Accidentally Perfect

by Elizabeth Stevens

  But, it wasn’t the first time I’d noticed us looking at each other like that in the last few days. We’d caught each other’s eye now and then and there’d been a moment where one of us could have moved forward, but didn’t. There had been a lot of moments and zero moving forward.

  I wasn’t sure if I was just not desirable enough for Roman Lombardi, or if perhaps whatever we had was actually something more. By no means did I think that we were falling for each other – that was a ridiculous notion – but maybe it was possible to really be friends with the guy.

  “Piper…” he said slowly.

  I held up the beanie between us like some sort of shield as my heart threatened to pound out of my chest – and it wouldn’t have just been the running to blame. Except, if I wasn’t falling for him, why did I get those flutters around him?

  It was attraction, at most. Surely. Attraction and a new-found appreciation for the sweeter side of him.

  “I believe you were looking for this.”

  He took it from me and pulled it onto my head, pulling it far enough that it went over my eyes. I grinned and pushed it up, noticing his arm was still around me and I still leant on him.

  “I thought you were cold?” I asked.

  He shrugged, flipped his hood onto his head, and wrapped his other arm around me. “I’m being a gentleman, don’t ruin it.” His voice was gruff, but with a note of teasing.

  I contentedly rested my head against his chest as we just held each other for a bit. One of his hands fell down my back a little and I gave him a small squeeze. He dropped his nose to my ear and returned it.

  Goose bumps skittered across my skin and I firmly chastised the flutter in my stomach.

  This was Roman Lombardi, for God’s sake.

  Stomach flutters and goose bumps weren’t allowed.

  It didn’t matter that he was gorgeous.

  It didn’t matter that we’d spent every night for the last week together.

  It didn’t matter that I felt more comfortable not talking to him than I did gossiping with Hadley.

  He wasn’t interested.

  And even if he was, I wasn’t.

  Was I?

  h

  I looked at him with a laugh as we lay in the back of his ute the next night. “No, not possible.”

  He smiled, our noses almost touching. His shoulder was warm under my neck. He nodded and threaded his fingers through mine.

  “Yes. I think you’ll find, yes.”

  I looked into his eyes, those deep brown pools that were, in actual fact, nothing like black holes. Even with only the moon for light, I could see them sparkle with warmth and something I didn’t think I’d ever seen in them before. A shiver ran through me, but it wasn’t the same as it used to be and the goose bumps on my skin were excitement, anticipation, desire.

  We just looked at each other, no need to say anything, no need to do anything but just feel comfortable with each other. Our faces inched closer together and I had plenty of time to stop myself. But I didn’t want to stop myself, not this time.

  So, I let Roman Lombardi kiss me.

  It was chaste and sweet and…

  And…

  After all the flirting and the banter of the last week, I didn’t know how I felt about it.

  It was like the beginnings of fireworks, but instead of soaring and bursting in brilliant points of colours, they just fizzled out mere meters off the ground. He felt stilted and stiff, like he just totally wasn’t into it or something. I pulled away from him, untangled myself from the blankets and jumped out of the tray. Cold air hit my arms and legs, but I ignored it.

  “Barlow?”

  I turned back to him and opened my mouth, but had no idea what to say so I just snapped it shut and turned around again. I was annoyed by something but my brain was taking a little bit of time working out what it was all about. It hit me just as I felt his hand on my arm and I whirled back to face him.

  “You!” I started and saw him blink in surprise.

  Which wasn’t surprising in itself; I don’t think I’d ever yelled at him. I’d chastised him and teased him and snarked at him, but I’d never raised my voice at him. I’d been angry with him, but I’d never really acted angry with him. He probably didn’t even know I had it in me to be so assertive. It was certainly a surprise to me.

  “You of all people!” I snapped, pointing a finger at him. I stopped, feeling frustrated.

  “Me what, Barlow?” he asked, hands up in defence.

  “You! You weren’t…” I took a deep breath. “Out of everyone, I thought you’d at least do me the curtesy of not treating poor little fragile Piper Barlow with kid gloves!”

  He blinked again. “What? I don’t even know what that means…”

  I sighed and threw my arms in the air. “Everyone thinks I’m so sweet and innocent. Like I’ll break if you apply the tiniest bit of pressure. Like I have no idea what I want!”

  “Barlow, you’re acting crazy. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “That kiss, Lombardi!” I snapped.

  He shook his head. “What about it?”

  “What the hell was that?”

  His eyebrows drew together and his lips thinned. “Not usually the response I get.”

  “No, I doubt you kiss all the girls like you’re not into it!” I said.

  “Not into it?” he huffed a mirthless chuckle. “Not into it? Barlow, I’ve wanted to kiss you all fucking week! To say nothing of the years before that or the fact I want to do more than just kiss you. What the fuck is up with you?”

  “So, was it just me? It was no good? I was no good?”

  “What?” he asked. “Look, if you’ve got a problem with the way I kiss–”

  “Of course I have a problem with it! I’d thought, out of everyone, you’d have kissed me like you meant it. It would have been fireworks and ruined me for every other guy–”

  “Right, so you were just looking for the infamous Roman Lombardi experience?” His voice was full of sarcasm. “Well if you’d just said so a week ago we could have skipped all this feelings and hand-holding bullshit, and got down to business.” He crossed his arms and glared at me.

