by Jade West
“Stay still,” she said. “Don’t move…”
I didn’t move, just stared up at her as she circled her hips, rode my fingers until she was squelching, her cunt sucking at my fingers and begging for fucking more. Her eyes were closed, her bottom lip between her teeth, her breath coming in short, sharp rasps.
She came hard, stifled by the back of her hand, her whole body tense, bouncing on my fingers.
I wriggled my way out of my jeans as she recovered, and she didn’t miss a fucking beat, just took my cock in her hand and lowered herself straight on. I let out a grunt as her pussy took me right in, and she leaned forward, pressing her lips to mine as I thrust up at her.
“Stop,” she whispered. “Don’t move… let me…”
It was fucking bliss as she rode me, big slow circles of her hips, torturously fucking perfect. She pinned my wrists above my head and moved like a fucking wildcat, all feline and slinky, so fucking smooth I felt like I was floating in silk.
I let her lead, staring up in fucking wonder as she writhed and rocked, taking all of me. It took everything I had not to flip her over and pound the holy fuck out of her.
But I would’ve been cheating myself.
She lifted herself clear of my dick, and I braced myself, my body knowing her moves on instinct, memories I’d never forget. She gripped my cock and shifted forwards, and I felt the tight ring of her ass. Oh fuck, it felt so fucking divine as she lowered herself onto me, so fucking slowly, painfully fucking slowly.
Her ass was made to take my fucking dick, always had been. It was as good now as it’d ever been, so fucking good I could have shot my load before I was even all the way in.
I could hear the chatter outside, the laughter of people on the piss just a couple of feet away. I could feel the chill in the air, far too cold to be fucking naked in a tent, but nothing mattered. Nothing fucking mattered, just the way it felt to be inside her.
She kept her face a few inches from mine, her eyes staring straight down at me. Her hair tickled my cheeks, rippling as she lifted herself up and down.
She changed angle and let out a gasp, her pussy grinding against me, her movements frantic.
“That feels so good,” she said. “Fuck, Darren… don’t move… please don’t move…”
I didn’t. I didn’t fucking move, just let her do her thing.
My balls tightened, my cock pulsing as she teased me to the brink. I held back, held it off, breathed my way through it until she shuddered, her breath sharp.
“God,” she hissed. “Oh God, Darren… oh fuck…”
“That’s it,” I said. “That’s it, Jo…”
Her pussy clenched as she came and her asshole tightened with it. It sent me over the edge, thrusting up at her like a man fucking possessed. I came deep and hard, pulling my hands free to grab her hips and force her down onto my cock and hold her there. I held her tight, held her still, unloading my balls right the way inside, and I never wanted to stop, never wanted to pull out, never wanted this to fucking end.
“Fuck,” she murmured. “I can’t even… that feels so…”
“I know,” I said. “I fucking know it, Jo.”
I pulled her forwards, skin to skin as our breathing calmed. I could feel her racing heart against mine. I wrapped her in my arms and held her tight.
I was breathing so loud I hardly heard her, hardly heard the whisper that came from her mouth.
“I love you.”
I couldn’t quite believe it, my belly fucking lurching at the thought, in case I’d misheard, in case I’d got it wrong, in case I’d…
“I love you, Darren,” she repeated. “I never stopped loving you.”
My mouth was dry, eyes wide as I took her face in my hands and made her look at me.
She looked so shy, so unsure, hardly the minx that had ridden me senseless a few short minutes back.
I brushed her lip with my thumb, stared right into her eyes, willing myself to say the words, willing myself just to put it out there. I took a deep breath, and kissed her lips, held her there until the words would come.
“I love you, too,” I said.
I hadn’t realised how close people were outside. I could hear everything, every laugh, every drunk bit of banter, and the embarrassment flushed hard, knowing they’d probably heard me, too.
I was reeling a little, reeling that he’d told me he loved me, reeling that I’d said it first, that I’d been the one to raise the bar, to make this something. Worrying that he didn’t mean it, that he’d only said it because I’d said it first.
