Shadows from the Past

by McKenna, Lindsay

  Rudd sat up and folded his hands on the desk. “I just wanted to let you know that I’m giving you a monthly raise of three hundred dollars. You’ve done so much for my mother in such a short period of time. It’s the only way I can thank you and convince you to stay on. I know you’re a professional photographer so I’ve often wondered when you might fly away again.”

  Shocked by his generosity, Kam’s mouth fell open. What a nice boost to her income. But then she knew the ranch was highly profitable. Iris had even confided that it was worth twenty million dollars, a sum that astounded Kam. “Thanks, Rudd. That’s a very generous raise.”

  “I want you to be happy here.”

  Kam had never hidden the fact she’d been a globetrotting photographer for top newspapers, television and magazine sources. A week wouldn’t go by when one of them didn’t call and ask her if she had any photos to sell. She’d done a lot of work photographing the wildflowers with a specialized macro lens and having the pictures loaded to Iris’s Web site. Everyone had praised her photos.

  “I’m not planning to leave, Rudd.” At least, that was the truth.

  He tilted his head and leaned back in the chair again. “That’s what I don’t understand, Kam. Why would a very successful person like you stop doing what she loved? I see you around here always with your camera in your hand shooting pictures. I think taking photos is in your blood, like ranching is in mine. I keep asking myself—why would Kam leave a world she loved to come here?”

  Rudd was giving her an opening. Her heart was pounding unrelentingly in her chest and she wondered if he could hear it thudding. “Well, I…” She grew silent. The inner war to blurt out the truth nearly tore it from her lips. Yet, the fear of being rejected crushed her. Not yet. She needed to work up to the truth.

  Opening her hands, she said to Rudd, “I did a lot of third-world gigs as a professional, Rudd. I’ve been to places where there are crises, catastrophes and drama. When I graduated from college, I went directly into the field. I built my name over the years and I got lucky. I was at the right place at the right time and my photos sold.”

  “I see,” he murmured, studying her. “Somehow, you don’t strike me as the kind of person who would enjoy seeing constant human suffering and pain.”

  His insight was startling and an ache began in Kam’s heart. She’d had fantasies of her real father being just like this—insightful and sensitive to who she was. “You’re right,” she admitted. “That’s why I quit, Rudd. I—I couldn’t stand the children dying, old people suffering or starving to death. I hated the war zones of Afghanistan and Iraq, too. There’s got to be a better way than killing one another to solve issues in our world.”

  Rudd smiled softly. “Iris and I kinda thought those might be the reasons you walked away from your career.”

  It didn’t surprise Kam that Iris and Rudd had discussed her. “I won’t ever go back to it.”

  “But are you happy here, Kam? I live in a daily fear of you coming to me to say you’re moving on. My mother loves you. She dotes on you. And I can’t stand the thought that you might just up and leave.”

  Oh, if only he knew…And yet, Kam reasoned, if Rudd knew why she was here, would he be so worried? And what if she wasn’t his daughter? Would he allow her to stay after knowing she’d come to them like the proverbial fox in the hen house? Kam just couldn’t see Rudd allowing her to stay under those circumstances because he and Iris were from the old school of honesty, integrity and high moral standards. And she was not conducting herself in any of those ways.

  Kam cleared her throat. “Rudd, I’m happy here. I feel like I’ve come home.” That wasn’t a lie. “I love nature. I love Iris dearly. Oh, she has her days when she’s crotchety, but who doesn’t? And I’m redefining my photography. I’ve decided to turn to nature, to wildlife and people who live in the elements, instead. I’ve already sold a number of my photos from just shooting here around the ranch. And the Teton Range is an incredible photographic subject at dawn and dusk.”

  “Yeah, we live in one of the most beautiful places on Earth, don’t we?” Rudd leaned back in his chair and grinned.

  Kam nodded, wanting so desperately to bond with Rudd as daughter to father, not as employee to a ranch owner. Yet, if she didn’t have the courage to speak up, that was the only connection she and Rudd would share. It wasn’t enough, but it had to be for now. “Your ranch sits in one of the most photogenic places I’ve ever seen,” Kam admitted. “And don’t worry about me leaving, okay?”

