“I didn’t think you were coming. Thought you had better things to do tonight?” I asked. I didn’t really care, but I had thought he was going to a mate’s.
He shrugged. “I found myself here instead.”
I nodded and yelled as my next stone just plummeted into the lake.
“It’s fine, Barlow,” he chuckled. “It just takes practise.”
I sighed. “Yeah, it’s not the stones. I mean, it’s not helping. But…”
He nodded. “You want to talk about it?”
I shook my head. “There really isn’t anything to talk about. I just feel shit.”
“Yeah, fair enough. Pity party for two, yeah?”
I chuckled humourlessly.
“What?” he asked.
“I just never imagined, of all the people in my life, I could feel the most normal around you.” Yep, I’d been going to deny it until my dying breath. But, with the appearance of Roman went my filter.
“I feel like that’s supposed to be a compliment…?”
I gave him a smile. “It just never crossed my mind that I’d come here instead of all the parties we’d been invited to or instead of sitting in my room with my movies because just sitting with you, even saying nothing, I feel less alone than I do anywhere else at the moment. I guess I’m trying to say thank you.”
“For what? I haven’t done anything a decent human being shouldn’t already be doing.”
“A, you’re talking about Mason now and that’s hardly fair. And B, you’re not supposed to be a decent human being, remember?”
He chuckled. “Oh yeah. I’d almost forgotten.”
I laughed and tried another stone. Of course, it failed.
“Come here.”
He stepped up behind me and put a hand on my waist while the other took hold of my wrist. Oddly, it didn’t feel weird or awkward. I didn’t even question it; I just took some comfort in the physical connection and let him get to his point.
He moved my arm back and forth. “Like this. Ready?”
“For what?”
“I’ll move your arm and tell you when to let go.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
He moved my arm a couple of times again, then said “now” and I let go of the rock. It jumped twice before plonking into the water.
My arms shot up into the air as I whooped. He laughed, wrapped his arms around my waist and spun me around. He finally let my feet down, but didn’t let me go.
“See, told you that you could do it,” he said, his lips close to my ear.
“Again!” I laughed, as I hugged his arms.
We went through the motions a few times and, more often than not, my stone skipped at least twice.
“Oh, watch out. I’ll get better than you soon,” I teased.
“You what?” he laughed.
“Yep, the student becomes the master.” I brushed off my shoulders mock-arrogantly and he laughed out loud; a pure, happy sound I don’t think I’d heard from him ever. It was more than just sincere, it was beautiful.
“Yeah, we’ll see about that,” he said as he tickled me.
I giggled helplessly while I tried to pant, “Uncle”.
“I think you’ll find it’s pronounced ‘uncie’,” he said deadpan.
That set me off further. I took a deep breath and finally got out “okay, okay, Uncie Roman!” through laughing.
He let go of me, but I was so busy laughing that my legs almost gave out. He just got his arms around me as we collapsed onto the ground, setting us off again. Once we’d finally calmed down, we just lay there, perfectly content where we’d fallen – arms and legs everywhere.
“No music tonight?” I asked.
“Didn’t want to interrupt your pity party.”
I smiled and picked up his hand. “I kind of like your music.”
“Really?” His thumb ran over the back of my hand.
I nodded. “Yeah, seems…suitable.”
“Huh,” he chuckled and pulled his phone out of his pocket with the hand I wasn’t holding.
Music washed over us and we lay in silence for a bit.
“Barlow?”
“Hm?”
“What are your plans for next year?”
I was completely taken back by that question. “What?”
“I mean, you don’t have to tell me or anything. I just wondered.”
I shifted my head slightly where it lay on his arm. “No. I… Um, well uni in Adelaide I guess.”
I hated thinking about it because moving out of home, and leaving my friends and family, and everything else involved seemed hugely scary, and I couldn’t really deal with it. Mum had already started the excited planning, but all it served to do was give me anxiety and a headache.
I felt him nod. “Fair enough.”
I didn’t say anything, just did my usual staring up at the sky. Not that I could see the stars that night because it was cloudy. There was a blotch of white where the moon was trying to peek through, but the rest was grey.
Finally, I heard him ask, “You okay?”
I nodded. “Uh, yeah. I just… Sorry,” I sighed.
“What for?”
I shrugged and sat up, my legs still over one of his. “You don’t want to hear all my unnecessary, inexplicable shit, Lombardi.”
“How about a new rule?”
I looked back at him and found him watching me, his hands behind his head. “New rule?”
He nodded. “Yeah. We don’t apologise.”
“We don’t…?”
He nodded again. “Yeah. You just be, Barlow, and I’ll accept you as is. You never have to apologise to me for anything. You want to be in a shit? Be in a shit and I’ll take you as you are. You want to be ridiculously, annoyingly happy? I’ll take that, too – although I reserve the right to tease you a little. You can’t or don’t want to talk? No judgements. No apologies, Piper. We just be ourselves.”
I was in danger of forgetting everything I thought I knew about Roman Lombardi before the holidays. I didn’t let it show.
“Just be ourselves?”
“Yep.”
“No apologies?”
