Bang Gang

by Jade West

  I always knew he meant it.

  I knew Darren Trent inside out and back again.

  And there he was, on the edge of the field, stood in a crowd with the other guys, trademark cigarette in his mouth as he laughed at some joke or other. I pulled my coat tighter around me, teeth chattering a little against the chill as the sun went down, and his eyes found me and held me, that same stare that made my tummy flutter.

  I smiled and he smiled back, tipped his head.

  I wanted him. Fuck, how I wanted him.

  “Go to him,” Tonya said.

  I shook my head. “He’s with the guys. Busy.”

  “I’m sure he’s not gonna grumble.” She laughed. “Go up and surprise him, grab him and stick your tongue down his throat.”

  Ruby pulled a face. “That’s gross!”

  Tonya ruffled her hair. “Sorry, Ruby. Adult speak. I’ve had too many wines.”

  Ruby nodded. “I get it, like garage talk. Still gross.”

  A gaggle of women joined the guys, and I felt my heart drop a little. They were dressed up like groupies, short skirts in October and a shit ton of makeup. How do you even look that good when you’re supposed to be camping?

  One of the blondes stepped close to Darren, looked at him every time he laughed. She was drinking beer from a can, her smile easy.

  “She’s nobody,” Tonya whispered. “Just some dumb cow.”

  I shrugged. “Maybe she knows him.”

  “She wants to. That’s all.”

  She leaned in and asked him a question and he dropped his head, smiled and laughed. I felt jealous and it was absurd. He was probably fucking other women every night of the week and some random blonde’s drunken flirting was bothering me? Quite absurd.

  “Can I go see Dad?” Ruby asked. “I’ve finished my burger.” She showed me her empty polystyrene tray as evidence.

  I nodded. “If he’s busy with his friends, come back though, right?”

  I watched her skip over to him, and the moment she arrived it was as though the blonde didn’t exist. He scooped Ruby up and spun her around, and the world was only her. The blonde sidled away and he didn’t even notice.

  “You’re going to have to talk to him,” Tonya said.

  “Sorry?”

  “This thing, whatever it is, it’s got to go one way or the other. You’ll both end up insane at this rate.”

  I sighed. “I know, but it’s got to be the right time.”

  “He wants to be with you, Jo, I can see that plain as day, even if you can’t.”

  I wished I had her faith. “He’s fucking half the village. He has Stacey’s ring still in his bedside cabinet.”

  She raised her eyebrows. “He does?”

  I nodded.

  “Shit,” she said.

  “Tell me about it.”

  She took a swig of wine. “Doesn’t add up, Jo. I didn’t think he was all that bothered about Stacey. He never seemed it out at the pub, not like he was about you.”

  “He was engaged to her.”

  “Yeah, well, maybe she was rebound.”

  I laughed. “She wasn’t rebound, Tonya. We’d been split up ages before he got with her.”

  “He wasn’t over it ages before he got with her though, Jo, I’d put money on it. He was a mopey sod for a fucking long time before he hooked up with her.”

  “I wouldn’t know,” I said. “I was always home with the girls.”

  “It’s true. I saw it. Back when I was dating Phil Evans and we were down the Drum every night. He wasn’t over you, Jo. I don’t think he ever has been.”

  The wine made me giggle. “Now you’re really pushing it.”

  “No,” she said. “I’m not. I’m just telling it how it is.”

  He was staring again, and not even hiding it. Ruby’s hand was clutched in his, the guys caught up in some rowdy conversation or other, but his eyes were right on me.

  Tonya poked me in the arm. “Go,” she said. “Before I drag you over there. I’ll powder my nose and I’ll join you.”

  I sighed, finished the rest of my wine. “Alright,” I said. “I’ll go.”

  I was so ridiculously nervous as I crossed the field, weaving my way through groups of people as he watched me. I was smiling, just a few metres away from him, and he was smiling back, ready to make conversation when a godawful shriek cut out across the crowd.

  “Dadddd! Dadddd! Help me!”

  Mia.

  My eyes widened and so did his. My heart thumped so hard I felt it right through me, terror reaching up and grabbing me by the throat.

