“I’m the town degenerate that you happened to fuck. I wouldn’t equate that to friends.”
“Why are you making this so hard?”
He shrugged. “I’m not doing anything but being honest. You want the truth Barlow? When I said I had nothing to give you, I meant anything. All right? I can’t be there for you the way you want me to be–”
“Why? Because we can’t keep our hands to ourselves?”
“No. Because I’m not that guy. I don’t do feelings and hand-holding bullshit. I drink. I smoke. I fight. I fuck. That’s what I know. That’s who I am.”
“Fine! I can live with that. I keep telling you, Roman. I don’t want you to be anyone other than who you are. You say I’m in your soul? Well, you’re in mine. You’re as much a part of me as Mum, Dad, Hadley, Celeste… Just like them, you’ve become woven into the very fabric of who I am, Roman, and I don’t know how to be Piper without you.”
“I’ll bet Carter loves that.”
“Mason can deal with it. I’m friends with Craig and Tucker. He really wants to be with me? Well, he’ll just have to accept you’re my friend too.”
He scoffed. “Piper, he knows.”
I blinked as my blood ran cold. “What?”
He gave me a sarcastic frown. “You cannot be stupid enough to think Carter doesn’t see the way I look at you.”
“How do you look at me?” I whispered.
“I look at you like a lifer looks past the prison walls. I look at you like…like you look at mud cake. Okay? You’re that something I need, but I can never have–”
“Roman, I’m standing right here! And, I’m not asking for anything more than you.”
“Fuck,” he muttered, whirling on his heel. As he turned back to face me, he said, “Piper, I care too much about you to let you hold onto me. I’m not the guy you think I am.”
He hiked his bag further up his shoulder and started walking away.
“Fuck that, Lombardi!” I screamed after him and he paused. “You are exactly the guy I think you are! And, I couldn’t care less! I’m just sorry I’m not the girl you wanted me to be!”
He moved so quickly I barely saw him turn and then he was standing in front of me again. “Don’t do that,” he snarled.
Why did that make my heart flutter? Probably some early sign of cardiovascular disease…
“Do what?” I asked, sassing the shit out of him.
“Short-change yourself. You are exactly the girl I wanted. The girl I needed. The girl I knew you were. You’re perfect, no matter how much you wear that stupid mask for everyone else because you think you’re not enough. You don’t apologise for being who you are. Not to me. We don’t apologise, Piper.”
“Apologies might not be necessary, Lombardi, but they are polite.”
His jaw clenched. “Fine. In the spirit of politeness, I’m sorry you can’t have what you want, Piper.”
He turned and walked away again.
“You can be in a shit all you want, Lombardi! But, I know you. I know you miss me as much as I miss you,” I called after him. “We’re friends, remember? That doesn’t just go away because Carter found his sack!” I threw his words back at him.
This time though, he didn’t stop. He got into his car and sped away.
h
Hadley suggested we go to the park again after school and that gave me the perfect excuse not to be going anywhere near the direction of home at the same time as Roman, so I threw myself into it with everything I had. And, I had a good time.
There was no Roman at the skate park to distract me. It was just me and my friends and my…boyfriend? We ate chips and the girls watched the boys play football while we talked about the boys. I was less of a dick around Mason and we got seriously called out when the others saw me kiss him, as awkward and chaste as it was.
As I dropped out of the bus after and started walking home, I felt good. Really good. Well, mostly good. I was focussing on the happy things and letting go of the things that made me unhappy.
Like not having Roman.
I hitched my bag onto my shoulder as I tried not to worry about it. Because, Roman got in shits; it’s what he was best known for. And to be honest, I got where he was coming from. I did.
Whatever we were now was strained and awkward and dredged up a whole lot of feelings that were super uncomfortable. But if Roman didn’t do feelings, why was he being awkward? I mean, I guess lust was a feeling – or was it an emotion? Either way, I got how that could make things weird.
Our admissions over the past week weren’t exactly the sort you should have with a guy not your boyfriend. But, we could care deeply about each other and just be friends couldn’t we? I mean, it was possible. People were friends with people and their bonds were tight – didn’t mean there was anything romantic or sexual in it.
I sighed.
Who the hell was I kidding?
I was just pretending again.
Roman and I had been practically dating, we’d slept together, we’d shared everything. In what universe could we be friends straight away? In the selfish one I’d created in my head, that’s what. Because let’s be honest, even those first few nights on the lake had been flirty. We’d been flirty and had sex before we really would have called each other friend.
So, patience.
I would be patient.
He said we’d find our way back to each other and I had to believe it. I couldn’t force it. I had to trust that our friendship was stronger than this weirdness I was probably solely responsible for.
And, it turned out trust was the right way to go.
Friday morning, Roman was leaning against his ute, cigarette in hand. When he heard my door close, he looked up and gave me a smile I suspected was meant to be welcoming but looked like it needed practise.
“Hey,” I said, failing to not be happy to see him.
He nodded. “Hey. You want a lift?”
I slowed. “Sure. Thanks.”
