I frowned. “Tucker’s dating Hadley actually. And, I haven’t–” I stopped abruptly.
I really didn’t want to tell Rio I hadn’t moved on. Because I was supposed to be moving on. I knew I had to move on. I could move on. I was going to move on.
But, I could tell by the look in Rio’s eyes that he’d understood my unspoken words far too well.
He gave that single nod again. “Yeah. He hasn’t either, although he’s making a good show of it.”
My stomach did that jump-plummet thing it seemed so fond of doing lately because I knew how Roman would be making a good show of it.
“I don’t really…” My voice strangled itself out.
Rio looked me over with interest. “You don’t really what? Could have sworn Lombardi said you’d grown a spine.” The corner of his mouth lifted slightly as though he found me amusing.
I cleared my throat, knowing my current speech impediment had more to do with emotion than anything else. “It’s got less to do with a spine – or lack of – and more just…” I took a deep breath. “Look, I shouldn’t have fallen in love with him, Rio. I get that–”
He barked a harsh laugh. “You all say that. How many girls do you think come crawling to me when he’s done with them and ask me to get him back for them? I’m actually surprised–”
“I’m not asking you to do anything.”
He blinked. “What?”
“I don’t want you to get him back for me, or whatever. I don’t need you to do anything.”
I wasn’t sure how much of his expression was surprise and how much was respect. “You just said–”
“Yeah, I did. I love your best mate, Rio. But, I don’t want to change him. So,” I shrugged, “he doesn’t want to be with me? It’s hard, yeah. But, I accept it. I told him what I wanted. He didn’t want the same. Now, I’m just waiting on that moving on thing.”
“You…?” he started.
I looked at him in question.
He found some of his lost bluster. “You’re not going to beg me? Tell me you know he’s not really that heartless? Tell me you know you’re different? You’re the one?”
I huffed a humourless laugh. “Rio, I do know he’s not that heartless and I do know I’m different. But, that’s worth fuck all if he denies it.”
“Okay, I was being facetious–”
I snorted. “What?”
“Facetious, it means–”
“No, I know what it means. I’m just surprised you do.”
Rio gave me a half-smile that was a whole lot more pronounced in his eyes. “I’m a degenerate, not an idiot.”
“You and Lombardi practise that phrase in the mirror?”
The other half of his mouth rose as well and it transformed him. “Something like that. Anyway, before I was so rudely interrupted… I like you, Piper. If he wasn’t being such a fucking tool, he’d realise you’re perfect for him. I thought you were like the others, that he’d just gone mental. But you’re not, are you?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean, I still fell in love with him.”
Rio leant towards me conspiratorially. “Yeah, but he fell in love with you, too. Didn’t he?”
I swallowed and looked down to hide my blush. “Did he…? Has he said…?”
“Fuck no,” he laughed. “But, he doesn’t have to. I can see he loves you in every word he doesn’t say.” Rio tilted my chin up so I was looking at him. “I can try to talk to him?”
I shook my head and he slowly took his hand away. “Thanks. But…” Oh, God, I was tearing up. “He is who he is.”
Rio’s eyes softened with sympathy. “At the risk of sounding like a nancy wanker, you’re fucking incredible Piper Barlow. You’re the only chick I’ve met who even came close to being right for him. And, you smashed that shit right out of the park.”
I huffed a teary laugh. “Thanks.”
He held his hand out and I knew what he was expecting – I’d seen him and Roman do it on enough occasions. He went slowly so I could keep up, but I got the handshake right.
Rio was smiling hugely at me when we both heard his name called by the guy in question and I could hear he was pissed, in more than one sense of the word.
“What are you doing, you fucker?” Roman yelled.
He walked towards us, his arm around a girl I didn’t know and a cigarette in his hand. Yep, he was definitely drunk. He glared daggers between Rio and me and I realised that my friends were doing a piss-poor job of pretending not to be watching the whole thing.
Roman’s eyes finally landed on me and a thousand things went unsaid. My heart joined my stomach in the jump-plummet and I swallowed against my suddenly dry mouth.
“Keep your fucking panties on, mate,” Rio replied. “I’m coming.”
Roman nodded tersely, threw me one more look, and dragged the girl away.
“Everything he doesn’t say,” Rio said softly.
“I’m moving on.”
“He’s not.”
“Because that helps,” I sighed sarcastically.
“The heart wants what the heart wants. No matter what the head tells it, gorgeous.” Then his usual swagger was back. He gave me a wink and his typical salute and strode after Roman.
I looked after him, the realisation dawning on me that every person you met was deeper than you ever gave them credit for. Especially when people they cared about were involved.
My friends all gave me a sympathetic smile. But, when I shook my head, they didn’t press. I went back to watching the boys leapfrog the poles and reminded myself that moving on didn’t mean I had to stop loving Roman, it just meant that I could go on without him.
And, I was going to go on without him.
Chapter Thirty-One
A John Cusack Level of Perfection.
So, life went on and I got on.
School went back and the teachers failed at trying not to stress us out even more; as much from their faith in us and us not wanting to let them down as anything else. Rio took to giving me a nod that I suspected was in his mind the definition of friendly. Roman still ignored me and I pretended he didn’t look like he was out all night every night.
