Shadows from the Past

by McKenna, Lindsay

  “I’m glad it is,” he said. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the last week, Kam.” He pointed his fork around the dining hall. “I really enjoy doing what I do here. I like seeing people get back to nature and allowing their kids to absorb it.”

  Kam spoke carefully as she ate. “Do you compare your childhood to these kids’ experiences?”

  Smiling a little, Wes dug into the mashed potatoes and gravy. “One of the many things I’ve come to discover about you is your insight into people. Why they are the way they are. Seeing what pushes or supports them. Yes, I see these kids with nice parents who dote on them. I wish I’d had that, but I didn’t. Nor did my brother and sister. Maybe, in some ways, I’m living vicariously through the children who come here. I watch the parents and I see the joy and pride in their expressions when their kids are riding, or they’re on a hike or they’re helping us in some small ways.”

  “And your father never did that with any of you?”

  Shaking his head, Wes said, “Never. My mother was our support. As a teacher, she knew how to engage us and get us working as a team. Dan wouldn’t let her near any of the ranching, but she enlisted the help of some of the wranglers and they taught us a lot. Or—” he smiled a little “—as much as we wanted to learn. My brother and sister never absorbed ranch life.”

  “Don’t you think part of their reluctance was due to Dan?” she asked.

  Wes sipped his coffee. “I believe it was. When they were thirteen and fifteen, they left for Cheyenne to live with my aunt and uncle, and then they made lives for themselves. They wanted nothing to do with Dan or the ranch. They saw it as a reminder of their suffering and pain.”

  “But you didn’t let that deter you. Why?”

  Wes cut the last of the beef and thought about her question. “I don’t know. Maybe ranching is in my blood, like it is with Rudd and Iris. I love the land, the animals and wilderness where we live. We’re surrounded by nothing but nature, plenty of land between ranches and less population. I’d never make it in city life.” Wes chuckled darkly.

  Kam scooped up some mashed potatoes and gravy on her fork. “I couldn’t, either. I loved my life as a stringer going to foreign countries. I thrived in the wild country. I hated the cities. I would never take any urban assignment.”

  “Maybe that’s Rudd’s genes coming through?”

  “I hadn’t thought of it, but I’ll bet you’re right,” Kam said, a little amazed by his suggestion. She met and held his warm gaze and felt herself melting all over again. Wes could give her that special look and all she wanted to do was kiss and love him—fully. Forever. The thought startled her. She digested the possibility of having a relationship with Wes. Yet, he’d always been silent about his own private life. That had to change.

  “Listen, I’m a nosy person,” she began, “and I’ve always wondered why you weren’t taken, Wes. You’re awfully handsome, you’re hardworking and responsible. Those are attributes any woman would kill to have in a man. What happened?”

  Wes was finished with his meal and he placed his plate on the green tray at the end of the table. He wrapped his hands around his coffee cup. He told her of Carla and their sordid marriage. The more Wes confided in her about that traumatic time in his life, the sadder the look in Kam’s beautiful blue eyes became. When he was done with his story, he said, “So, that’s it in a nutshell. I figured I was pretty bad at picking the right woman after that. I knew that sometimes children of an alcoholic parent will choose an alcoholic partner. I did. And I didn’t like it or myself.”

  “You’re being pretty hard on yourself,” Kam said sympathetically. She set her plate on the tray. Reaching out across the table, she briefly touched Wes’s hand. “You married young. What do any of us know in our late teens? I’m twenty-eight and I just shake my head over my ignorance about relationships and the world when I was only eighteen.”

  “It was a mistake,” Wes said, his hand tingling warmly where her fingers had been. Looking around, Wes saw many of the guests were finished and ambling through the dining-hall door. Pretty soon they’d be alone and that was fine with him.

  “I’ve made plenty of my own mistakes along that line,” Kam told him. “I guess I was lucky in one way—I never married any of the men that I got tangled up with.” She told him about her two relationships and why they hadn’t been successful. By the time she was finished, the dining hall was quiet. All the guests were gone and only the kitchen help was still in back. The clinking of pans and dishes was the only sound to penetrate the depths of the deserted hall.

