The Regal Rules for Girls

by Jerramy Fine

  What to wear: Summery dresses below the knee. (The dress code in the Stewards’ Enclosure is notoriously strict. One of my friends was forced to pull her skirt below her bottom and cover her exposed derriere with a long cardigan in order to pass through the gates.) Bare shoulders are fine. Hats are not required. High heels will sink into the grassy banks, so best if you opt for cute wedges.

  What to drink: Pimm’s and lemonade.

  Best flirting spot: By day? The Leander Club. By night? The Mahiki Tent (the latter requires tickets, so book in advance, www.mahiki.com).

  Faux pas: Pantsuits, cell phones.

  HELPFUL ROWING JARGON:

  coxswain (aka “Cox”): the person facing the back of the boat responsible for steering and race strategy (normally the one doing all the shouting)

  sculler: a rower who rows with two oars, one in each hand

  stroke: the rower closest to the back of the boat, responsible for the stroke rate and rhythm

  stroke rate: the number of strokes executed per minute by a crew

  PLANNING THE PERFECT “CAR PARK” PICNIC

  Whether you’re packing a picnic for Royal Ascot or the Henley Royal Regatta, concentrate on elegant finger food that can be nibbled with minimal mess—the less cutlery required the better.

  Create an al fresco picnic menu that incorporates Britain’s classic summer delicacies—things like asparagus, smoked salmon, and fresh strawberries. Always ensure that white wine, rosé, champagne, and beer are served chilled.

  It sounds crazy, but tables and chairs are a must for such picnics. Try to find ones that will easily collapse in the back of your car or taxi.

  Special touches make all the difference, and British guests will notice if you’re not using starched table linens, proper wineglasses, and real champagne flutes.

  Ideally, food is packed in an old-fashioned willow picnic basket with leather trim, from Fortnum and Mason. (Even better, get them to cater the whole thing for you.) www.fortnumandmason.com

  Pimm’s

  The English summer is not complete without pitchers and pitchers of Pimm’s. The British serve it at garden parties, at picnics, and during languid rounds of afternoon croquet; Pimm’s lubricates all cricket matches and is the number one drink of choice at Wimbledon. (It is also safe to say that without Pimm’s, Henley would be no more than a stilted formal gathering on a riverbank.)

  Pimm’s is a gin-based liquor that contains a top-secret mix of herbs that give it an amber-colored tint. Tasting subtly of citrus fruit and spices, Pimm’s can be served both on ice or in cocktails. However, it is traditionally mixed with English “lemonade” (the kind that is clear and carbonated and vaguely similar to Sprite), along with a variety of chopped fruit, mint, and cucumber. The resulting concoction is not unlike a very large and very boozy cup of fruit cocktail. (Sometimes it’s actually served with a long-handled spoon.)

  Pimm’s proffers a somewhat restrained 25 percent alcohol content, and its widespread popularity among the English summer events is undoubtedly based on the fact that it is light enough to be consumed all afternoon—while still being strong enough to provide the necessary party-time kick. If you hate alcoholic drinks that taste like alcoholic drinks, then you’ll love Pimm’s. Just try not to drink more than ten pints in a single afternoon.

  Classic Pimm’s Recipe

  Take a jug or tall glass and fill it with ice.

  Mix 1 part Pimm’s No. 1 with 3 parts sparkling lemonade (I prefer Schweppes’s).

  Add sliced cucumber, orange, lemon, and strawberries (I like to freeze these in advance so they act as extra ice cubes).

  Garnish with a few sprigs of mint.

  Wimbledon

  Wimbledon, London, www.wimbledon.org

  What is it: The world’s oldest major tennis championship and the only one still played on grass.

  When: Two weeks between late June and early July.

  What to expect: Strawberries and cream, pristine green lawns, and sexy tennis whites.

  What to drink: Pimm’s. What else?

