“Hellfire, Savanna! I know I’m going to die. Someday. We all are. I want to live with you, love with you before that happens.”
She finally found the courage to lift her eyes back to his and she looked at him with wry resignation. “Maybe a part of you does. A little part. The other part of you is married to McCann Drilling. Just like your father, Joseph, was.”
His blue eyes suddenly blazed with anger. “I’m not married to McCann’s! All I’m trying to do is keep the damn thing running!”
She shot him a hopeless look, then turned and walked out of the kitchen and down the hallway.
Just as she was about to reach her bedroom door, Joe’s hand caught her shoulder and spun her back around to him. She stared at him, her heart pounding sickly in her breast, her eyes daring him to say anything to prove her wrong.
“Savanna,” he said more calmly. “McCann’s is my job. That’s all. A man has to have a job. Whether I’m an oil field man or not has nothing to do with you becoming my wife.”
Knowing there wasn’t anything else she could say to get through to him, she threw up her hands in a helpless gesture. “If you think of McCann’s as just a job, then I know there is absolutely no hope that we could ever have a future together.”
She started to pull out of his grasp, but his hold tightened on her shoulder. “Why?” he demanded.
Did he honestly not know? Savanna wondered. “Because running the company is making you miserable. Even Megan can see that. Yet you spend all your time on it.”
“I wouldn’t neglect either of you,” he assured her.
“I wasn’t implying you would. But if you’re not happy now, how can you honestly expect our marriage to be any better?”
Breathing deeply, Joe reached out with his other hand and drew her head against his chest. “Because you would make me happy,” he said simply.
With her cheek pressed to his heart and his arms wrapped warmly around her, she desperately wanted to believe him. But she’d trusted and lost in the past. She was terrified it would happen again.
“I can’t think about this tonight, Joe,” she said tiredly. “I’m going home.”
He eased her head back. “Tonight? No! I don’t want you driving out on the streets at this hour. And Megan won’t understand if she wakes up and finds you’ve gone.”
He was right, and she wouldn’t want to hurt Megan for any reason. Easing out of his embrace, she said, “All right, I’ll stay for her sake.”
Joe reached over and opened her bedroom door, then, touching her cheek, he whispered, “I wish you were staying for my sake, too.”
Savanna couldn’t say anything. Joe loved her. She should be shouting with joy. Instead, her heart was shattering with pain and regret.
“Good night,” she choked through her tears, then hurried inside her bedroom and foolishly locked the door behind her. As if she could ever lock him out of her heart.
Chapter Twelve
Joe had already gone to work when Savanna rose the next morning. By the time she shared breakfast with Megan then drove to the office, he was gone from there, too.
With a mixture of relief and disappointment, Savanna read a note, she found on her desk.
Savanna,
Sorry I missed you this morning, but there’s been some equipment trouble and I had to leave early. We’ll talk tonight.
Love, Joe
So that meant he was probably going to be out of the office all day, Savanna concluded as she folded the note and tossed it to one side of her desk. It was probably just as well that he wasn’t going to be here tempting her, trying to persuade her to marry him.
We’ll talk tonight. What was he going to say that he hadn’t already said? And how was she going to convince him that she didn’t want to marry him? For that matter, how was she going to convince herself?
The day turned into a long one for Savanna. Without Joe around there was little work for her to do. She typed what few letters she could without his approval, then posted a small stack of bills to the ledger sheet.
Megan called her twice to ask if she’d be coming back to see her tonight. Both times Savanna had put her off as gently as possible. The girl needed companionship with someone who was going to be a permanent fixture in her life. Not someone like Savanna, who was only a temporary standin mom.
All her life she’d been a temporary everything, she thought sadly. A temporary friend, secretary, fiancée. The only constant role she’d ever held was daughter. And even that was going to be on a long-distance basis now that her father and stepmother were going to be moving to New Orleans. Savanna had never felt more alone or lost.
The sun was still high and hot at five that evening when Savanna closed the office and climbed into her Volkswagen. She rolled down the windows and started the engine as quickly as she could. Without an air conditioner to cool the interior, she wanted to get to her apartment and out of the heat as fast as possible.
She was backing out of the parking slot when Joe’s pickup suddenly pulled to a stop directly behind her. Savanna jammed on the brakes and waited for him to come to her.
“I’ve already locked the office,” she told him as he approached her car. “Do you need for me to unlock it? I still have the key you gave me.”
“No, I just came by to catch you before you left.” He leaned his head in the window, then, with a cocky smile she’d never seen on him before, he planted a kiss on her mouth. “Did you have any problems today?”
No problems with work, she thought. Just a major struggle to keep him out of her head. And what little progress she’d made at that had just crumbled beneath his kiss.
“Everything was slow. Although you did get a call from a potential client. He has a lease in the southeast part of the state to be drilled and he thinks McCann’s is the company he wants to do it.”
“That’s good. So are you ready for some supper?”
“You’re asking me out?” she asked, her face mirroring her surprise.
He smiled again and Savanna decided the ordeal he’d gone through with his foreman had definitely done something to him. This was a different Joe, an almost happy Joe!