  “No, I don’t want the Roman Lombardi experience! I wanted you, Roman. Whoever that is, I wanted you. I didn’t want your reputation. I just wanted you to touch me like you wanted to, not like you were going to break me.”

  “I was trying to be a gentleman, Barlow! I know your reputation as well as you know mine, and I didn’t want to push you.”

  “A gentleman? A gentleman! Jokes aside, no one who’s ever met you would expect you to be a gentleman, Lombardi. I knew exactly what could happen if we kept hanging out. I’d like to think I’m a big enough girl to say no if you went too far.”

  “I didn’t want you to have to say no!” he cried, annoyed and exasperated. “I’m sorry I was trying to make you feel comfortable with me. I was trying to exert some self-control!”

  “Yes, because your goal in life is to make girls feel comfortable with you and you’re well-known for your self-control. It’s not fragile little Piper Barlow at all. I trusted that you – out of everyone in my life – wouldn’t feel the need to protect me. That you’d be honest and real. What the hell is so wrong with losing control around me? What could possibly happen?”

  He was suddenly right in front of me, staring down at me with those dark eyes, his hair hanging over his forehead and masking his face in shadow. That new shiver ran through me and I felt my stomach flutter. I’d never seen him look so intense, and he was known for his intensity.

  Our clothes brushed lightly, but he didn’t touch me.

  Oh, but I wanted him to, though. At that moment, I couldn’t remember ever wanting anything more.

  The air felt charged around us and the hairs on the back on my neck stood on end.

  “You really want to know what could possibly happen if I lost control around you, Barlow?
” he asked, slowly and deliberately so there was no way I could misunderstand him. He certainly sounded like he was barely holding on to his self-control.

  I licked my bottom lip and it caught in my teeth.

  “Be sure about this. Because you drive me crazy, Piper. This week’s been a serious test of my control.” His voice shook like it was taking everything he had to keep himself together.

  I was still pissed with him. So, maybe I nodded as much to taunt him as I really wanted to know. I’d barely nodded once when he’d pushed me against the cab of his ute, pulling my legs around his waist. As his lips crashed down on mine, rain poured down and thunder rumbled above us. He was hard against me and I was totally lost in everything about him for what felt like hours as he kissed me and it felt like I couldn’t get close enough to him. Hands roamed, lips were bitten, and we rubbed against each other feverishly. Then, I felt his hand between us.

  My eyes flew open and caught his as he pulled back slightly. Lightning burst over us and his gorgeous face flashed bright like it was the only thing in my world. He looked just as angry as I felt, but his dark eyes held more than I could fathom in that second and my heart constricted. We both breathed heavily and I nodded. He searched my eyes and I nodded again.

  I took his face in my hands and pulled him back to me. He kissed me again, then my undies were pushed aside and he was sliding into me. I held onto him for dear life as he rocked my world in the least gentle way possible.

  I barely registered the pain and discomfort as pleasure took over. I’d never finished that hard or that fast, and it put those two attempts at masturbation to shame. Even after hearing all the stories about him, I didn’t expect the weird sense of passion or protectiveness that swirled through the anger of the moment.

  As we both panted, still joined, I lifted my face to the rain and took a deep breath. “So…that…” I started. “That’s what happens when you lose control?”

  His face dipped into my neck and his breath against my skin made me shiver all over again. “Around you, apparently.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  I felt him shrug and he pulled back to look at me, still breathing hard. “I don’t know what it is about you, Barlow. But, you do something to me.” He paused and I felt him tense before he dropped his head onto my shoulder. “Fuck!”

  “What?”

  “What?” he chuckled, but there was no humour in it. “How about I was a completely irresponsible arsehole? Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

  He pulled out of me and tucked himself back into his pants as he turned around.

  “What are you…? Oh…” I breathed as it hit me. Panic surged for a moment, then I told myself to calm down. “I finished last week, I’m sure it’s fine…”

  He turned back to me for a second. “Are you on the pill?”

  I shrugged. “I am. For…other things.”

  He was standing in front of me and took my hands in his. “I swear that is the first time that’s happened. I’ve been safe every other time. I’m clean.”

  I nodded, feeling my face flush. “I trust you, Roman. It’ll be fine.”

  He pulled me to him and held me close. “I’m sorry, Piper.”

  “I thought there were no apologies?”

  “For this, there aren’t enough.”

  “I get I’m no expert or anything, but do I get none of the blame?”

  He huffed a laugh and kissed my hair. “No. No, you definitely don’t.”

  “Why not?”

  “Firstly, I have a perfectly good condom in my pocket. Secondly, it’s completely up to me to make sure I take necessary steps to ensure I don’t end up with unwanted consequences.”

  “So, should I not as well?” I appreciated the sentiment, but I did feel like this went both ways.

  He shook his head and took my face in his hands. “You’re responsible for what your body can do, sure. But, I’m responsible for mine. It doesn’t matter how you make me feel, I shouldn’t have let myself get carried away.”