But no. I’d seen it in his eyes.
I pulled on my clothes, and he pulled on his, and I said I should get back to the girls, and he agreed. He kissed my head before he unzipped the tent, and I crawled out into the open, burning up afresh as people turned to stare.
Yeah, they’d heard us alright.
Darren didn’t even seem to notice, just clambered out after me and lit up a cigarette. We didn’t speak as we made our way back across the field, smiles bright as we rejoined the others. We sat apart, like everything was just the same, even though it wasn’t.
Nothing felt the same.
I couldn’t drink any more wine, just poured myself a glass of water instead. My belly felt unsettled, and I felt so old because of it, too old to be drinking like I was a teenager anymore.
I called it a night soon after, my eyes lingering on Darren’s as he held up a hand and said he’d see me in the morning.
Oh God, how I wanted him to stay with me.
I climbed into my sleeping bag and my toes were like ice. It took ages to warm up and as soon as I had I was blasted with cold air as Tonya bumbled her way through the tent. She crawled into a sleeping bag at my side.
“Shit,” she said. “I kissed Buck.”
I laughed, and it felt so funny, so right that other boundaries were being blown open in this place.
“Was it like kissing your brother?”
“No,” she said. “And if it was, then I’m an incest convert. It was pretty hot.” She groaned. “I’m going to be hanging like shit in the morning, drank way too much.”
I knew the feeling, even though I’d hardly had any. I felt so sick. Really sick.
Maybe this time really was a dodgy hotdog.
“What now?” I said. “Where’s it going?”
She sighed. “Jeez, Jo, I dunno. He was probably drunk. I’m drunk.”
“Would you want to do it again?”
“Wouldn’t say no.”
I couldn’t stop smiling. “I told Darren I loved him,” I whispered.
I heard her roll towards me. “No shit!”
“Yeah. I really did.”
“And what did he say?”
“He said it back.”
She gasped and hiccupped at the same time, threw her hand to her mouth, eyes like saucers. “You’re fucking kidding me?”
I shook my head, my grin hurting my face. “Scout’s honour,” I said.
“Oh, Jo,” she took hold of my hand. “And you smell of sex. Dirty mare.”
I felt my cheeks burning in the dim light, felt Darren still inside me. Then we both burst into giggles. She hugged me and I hugged her back.
“Tell me,” she said, “I’m all ears.”
But my tummy rolled and I fought back the urge to puke. “I’m really pooped,” I said. “Feel a bit sick. I need to sleep.”
“Cop out.”
“For real,” I said. “I feel like shit.”
“Yeah yeah,” she said. “Goodnight then, lovergirl.”
“Night night, brother-lover.”
I laughed as she jabbed me in the arm.
Darren helped us pack up the tent, giving Ruby a running commentary on the results from yesterday’s racing as he did it. I kept busy, but I was still hanging, the sickness in my belly was worse, and I’d actually thrown up first thing, managing to hold it back until I’d reached a hedge at safe distance.
No more drinking for me, ever.
Darren slapped the side of the car as we pulled away, and I beeped the horn as we drove out of sight. Ruby was in good spirits, but Mia and Daisy were sombre. I’d already told them I’d have to be reporting back to Daisy’s mum. That had gone down like a lead balloon.
We dropped Tonya first, and she grabbed her case with a groan. Seems she was feeling as bad as I was.
I kept things brief with Daisy’s mum, gave her the lowdown without too much drama. She tutted and scowled and told Daisy she should have known better than to be so stupid, and that her privileges of being independent were revoked well and truly.
It was gone lunchtime when we got home. I dumped the tent in the garage and dragged the bags indoors, but left them there, a chaotic pile in the hallway. I just couldn’t face any more of it.
Nanna was happy enough, reading the Sunday paper like we’d never even gone. She’d had fun, she said. Fresh meat to watch Question King with. It seemed she’d had easily as good a time as we’d had.