  I scanned the crowd, desperate for sight of her, wondering where the hell she was.

  “Darren…” I said, but he was already moving, his direction hidden from me by moving bodies.

  “Stay!” he called to Ruby. “Stay right where you are!”

  I followed him with my heart in my throat, caring little for the people I shoved from my path as I fought my way towards our baby.

  Buck was alongside me, Jimmy O, too, all of us pounding after Darren as he barged through the crowd.

  And then I saw it, in the shadows at the edge of the park – the group of lads around our girl. The guy with his hand on Mia’s arm, holding her tight as she tried to pull away.

  “Daddd!” she shrieked, and he was there.

  I saw him up ahead, saw him reach her and tug her free, and my stomach lurched as he pushed her behind him, lurched again as he grabbed Daisy from the crowd, too.

  I didn’t stop running, not even when Darren’s fist landed on the guy’s jaw. Not even when the other guy reeled and stumbled, not even when the crowd of lads squared up to Darren and he squared up to them right back.

  I didn’t stop running until my girl was in my arms, until Daisy was there, too.

  “They wouldn’t let us go!” Mia cried. “They wouldn’t! They wouldn’t let us go!”

  I looked at Darren and he was wired, red-misting with an anger I’d never seen before. The kind of anger that sent electric through my spine, adrenaline coursing right through me.

  His fist landed again, connected with one of the lads facing up to him, and I felt it, I felt all of it.

  The scene unfolded in slow motion, him standing strong and fierce even though he was vastly outnumbered. I saw the way he didn’t even care.

  I felt it in my stomach, in some strange part of me I never knew existed, something deep and primal and raw.

  Buck and Jimmy O appeared at his shoulders, and he barely even noticed. He didn’t care about that, either, didn’t care if he had backup or not, didn’t care if he was up against an insurmountable force.

  The only thing he cared about was protecting our little girl, whatever the cost.

  A couple of shoves and a whole load of expletives, and I told the girls to cover their ears, that it would be alright and not to worry.

  A crack as Darren took another swing, and shunting bodies.

  And then silence.

  The lads backed away, and the crowd came closer, jostling in around the aftermath.

  Darren looked at me and his eyes were so dark, so fierce. He shook out his knuckles, and headed over. My heart was like a train.

  I didn’t realise I was gripping the girls so tight until he crouched down and pulled Mia from me. He checked her over, his eyes searching hers.

  “She’s ok,” I said, and my voice was shaky and weak. “She’s ok, Darren. They’re both ok.”

  But I wasn’t, I wasn’t ok at all. My legs were jelly, my skin crawling, every part of me cranked up to fight or flee.

  I’ve never been so relieved as the moment I felt his arm around my shoulders, ushering us back through the crowd and back towards our tent. I held on to the girls and he held on to me, flanked by Jimmy and Buck right the way back to Tonya and Ruby, who’d taken a seat at her side.

  Darren sat himself down by our tent, and pulled our girls down alongside him, Daisy, too.

  And that’s where he stayed, all evening long, glued to
those kids like he’d never let them out of his sight again.

  And I knew.

  I knew he was it. I knew he was everything.

  I knew that there was nobody on earth who’d love my girls the way he did, who’d give everything for my girls the way he did, who’d do whatever it took to keep them safe, no matter what the cost, no matter what they needed.

  I’d loved Darren Trent for a lifetime.

  But never so much as now.

  “We need to talk,” she said. Her voice was just a whisper. I barely heard her above the chatter around us.

  I nodded. “Where?”

  She looked around us, at the campers huddled nearby and the thin tarpaulin between us and the girls. I doubted they were even asleep yet, I’d heard giggles from Mia and Daisy less than five minutes back.

  She shrugged. “Your tent? Tonya’s here with the girls. We could nip over there…”

  I was still too tightly wound, the thought of leaving my stakeout hitting me right in the gut. She took my elbow. “They’ll be fine, Darren. Those lads aren’t even here anymore.”

