Shadows from the Past

by McKenna, Lindsay

  “Fair enough,” Rudd said. He came over to her and placed his hand on her shoulder.

  His hand felt comforting to Kam. Her heart was raw and hurting, yet, Rudd had the decency and understanding to know what she needed—a hand of reassurance. “Life is scary, Rudd. I’m more scared now than before.” Kam shook her head and held his gaze. “How can that be?”

  “Well, you go from being scared about confronting the person you think is your father to being scared about what the DNA test will reveal. You’re still up on the bubble. If I don’t reject you, then the test could. And this is all about rejection.”

  “You’re right,” Kam admitted. She touched his hand and said, “Thank you. You’ve made this easy for me. Maybe now my nightmares will go away.”

  “I hope so, Kam. We’ll get through this together.” Rudd smiled warmly.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  WES SPOTTED Kam walking from the ranch-house office toward the barn. He was about to intercept her to talk with her privately about that kiss three nights ago. His cell phone rang.

  Cursing softly, Wes pulled it off his belt. “Wes Sheridan.”

  “Wes?”

  “Hi, Mom,” he said, watching Kam walk to the barn. She must be going for a midafternoon ride on Freckles, which was unusual for her.

  “Son, your father just had a heart attack. He’s in the Cody hospital. It’s serious, Wes.”

  He heard the tears in his mother’s trembling voice. “How serious?” he demanded.

  “The doctors don’t know if he’s going to make it or not.” She sobbed. “This morning…well…he was ranting and raving like he always does at the breakfast table. And—and he suddenly clutched his chest and fell out of the chair. I didn’t know what to do. I called 911 and they got there as soon as they could.”

  Heart squeezing, Wes turned away from the barn and concentrated on the call. “How can I help?”

  “I can’t run this ranch by myself. You know your father would never let me into the business side of things. And our last manager walked off two weeks ago. He’d had enough of Dan’s abuse. The men are looking to me to tell them what to do and I don’t have a clue.”

  “Have you called Chris and Rachel?”

  “I have,” she sniffed. “They both have jobs they can’t walk away from and they can’t help me.”

  Wes rubbed his mouth with the back of his hand. The warmth of the sun beat down upon his back as he stood by the corral. Most of the dudes were out on their afternoon trail ride. “What’s the prognosis?”

  “Not good.” Anne sobbed and then whispered, “I’m sorry, Wes. I’m in shock over this. Even with him being an alcoholic, I never expected him to keel over from a heart attack. I need someone here. The cattle have to be fed. The horses…”

  “Yeah, I get it,” he whispered grimly. “Let me talk to Rudd Mason. I’ll ask him for a leave of absence. I can’t divide myself between here and there.”

  “I—I know. I’m so sorry to ask this of you, Wes.”

  Grimly, he rasped, “It’s okay, Mom. This isn’t your fault. I’ll be there as soon as I can. I’ll pack some stuff in my truck and take off within the hour.”

  “Thanks, honey. I hope Mr. Mason won’t get angry with you. He won’t fire you, will he?”

  “No. He’s fair-minded about things like this,” Wes said, already walking toward the office. He didn’t add that Rudd knew all about his messy family dynamic.

  “Thank you again, honey. I have to stay here at the hospital. Dan is unconscious. I need to find out what else can be done for him.”

  Wes snapped the cell phone closed and settled it back on his belt. Mouth tight with tension, he quickly walked to the office, mounted the stairs and stepped inside. Rudd had just sat down at his desk behind the office counter. Despite his own pain and shock, Wes noted his boss’s sad expression. For a moment, he realized Kam had just left the office for the barn. Rudd seemed very upset, to the point where Wes saw tears in the man’s eyes.

  Wes allowed his boss to compose himself before launching into his new dilemma.

  “So do you think he’ll recover?” Rudd asked, scowling.

  “I don’t know.” I don’t care. But Wes didn’t say it out loud.

  “Of course, go home,” Rudd said, concerned. “Will your brother and sister be able to pitch in and help you at the ranch?”

  “No,” Wes admitted. “They live in Cheyenne and have nine-to-five jobs, unlike me. I’m sure their employers would give them time off, but they are refusing to come to the ranch. It’s a pretty bitter situation.”

