understand you’re interested in Bauer’s Discovery collection?”

  I know that name. Tate. That’s the guy Ellie worked for after college. The one who knows Nelson. Ellie thought Tate may have been behind Nelson convincing her to forge the Bauer paintings.

  “Are you still there?” Tate asks.

  “Yes. Sorry. You’re right. I’m very interested. I heard you might be able to connect me with the paintings.”

  He sighs heavily. “I wish I could help you, but unfortunately, no one has seen those paintings in years. I wanted to tell you about some other opportunities I have, since you’re clearly the kind of collector with a taste for truly special pieces.”

  I have to bite back a grunt. I mentioned in my message that money wasn’t an object. Apparently, that equates to “good taste” in Tate’s world. “I really want the Discovery collection. I’m not interested in anything else.”

  “Are you sure? I could get you other Bauer pieces or even—get this—artwork done by the model in the Discovery paintings. She’s real cutting edge, and does mosaic work that—”

  “I’m not interested. Can you tell me who might be able to connect me with what I’m looking for?” I take a risk and add, “I’ve heard whispers about a dealer in Jackson Harbor having connections.”

  “Ellie can’t help you,” he says. “She’s not in the business anymore. I regret ever getting her involved to begin with.”

  “I understand, but—”

  I hear the soft beep as he ends the call.

  Where are those paintings?

  Ellie

  The wedding ceremony is tucked into a tree-lined corner of the city park, and all the autumn colors pop under the bright blue October sky. It’s the perfect day for a wedding, and everyone seems thrilled to be here, but I’m self-conscious the moment I arrive. The Jackson brothers are all congregated on the side of the parking lot opposite the ceremony site. They’re dressed in black tuxes and look like something out of every woman’s fantasy. Five brothers with broad shoulders and killer smiles, standing around and laughing while waiting for the ceremony to start.

  I consider going up to Levi to let him know I’m here but decide against it. Today’s a family day, and he doesn’t need me interrupting. I make my way past a white tent toward a seat on the bride’s side, but an arm darts out and grabs me.

  Shay sticks her head out between the flaps. “The bride wants to see you.” She tugs me inside, and I let the tent fall closed behind me as I enter.

  When I spot Ava, I throw my hand over my mouth. “You look gorgeous.”

  Ava beams. “Thank you.” She’s in a simple white satin gown with sheer cap sleeves and a mermaid-cut skirt that hugs her petite curves. Her dark hair is gathered in a low chignon—perfect simplicity for a beautiful bride.

  “Jake’s gonna lose his shit when he sees you.” I bite my lip, but my eyes still fill with tears.

  “Don’t start that, or I’ll cry too,” Ava says.

  “We’ve already had to fix her makeup twice,” Molly says. The sound of her voice sobers me, and as I turn to her, my feelings must be written all over my face, because her shoulders sag. “Sorry. I’ll get out of your way.”

  “No,” Ava says. “Please stay. No fighting on my wedding day.”

  “Molly, it’s fine,” I say. It doesn’t feel fine, but I’ll try for Ava.

  Ava takes my hand and smiles. “You were supposed to be my maid of honor, but when you weren’t returning our calls . . .” She forces a smile. “Anyway, it feels weird to know I’ll be standing up there without you.”

  “I’m here, though,” I say, squeezing her hand. “And this way I can take the pictures I need to paint you
a special memory from today.” I wasn’t planning to make any such promise, but now that the words are out there, it feels right. I should paint again. Fuck not being “good enough.”

  Her eyes go wide. “You never paint anymore.”

  I shrug. “Maybe your wedding day was the inspiration I needed.”

  She wraps her arms around me and pulls me into a tight hug. I close my eyes and hold on. With so many questions in my life, it’s good to know I have a few steady people I can rely on. Ava and Levi are that for me right now. Maybe they have been for years.

  When she releases me, I look around at the bridesmaids in their beautiful plum-colored dresses. I know them all—Nicole Maddox, Ethan Jackson’s fiancée—the one who tucked the note into my invitation; Shay, Levi’s sister; Teagan, a local friend who’s a regular at girls’ nights; and, of course, Molly, Ava and Colton’s stepsister. It seems like just the other day we were all gathered around the table at Jackson Brews trying to convince Ava to ask Jake for sperm so she could have a baby. So much has happened since then.

  “Oh, Ellie. You came.”

  I turn to see a woman with short gray hair heading toward me. Levi’s mother, Kathleen Jackson, opens her arms and wraps me in a hug. “Hi, Mrs. Jackson,” I say, hugging her back.

  “Thank you so much for coming. I know it means the world to Ava to have you here.”

  “True story,” Ava says behind her.

  “How are you?” I ask Kathleen.

  “I’m amazing. I have family and good health, and I get to welcome Ava to our family on this beautiful day. What more could I ask for?”

  Nicole is smiling at me too. “I’m so glad you came,” she says.

  I nod. “Your note was really sweet.”

  Nicole’s sister Veronica steps up beside her. She has her arms full of a chubby infant and waves. “Hi, Ellie.” She picks up the baby’s hand and mimics a wave. “Say hi, Jackson.”

  “She named him after the Jackson family,” Nic says softly.

  I nod. My hand goes to my stomach, and I feel that intense rush of grief for the child I lost the night of the assault. “I remember.”