  Who goes: The Duke or Duchess of Kent usually presents the prizes to the winners of the Ladies’ and Gentlemen’s Singles and Doubles, and all players must bow or curtsey to the occupants of the Royal Box. Kate Middleton and her sister, Pippa, made a fashionable splash during their first public courtside appearance in 2011, and palace aides are reportedly discussing the idea of Kate taking over the trophy presenting duties in her new role as Duchess of Cambridge—which would surely add an exciting touch of glamour to the tournament. (Kate is an accomplished tennis player and used to play regularly at the Chelsea Harbor Club.4)

  Top tip: Plan ahead and apply for tickets via the public online lottery system in December; otherwise be prepared to stand in line overnight for the same day’s matches.

  Best flirting spot: The Centre Court.

  Cowes Week

  Isle of Wight, www.cowesweek.co.uk

  Cowes Week is the longest-running yacht regatta in existence. The nautical event stages 40 daily races for more than 1,000 boats and up to 8,500 competitors participate each day. During Cowes Week, most sailing clubs open their doors to other UK yacht club members. You can also mix with the well-heeled West London crowd at the Mahiki or Raffles pop-up parties found along the neighboring marinas.

  When: Eight days in early August.

  Who goes: Both the Duke of Edinburgh and the Princess Royal have competed in Cowes as individuals.

  What to wear: On the water? Gill or Musto. On the shore? Crew Clothing, T&G, Henry Lloyd. Shoes? Sebago or Dubarry.

  Best flirting spot: During the fireworks grand finale on the final Friday of the regatta.

  Faux pas: Seasickness, women in overly nautical-themed outfits.

  Also try: Antigua Race Week, Falmouth Week.

  (See also “Sailing,” page 161.)

  Polo

  Polo is the sexiest sport on the planet: gorgeous, strapping (often royal) players on horseback in hot pursuit of the ball, thundering hooves, bits of grass, clouds of dust, the loud smack of the mallet…the entire event is the epitome of sportsmanship, valor, and equestrian skill. After attending my very first polo match and applauding the game between sips of champagne, I understood completely why polo had been the royal sport of choice for so many centuries: “Let other people play at other things. The King of Games still remains the Game of Kings.”5

  TOP 5 POLO EVENTS:

  The Prince of Wales Trophy at the Royal County of Berkshire, www.rcbpoloclub.com

  The Queen’s Cup at Guards (I love this one because Her Majesty is always in attendance), www.guardspoloclub.com

  The Warwickshire Cup at Cirencester Park www.cirencesterpolo.co.uk

  The Gold Cup at Cowdray Park, www.cowdraypolo.co.uk

  Cartier International at Guards (the pinnacle of the polo calendar but increasingly less elite that the others) www.guardspoloclub.com

  The game: Two teams of four, all on horseback, gallop around a lawn three times the size of a soccer field, attempting to hit a small white ball with long-handled mallets.

  When: The polo season runs from April to September.

  Where to go: You can typically choose between grandstand seating and eating a picnic on the lawn or more exclusive members’ enclosures that offer a lavish sit-down lunch and continuous champagne. Lunch comes first, then the polo.

  What to drink: Veuve Clicquot.

  What to wear: Your entry badge, designer shades, a smart sundress, flats or wedges.

  Faux pas: Stiletto heels, insanely short hemlines (as the saying goes, people are there to see the ponies’ legs, not yours).

  Best flirting spots: The Jack Wills Eton vs. Harrow match at Guards Polo Club (think of the cute alumni!), the Chinawhite party tent at Cartier International (Prince Harry and his chums frequently make an appearance).

  POLO POINTERS:

  Call them polo ponies, NOT horses. A good polo pony can stop and turn on a dime (or a sixpence!), and most players would say that the
ir success is primarily due to their ponies’ skill. (FYI: Ponies’ legs are often bandaged for support and protection—not because they are injured.)

  A chukka is a period of play (similar to a tennis set), lasting seven minutes. At the end of each chukka, the ponies are swapped so they don’t get too tired. A full game has eight chukkas; club matches have four to six.

  Divots are the holes made on the field by all those pounding hooves. Spectators are encouraged to stomp them back down at halftime (another good reason to wear flats or wedges instead of heels).