  “Yeah, ranching is 24/7,” Rudd murmured. “Of course, go home, Wes. Stay in touch and let me know if we can help you. I hope your father makes it.”

  Nodding, Wes walked out of the office and headed for the bunkhouse where he kept his belongings. On the way, he saw Kam had led Freckles outside the barn and was ready to go for a ride. Turning on his heel, he moved in her direction.

  “Kam?” he called.

  Kam had just settled into the saddle when she heard Wes call to her.

  Wes saw surprise in Kam’s eyes but there was a different expression on her face that he couldn’t decipher. He forced a smile he didn’t feel. Placing his hand on the paint gelding’s neck, he looked up at her. She wore her tan Stetson and looked like a rancher’s wife. The thought struck him hard. Wes knew instinctively she would make a great frontier woman out here in Wyoming. She had adjusted to ranch life so easily and with such passion. But he certainly didn’t see happiness in those bright blue eyes now.

  “Wes?”

  “This will take only a minute,” he assured her.

  Kam felt heat rushing into her face. For once, she wished she didn’t blush so easily. “Sure.”

  “I wanted a chance to talk to you…the kiss…about us.”

  “I did, too,” Kam admitted.

  “I meant what I said. I’ll wait. I like you and I want to see what happens.”

  Heart thudding, Kam closed her eyes momentarily and then opened them. “I don’t know, Wes.” She was unable to tell him the truth and it hurt her even more than withholding it from Rudd. His eyes darkened with pain and it was all her fault. But it wasn’t fair to let him think there could be a relationship, not with everything up in the air.

  “Will you at least tell me why?” he demanded. Boring into her gaze, Wes felt the rest of his world falling from beneath him. All these months, he’d silently pined for Kam and fought himself. Until the dance. Until holding her so close and smelling her womanly scent. All his reserve had shattered in that moment. Kam had looked so beautiful, so alluring that Wes couldn’t help but kiss her. And now, he had to hurry out of here and get home to his father’s ranch. It was the last thing Wes wanted to do.

  “It’s just not the right time,” Kam pleaded softly.

  “I told you I would wait.”

  “That’s not it,” Kam protested. “I just can’t say much right now, Wes. I wish I could, but I can’t.”

  Suddenly cautious, Wes wondered if Kam had a boyfriend. There was so much he didn’t know about her. Maybe she was doing him a favor. “Okay, I hear you. I just wanted to let you know I have to leave the ranch. I don’t know for how long.” He relayed the news about his father and she reacted.

  “Your father? Oh, no, Wes. I’m so sorry….”

  “I’m not, Kam. But that’s a long story that I’ve never shared with you,” he said grimly.

  Kam noted the anger banked in his eyes and heard it in his voice. “Family problems?” she guessed, her voice more gentle. Above all, Kam didn’t want to let on that Iris had filled her in on Wes’s troubled family.

  “Yeah. Plenty of them. Anyway, I don’t have time to share them with you right now.” Searching her face, Wes said, “Can I stay in touch with you, Kam? Cody isn’t that far from Jackson.”

  “Of course you can,” she said, touching his hand as it rested on her mount’s neck. “If there’s anything I can do to help?”

  Her hand was l
ike balm to his shattered heart. “Thanks for asking. I don’t know what I’m walking into at the ranch. It’s been two years. I appreciate your offer, though.” Wes wanted to believe Kam had reached out because she liked him, but he knew better. She had told him in so many words that a relationship wasn’t possible. Yet, as a friend, she was offering her help. He expected that of Kam. She was that kind of person. But he didn’t want her as a friend. He wanted to pursue a serious relationship with her.

  When Wes removed his hand, Kam felt bereft and did her best to hide it. Right now, her life was up in the air and she was unsure what would happen next. “I’ll miss you,” she admitted. “You’re a linchpin around here. I’m sure Rudd will miss you, too. You’re his right-hand man next to Chappy.”

  “I’ll miss being here,” Wes confided, his voice off-key. Settling his hat more firmly on his head as the breeze picked up, Wes gave Kam an apologetic look. “I’ve got to get going, Kam.”

  “My prayers are with your father and mother,” she called, as he walked away.