He shrugged as he pulled the door open for me. As I climbed in, he helped me with a hand to steady me like old times and we shared a smile. I am pleased to report that I felt no urge to kiss him or climb on top of him in his car – even if my heart did skip a little.
The conversation started stilted. But, by the time we got to school, we were both laughing hard at something ridiculous. We went our separate ways and only interacted via looks and GIFs all day.
“You’re in a good mood today,” Hadley said as she nudged me.
I looked up to find Roman and smiled. “I am.”
“You and Mason going out again?”
I watched as Roman skated across a patch of cement, saluted me and tumbled off his board. Biting my lip against a laugh as I looked down, I shook my head. “No set plans.”
“No…set… Okay?” Hadley answered as though her brain was moving too fast. “And, this is cause for celebration?”
I looked up at her quickly. “No! No,” I huffed a laugh. “I just…” I shrugged. “I don’t know, I’m just in a good mood.”
I squealed in surprise as arms went around me and Mason picked me up around the middle and swung me around. I laughed as he put me down and span in his arms.
“Hi,” I laughed.
“Hi.”
Why were his eyes always so open? So light? So clear? So…free? Untroubled?
“I’m thinking you should probably come and throw the footy around with us.”
I scoffed. “I’m thinking not.”
Mason gave me that smile. “I think, yes. Hadley, too.”
“Oh, no,” Hadley grimaced. “Nope. I do not do dirt.”
Mason pouted. “Tucker will be devastated.”
Hadley pulled herself up straight. “No, no. I mean… I can make an exception. Surely?” She looked around. “Craig!” she yelled, waving at him as she walked over. “Show me how this football thing is done!”
Once again, Hadley’s flirting technique
confused me.
“You coming?” Mason asked.
I nodded. “Sure.”
He pressed a quick kiss to my lips, grabbed my hand and tugged me to the others where the boys tried to teach us how to kick a decent football. There was more falling over, laughing and flirting than actual kicking going around. But, we were all in stitches by the time the bell for the end of Lunch went and we had to traipse back to class.
Roman and I spared a smile for each other and he picked a piece of grass out of my hair as he passed.
“Nature agrees with you, Barlow.”
“Shame it doesn’t look so good on you, Lombardi.”
He gave me a quizzical look and I pointed to the patch of dried mud on his leg.
“Huh,” he mused. “You’d think I’d be better by now.”
“You do fall off your board a lot these days.”
“You smile a lot these days.”
I bit my lip against said smile, batted him gently and followed Hadley to class.
h
And, things seemed only to be getting better from there.
Well, two steps forward, one step back.
On Saturday we had a relatively warm day and Roman and I decided to take Maddy to the lake. With her, he was amazing as always. With me, he was hot and cold. It was like there was something going on in his mind that would suddenly rain down on his parade. But, if he didn’t want to share it, I knew better than to push.
He was like a bloody emotional yo-yo. But, I accepted him as he was in the moment; happy, crazy, funky, surly, broody. And, he did the same for me.
Saturday night, I was studying. I have no idea what he was getting up to until I got a call a little before eleven.
“A happy number nineteen, Barlow,” he said jovially and I could tell he was putting on the act.
I also knew exactly to what he was referring. “Happy nineteen, Roman. What can I do for you?”
“Well in good news, no charges. But, they won’t let me go home by myself and they just can’t find anyone to take me.”
I nodded to myself and dropped my pen. “So, you need me to pick you up?”
“If you’d be so kind.”
“At least cut the crap,” I sighed as I pushed away from my desk and started looking for my shoes.
“Cut what crap?” he asked sweetly.
“This perpetuating nonchalant attitude you have going. You can play it with other people, but not me. I’m not in the mood, Lombardi.” I picked up my keys and headed downstairs.
“What attitude, Barlow? This is just me.”
I could see it was going to be one of those nights. But, this was Roman and I knew how to handle him in whatever mood he was in.
“I’ll be there in about fifteen minutes, okay?” I said.
“You going– Oh, sorry, honey,” Mum ended in a harsh whisper as she saw the phone to my ear.
Just as I was about to hang up, Roman spoke again, “Be careful, Barlow. Yeah?” and his voice was nothing but sincere.
I nodded. “I will.”
I hung up and looked to where Mum and Dad were curled on the couch.
“What’s up, Pipe?” Dad asked, lowering his book.
“Uh, Roman’s just asked if I can pick him up. Can I borrow one of your cars, please?”
Mum and Dad shared a look before they nodded.
“Sure, honey. Whichever one you want.”
“I’m just picking him up and coming straight back here. So, I shouldn’t be long.”
They nodded again. “Have a nice time.”
I rolled my eyes, figuring there was no point in correcting them. I grabbed Dad’s car keys and jogged out to the car.
By the time I got to the police station, whatever Roman had or hadn’t done or needed to do had been sorted and he was ready to go.
“Ah, my knight in…furry pants!” he chuckled as he caught sight of my pyjama pants, obviously totally drunk.
“No wonder they wouldn’t let you home by yourself,” I grumbled, snagging his sleeve and pulling him after me. “Come on, let’s get you home.”