“Yep.”
I sighed, thinking it over. I lay back down next to him and he put his arm back under my head. “Okay, Roman. No judgements. No apologies. I won’t expect you to be anything but you, and you likewise. We are who we are in the moment and that just is,” I said, testing out how it sounded.
I felt him nod again. “Exactly.”
“Huh… Okay.”
He chuckled. “If I ask you what you want to do at uni, is that going to bring on some more funk?”
I smiled. “I think I want to do teaching.”
“What years?”
“Primary.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I’ve always liked kids.”
“Even after yesterday with Maddy?”
I snorted. “Okay, I may be rethinking it,” I teased. “Why? What are you doing next year?”
“Haven’t you heard the teachers at school?”
That shouldn’t have brought a smile to my face. “I’ve heard Mr Dunbridge tell everyone you’re going nowhere fast.”
“Well, he’s not wrong.”
“I’m sure that’s not true.”
“Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten who I am, Barlow.”
My smile fell. “No. I haven’t forgotten. I’m just not quite as convinced as I once was that you’re a total write off.”
“You’re the only one, then. Trust me, Dunbridge isn’t wrong.”
I had no evidence to mount an argument, so I said, “Well, you must still have an idea what you’ll be busy doing on the road to nowhere?”
He sighed. “Well, Dad wants me to move to the city with him and his new wife. Mum simultaneously wants me to go to uni and stay with her forever. So, you know…” He shrugged. “I expect I’ll get a terrible ATAR and bludge until Mum makes me get
a job or gets sick of me.”
“Where does your dad live?”
“Sydney.”
I nodded. “Do you see him much?”
“Nope.”
“Sorry, if you–”
His arm wrapped around my shoulder and gave me a slight squeeze. “No apologies, Barlow.”
I chuckled. “Okay. If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine.”
“Eh, there’s just not much to talk about. He gives me money in lieu of love and expects me to worship him.”
“He’s rich then?”
His laugh was humourless. “Like fuck. How else do I have my car? He gives me an allowance and if I need more I just ask him. Mum, annoyingly, won’t let me help out with the mortgage. Dad pays the minimum, but he could do so much more. Still no matter how much I try, she won’t let me.” He sighed. “Something about it not being a kid’s job.”
“She loves you.”
“She does.”
Mum and Carmen weren’t best friends or anything, but they travelled in the same circles – it was a small town among small towns, so there weren’t that many circles – and they obviously got along so I knew of her pretty well. And after getting to know Roman, I’d started to think that it wasn’t just maternal instinct that made her love her son so much.
Silence fell again and I tapped my foot along to the music even though it wasn’t something I knew. I’d opened my mouth to ask him something when rain just started pouring down. My eyes closed and I yelped.
I heard Roman laugh and felt him jump up. He grabbed my hands and pulled me to standing where I smacked into his chest and he had to catch me before I fell again. I opened my eyes, squinting against the rain and saw him looking down at me with a smile.
“You scream like a girl, Barlow.” But, I knew he was only teasing.
“Yeah, and I’m sure you scream like a real man,” I huffed and he laughed.
We just stood and looked at each other for a moment and I almost forgot it was raining. The air around us seemed warm and I liked what I saw in his eyes; they were softer than usual, something about him not just the cocky, womanising arsehole. Then, lightning flashed and I fully remembered who he was and where we were.
I pulled away gently and bent to pick up the blanket.
“Here.” He took it from me, grabbed my hand and pulled me after him towards our houses.
I would have pulled my hand from his, but I slipped once and his hand was the only thing that kept me standing.
We finally ducked under my back veranda and he shook his wet hair from his face with a gorgeous smile on his face.
“I enjoyed tonight, Barlow,” he said.
I nodded. “I surprisingly don’t hate spending time with you, Lombardi.”
He grinned. “Maybe it won’t be raining tomorrow night.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
“I guess I might see you then.”
“You might.”
His eyes were still warm and full of nothing but trouble now, but I still felt the most comfortable that I had with another person in a long time.
“Night, Piper.”
“Night, Roman.”
We stood awkwardly for a moment, then I ducked my head and went inside. Before I closed the curtains behind me, I looked back at him and wondered again where the Roman I thought I knew was.
But then, maybe he was still the Roman he’d always been and I was just seeing him differently, seeing a little more of him. Just like I was still Piper with him, just a version of me I didn’t show the world.
“Hey, sweetie,” Mum said and I turned to find her pouring hot water into a mug. “Was that Roman I just saw?”
I blinked. “Uh, yes…”
She pursed her lips like she was trying not to smile. “I see.”
“No. Nothing to see here!” I said far too quickly.
Mum did smile then. “Of course not.”
“Nothing happened.”
Mum looked me over. “Darling, when you walk into the house with a smile like that on your face after seeing a boy like Roman? I won’t judge anything that happened as long as you were being sensible.”
My cheeks flamed; the last thing I needed was for my parents to think I was…up to things with Roman. Although, my embarrassment at the idea probably solidified in her mind that we had been up to…things.
“No need. We skipped stones, listened to music, got rained on… You know, the usual.” I chuckled self-deprecatingly.