  “We’re concerned you’re not getting enough personal time, Kam. You’re with Iris seven days a week and you are entitled to your weekends off. And if you don’t like living here at the ranch, there are nice apartments or house rentals in Jackson Hole. We would understand if you’d rather not have the entire family underfoot here. You’re a young and beautiful woman who needs a social life.”

  Watching Rudd struggle to say all those things only endeared him even more to Kam. She could tell he wasn’t used to talking on such a personal level. “I’d love to have my weekends off. It would give me a chance to drive around and do some serious hiking and photographing not only in the Grand Teton National Park, but in Yellowstone. As for leaving the ranch for town, I really don’t want to do that.” She saw instant relief in Rudd’s weathered features. “As long as you don’t mind letting me stay in that lovely suite, I’m happy here.” Rudd would never know how she enjoyed waking each morning to the lowing of cattle, the whinny of horses and the dawn-to-dusk activity a ranch demanded. It infused her with new lifeblood.

  “That’s good to hear.” His voice suddenly grew hoarse. “You have no idea how much your staying on means to me, personally. I love my mother very much. I would do anything to keep her happy. Your coming into our lives is a godsend. If you ever need anything, you come to me, because I owe you. I can’t pay you enough money to be who you are to Iris. All I want for my mother is to be happy for the rest of her life. Losing my father still burns in my heart.” He looked up at the ceiling for a moment, his voice cracking. Blinking several times, he finally gazed back at Kam. “I just can’t deal with the idea of her dying someday.”

  “Because they are all you ever had,” Kam whispered unsteadily, tears burning in her eyes. The fact he’d shared so much profoundly touched her. There was a trust growing between them daily and it made her feel hopeful. One day, when the time was right, she would come to Rudd. Maybe he could forgive her. Searching his blue eyes shining with unshed tears, Kam felt a kinship with him that transcended her raw fear.

  “That’s right,” Rudd said, coughing. He sat up and plunked the hat back on his head. “Well, enough of this maudlin stuff.” He managed a crooked grin and rose. “You are greatly loved here, Kam. We just want you to know that. If you need anything, you come straight to me, okay?”

  How desperately Kam wanted to walk around the desk and throw her arms around the man who might well be her father. And even if he wasn’t, Kam felt as if she’d met an amazing man, a man just like Morgan Trayhern. Instead of being a military hero and in the spy business, he was a cowboy carved out of the harsh beauty of the Tetons. Could she be fortunate enough to have two such men in her life? The thought was dizzying.

  As Rudd came around the desk, he awkwardly put his arms around Kam and quickly hugged her. As he stepped back, she saw that his face was red and he looked bashful. “Just a hug of thanks,” he told her gruffly. “Be sure to get to the dining room before it closes.”

  Kam was shaken by his unexpected gesture. “Uh…yes…in a few minutes.”

  After a quick nod, Rudd left. The front screen door slammed closed, leaving Kam standing behind the desk, stunned. She rubbed her chest in the area of her heart.

  CHAPTER NINE

  “YOU CAN’T WANT HER,” Wes whispered under his breath as he put the finishing touches to the band’s stage. Kam’s face danced before him like a lure.

  The famous Fourth of July celebration at Elkhorn Ranch was underway. Families who had
been coming to the dude ranch for years got first dibs on staying the week. There were always more takers than cabins. This was a joyful, festive time at the ranch and the high energy was infectious. Everyone was happy—except maybe him. If only he could push Kam out of his thoughts and heart. It was a daily struggle for Wes.

  After tacking down the red-white-and-blue drape across the bottom of the stage, Wes put the hammer back in his toolbox. Being a cowboy didn’t mean he was in the saddle all the time. So much of what made a ranch run was beyond horse and cattle. Something was always breaking and needing repair. In this case, Chappy had asked four of his best cowhands to get the stage ready for the evening’s hoedown and concert.

  The sun was hot overhead, the sky a clear, light blue. As Wes straightened and looked west, he could see that the mighty, jagged Tetons were nearly clear of any snow on their blue granite slopes. He never tired of looking at them. He never would. They symbolized to him the power of responsibility and shouldering loads as they came his way. The mountains handled it; so could he.