  I didn’t mean to glare at her, but I did. I’d known it was trouble. I knew Mia looked too old, was too made up, was too naive to be out in a crowd full of drunk lads. I should’ve fucking stopped it, should’ve known better.

  “Darren,” she prompted. “We’ll be right over there.”

  “Alright,” I relented. I drank down the rest of my beer and flashed Buck a look. “You’ll stay with the girls?”

  “Aye,” he said. “Won’t be going anywhere.”

  From the way he was sitting with Tonya I doubted he would’ve been going anywhere regardless.

  I led Jodie through the clusters of tents, her hand on my elbow as I picked out a route. Mine was in the far corner, in the shadow of the truck. I dipped down and unzipped the entrance and Jodie crawled inside. She sat herself down on my sleeping bag, pulled her knees up to her chest.

  I zipped the door back up behind me, then flicked on the battery operated lamp at my side. The orange glow made her hair look darker, her eyes too.

  I waited for her to speak.

  “They told the lads they were older. Daisy apparently. Told them they were sixteen, and had a bit of beer with them. I really don’t think they knew what they were playing with. They didn’t mean any harm…”

  “Why the fuck would she do that?”

  Jodie shrugged. “I guess she wanted to seem cool. She’s a teenage girl, Darren. I probably would’ve done the same myself at her age.”

  “She’s twelve,” I said. “She’s not a fucking teenager, Jo.”

  “Daisy is. Daisy turned thirteen last month.”

  “This doesn’t happen again, Jodie, I mean it. No wandering off on her own, no more pulling shit like this.” I felt the fear again, the horrible fucking panic at hearing Mia scream. “What if I hadn’t been there?”

  Her eyes met mine. “You were there.”

  “Yeah, but what if…” My voice trailed off.

  “You’ll always be there, Darren. You’re her dad.”

  The fear exploded, and words came with it. “But I’m not there, am I? I won’t know where she is every night. I won’t know when she’s off with Daisy and what time she’s gonna be back, I won’t be waiting at home when she first takes the bus into town alone, I won’t be waiting for her to get back in a taxi when she’s gone out to a club when she’s barely legal.”

  “But I’ll… you’ll know… I’ll tell you…”

  “How? Real-time fucking text updates? A nightly fucking phone call? How, Jo?”

  She put her head in her hands. “If that’s what you want, Darren. I’ll call you ten times a day if that’s what you want.”

  That’s not what I want. I want to be THERE.

  I unzipped the door enough to light up a cigarette, and caught her staring at my knuckles.

  “How’s your hand?”

  I shrugged. “Alright.”

  “Doesn’t look alright.”

  I held it under the light, swollen knuckles. I’d had worse. I told her as much.

  She sighed. “This isn’t how I wanted things to pan out.”

  “What do you mean?”

  She wouldn’t look at me. “I hoped we’d… talk… I had so much to say, but now…” She slapped her knees, dismissing the whole thing.

  “Now what?”

  “Now you’re angry, and I don’t know what to say anymore.”

  “I’m not angry,” I said. “I’m just pissed off, Jo. Pissed off that those assholes had hold of our fucking daughter. Pissed off she lied, pissed off she was stupid, pissed off I didn’t stop her going.”

  “And me? Are you pissed off at me, too? I said she could go, Darren. Do you not think I feel like shit, too? Do you not think I know this is my fault?”

  I stared at her. “I’m not pissed off at you. I get it, I get you have to let her do this shit, I get she has to be allowed to be her own person.”

  “So what now?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t fucking know. She’s grounded for-fucking-ever, then there’ll be no fucking lads trying their luck, will there? She can be a fucking nun, Jodie, we’ll book her into the fucking convent when we’re at work, just so no pricks can come calling when we’re out.”

  She smiled and tried to hide it, covered her mouth with her hand.

  “I’m not even joking,” I said. “You think I’m fucking joking, don’t you?”

  Her smile turned into a laugh, that breathy giggle that comes when she’s relieved.

  “See if I’m fucking joking when I get the vicar round next week.” I took a drag on my cigarette, and Jodie’s giggle caught me. A laugh caught in my throat, and I struggled to keep a straight face. She saw it. Saw the flash of a smile on my face, and it set her off. She laughed so hard she fell back with her hands on her belly and I laughed, too.