He stopped and I was forced to stop too. “Ah, but I have it on good authority that there is a raging party. Rio texted me the address. No dress code, therefore furry pants more than welcome.”
I shook my head and pulled on his sleeve until he started following me again.
“Fucking and drinking still solving all those problems, Lombardi?” I asked as I opened the passenger door for him.
He smirked down at me, but any and all humour was gone from his deep dark eyes. This was the Roman Lombardi I remembered; the resident underachiever Hadley accused of making you wet just by looking at another girl. He was all brooding bad boy. But, I wasn’t powerless against it.
“Doing wonders. How about you?” He gave me a wink.
I nodded, not sure why that would make my throat hitch. “So pleased. Come on. Get in.”
He gave me another of those smirks and a look that could light you on fire before he nodded and got into the car. I shut the door, took a deep breath, and walked back to the driver’s door. Before opening it, I needed to take another breath. Because I knew exactly which Roman I was getting into a car with and I knew he was worse than handsy, chatty Piper after two beers.
Finally, I swung in and started the car.
We said nothing the whole way home, no matter how many times I opened my mouth to say something to him. But, that was unexpectedly expected of Roman.
When I pulled into my driveway, I held out my hand to him. “Keys.”
“Keys?”
“House keys. I’ll walk you in.”
“You think I’m too drunk to make it? Little Piper playing hall monitor now? Or maybe it’s doctors and nurses you’re after?” he said, his tone telling me exactly what he was thinking.
“Keys, Roman,” I demanded.
With a rough chuckle that certainly did not make goose bumps spread across my skin, he finally dropped the keys into my hands. We got out of the car and I unlocked his back door for him.
Under the security light, I could see his face clearly. He looked down at me with a heat in his eyes that told me exactly why we were finding it so hard to be friends. He was all dark smoulder and it was all my brain could do to remind my body we were not available. Not to Roman. Especially not this Roman.
“Have some water. Go to bed. Text me in the morning?” I took a step back.
He nodded slowly in that ridiculously seductive way he had. “Sure.”
“Good. Night, Roman.”
“Night, Piper.”
I gave him his keys back, careful not to touch his hand and practically ran back to my house. I paused outside the back door not to look back at him – because I could tell he was still looking at me – but to compose myself before I went inside.
Roman and I couldn’t be friends. It’s just how it was.
No amount of fighting for it was going to work.
We could be friendly, share car rides, crack jokes, talk to each other. But, we weren’t going to be the sort of friends who stayed up all night baring their souls or hung out together on the weekends. We just couldn’t. There was too much between us and I had to accept that.
I had to untangle Roman from everything that made me Piper and let Mason be my John Cusack.
I just didn’t know how I was supposed to even start doing that.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Hadley and the Unhelpful Advice.
“You and Roman totally went out,” Hadley said accusingly as we were studying.
I shook my head. “No, we didn’t.”
“You so did. Don’t lie to me.”
She was totally teasing. But, sick of the lies and the half-truths, I dropped my pencil. Well, throw was more apt a word as it clattered and bounced across the table.
“No. That was the exact problem, Hads. We didn’t date. We hooked up, we had some fun, nothing more. Then Mason f
inally asked me out and Roman…moved on. The problem is we then realised it hadn’t been just a bit of fun, it had been something more. And now we’ll never know.”
I was staring at my book and she didn’t say anything for the longest time. I finally looked at her and she was glaring at me with her mouth open.
“You what?” she finally asked.
I sighed and looked back down. “In the holidays, Roman and I ended up hanging out. Like every night of the holidays. One thing eventually led to another and we had sex. We had sex and we didn’t have sex. Then, Mason asked me out and it all became weird and awkward and complicated. Roman and I stopped seeing each other at all, our friendship was strained, and it was all just so fucked up.”
She didn’t say anything again and I didn’t really want to look at her and see the accusation of her face.
“Yeah, okay. I’m sorry I took your guy from you. Hos before bros and all that. But, it just happened, Hads.”
“I’m less concerned with the fact you stole my dream man, and more concerned with the fact that you just said ‘fuck’ without batting an eyelid, and that you popped your cherry without telling me! What did he do to you?”
“Nothing. He didn’t do anything to me.”
“I mean… Shit, Pipe. You lost it to Roman Lombardi!” She sounded all at once excited and confused.
I nodded. “Yeah, I lost it to Roman Lombardi.”
“How was it?”
I couldn’t stop my stupid grin. “How do you think it was?”
“Amazing?” she sighed.
I nodded. “Yeah, about that.” Although, not for the reasons she’d assume.
“Oh my God!” she squealed. “You lost it to Roman!”
I smiled. “This was not the reaction I expected.”
“What sort of reaction did you expect? Oh shit! Is that what all those looks and those moments were? Shit, he didn’t nail and bail. Double shit! He still wants you! Triple shit! What are you going to do?”
“Hang on…” I looked at her. “Where is the chastising? Where is the telling me I made poor life choices? Where is the comparison between how terrible Roman is for me and how Mason’s my John Cusack?”
Accidentally Perfect Page 27