  Kam’s heart twisted in her chest even more. She longed to talk to someone about how she felt watching Wes disappear into the nearby bunkhouse. He always made her feel special. And his commanding kiss still lingered hotly in her memory. Kam didn’t dare tell him how much she’d enjoyed his contact. Not yet. She didn’t dare hope that he’d be there when the dust settled.

  Turning the horse, Kam nudged her heels into Freckles’s sides and aimed him at one of the many trails just outside the corral area. All she wanted was to be alone with her roiling feelings. Tears brimmed in her eyes as she went down the trail. Alone, she could cry—partly out of relief and partly out of fear of an unknown future.

  RUDD SAT in the office with the radio playing in the background. It had been a hell of a day. He’d already driven into town, given Doc Jones the DNA results that Kam had given him and gotten the test himself. Mouth tightening, he wondered at the results. If Kam was his daughter, it would send a shock like a bolt of lightning through his family. He could not disavow Kam. That wasn’t right. Guilt ate at his conscience. Unable to understand what had happened, Rudd shook his head. He’d never had unprotected sex and yet, somehow, Elizabeth had become pregnant.

  Looking back on that day, Rudd realized how crazy it had been. He’d been drawn to Tracy Elizabeth Fielding immediately, and then, after he’d made a date with her for dinner, Allison had crashed into his life. He hadn’t been expecting a Hollywood starlet at the huge convention. Oh, it was true, she was dressed skimpily, like a fishing lure to pull in the cowboys. When Allison had latched onto him after finding out he owned the largest ranch in Wyoming, Rudd had felt flattered. A lot of ranch owners eyed him with envy as she hung herself on him. Flattered and flustered, Rudd had agreed to take Allison out for a drink around four o’clock that day. That was when she got off this gig, she’d whispered in his ear.

  Looking back, Rudd couldn’t believe what he’d done because it was so out of character for him. He was a gentleman and a hardworking rancher. Being in Los Angeles at this glittering convention was a first for him. Maybe he was starstruck by Allison’s flirting and beauty. Maybe his ego got way out of hand, he decided sourly. After drinks at the bar at a nearby hotel, Allison had taken him to her room. He’d had protected sex with her. And then, at eight o’clock that night, he’d had dinner with Elizabeth. She was completely different from Allison, and Rudd had been smitten, spending the night because he’d wanted to.

  The next morning, Rudd had left while Elizabeth was sleeping. He had an early plane to catch back to Cheyenne. He’d left a note and his business card, asking Elizabeth to call him. But she never did.

  Allison had, however. Over the phone, she’d giggled and told him that she just might drop by unannounced and see him and his ranch. Rudd had believed it was just bedroom talk. But damned if Allison hadn’t shown up five days later, dressed like a Hollywood actress and looking good in a tight red dress.

  Shaking his head, Rudd looked up across the desk. It was nearly dinnertime and he could see everyone drifting toward the dining hall. He thought back to the day Allison had arrived. After a whirlwind courtship of ten days, they were married by the justice of the peace in Jackson. Eight months later, Regan was born. She had red hair just like him and Rudd fell in love with the little tyke cradled in Allison’s arms. For Rudd, it seemed as if he were in some wild, unimaginable dream. His parents had been against him marrying Allison. They didn’t understand his infatuation and begged him not to consummate the relationship. A woman who was that hot in bed, who made him feel like a king among men…well, that said it all.

  Now, twenty-eight years later, Rudd had seen his marriage slowly fall apart. He couldn’t admit that to his mother or anyone, really. Allison had stopped having sex with him shortly after Zach was born. She continued to keep her Hollywood ties, leaving the ranch for much of the winter each year. Oh, she said it was to get gigs in Hollywood, but Rudd rarely saw her in commercials or television shows. He often wondered what Allison did out there but didn’t have the courage to ask. Somehow, Rudd wanted to leave that can of worms alone and concentrate on being a good father to his two young children. They couldn’t understand why their mother left for half a year.

  His life had been a mess, Rudd realized as he looked back over all of it. What if he’d married Elizabeth Fielding? He wasn’t sure she would have wanted him, of course. Would their lives have been so different? The worst of it was, they had possibly produced a daughter from that one night together. Nervously tugging on his handlebar mustache, Rudd had a sinking feeling that the DNA test would confirm that Kam was his daughter.