  His mind turned to Kam Trayhern—again, as it always did when he had a quiet moment. Wes had buried himself in his work. He tried to be away from the main ranch house as much as possible. Yet, nearly every day, he ran into Kam whether he wanted to or not. Oh, he wanted to see her, there was no question. His heart and stupid body responded powerfully to her every time. As much as Wes tried to stay away from Kam, he couldn’t escape his torrid dreams of her. Feeling like a man possessed by an opiate, he wondered why and how he was being so powerfully attracted to her. He wasn’t looking for a woman right now. Divorce had cured him of that.

  As he snapped the metal lid on the toolbox shut, he noticed Chappy working with several other hands to lay down the rubber matting. Large wooden squares would be locked together on it to make the huge dance floor. Beyond that, a number of the families mingled around their cabins because it was nearly noon and time to eat.

  Plenty of younger children and teens stood around the area, looking excited about tonight’s massive barbecue, music and dancing. They had been taught square dancing, the West’s version of ballroom elegance. Yes, it would be a fun night. But not for him.

  Gripping the handle of his toolbox, Wes headed toward the barn, unhappy because he and all the other ranch hands were required to attend the hoedown tonight. They would be expected to dance with the guests, and he knew that Kam would be there, too. Damn. Normally, he didn’t cuss, but he was feeling so anxious about tonight, he couldn’t help it. As he stepped across the sturdy rubber matting, Wes was irritated by the fact that he could not stop thinking about her. Her name and face stirred his mind the way a soft breeze stirs the surface of a quiet morning lake. He must be sick if he was waxing poetic about a woman.

  “Chappy? Anything else you want me to do?”

  Chappy looked up, his hands on his waist. “Go check the sound system. I got Erick, our electric guy, on it. He’s in back of the stage and could use a gopher.”

  Grinning, Wes nodded and turned back toward the gussied-up stage. Erick was a Swede who was in the process of getting his green card to become an American citizen. The young blond man with startling blue eyes and a pale complexion had idolized the West since childhood. He had wanted nothing more than to become a cowboy. Now, he was making that dream come true. Wes knew that being a cowpoke was in one’s blood. Not a head trip, but a heart trip.

  Swinging around the end of the stage, he noticed Erick down on his hands and knees working with some serious-looking electric cables. A tousle of blond hair dipped over his sweaty, furrowed brow. Only twenty-five years old, Erick would eventually find a girl and settle down into ranch life. Wes only hoped that he wouldn’t run into someone like Carla, who had played the spider to the fly and had trapped him.

  “Hey,” Erick called, “glad you stopped by. I need another pair of hands.”

  “That’s what I’m here for,” Wes said, putting his toolbox down.

  “This is going to be a great night,” Erick said, flashing a smile as he took black electrical tape and quickly wrapped it around several wires. “I can’t believe Mr. Mason was able to snag the Coyote Band. They are hot. He must have paid a fortune to get them here. I want to make sure the sound system is perfect.”

  Wes grinned. “So, you got a girl you want to take to the dance tonight?” he teased.

  “No, but I sure like that little filly from the Anderson Family.” Erick chuckled.

  “Ah, Amanda.” She was twenty-five years old.

  “All I want to do is dance with her.”

  “She’s been eyeing you,” Wes said, helping him to wrap several more wires. “I see her watching you when you aren’t aware of it.” Wes smiled wide as the Swede blushed red to the roots of his hair. He had some acne on his cheeks, which he was very sensitive about. Once he had admitted to Wes that he felt his acne was a turnoff to a woman. Wes tried to convince him to forget about it. And he was glad beautiful, brunette Amanda with the light brown eyes was coming because Erick had come alive under her interest.

  “What about you?” Erick said, picking up a six-foot length of plastic pipe. “Who’re you taking to the dance?”

  “No one,” Wes muttered.

  “What about Kam? Now, there’s a good-looking woman!”

  “Don’t remind me,” Wes growled, bringing the ends of some wires into the plastic pipe Erick was holding.

  “Hey, you talk about eyeballing. She’s always got this wistful look on her face when she sees you, Sheridan.”

  Snorting, Wes felt a surge of desire hit him. “You’re full of it, Erick. You’re seeing things.”