Mum stirred her tea and nodded. “Of course, sweetie. Don’t worry. I get it. Roman has that bad boy thing going for him, a little danger, and Mason’s a different kind of boy.”
There was a knowingly teasing look on her face that had me skip over the part about how it was apparently okay I was hanging out with Roman.
“Mason and I… Well, I don’t know. I think I’m hoping he’ll ask me out when he gets home?”
“Really?”
I nodded. “Yes. In fact, I should go and check if he’s emailed again. And… And, reply to him if he has.” Dear God, how could my own mother make me feel so nervous about literally nothing?
“I wouldn’t mention Roman, darling. Keep him for your dreams tonight.” She gave me a wink and swanned up to her bedroom.
I stood at the bottom of the stairs and didn’t really know what to say or to think. My first thought was that Mum and Dad had had a couple more wines after dinner than usual. It didn’t happen often, but she got super mellow when she drank a little. Like hippie mellow. Free love and tattoos and weed kind of mellow.
I shucked my jacket, realising that I was dripping all over the floor and ran up to my room. Thankfully, I didn’t see Dad. But, Mum wasn’t likely to have told Dad anything. Not when we’d just been doing what she called ‘mother-daughter bonding’.
I pushed into my room and closed the door. I dropped my jacket over my desk chair and pulled off my jumper. Somehow, I found myself at my window and I didn’t realise I was looking for Roman until I found him leaning against a tree. At least, I assumed the dark, person-shaped blob with the orange spark was Roman smoking as he leant against a tree.
The shadow gave me a wave and I waved back.
It wasn’t until I closed my curtains and gone to pull my singlet off that I realised I’d pulled said singlet off with my jumper and had been standing in my window in nothing but a black bra. As my cheeks flamed and I turned on my laptop, I just had to hope he hadn’t noticed.
I pulled on some warm pyjamas then enthusiastically read and replied to Mason’s most recent email. I’d never really thought about Europe outside a vague notion that it would be nice to go one day. But, Mason made it sound amazing and the pictures were great.
I thought I’d fall asleep thinking about Europe. At the very least, I expected to be thinking about John Cusack in Europe – thanks to my latest movie choice, this time America’s Sweethearts. But, I didn’t. As I lay in bed, trying to sleep, all I could think about was Roman.
I even got out of bed and snuck a look out my curtains, but I didn’t see him. I had a mad urge to get dressed and go down to the lake to see if he was there.
“That is ridiculous,” I muttered to myself as I forced myself back into bed.
It might have been ridiculous. But, it might have been better than lying in bed awake for hours thinking about him. At least, it was one of the first nights in a long time that I wasn’t stressed about not sleeping or just generally anxious.
I wasn’t sure I liked that he had that effect on me, but it was preferable to the uncomfortable way the unnecessary anxiety sat in my chest.
Chapter Nine
Cigarettes, Sex, and Everest.
I just happened to look out my window on Wednesday night to see him standing next to his ute. There was a dark pile of something in the tray and a spark of orange at his hand.
I held up a hand to him with a smile, pulled my ugg boots on over my socks, headed downstairs, and ope
ned the back door.
“Hey,” I said as he jumped onto the porch.
“Hey.”
“What’s up?”
“Well… I’ve loaded the tray up with blankets and wondered if you wanted to go and watch the stars with me?”
“That almost sounds romantic,” I pretended to chastise him.
He smirked, but his eyes were hard. “Yeah, or it sounds like it’s been pouring rain all day and I don’t want to sit on the wet lakeshore like a pussy.”
“Okay, less romantic,” I laughed, approving.
His eyes softened slightly. “You don’t have to come. But, I thought you might like to hang out.”
That stopped me in my tracks. “You okay?”
He looked behind me and shrugged nonchalantly. “Not really.”
“You want some company though?”
There was that shrug again. “What can I say, Barlow? I feel better when we’re not saying anything.”
I nodded, a little bubble of warmth growing in my chest. I knew what he meant and I was glad it wasn’t all one-sided. “Okay, sounds good. Let me just leave Mum and Dad a note, yeah?”
He finally looked back at me and smiled. “Take all the time you want.”
I paused for some unknown reason, then popped back inside to leave my parents a note saying I was out and safe, and would be back. I wasn’t in my warmest clothes. But if he had blankets, I was sure I’d be fine.
I jumped back out the door and he looked down at me.
“Not changing?”
“Do I need to?” I asked, looking down at my shorts and knee-high ugg boots.
“Doesn’t bother me.”
“Oh, won’t you keep me warm, Roman?” I teased and he chuckled as we got into the car.
“You just have to say the word, Piper, and I’ll keep you warm all night long.”
“Oh, and now you’ve ruined it!” I said sarcastically.
“I’m not apologising,” he said as he started driving.
“Good. If you did, I’d be worried you got abducted by aliens or something.”
He laughed that big, open laugh. “If I ever apologise, you’ll know I’m being held hostage.”
I giggled. “That will definitely be your tell.”
“And yours?”
I looked over at him as he navigated through the trees. “My what?”
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