  “At least you had the brains to see what was wrong with these two men,” Wes told her. “I met Carla, fell madly in love with her—so I thought—and we were married two months later. I didn’t give us time to get to know one another. I was such a know-it-all. I thought I understood her.” With a shake of his head, he muttered, “I couldn’t have been more wrong.”

  “And that’s why you’re gun-shy of any other relationship with a woman,” Kam guessed.

  “Yes.” Wes moved his fingers through his hair. Looking around the well-lit room, the cedar shining beneath the lanterns placed above on the rough timber rafters, he said, “Until lately…”

  Kam’s heart thudded over his words, over the way he watched her. His gruff tone stimulated her and she began to ache. The silence strung gently between them. “I never came here expecting to meet a man that I was interested in,” Kam admitted in a quiet voice.

  “I never expected to be working here and want another relationship with a woman, either, Kam.”

  Kam held his darkened gaze as he seemed to look straight through her. “I learned a long time ago to be honest with a man who was interested in me.”

  “I want your honesty, Kam. You have mine.”

  “I came here trying to find out if Rudd was my father,” she began. “I didn’t come here to be so drawn to you.”

  “That feeling is mutual,” Wes said. He felt fear and hope alternately within his chest. Fear that Kam didn’t want to deepen their budding relationship. Hope that she would. “I know you’re in the midst of a lot of changes. Rudd is your father. You’re his daughter. There’s plenty of things you two have to go through to reestablish your connections with one another. I understand that. You need time.” Wes flexed his mouth. He leaned forward a bit, his gaze on hers. “What I’m trying to say is that I’m willing to wait. You don’t need me pressuring you right now. I think we have something special, and I’m smart enough to know that time is on our side and is not our enemy. How do you feel about it? About us?”

  Kam reached out and tangled her fingers in his. “I’m very interested in you, Wes. But I’m up to my hocks with my new family. Rudd isn’t the problem. It’s Allison and her children who are making this a challenge. We all need time.”

  “So, you want to go forward with us?”

  Nodding, Kam felt his fingers tighten around hers. “Very much so, Wes, as long as you know the obstacles.”

  “I understand.” Right now, all Wes wanted to do was kiss her. Her lips were parted and soft. He knew how they felt and he yearned to crush them beneath his once more. But now was not the right place or time. Reluctantly, Wes released her fingers. “I like what we have. I like where it’s going,” he told her, straightening up. “We’ll just take it a day at a time with no expectations.”

  “I’d like to have dinner with you every night,” Kam told him. “This is so special.” She looked around and then smiled at Wes. “A good way to get to know one another. Our life stories.”

  Agreeing, Wes stood up and settled his hat back on his head. “You got a deal, Kam. Come on, I’ll walk you home.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  AS WES walked with Kam toward the ranch house, he slid his arm around her shoulders. The evening had turned to dusk and as she turned to look over at him, a soft smile pulled at the corners of her lips. It was her eyes, a velvet-blue filled with such longing, that sent heat and excruciating need through him. Without
a word, she folded against him and they walked in silence.

  His heart pounded once to underscore the sweetness of her tall, firm body against him. Wes had lost count of how many dreams he’d had about her. He slowed his walk and faced her. “I don’t know where this is going, Kam.”

  “I don’t, either, but I don’t care, Wes.” Gazing into his dark eyes, Kam realized he had shadows from the past, his failed marriage. Her soft words had a gentle effect on his tense expression. Her arm wrapped tightly around his narrow waist. “When I was a stringer over in Darfur I sometimes lived minute by minute. There were times I wasn’t sure I’d live to see the sunrise. I’m used to living on the edge, Wes. I don’t need promises of forever. I know how precious life is.”

  His hands cupped her proud shoulders. “I didn’t know that. You’ve mentioned taking photos for big-time newspapers and magazines, but I didn’t realize you were in danger.” That scared the hell out of him. Wes couldn’t believe that as beautiful and gentle a spirit as she was, Kam would place herself in such scary situations. He struggled to understand the depth of her courage. The look in her eyes shone with love—for him. And when her hands moved to his shoulders and that devil-may-care smile came to her lush lips, Wes began to understand the adventuresome spirit that lived and breathed within Kam.