Mock exams started right alongside our final overview of the year’s work and, before I knew it, it was Friday and we had less than a week left before Muck Up Day officially kicked off SWOTVAC.
Sitting in my Biology mock exam was the last place I expected to hear music. But a familiar song was playing, almost as if from really far away.
I looked at Hadley and crooked my eyebrow. She shrugged, but the smile tugging at her lips made me think something was up and she knew all about it. I scanned a quick eye around the classroom and found people in various states of confusion – though, whether that was from the test or the music, who knew.
It was weird, but I went back to my test and tried not to sing along in my head.
From the other side of the classroom, by the window, people started whispering.
“Silence please,” Mrs Grady snapped.
There was a pregnant pause, then people started whispering again. Someone even got up and looked out the window.
“Rachel, back in your seat please.” She sighed. “You, too, Duncan!”
But, Rachel and Duncan didn’t go back to their seats. In fact, more people got up and looked out the window.
“Class, this really is unacceptable! We are in the middle of a test. I need you all to return to your seats, or I will be forced to fail each one of you.”
Even with that threat hanging over them, no one returned to their seats.
The song came to a close. Then, weirdly, started from the beginning again, and slightly louder this time. And, more people got up and went to the window.
“Class, I really must insist!” Mrs Grady said, getting up and walking over to the window herself.
I watched in half-interest, really just wanting to focus on my test – Biology was really not
my strong point, but they’d wanted a science so I was doing a science.
I really should have done Psych…
“What is…?” Mrs Grady started.
“I think it’s for Piper, miss,” Rachel said, awestruck.
My head whipped up and I frowned. “What? Nothing’s for me. I’m just quite happy doing my test, thanks.”
Mrs Grady looked at me. “Good. I’d have thought you’d have more sense that to get caught up with the likes of Roman Lombardi.”
“Sorry, what?” I choked.
Mrs Grady clapped her hands. “Class! As amusing as this is, can we get back to our tests now, please?”
The music got louder again.
“I don’t think he’s going away, miss.”
“Yes. Thank you, Duncan.”
Hadley snorted and slid out of her chair, going over to the window. She threw me a look like something impressed her and I had no idea what it was.
“John’s waiting for you, babes.” Hadley grinned.
“Who’s what?” I asked.
“Does this mean something to you, Hadley?” Mrs Grady asked.
“Oh, it means nothing to me. But, it means everything to Piper.”
“Excuse me?” Mrs Grady looked at me and I blinked.
“I have no idea what she’s talking about,” I assured her.
Hadley gave me that look that told me I was being the adorable idiot again.
“Piper, come over here please,” Mrs Grady sighed.
“I’m fine just–”
“Now, please, Piper.”
I got up from my desk and the crowd of students parted and let me through. But, my brain totally refused to register what it was seeing. Hadley grinned at me like it was the best joke – or win or something – ever. I looked back out the window and swatted her elbow away from my ribs.
Roman was standing on the oval in the tray of his ute, holding up an old boom box. And, it was blaring Fall Out Boy’s ‘Honarable Mention’.
Hadley’s elbow found my ribs again.
“Told you John was waiting.”
“Holy shit,” I breathed, my heart thudding painfully.
“Piper,” Mrs Grady chastised.
“You have to go out there,” Hadley said.
I shook my head. “No. I can’t!”
“You have to!” Rachel hissed.
“That’s not how it went in the movie!” I hissed back the only thing my frazzled brain could think of.
“It’s how it should have gone,” Mrs Grady muttered quietly.
We all turned to look at her in surprise. And she gave us a very innocent look while she busily tried to pretend she’d said nothing.
“I have a test to finish,” I said, walking back to my desk.
“Piper Barlow, you go out there and let him romance you!” Hadley ordered.
I looked around the room. Some students – mostly girls – were nodding enthusiastically. Some were looking confused by the whole thing. And, some were just looking pleased the test had been interrupted. Mrs Grady looked like she was entirely into the whole thing but the pesky ‘being a teacher and having to be responsible’ thing was putting a serious cramp on her style.
“I have a test to finish, and so do the rest of you,” I said sullenly, my heart beating quickly. Why now? Did he change his mind? How do I feel about this?
Hadley got fired up and pointed out the window. “There is a man out there begging to be your John Cusack! A beautiful man, Piper. A man who gets you. You need to go to him!”
I looked around the room, feeling now was not the time to remind her he wasn’t technically a man. “He can wait…”
“Yes. Piper’s right…” Mrs Grady said slowly and completely unconvincingly.
“We have waited weeks for Roman Lombardi to pull his finger out of his f–” Hadley stopped, looked at Mrs Grady guiltily, and kept going, “freaking arse. And, there he is! You go out there now and you end the movie right, God damn it! Or, I am never watching one of your precious John’s movies again!”
I blinked at her. I was resolved not to. It wasn’t going to work out. There were a hundred and one things that were standing in our way. Too much had happened. I’d moved on. But, my feet were already carrying me out the door.