  “We both got carried away…”

  “Yeah, we did. But, you’re not fertile every day of the year, are you? I don’t expect you to be on the pill and I have no respect for guys who do. If we don’t want a kid out of it, it’s really not that difficult to be prepared. And a condom is seriously cheaper than alimony.”

  I looked at him. There was obviously something else going on that made him feel this way other than what seemed a very progressive view. Paris, perhaps? I didn’t feel lectured at, rather he was trying to convey something that was really important to him.

  “So…your fault?”

  He gave me that smile. “Totally my fault.”

  “Not at all my fault?”

  “Well, maybe like…twenty percent your fault.” He gave me that sexy, teasing smirk. “You could have reminded me. But, I shouldn’t have forgotten.”

  I nodded slowly. “I don’t regret it.”

  “No?”

  “No.”

  “Thank God.” He pulled me close and kissed my hair.

  So, that was how I lost my virginity; in the pouring rain, in a thunderstorm, against Roman Lombardi’s ute, still clothed, completely bareback, while we were both totally pissed with each other for who knew exactly what reason.

  It was by no means perfect.

  In fact, if you’d asked me what I’d thought about that particular method of cherry popping before it occurred, I would have said it sounded like the worst possible way.

  But, in reality, it was even better than fireworks.

  Eventually, he pulled away from me and brushed my hair from my eyes. “You okay?”

  I nodded. “I’m fine. I promise I’m fine.”

  And, I felt fine. Maybe a little tender and swollen, and my heart beat too quickly given I had no idea what was going to happen next (and my undies were in a serious need of a change…way to go movies never telling me about the mess after condom-less sex…). But, I did feel fine; I didn’t feel violated or taken advantage of, I didn’t feel embarrassed or ashamed. I felt fine. Normal. Relaxed. Happy even.

  He tipped my chin to him and kissed me gently. It felt an awful lot like he was apologising.

  “No apologies, Roman,” I whispered against his lips.

  He huffed a laughed and nudged my nose with his. “I’ll take you back home.”

  He pulled away before I had a chance to answer and had pulled the car door open. He helped me in, giving me a soft smile before he closed the door.

  When we got back to his driveway, he looked me over carefully. “You sure you’re okay?”

  “Why do I feel like you regret it, Roman?”

  He shook his head. “My idiocy aside, I only regret it if I hurt you.”

  I smiled and leant over the centre console. “Not hurt.”

  His eyes lost that pinched look and he nodded. “Okay, good. I’d best let you get in and get warm.”

  I had a feeling that what had just happened was going to keep me warm for a while, but I didn’t tell him that.

  “I guess, yeah.”

  He jumped out his side and was at mine to help me out before I was halfway there.

  “Night, Roman,” I said, looking up at him.

  He cupped my cheek and pressed a kiss to my lips. “Night, Piper.”

  As I walked back to my house, I could have sworn I heard something. When I turned back to look, I had a sneaking suspicion that he’d just kicked his tyre but was playing it cool. I bit my lip against a smile, gave him a wave – to which he gave me a curt nod – and headed inside to deal with the fact that condom-less sex creates a mess that isn’t shy about dripping down the inside of your leg.

  Chapter Eleven

  Ballerina Roman meets John.

  “Okay, okay! We’re going and we love you!”

  I laughed and waved as Dad drove away with Mum still trying to hang out the window. I’d been apprehensive about them going away for a whole we
ek despite what I’d told her. But, now I was just glad it was going to give me some serious alone time to think about what I’d done.

  Not that I thought I deserved to be punished or anything. I just wasn’t sure I’d had time to process it or what it meant. Roman might have shown me there was another side to him, but what did sleeping together mean?

  Neither Mum nor Dad had seemed to notice anything different about me that morning. So, that was good. I mean, are you supposed to look different after? Was that even a thing? I know books and movies tell you that you feel different, more adult or something. Personally, I couldn’t say I felt older or wiser or better or…well, anything except unsure.

  And I wasn’t unsure about having done it. I was, though, now rather unsure about how first time sex was being depicted in movies compared to the reality. I was still a little tender, there was this sort of dull ache but it wasn’t entirely uncomfortable.

  And yes, I got the implication of the whole unsafe thing. But, I was on the pill and I took it every day – the doctor always said the pill was only ineffective if there was user error. So, I wasn’t going to panic unless there seemed something to panic about, and it would be another few weeks before I’d have any idea anyway.

  Obviously pregnancy wasn’t the only concern, I know. And taking Roman at face value may have been a poor choice, but I trusted him when he said–

  “Piper!”

  I looked over and saw Carmen waving.

  Of course, my initial thought was that she knew I’d lost my virginity to her degenerate son and she was going to think I was a slut. But, then sense took over and I realised I didn’t care what she’d think if she found out because, even if he was done with me now, I wasn’t just another one of those girls. I hadn’t just fallen for him instantly and thrown away my morals; I’d got to know him and we’d just accidentally found ourselves…together.

  “How are you, dear?” Carmen asked and I pulled my head out of my own arse long enough to smile at her.

  “Good, thanks. How are you? How’s Maddy?”