  “We haven’t had much time just to sit and talk about who we are, where we’ve been and where we want to go, Wes.” Kam watched his eyes but it was the gentle caress of his hands across her shoulders that made her want to melt against him. “I’m hoping that if things quiet down and we have our nightly dinners together over at the dining hall, we will get to understand each other.”

  “We’ll have the time,” he promised her thickly. Wes wanted the time. Nothing was as important in his life as Kam, he was beginning to realize. The shadow of his father, his death, had marred Wes’s ability to really see her until now.

  “Hey, that’s not always true. I lived overseas in third-world countries for too long. I know that a life can be snuffed out in an instant by a sniper’s bullet. I saw too many people die, Wes. All we have is right now. Not the past. Not the future.”

  Looking beyond her as the night grew around them, Wes saw the bright lights shining from the many windows in the main ranch house. “I never had to go to war like you. I haven’t seen lives snatched away in a heartbeat.” He grazed her cheek with his fingers. “And I know you have more of a Buddhist outlook on life. Maybe you got the philosophy because of what you survived?”

  Kam felt her flesh ripple with a delicious sensation as his work-worn fingers stroked her skin. “I had many friends die. Sometimes I was with them when it happened. Sometimes, I wasn’t.” Her brows dipped. “When you see someone shot and they’re lying bleeding to death, it changes you forever. I learned the hard way how to live. The past is gone and we can never relive it. The future is unknown.” She lifted her hands and framed his face. Their eyes met and she drowned within the tender gray flame. “I’ve learned to cherish the moment.”

  Without a word, Kam leaned forward and placed her warm lips against his mouth. Instantly, he relaxed and parted beneath her tentative exploration. Right now. That was all that would ever really exist and Kam knew it. Every cell in her body screamed to kiss Wes. His lips swept commandingly across hers, his arms crushing her against him. The instant their bodies met, Kam moaned with pleasure. How she hungered to lie with him and make torrid, nonstop love!

  She inhaled his scent, part dust, pine and horse mingled with his maleness. Kam deepened their kiss, and the world ceased to exist around her. All she wanted—needed—was Wes Sheridan. He was lean, tight, like a coiled spring ready to explode. As her hips deliberately met his, Kam felt his hardness pressing insistently against her belly. The wetness between her thighs increased. If only they could go off somewhere and make love. His mouth stroked fire across her lips. When his tongue slid between them and tangled with hers, a soft sigh rose in her throat. As his fingers threaded through her hair, her skin prickled with pleasure.

  The snort of horses from a nearby corral blended with the hoot of a great horned owl in the nearby pines. The cheerful ribbits of the frogs in the stream behind the ranch house added to nature’s symphony swirling around them. Wes was an incredible kisser and Kam relished his strong mouth wreaking havoc across hers. Her breasts swelled with neediness against the powerful wall of his chest. She kept seeing herself taking off that shirt and running her fingertips through his dark chest hair. The idea made Kam tremble.

  Tearing his mouth from hers, Wes said in a husky tone, “Let’s go to the barn. To the loft. No one is there and we’ll be alone.” Searching her upturned face, Wes wondered if he’d gone too far…assumed too much.

  “Yes,” Kam whispered unsteadily. “Now…I need you, Wes.”

  That was all he ever hoped to hear. They turned away from the dining hall, walked past the corral full of horses and toward the huge, shadowy barn. At nightfall, a sulfur streetlamp came on at the apex of the roof, but that was all. Wes didn’t want anyone to see them enter the barn so he guided Kam around to the side entrance.

  As Kam entered the large, rectangular feed room, she inhaled the scent of the molasses mixed with grain. Wes flipped on the light and they made their way through the room to the exit into the main barn. He shut the light off, opened the door and stepped out. The lamp at the far end of the barn shed just enough light to allow them to see the wooden steps leading up to the hayloft.

  Once up there, Kam noticed a small room off to one side. Wes led her over to it, his hand firmly around hers. Opening it, he turned on a light and pulled her inside.

  “And here I thought we’d have hay for a bed,” Kam teased, looking around. There was a queen-size bed covered with a dark-green-and-white quilt of wedding-ring design. The floor was gleaming pine and the bed frame was made from the same wood. It was a beautiful room, one she hadn’t known about. But then, she was still discovering so much about the ranch.

  Wes quietly closed the door and smiled. “This is sort of a secret place. