120 days...

by Stratton, M.

  “You know we’re going to have to prepare for the worst,” she said softly.

  “No, don’t you start thinking that way. We know that positive thoughts and prayers are the way to go. Everyone has proven it works.”

  “It only works for so long, Ethan, before the cancer is too much.”

  “You’re going to be different. We have this all planned out. Jennie will be born and they’ll get all of the cancer out. After you recover, you’ll be fine.”

  “But I might not be.” Her voice shook with emotion. “You have to know I will do whatever it takes to survive. If I have to tell God to go away, that I’m not ready to die like my dad did, to buy me some more time with you and Jennie, I will, but it’s not up to me. We have to be ready for everything.”

  Ethan started the engine with a roar. “You be ready for every outcome. The only one I know of is where you both survive and we have our happy ever after.”

  For the rest of the day Ethan kept his anger at bay, even when they were in the office and Sam seemed to be provoking him on purpose. Always going against what he thought was going to be the best for the resort. She kept at him until it was time to take her home for her afternoon nap. Every day she seemed to spend less and less time in the office or with the guests, and it was slowly killing him.

  Since Ethan needed something physical to help release the tension that flowed through his body, he changed into a pair of shorts, grabbed some earbuds and once again, like he had so many months ago, cranked Metallica as he ran up and over the hills throughout the resort. But that time it wasn’t from the grief of losing his brother. Instead, he was running from the fact that he may lose the woman he loved, and possibly their child.

  When Ethan got back to the office he picked up the phone and called his old friend, Peter.

  Day 81

  Ethan–

  Evan has been in and out of it all day long. He was able to tell me a couple of stories about the two of you growing up. It sounds like you were close.

  He’s a fighter. He’s been fighting with everything he had, every single day he has been here.

  Samantha

  Ethan wasn’t sure it was the best thing to do, but because Sam wanted to, they did it. He tried not to shudder as a sea of pink greeted him in the rec center. Absently, he wondered if they’d be finding something pink there for years to come. If everything ended the way he wanted it to, it would be fine. If one or both of them did not survive, then he figured it would be a knife to the gut every single time he saw the color.

  Walking over to the mountain of gifts, Ethan saw one of the largest was from Devlin and Lily, and the other from Noah Matthews and his wife, Lexi. He wondered what they could be. They needed everything baby related since they still needed to decorate Jennie’s room. Sam had been spending hours going over all different decorating ideas for the baby’s room; she wanted it to be perfect.

  Smiling, he shook his head. The staff had taken one of the Halloween decorations, the throne of skulls never looked as twisted as it did covered in pink paper on the front, but black and dark on the back. His smile faded as he realized that was how he felt. On the outside all positive and happy, but inside, the fear was eating him alive.

  Bethany had planned the whole thing and Ethan let her do it all. When Sam was opening gifts, and the group were playing games, Ethan took the opportunity to make sure everything was running as it should. One of their guests, Lydia, wasn’t doing well, and it was only a matter of time before she passed. Walking to her cabin, he tried not to think what would happen when it was Sam’s time. He knew he had to keep thinking positive, but sometimes, it was so hard.

  Sitting down next to Lydia, Ethan picked up her hand. “Hey, you’re missing all the excitement. Sam and I are having a baby shower right now. You should see all the pink.” He laughed. “I can hear you now making wisecracks about the color, and saying just because it’s a girl doesn’t mean she has to have girly colors. Did I ever tell you about the time the guests made Sam and I dress up as characters from Beetlejuice? I’m sure you get that a lot since your name is Lydia. Anyway, it was a good time. We had fun watching the movie.”

  The beeps of her monitor slowed. “You’ve had a good run. You said you weren’t going to let pancreatic cancer take you too soon and you were going to beat what the doctors gave you, which was sixty-four days. Well, you beat that, and then you beat our average. Today is day two hundred and one. I can’t believe you’ve been here for six months.” He paused for a moment. “You’ve fought for so long, but now it’s time. Thank you for spending your last days with us. You have loved ones waiting on the other side for you, it’s time for you to go home.”