  Parable #5

  I know a pretty twenty-something girl from California (let’s call her Clara) who loves England more than life itself. And I admire her more than I can say. She works hard at her job in America and saves up so she can come to England every year to do the Season. And do the Season she does! She has dresses specially made for the Royal Enclosure (the clothes in Los Angeles are too slutty, she tells me), and she even designs and sews her own hats (she is determined, among other things, to become a part-time milliner). She goes to all of Henley (not just one day) and all of Royal Ascot and to every single polo match that matters. At night you can find her in Boujis and Mahiki, and on her free afternoons she heads to Gloucestershire (where Prince Charles has a country estate) to hang out with the bright young Brits known as the “Glossy Posse.” I’m telling you, if she doesn’t at least kiss Prince Harry one day—I’ll be very surprised.

  Anyway, what I love about Clara is her pure tenacity. She knows the life she wants and she goes after it. To obtain entrance into the elite enclosures of English polo clubs, you must be a member, and to become a member you must be recommended by a member. Clara wasn’t daunted. From her desk in LA, she wrote a letter to each membership secretary of each polo club she wanted to attend. She politely explained how much she loved polo and kindly asked that they grant her a special summer membership without the required recommendation. And you know what? Every single one of them agreed. Due to the strength of her all-American perseverance, Clara arrived in the UK with a handful of entry badges that most British polo fans would kill for.

  The lesson? Nothing ventured; nothing gained.

  The Chelsea Flower Show

  Royal Hospital, Chelsea, www.rhs.org.uk/chelsea

  When: five days in May

  What is it: This world-famous flower show is a traditional highlight of the British summer Season and is a particular favorite of the Royal Family. Founded in the mid-nineteenth century by the Royal Horticultural Society (RHS), the Chelsea Flower Show takes over the grounds of the Royal Hospital with a huge array of creative floral displays.

  What to expect: Rubbing shoulders with royalty as you wander through exquisite exhibits of floristry.

  Who goes: The Queen, Charles, and Camilla are almost always in attendance for the Royal Preview, which takes place on the Monday. (In 2002, Prince Charles was an actual exhibitor; his display was called the “Healing Garden” and featured a tribute to his late grandmother.) Prince Albert of Monaco has also been known to make an appearance—maybe one day he’ll bring his hot nephews Andrea and Pierre.

  What to wear: There is no stringent dress code, but ladies should wear a summery dress or skirt with a smart jacket or cardigan. Hats are not required, but you may want to plan for wet weather.

  Top tip: Become a member of the Royal Horticultural Society. RHS members enjoy special rates and privileged entry. Advance booking is essential.

  Faux pas: Holding a 9-to-5 job. (This event is designed purely for ladies who lunch and is not open on Saturday or Sunday.)

  Glorious Goodwood

  Goodwood Park, West Sussex, www.goodwood.co.uk

  What is it: King Edward VII famously described this prestigious horse racing event as a fabulous “garden party with racing tacked on.” Not much has changed since.

  Where: Goodwood was the ancestral home of the Duke of Richmond for more than three hundred years and boasts a superb collection of paintings, porcelain, and furniture.

  What to expect: “Panamas, Pimm’s, and parasols” along the rolling lawns of this spectacular stately home.

  What to wear: For the Richmond Enclosure, men should don linen suits, waistcoats, and the archetypal Panama hat popularized by King Edward VII. Ladies should aim for understated glamour and chic elegance (think floaty dresses) and are encouraged to wear hats at the Festival Meeting.

  Also try: The Goodwood Festival of Speed—the largest motor sports party in the world, popularly dubbed “the garden party of the Gods,” and the Goodwood Revival—think fabulous vintage cars and fabulous vintage clothes.

  Glyndebourne

  East Sussex, www.glyndebourne.com

  What is it: This world-class opera festival presents yet another opportunity to enjoy a champagne picnic on a stately summer lawn. (When I said the season is one long alcoholic picnic, I wasn’t kidding.) Dating back more than seventy years, Glyndebourne (which rhymes with “kind-born”) attracts opera fans from all over the world to indulge in outdoor renditions of Mozart and Handel. Catered picnics, along with garden furniture and your own private butler, can easily be arranged.

  Dress code: Black-tie (yes, you read that correctly—a black-tie picnic!). This means wear a short or long evening dress. The tradition of wearing evening dress during the Glyndebourne Festival originated with founder John Christie, who felt it helped the audience show respect for the performers. Given the perils of the British weather, it is also advisable to bring an additional, warm layer: cardigan, pashmina, raincoat, etc.