  “Stop it,” I attempted, but it was pointless, I was on one myself, just the same as her.

  “I’m sorry…”

  “You’re fucking not,” I laughed.

  She rolled on the sleeping bag, letting it all out, tension broken. I felt it too. That relief. That blissful fucking relief like a dam breaking.

  The laughter eased off slowly, really fucking slowly, and it left something else in its place, a heaviness in the air, her eyes wide as she looked up at me, her pupils like big black pools.

  “Thank you,” she said. “I don’t know what would’ve happened if you hadn’t been there.”

  My chest pained. “It’s alright, Jo. I was there.”

  She sighed. “But you’re not… we’re not…” She reached out for my hand, the swollen one. I flicked my cigarette through the door before she took it. She ran a thumb across my knuckles and it hurt like a bitch. I didn’t say anything. “You were wild, Darren. I’ve never seen you fly so hard.”

  “They had our girl, Jo.”

  She nodded. “I know…”

  “Don’t try and tell me I shouldn’t have gone in like that. I’ll always go in like that if the girls need it, no matter what, Jo, whatever it takes. I’m not gonna say fucking sorry for it.”

  She took a breath. “What makes you think I’d want you to?”

  My hand was still in hers, her fingers were cold. “You don’t?”

  She shook her head. “No. I don’t.” She pulled me towards her, ever so fucking slowly. “I love the way you love our girls, Darren. I love the way you look out for them. I love the way you’re there. I love how you’d do anything it took to keep them safe.” She paused. “Just like I would.”

  “I love those fucking girls, Jodie. You know I do.”

  And you. I fucking love you, too.

  She nodded. “I know.”

  I shifted towards her, shunted myself so I was propped on my side, my hand still in hers. “What’s going on here? We fucking talking or what? Where’s this all going?”

  “I want to talk…” she said. “But I… I just need…”

  “What?�
��

  She pulled my arm around her and wriggled in to my side, and it felt so good. It felt really fucking good. “Hold me,” she said. “Please. Just for a minute.”

  As if she needed to fucking ask. I squeezed her tight, pulled her close, her head in the crook of my shoulder, my breath in her hair. “It’s alright now, Jo. Everything’s alright.”

  Her breathing slowed, fingers gliding up my arm and back again. Her leg shifted, hooked over mine.

  Christ, it was the most natural fucking move in the world to pull her on top of me. Her legs fell so perfectly between mine, her tits to my chest, her face in my face. I brushed her hair back from her forehead and looked at her, really looked at her.

  She looked absolutely fucking beautiful.

  She smiled a shy smile. “What?”

  “Just you,” I said.

  “Just what about me?”

  Just that I love you, Jodie. I’ve always fucking loved you.

  I brushed her cheeks with my thumbs, then held her there, pulled her face to mine. She tasted of wine and smelled of the smoke from the barbeque outside. She squirmed against me as we kissed, and I slipped my hands down her back, grabbed hold of that pretty ass of hers and shunted her tight against my cock. She moaned, ever so quietly, grinding her hips as I pushed against her. I helped her out of her jacket, pulled her top off over her head, and she raised herself enough to strip me of mine.

  Skin to skin, just a flimsy bra between her tits and my chest. I had her out of it in a beat, and the cold hardened her nipples, they felt like bullets against my thumbs.

  She loosened her jeans and wriggled them down, her knickers with them, and she was naked, naked and fucking horny, guiding my fingers to her clit.

  She straddled me, leaning back with her hands braced on my thighs. My thumb flicked at that tight little bud, and she rocked back and forth, her head tipped back as the sensations took her.

  Her tits looked so fucking good in the lamplight, rippling as she moved, nipples dark and hard, just begging for my mouth.

  I pinned her clit with my thumb and she moaned.

  “More,” she hissed. “Like that…”

  I gave her more like that. I gave her enough that she shuddered, squirming around like a fucking cowgirl. She arched her back and I slipped two fingers inside her, curled them to find the spot.