“I regret to inform you that, if you leave this classroom Piper, I’ll have to fail you on this test,” Mrs Grady warned, and she sounded completely apologetic about it while sounding hopeful that’s exactly what I was about to do.
I nodded, “I was probably going to fail anyway, to be honest,” and I ran out of the room.
In all the classrooms I passed, kids were staring out the windows; there was whispering and teachers trying in vain to get their classes back under control. No doubt they were all expecting some big dramatic finish.
I ran out of the building and Roman was still standing in the same spot he’d been. I was actually fairly impressed with his tenacity; he’d always had a short attention span.
I slowed when he saw me. He dropped onto the grass and lowered the boom box so he was holding it by the handles by his knees. The air was charged around us again and I felt like my knees might give out. We stared at each other awkwardly. It was the first time I’d ever felt awkward around him. Sure, there had been plenty of times when I’d felt antsy and nervous, but never completely awkward.
“I didn’t–” we started at the same time, then stopped with wry smiles.
“Sorry…” he said.
I shook my head. “No… I just didn’t peg you for the big gestures type.”
He nodded. “Yeah. Well, I’d like to not have to do it again. It’s kind of unnerving not knowing if it’s going to be a good ending or a bad ending.”
“And, how do you think it will end?”
He shrugged. “That all depends on how badly I fucked up, doesn’t it?”
“That sounds an awful lot like an apology, Lombardi,” was out of my mouth before I could stop myself.
He nodded and looked away from me. “Yeah, well. I always said, Barlow, some things you have to apologise for.”
“Not to me.”
“Especially to you.”
We stood in awkward silence, not really looking at each other but trying to sneak totally conspicuous looks at each other.
“Piper, I am sorry.” God, he sounded so sincere.
“It’s not like I didn’t mess up, too,” I replied.
“Is that an apology?” he chuckled.
I looked out over the oval and bit my lip against a smile. “It might be.”
“Can I hug you now?” he asked.
I was torn between giving in and protecting the both of us. “I’ve moved on, Roman.”
“Rio said.”
I nodded. “Did he?”
“Yeah. He told me you were adamant but he didn’t believe you.”
My heart jump-plummeted all by itself. “I can’t imagine why he thought you’d care.”
“Because he saw what you saw, what I need you to see again.”
My eyes slid back to him. “I don’t know exactly what you’re asking of me here.”
“Do you really not?” I knew he didn’t believe me.
“Do you know what you’re asking?” I looked at him fully, searching his face.
He searched me just as intently. “Honestly?”
“Always, Roman. You know that.”
He nodded thoughtfully. “I realised you were right. I’m asking to be your boyfriend, Piper. For real. Legitimately. To be yours and entirely off the market.”
“For how long, Roman? How long until you get bored?” Why was I questioning this?
Because, a voice reminded me, you know him better than he knows himself.
“You finally think that little of me? Or, you still think that little of you?”
Well played. “First, you thought there was an expiry date on this, then we were just friends, then we had no hope. And, you ca
n’t get bored of something you don’t have. What’s going to stop you getting bored now? Or, deciding you’re not good enough after all? We’ll presumably hold hands, we might even kiss at school. People will know, people will see, and you’re supposed to only be with one person for the foreseeable future. Can you do that?”
“When that one person’s you, I could do it forever.”
My heart pounded and fluttered and dropped. “Roman, you can’t…” I sighed. “What do you expect to get out of this?”
“I expect to spend every day with my best friend. I expect to sit in good moods and bad moods and comfort the only person who’s ever truly accepted me for me. I expect to be able to tell everyone that this beautiful, intelligent, amazing girl is mine and I’m hers. I expect to watch cheesy Rom-Coms with you, to sit through hours of your stupid John Cusack movies, to always wonder if you could ever love me as much as you love him–”
“I don’t love him. I don’t know him…”
There was an incredibly pregnant pause and I didn’t know if I could finish that sentence. Honesty was one thing. But, if I didn’t open my mouth and say anything then I wasn’t lying to him. He knew – I’d already told him multiple times – but I couldn’t repeat it if this was going sideways.
“I’m not Carter, Piper. I’m certainly not perfect. But, I am totally in love with you and I want to be your John Cusack…” He grinned ruefully as the song was still playing on repeat, echoing that exact sentiment. “If you’ll let me…”
Involuntarily, I took a step forward and “you’re perfect to me, Roman,” was out of my mouth before I really knew what was going through my mind.
Because, Roman Lombardi was perfect. For all his (many) flaws, he was perfect to me. He was perfect for me.
“You might not be the kind of perfect that people see in Mason. But I know you, Roman, and you’re a level of perfect that even he couldn’t manage. You’re only yourself with me. There’s no pretence, no lies, no matter how awkward it gets. And, there’s a lot to be said for that.”
“But, a John Cusack level of perfection?” he asked, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.
I took a step towards him and he shifted the boom box to one side. I looked up at him and wondered how I’d ever doubted. It was there on his face. It had been there since that first week at the lake. Stupidly, I’d just accepted what he believed, then I hadn’t really fought until it was almost too late. And, now he finally accepted it. I cupped his cheek.
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