  The Summer Exhibition at the Royal Academy

  Piccadilly, London, www.royalacademy.org.uk

  What to expect: Beautiful people swanning around and chatting about art. (Perfect for putting that new History of Art degree of yours to good use.)

  RECOMMENDED READING:

  Last Curtsey by Fiona MacCarthy

  This is a glorious firsthand account of the 1958 English Season. The author was lucky enough to be in the last group of debutantes to actually go to Buckingham Palace and curtsey to the Queen. Fiona describes how she and her fellow teenage “debs” took part in some of the last rituals of aristocratic power and indulged in a British social season that had remained unchanged since the eighteenth century. The author tells of riotous party seasons that stretched on for months, flitting in and out of the grand houses of London, dancing and flirting with young noblemen everywhere from the Home Counties to the Scottish Highlands. I wanted to live in this book’s pages. So will you.

  Snobs by Julian Fellowes

  This novel is the tale of Edith Lavery. Edith is a middle-class English girl who goes to Royal Ascot and bags one of the most eligible bachelors in the country—Charles Broughton, heir to the Marquess of Uckfield. Edith soon becomes a countess, yet life among the upper echelons of society is not all that it seems. She quickly discovers there is much more to the aristocracy than dancing at Annabel’s and understanding which fork to use at dinner. And then there is Charles’s mother, the frightening Lady Uckfield, who is none too pleased with her son’s choice of wife. From the screenwriter that brought us Gosford Park and our beloved Downton Abbey, Snobs is the best, and funniest, contemporary British novel I’ve read in years.

  1 To be fair, NSIT applies to every British boy I’ve ever met.

  2 You know what I’m going to say: If you haven’t already, start reading Nancy Mitford asap. Start with The Pursuit of Love and Love in a Cold Climate.

  3 The dress code differs between Royal Ascot and all other Ascot race days, so please ensure you are dressed appropriately for the enclosure on the race day you have booked.

  4 FYI: This a great gym to join if you want to meet more of the Castle Crew; it was also the favored gym of the late Princess Diana. www.harbourclubchelsea.com

  5 A phrase carved beside an ancient polo ground in Southern Asia.

  SEVEN

  DATING

  Charles: Do you think there really are people who can just go up and say, “Hi, babe. Name’s Ch
arles. This is your lucky night.”?

  Matthew: Well, if there are, they’re not English.

  —FROM THE FILM FOUR WEDDINGS AND A FUNERAL

  Every time I go back to America, I’m always struck by how different the single men are from their British counterparts. Yes, American men are louder and a bit more confident (bordering on cocky), but what really strikes me is they are not afraid to show their interest in you—any time, any place.

  One afternoon, when I was visiting my cousin in New York, I was standing on the train platform at Penn Station, when a guy approached me and gave me his business card; one hour later while I was having lunch with my cousin in Union Square, another guy passed me his phone number on a cocktail napkin. It’s all so cliché, but deep down I love that American men have the guts to do these things! (And even better, that they do these things when they are sober!)

  British women would probably find this forward American behavior a little freaky, but I have a hunch that they might also find it slightly refreshing, because British men won’t give you their business cards unless it’s two in the morning and they’ve consumed at least ten pints’ worth of Dutch courage. Despite their inebriated state, they’ll manage to slur something surprisingly charming and eloquent (they are English after all), then they’ll rugby tackle you into a dark corner, stick their tongue down your throat, and take you home. When you wake up in the morning, you are boyfriend and girlfriend. I can’t tell you how many English couples have met this way.

  After I graduated from college, my closest friends were scattered across the globe: LA, Chicago, DC, New York, London—the list of cities made it sound as if we were opening a chain of fashion boutiques. But in the UK, after graduation everyone moves to London. So most single English girls in their twenties are still hanging out with the same group of friends they had in college. Considering that in college they only became friends with “suitable” types anyway (boys and girls that went to appropriate boarding schools) and their families had been going to parties in each other’s country houses for generations—getting drunkenly kissed in a pub by one of them several years later is hardly a big deal.