“Since I’ve already asked you to marry me, I might as well ask you out to supper.”
Her first instinct was to refuse. But he obviously wanted to talk to her and it wouldn’t make much difference if their conversation was over the evening meal or over the phone. The outcome was going to be the same. She couldn’t marry Joe.
“What about Megan? Is she coming with us?”
He shook his head. “I’ve already explained to her where we’ll be. Anyway, she’s all excited because I’m letting her go to the movies with Cindy.”
“The girl across the street?” Savanna was amazed and it must have shown on her face because he smiled and shrugged.
“I’m not a complete ogre, Savanna. Now kill that orange thing and let’s get out of here.”
Minutes later they entered a quiet little French café on the opposite side of town. Expecting to be eating at a fast-food joint or steak house, Savanna looked around with mild surprise at the quaint but elegant tables.
“You had to make reservations for this,” Savanna said after the waiter had seated them and Joe had ordered a bottle of wine. “Why didn’t we go to that fast food place?”
“McCann Drilling might be close to bankruptcy, but I’m not. I can afford to feed you a good dinner.”
“I wasn’t implying that you couldn’t afford it. I just…don’t want you to waste your money on me.”
Frowning, he picked up the menu and opened it. “I’m not a teenager, Savanna. I don’t expect sex for repayment of a meal.”
“You know,” she said pleasantly as she leaned back in her chair, “I don’t think I’ve ever struck anyone in my life. But I constantly get the urge to pick something up and bop you over the head with it. I wonder what that means? That I’ve got a violent streak in me that I didn’t know about?”
He put the wine list aside an
d looked at her. “It means you love me.”
His words caught her completely off guard and it was a moment or two before she could respond. “What makes you think so?”
“Because love and hate are just like that.” Holding up his hands he pressed his palms flat against each other. “You can’t have one without the other.”
“I hardly expected you to have an opinion on the subject,” she admitted truthfully. “Is that what was wrong with you and Deirdre. You didn’t have the right mixture of love and hate?”
Before he could answer the waiter returned with the wine. After he filled their glasses and left, Joe turned back to Savanna. “Deirdre didn’t have the nerve or urge to bop anybody. She was as placid as a milquetoast. There wasn’t a really passionate bone in her body.”
“She sounds perfect for you,” Savanna couldn’t help saying.
He laughed, then shook his head. “Deirdre and I bored each other to tears. She thought I was a stuffed-shirt scientist and I thought she was a clinging whiner.”
“Dear Lord, why did you ever marry her in the first place?”
“I thought milquetoast would be easier to digest than something spicy. And I guess it was like Megan said, I needed to rebel against Joseph. And marrying Deirdre was the way to do it. God, what a mistake,” he added in afterthought.
“Deirdre was obviously a mistake,” Savanna told him. “But the rebellion against your father wasn’t. I wish you’d done more of it.”
“You don’t like him, do you?” he asked.
She looked at him over the rim of her wine goblet. “Your father?” When he nodded, she went on, “I don’t even know him. Besides, he’s no longer living.”
“Even so, you don’t like his image.”
She swallowed a sip of the wine in hopes it would give her enough courage to hold her senses together. “No. I don’t like Joseph McCann. He took away your childhood. He took away your right to be your own person. Most of all, he took away your happiness.”
“I’m happy.”
“Really?” she asked, the sarcasm in her voice telling him how much she believed him.
“I will be when you marry me.”
She looked away from him and sadly shook her head. “And you think I’m going to make everything all right? That having me in your life is going to make you happy?”
“Why not?”
She leaned toward him then and tightly clasped his hand between the two of hers. “Because I believe with all my heart that you’re never going to be truly happy until you turn the reins of McCann’s over to someone else.”
“Savanna, I—” he began the warning, only to have her interrupt.
“You’re a geologist, Joe! I know that’s what you really want to be doing. Not sitting behind a desk or meeting with money men. You want to be out in the field doing exploration work. Admit it. Can’t you?”
It was only a few days ago that he’d been able to admit it to himself, much less to someone else, Joe thought. But Savanna had done something to him and he was no longer that same Joe who couldn’t talk or laugh or smile.
“You’re right, Savanna. Totally right. But that doesn’t change things. I may want to work as a geologist again, but I can’t. What a person wants and what he is obligated to do are two different things.”
The expectant, hopeful expression fell from Savanna’s face and she released his hand.
“I guess you’re right, Joe,” she said flatly. “And five years ago I obligated myself to a career in accounting. I’m going to stick to it. I’m going back to college, get my degree and start a CPA business of my own.”
Joe’s eyes took in her jutted chin, the arch of her neck and the small gold locket nestled between her breasts. She was gorgeous and spirited and passionate and nothing like a milquetoast. And he wanted her more than anything he’d ever wanted in his life.
“That’s good. You can work as my CPA. I’m always having to call one in at McCann’s.”
Savanna slowly shook her head. “I don’t think so.” Her eyes caught his and begged him to understand. “I haven’t changed my mind since last night, Joe. I’m not going to marry you.”