I wasn’t expecting the rumble of a truck outside, but Darren came round not long after we settled down for the afternoon.
He gave no explanation, and I didn’t ask, just welcomed him in like this was an everyday occurrence. I put the kettle on and told him we were having chicken and chips for tea.
“Sounds good,” he said.
I got on with it, leaving him chatting away to Nanna and the girls in the living room, but he joined me soon after. He took the peeler from me and got to work on the potatoes, making a messy job of it that was very much appreciated nonetheless.
“You alright?” he said. “You look washed out.”
“Tonya snores,” I said. “And I can’t drink anymore.”
“Thirty.” He smirked. “It’s the big birthday approaching. You’ll have to be teetotal from now on.”
“Seriously feels that way,” I said.
I sipped at my water and took a seat at the kitchen table, and he carried on peeling, flashing me an occasional glance over his shoulder.
“About last night,” he said. “Did you, um, did you mean it like?”
My cheeks prickled. “I… um…” Yes, I meant it. “Yeah… I guess I did…”
“Righto,” he said.
I could have smacked him over the head with Nanna’s newspaper if I had the energy.
I waited but he didn’t say anything else.
“And you?” I prompted. “Did you, um… mean it?”
“Yeah,” he said. He dropped the last of the potatoes in the bowl. “I guess I did.” He sat down at the table alongside me. “We need to work this out, Jo. I don’t know what the fuck’s going on like.”
I sighed. “Me neither.”
“I just don’t wanna get it wrong.”
“Me neither.”
“Alright,” he said. “So we talk, yeah?”
I nodded. “Yeah, we talk.” I looked into the hallway, it was clear. “When the kids are in bed.”
He tipped his head. “Good, yeah.”
It seemed to take fucking forever for the kids to go to bed.
Dinner time seemed more chaotic than usual, but it was probably just down to me feeling off. Mia had homework she’d mysteriously forgotten about through the half-term break, and Ruby was on a mission to watch a film instead of Question King. Nanna took some convincing. I told her she’d have to watch the re-run on catch up, and she relented enough to settle down to watch Ruby’s choice with the rest of us.
Considering it was Ruby’s choice she didn’t last long into it. Too little sleep, for both girls, they were both flaked out on Darren’s shoulders by halfway through.
When they were clearly out for the count, and Nanna was dozing in her chair, I flicked the TV to standby.
I nudged Mia gently and told her to make her way to bed. She moved on autopilot, giving us token hugs before she disappeared upstairs.
Darren lifted Ruby from the sofa and carried her up to bed. I followed and stood in the doorway to watch him, loving how tenderly he lowered her onto her mattress and tucked her in.
I was as pooped as they were, I told him so.
“I’ll go then,” he said. “We’ll do it another time, no bother.”
I reached out for his hand as he made his way towards the stairs. He stopped, stared at me, eyes widening as I led him along the landing to my bedroom door.
I’d have fucked him if I’d had the energy, but all I could do was ditch my clothes and slip into bed.
He undressed without words and climbed in beside me, and he was tense, nervous. It was unlike him.
“What is it?” I said.
“Just this…” he replied. “It’s just… weird.”
“Bad weird?”
He pulled me close, and I felt him shake his head. “No, not bad weird.”
We lay there for ages, wrapped up together. His fingers stroked my hair, his shoulder so solid under my cheek. Just like old times.
I drifted in and out of sleep, but every time I moved he was right there, awake.
I guess he didn’t sleep at all.
I heard Nanna climb upstairs and head into her room. I heard the neighbour’s car pull up after her late night pub shift. I knew the time must be getting on by the time Darren nudged me from half-sleep.
“Am I staying, Jo?”
I mumbled something incoherent.
“I mean it,” he said. “If I fall asleep then this is for keeps. The girls… if I stay, they’ll…”
“They’ll know,” I said, suddenly wide awake.
He nodded. “This has to be for real, Jo. We have to be sure.”