  What then? Rudd winced inwardly. He’d have to tell his family. All of them. His stomach churned over the prospect. He’d been adopted and might have created an orphan, as well. His father had abandoned him. Was it a stain on his genes? Rudd had walked away from his child, left her hanging just as his father had done to him. The pain of that realization sunk into Rudd as never before. Intuitively, he knew Kam was his daughter. It was all too clear to him at this point. The father’s sins were carried through the son by some strange, unknown genetic predisposition.

  Rudd stood and closed up the office. In an hour he’d have to carry this shocking secret, all while sitting down with his family at the dinner table. Under no circumstances was he going to let anyone know what had just transpired until the test came back. When it did, he had no doubt everything in his life would change. Rudd shut off the light and turned on the answer machine for the telephone. In his tightened gut, he prepared himself for the moment when all hell would break loose.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  “HELLO?” Laura Trayhern said.

  Kam closed her eyes, relief surging through her. She sat in her suite, the bedroom door closed so that in case someone entered, they would not overhear the conversation. “Mom? It’s Kam. I need to talk to you.”

  “You spoke to Rudd,” Laura guessed.

  Curling up on her bed, Kam leaned against the headboard. She smoothed out her pink silk pajamas nervously with her hand. “How did you guess?”

  “I can hear it in your voice. Are you all right? How did Rudd take the news?”

  Kam told her everything. She glanced outside the window near her bed, the darkness revealing a star-sprinkled sky. “Mom, I’m so scared.”

  “The worst is over,” Laura soothed. “Did he take it well?”

  “He did but there was so much pain in his eyes, Mom. I couldn’t decipher what it was all about.”

  “Don’t try to read someone. Let Rudd tell you what his pain is about,” Laura counseled. “We humans are not very good at reading people. And when we think we have read someone, it’s usually through the lens of ourselves.”

  “Yes,” Kam said, smiling a little. “I remember. You called it projection.”

  Laura laughed softly. “Exactly.”

  “There’s more to this,” Kam told her in a low tone, feeling her own anguish. “It’s about Wes.”


  “Oh, that young man you like so much?”

  Wincing, Kam said, “Yes, him.” She filled Laura in on the latest. And then Kam added, “My heart is with Wes. I wish I could just leave and go help him with the ranch. But I can’t. Rudd told me when he got back from the doctor’s office that it would take a week to get the DNA results back. Maybe even a little sooner. I can’t just take off and drive to Cody to be with Wes.”

  “Hmmm,” Laura said, “that’s true. You have a responsibility to Rudd, first of all.”

  “Wes was booted out of his family by his father, Dan,” Kam said, sadness in her voice. “Now, Dan’s in the hospital and they don’t know if he’ll recover from the heart attack or not. I keep wondering if Wes will go see him.”

  “That’s a tough call,” Laura said. “Will Wes allow his hurt and anger to stop him from saying goodbye to his father?”

  “There’s no love lost between them.”

  “I know, but when it comes right down to it, Dan is his father. Whether Dan was a good or bad father doesn’t matter. I think the bigger question is, will Wes rise above all the hurt to say farewell? Maybe even forgive Dan? If he doesn’t try to make amends with his father, Wes will live with that choice the rest of his life. And that’s a hard thing to carry.”

  “You’re always so wise,” Kam said.

  “It comes from life experience. Sometimes, no matter how much pain a parent has caused a child, one hopes for forgiveness. And in some cases, that doesn’t happen.”

  “I think the broken connection between Wes and his father is permanent,” Kam said. “I just wish I could be there to support him. Wes said at one time there were twenty ranch hands. There was a manager, but he quit two weeks before Dan had the heart attack. Now, Wes is going to have to step in and manage the whole place.”

  “Until two years ago, Wes was under his father’s wing,” Laura reminded her. “So, it isn’t going to be that tough for Wes to fill his father’s shoes in his absence,” Laura countered.

  “Yes, but if his father dies, he’s written Wes out of the will. I suppose he’s left the ranch to his wife, Anne. But who knows?”