  Ethan leaned in close to whisper in her ear. “If you happen to see the big man up there, let him know I really need Sam and Jennie to stick around for a lot longer. I’ve got to confess, I’m a little scared here and could use some help. So put in a good word, okay?”

  When the beeps stopped, Ethan said a prayer for the woman and went through the checklist, which he knew by heart since he had taken over from Sam. Waiting for the coroner to arrive, he tried not to think of everyone who had gone before, and who would be going next.

  Sam kept looking at the door waiting for Ethan to come back. She knew where he was, and knew what had happened. As owner, she was still informed of everything that happened at the resort. She said her own prayer for Lydia.

  When he finally came in, she breathed a sigh of relief. With effort, she stood up and everyone quieted down. “Thank you all so much for this wonderful baby shower. I can’t wait to get home and have Ethan set everything up. It’s all perfect, except for one thing. Ethan . . .” She held out her hand to him and when he took it looking puzzled, she smiled at him. “I’m not sure I’m going to go about this right, but you have to promise me you’ll let me finish.”

  “Sure, sure, I can do that.”

  “I never expected someone like you to walk into my life and change it so completely. Before you, I thought my life was perfect. Well, I was wrong. It wasn’t. It was in a holding pattern waiting for you to join me. Because with you, I can do anything. With you, my life is perfect.” She rubbed her belly. “And now with Jennie coming, I couldn’t be happier. I can’t think of one thing I’d want that I don’t have this very moment in time.”

  She placed his hand on her belly. “Ethan, I know I didn’t handle it right before, but I’m hoping this will make up for my mistake. I should have said yes when you asked me to marry you. I should know better than anyone to embrace life and not hold back because of fear. Together, we can do anything. So, will you marry me?”

  “Silly girl.” He pulled her into his arms. “I’d marry you right now if I could.”

  She laughed. “Well, you can. Pastor Larry is here, and he can marry us right now. See, it was a good thing we went down and got our license.”

  “There’s nothing else I’d rather do than to marry you Samantha.”

  Smiling up at him, she knew this was one of life’s little perfect moments.

  April 8th

  Day 82

  Ethan–

  It’s not going to be much longer now. We’ve prayed for him and now it’s in God’s hands.

  Samantha

  Ethan knew something was wrong when he tried to get Sam to wake up and she kept falling back to sleep. After the baby shower, they’d spent the next couple of days going through all their gifts and ordering the rest of what they needed. Sam finally had a plan for the baby’s room and they were going to start working on it that day, but she was so tired.

  Going downstairs, he called the doctor. After a brief conversation, he knew it was either take her to the hospital or wait for the ambulance to arrive to take her down. Since he would be faster, he went upstairs and picked her up, easily carrying her down the stairs even though she was almost thirty-one weeks pregnant.

  All the way down into the city, she slept and his anxiety grew. He didn’t care what happened to his car as he parked by t
he doors and raced around to get her out. Again he carried her in and up to the desk.

  “Please, someone help me. She won’t wake up. Dr. Anderson should have called ahead. He deals in high risk pregnancies. This is Samantha Truman, I mean McGregor. It could be under either name. Please you have to help her.”

  “Sir, if you could fill out this form, we’ll get to her as soon as we can.”

  “You don’t understand,” he yelled. “She’s pregnant and I can’t wake her up. The forms can wait, and right now, you have to help her.” His voice broke.

  “Sir, that’s not how I do things here. There are protocols that have to happen before she can be seen. Now, if you will take this”—she held out a clipboard to him—“and have a seat and bring it back up when you are done, we’ll help you then.”

  “Do you not see? I kind of have my hands full with my pregnant unconscious wife.”