“I know,” I said. “For the girls.”
And for us.
He said nothing, just stroked my hair. The words were crammed in my head. What about Bang Gangs? What about Stacey’s ring in your drawer? Do you really love me, Darren, or are you saying it because you want to come home to your girls every night?
“So?” he said. “Am I going or what?”
“We’ve so much to talk about…” I said. “There’s so much to work out…”
He sighed. “Righto.”
He kissed my head before he left me. I felt so horribly bereft that I pulled my knees to my chest, listening in horror to him pull his jeans on and buckle the belt. He sat on the bed, reached out and squeezed my arm. “Don’t get up,” he said. “I’ll let myself out.”
“This isn’t a no, Darren, it’s a we need to talk first.”
He didn’t say anything.
“Get some rest, Jodie, you look fucking spent.”
I nodded, even though he probably couldn’t see me. “Night, Darren,” I said.
“Night, Jo.”
It took me less than a minute to change my mind and rush onto the landing to call him back.
But he was already gone.
I listened to his truck pull away from the drive and knew I never wanted to hear that sound again.
Not the sound of him leaving us.
I wanted him back home for good.
I spent Monday morning throwing up, thanking the hangover for the fact I had a legitimate reason to avoid ladies who lunch.
Tonya called on me afterwards. She said hello to Nanna who was engrossed in Antiques Hunt, then ushered me into the kitchen and informed me with glee that both Debbie Gibson and Mandy Taylor were still in the queue.
“I’m telling you now, Jo,” she said. “He’s not fucking them. I don’t think he’s got any intention of fucking them.”
“Who knows,” I said, “he might just be booked up.”
“Yeah, right. Like fuck he is.” She rolled her eyes. “You two are hopeless. Why don’t you just ask him? No, tell him. Tell him to ditch this shit for good.”
I avoided the question, because in truth I’d been avoiding it myself for long enough. The fear of rejection was always there, festering under the surface, the memory of losing him the first time around embedded so heavily in my heart that I wasn’t sure I could go through that again. That was the truth of
it. And it scared me.
The whole thing scared me. Icarus sailing way too close to Darren Trent’s sun for comfort.
I told her he’d nearly stayed last night and she clapped her hands. “I knew it!” she said. “It’s just a matter of time. Tell him to come home, tell him to ditch this stupid Bang Gang nonsense and bring his stuff back round.”
“And what if he won’t…”
“Why wouldn’t he?” she said. “It’s not like he’s busy fucking around every bloody night, you’re seeing too much of him for that.”
And that was another thing that was niggling me. We’d made no plans this week and I was still holding off on it. I was due any day, and although Darren really didn’t give a shit whether I was on my monthlies or not, I did. The thought of the washing alone was exhausting, and what if this was just sex? What if he turned his nose up when he found it wasn’t going to be rough and tumble all night long?
But he’d held me, last night, just held me.
“Lorraine collared me earlier,” she said. “Told me she’s having a party on Wednesday night. Some Halloween bash, women’s interests.”
The thought of Lorraine made me feel sicker than I was already. “Women’s interests?”
She nodded. “Sex toys and that kind of shit, I guess.” She grinned. “Better get that savings card of yours out, I’m sure there are plenty of experiences of a lifetime a couple of sex toys and Darren Trent could indulge you in.”
“I think I’ll give it a miss…” I said.
She pulled a face. “No way! We’re totally going! I’d love to see what dodgy shit Lorraine gets up to behind that Miss Prissy facade. I bet she’s pure filth.”
“Lorraine?” I laughed. “She was married for a million years, told me her ex-husband was a terrible lay.”
“Yeah, well, she’s been unmarried for a million years, too. That woman’s no stranger to a bit of bump and grind, I’m telling you.”
“Guess we’ll find out.”
She smiled. “You’ll come?”
I nodded. “Why not. I could do with building some bridges with Lorraine, things have been… tense…”
She raised an eyebrow. “Darren?”