“Savanna, you—”
To Joe’s annoyance the waiter came up just at that moment to take their orders. After he’d finally left, Joe leaned across the table to Savanna, his eyes dark and intense. “Why? Just tell me that. Or can you?”
“Why? Damn it, Joe,” she retorted, then glanced around to make sure there were no other diners close enough to hear her. “I don’t want you to be my next Bruce, or my next Terry. I can’t go through that again. And don’t ask me to,” she tacked on the moment she saw his mouth fly open.
“What do you want us to do? Simply go back to work tomorrow and act as though we’re just employee and employer?”
“It would be a great relief to me.”
He wanted to marry her and spend the rest of his life with her and all she wanted was relief! He wanted to shake her, kiss her, yell some sort of sense into her.
“Fine,” he said angrily. “Anything to make you happy, Ms. Starr!”
The remainder of the meal was spent in total silence. Even the trip back to McCann’s to pick up her car was made with a minimal amount of words.
When he finally pulled to a stop beside her Volkswagen, Savanna exhaled a deep sigh of relief.
“Thank you for supper,” she said stiffly. “The food was delicious.”
She’d hardly touched it, Joe thought. But what the hell, she didn’t want to touch him, either.
“You’re welcome,” he said trying his best to sound as cool as she had.
Savanna nodded, then hastily reached for the door handle.
“Savanna?”
Her heart pounding, she looked over at him. “What?”
His answer was to reach for her and drag her across the seat and into his arms.
“What are you doing?” she muttered as his mouth lowered to hers.
“I want to give you something to think about tomorrow. When we go back to being employer and employee,” he murmured, then, closing the last fraction between their lips, he kissed her as he had that day in the office when she’d practically begged him to make love to her.
Desire swamped Savanna and for long moments all she could do was want more.
Then suddenly he was putting her away from him. “Good night, Savanna.”
He leaned across her and opened the door. She didn’t say anything and Joe watched her scramble to the ground and quickly climb into the Volkswagen. Once she’d gunned the engine to life, she reversed away from his truck and sped off into the darkness without a backward glance.
Yet it was a long time before Joe started his own truck and left McCann’s parking lot. And even then his hands were still shaking. Life without Savanna wasn’t going to be any sort of life at all. What was he going to do to make her see that?
Savanna unlocked the door to her apartment, then with a sigh of relief stepped into the cool interior. The temperature had been blistering hot for the past two weeks and it looked as though there was no relief in sight.
Tossing her purse onto a low coffee table, Savanna walked into her bedroom and quickly stripped off the white linen dress she’d worn to work, then pulled on a pair of red jersey shorts and matching T-shirt.
The heat was definitely getting to her. Every evening she came home from work totally exhausted and her head throbbing like a bass drum. She was going to have to do something about getting an air conditioner installed in her car or buying a vehicle that already had one.
Who are you kidding, Savanna? she asked herself, as she stood before the dresser and pulled a brush through her short hair. The heat wasn’t the reason she wanted to burst into tears every five minutes. It was Joe.
He’d rarely spoken to her these past two weeks. But then she supposed there wasn’t much he could say that he hadn’t already. And there wasn’t much she could say either, she thought glumly. She’d made her choice. Now she had to stick w
ith it.
But it was breaking her heart into pieces and she didn’t know what to do about it.
A knock at the door had her tossing down her hairbrush and hurrying out to the living room.
Relieved to see Jenny on the other side of the door, Savanna grabbed her friend by the hand and welcomed her into the apartment.
“Well, it’s been a while since anyone has acted this glad to see me,” Jenny said as Savanna ushered her into the living area. “Not too many people are happy to find a cop at their door.”
With a wan smile, Savanna said, “I’m very glad to see you. In fact, I’ve been wondering why you haven’t been over for a visit.”
Sinking wearily down on the end of the couch, Savanna motioned for Jenny to take a seat.
“I’ve been working,” the redhead said. “A summer flu bug has been going around in the department. I’ve had to work double shifts, then grab as much sleep as I can in between.”
“Well, the work must be agreeing with you. You look lovely.”
Jenny waved away the compliment. “I wish I could say the same for you, but you look awful. What’s the matter? Is your job nearly over?”
Savanna pressed her fingertips against her forehead. “No. Not yet. But Edie had her baby last week and since they’re both doing fine, I don’t expect my services will be needed for too much longer.”
Jenny’s expression turned to one of concern as she heard the painful wobble in Savanna’s voice.
“And you don’t want to quit working for Joe?” she asked.
“Frankly, Jenny, I don’t think I can take it much longer.” With a heavy sigh Savanna rubbed her throbbing temples. Across the room Jenny kicked off her flats and drew her legs up beneath her. The two women hadn’t visited since the night they’d gone shopping at the mall. More than two weeks had passed since then. Two weeks of hell as far as Savanna was concerned.
“Okay, tell me all about it, honey. You’ve gone and fallen in love with the guy, haven’t you?”
Savanna moaned and pressed her fingers tighter against her forehead. “How did you guess?”
Jenny laughed. “By the miserable expression on your face. Only a man can make a woman look the way you do.”
Daddy Lessons Page 15