  “You don’t need to take that tone with me—”

  “Excuse me, Mr. McGregor? I’m Ms. Simpson, the head administrator with the hospital. I wish we were meeting under different circumstances. If you could follow me, we have a room ready for you.”

  Ethan followed the woman without looking back at the unhelpful clerk at the check-in desk. “Thank you.”

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to meet you, but you made it here quicker than we thought you would. Her doctor should be here within the next fifteen minutes. Until then, we’ll get Samantha settled and start gathering the information the doctor wanted. Here.” She stepped into a private room and motioned toward the bed. “You can place her there. If you’ll step out for a moment, we’ll get her all hooked up to the monitors.”

  “Why do I have to? She’s my wife. I should be with her.”

  “Mr. McGregor, please, give us this time with her. You’ll be able to speak with her doctor privately as soon as he gets here.” She turned and left him there.

  Leaning up against the wall, Ethan let his head fall back and it hit with a thud. He embraced the pain. Looking up at the ceiling, he relived the last time he’d felt this hopeless. It was after his brother had disappeared. He wasn’t sure if he was strong enough to do this and he prayed harder than he had ever done before.

  “Mr. McGregor.”

  Ethan opened his eyes and saw Sam’s doctor standing in front of him. “Doctor.”

  “We don’t know what is going on right now, but I need for you to be calm. As long as you are calm, you can stay with her.”

  “I understand.” His heart sank. It was so hard to be positive when everything you loved with every ounce of your being stood on the brink of death.

  “I will do everything I can to make sure they both survive, but it could go either way, with both of them. You need to stay in control.”

  “I know.” His mouth was dry and his tongue thick; he was so scared.

  “Then let’s go.”

  Ethan followed the doctor into the room. He could hear a fast heartbeat and a much slower one. Not waiting for an invitation, he went over to the side of the bed, which didn’t have as much equipment, and picked up Sam’s hand. He needed to be next to her, he needed to touch her to make sure she was okay. He was surprised at how cold her hand was. “Can she have a blanket? Something? I think she’s chilled.”

  “Sure. Let me see her now. Samantha, Sam, can you hear me? Come on, I need you to wake up now.” The doctor looked down and was reading the chart.

  He barked out some orders for some kind of medication Ethan didn’t catch. “Is that safe for her and the baby? What is it?”

  “Yes, Ethan, it is safe for both of them. I am hoping it will help Sam wake up so we can talk.”

  “What’s wrong?” Ethan didn’t like the way the doctor was so serious and it was as if he was controlling every word that came out of his mouth. Dread settled in his stomach and his anxiety spiked even further when the doctor’s eyes met his in what seemed like a warning to start preparing for the worst.

  “We’ll wait a minute and see if this works.”

  He didn’t want to ask the question, but he knew he had to. “And if it doesn’t?”

  “Then you have some decisions to make.”

  Ethan closed his eyes and willed himself not to cry. He needed to keep a level head. He thought back to everything he had to deal with in his life. The death of his parents, raising Evan, starting his own business and rising to be one of the richest men in the city. Losing Evan, finding Samantha, and now this. He had to take emotion out of the equation and deal with the facts, what Sam would want and go from there. He needed to pray.

  “Eth . . . Ethan?”

  He quickly released his breath and hope took hold of him. “I’m right here, honey. You’re in the hospital. You wouldn’t wake up this morning, and you kept falling back asleep.”

  “So tired . . .”

  “I know. The doctor has some questions for you.”

  “Not that young punk . . .”

  Ethan laughed since she seemed like her normal self. “No, not that young punk.”

  “Good.”

  “Hello, Samantha.”

  “Hello.” Her head slowly tipped to the side so she could look at the doctor.

  “Do you know what’s going on?”

  “Yes.”

  “Can you tell me?”

  “Cancer spreading . . . not good for me . . . or the baby.”

  “We’re going to have to take the baby out via C-section and hope for the best.”

  “Yes . . . everything for her.”