  Laughing, Erick guided the wires into the piece of pipe. “No, I’m not. I heard Iris talking to her the other day. She was saying to Kam what a nice catch you would be.”

  “Great,” Wes muttered.

  “Aren’t you interested in what Kam had to say about it? I was in earshot to hear her answer.”

  Mouth quirking, Wes pushed the last piece of wiring into the pipe and asked, “What she’d say?”

  Erick placed the pipe on the back of the stage and with Wes’s help, used duct tape to anchor it to the wood platform. “Kam said you were very good-looking and she couldn’t figure out why you weren’t married.” He chuckled indulgently and gave Wes a teasing look. “Hey, she likes you and you should take advantage! Dance with her.” He pointed to the tall cottonwoods that grew on either side of the large stage. “Plenty of places to take her after the dance is over.”

  “Forget it,” Wes muttered.

  “Hey, you got to start living again after your divorce from Carla. It’s tough living without a woman in your life.” And then he laughed. “I ought to know. I’m trying to find one!”

  An unwilling grin worked across Wes’s mouth as he stepped back to admire their handiwork. “Don’t worry, Erick, you’ll find someone. Maybe not Amanda, but there are plenty of available women in Jackson.”

  Losing his smile, Erick said, “Yes, but how many of them want to be a wife to a cowhand? Not many. I don’t make much money or have the security women want.”

  “The right one will come along,” Wes told him, slapping his broad shoulder. Erick was a good six feet two inches tall and built like a bulldozer. He was heavy-boned, strong and looked like a bodybuilder beneath his white cotton shirt and blue jeans. “Just be patient,” Wes said. “You’ve got your whole life ahead of you.”

  “You’re twenty-eight,” Erick said, taking off his hat and mopping his brow with his handkerchief. “You sound like you’re giving up on ever finding a woman who will want you again.”

  Wes shrugged. “I just don’t want to fall in love with the wrong woman again, Erick. Once you get stung like that, you’re gun-shy.”

  Grunting, Erick picked up the duct tape and the black electrical tape and threw them in his toolbox. “Well, I still say Kam Trayhern is ideal for you. She’s no alcoholic, that’s for sure. I think I’ve seen her with a glass of wine in her hand twice in the months she
’s been here. She’s single, very beautiful and kindhearted. When Iris and Mr. Mason like someone, you know they’re quality.”

  Wes said nothing as he picked up his toolbox. He wasn’t about to admit to anyone that Kam seemed perfect in all ways to him. “Iris and Mr. Mason are good judges of character,” he admitted. “You want to test the sound system now?”

  “Yes,” Erick said, walking around the corner of the stage with him. “I’ve got all the black boxes over there. If you can sit with them, I’ll test the mikes on stage.”

  “You got a deal,” Wes said, heading to where the series of electrical boxes and amplifiers were set. He was relieved to get away from talking about Kam with Erick. The skin along his neck felt charged with electricity. The sensation moved down around his heart and then into his lower body. Trying to ignore it, Wes sat down at the table under the protective tent where the equipment was located. It wasn’t unusual during July and August to see thunderstorms pop up because of the Tetons and surrounding mountains to the east. The valley was a place where the unseen down-and updrafts mixed with weather fronts barreling through the area. The consequence was sudden showers, which would dump lots of rain in a short time.

  Wes wanted to stay busy. If he was busy, he was less likely to think of Kam. And of tonight…

  “YOU LOOK beautiful!” Iris crowed with delight as Kam showed off her country-girl outfit. She wore a simple blue gingham dress with several white petticoats beneath it. The dress harked back to the 1950s when square dancing was all the rage. Kam laughed awkwardly and stopped the spin. “I feel a little odd in this outfit, Iris.”

  “The whole staff is going to be wearing these costumes. You’ll fit right in, don’t worry. Besides, our dude-ranch patrons really enjoy it.” She sighed. “I just loved the 1950s. It was such a wonderful time. There was no road rage, none of the heinous crimes there are today. We had good, clean fun. Oh, we had guys with their hot rods and street racing here and there, but that was all. There were no guns. No drugs. No wholesale killings. It was a time of innocence,” she said, waving her finger at Kam.