  The doctor held up his hand to Ethan. “Don’t worry, Mr. McGregor, we’ll also be doing everything for Samantha.”

  Slowly, Sam’s head turned toward him. “I’m sorry . . .”

  He was doing everything he could to stay calm for her, but the dread he’d been filled with since she couldn’t wake up this morning came barreling back to him like a runaway freight train. “No, no, don’t be sorry. Fight.”

  “I am . . . just . . . so tired . . .”

  “You can sleep afterwards. Right now you fight for our daughter and you fight for us.” He was struggling so hard not to sob in front of her.

  “I . . . will . . .”

  “We need to get her up to the operating room right now. Mr. McGregor . . . Mr. McGregor . . . Ethan! Go with the nurse. She’ll get you ready.”

  “Samantha, I’ll be right back okay?”

  “Sure . . .”

  “I love you.” His voice broke on the last word.

  “I love . . . you, too . . .”

  Ethan turned away, leaving a bit of his heart with her.

  Sam watched as Ethan walked out of the room and turned back to the doctor. “Jennie, the baby . . . it’s all about her . . . I know . . . Seen this too many times . . . I know my body . . . too much cancer . . . She needs to live for him . . . since I can’t . . .”

  “We can’t know for sure how bad the cancer has spread since we haven’t been able to do any scans.” The doctor patted her shoulder.

  “I know . . . I know . . .”

  “Either way, we’ve discussed this. I know what your wishes are.”

  “Thank . . . you . . .” She closed her eyes and placed her hand on her belly having a last moment with her daughter, knowing there wasn’t going to be many more. She hoped everything she had done up to that moment would be enough for her daughter to know how much she loved her, and to never think less of herself because her mother chose for her to live while she died.

  They gave Ethan a chair so he could sit next to Sam’s head. He had one of her hands in his and the other was stroking her hair. There was a large sheet in front of them so neither one of them could see what was happening on the other side of it. That was for the best. He only wanted to focus on Sam.

  “Hey, beautiful,” he said.

  “Don’t make me laugh.”

  “But you are the most beautiful woman in the world to me.”

  “Hush . . . Hey, did you ever come up with a middle name?” Her words were beginning
to slur.

  “I sure did. You want to know?”

  “What do you think?”

  “Her name will be Jennie Samantha McGregor. Named after three of the best, most loving, and strongest women I’ve ever known.”

  “I love you so much.” A tear slipped down the side of her face.

  Ethan wiped it away. “I love you, too. Now don’t cry. You’re going to be meeting our daughter soon.”

  She gripped his hand tightly. “Ethan, please, you have to know I love you, always remember that, even when I’m gone.”

  “Shhh . . .” He didn’t want to have this conversation with her. He wanted her to be focused on fighting.

  “No, let me finish . . . if I’m wrong, you can throw it back in my face later . . . I will always love you, whether I am on this Earth or up in Heaven, you are the one for me . . . the only one for me. God brought you into my life when I needed you most . . . now he’s taking me back, but leaving you with our daughter . . . Love her, raise her, and make her a better woman than I am . . . Never forget me . . . but don’t be afraid to move on . . .”

  His heart was racing so fast he wasn’t sure he was hearing everything she said. “Samantha, please . . .”

  “Love our daughter . . . never for one minute let her think this . . . my death is her fault . . .”

  The voices and blood rushing through Ethan’s ears made it hard for him to focus on her when that was all he wanted. It felt like a nightmare he wanted to wake up from. He wanted to physically hurt himself somehow so he could wake up, but he was too scared it was real life and they’d take him away from Sam. Vaguely, he could hear the doctors and nurses talking, but their words didn’t register.

  One of the nurses came around the other side and leaned down to talk to them. “We are breaking with protocol. Give us a minute with your daughter and then you can see her, but only for a moment. We need to get her to the NICU. We’ll already have her on oxygen, so don’t be alarmed. She’s early so she needs it to survive.”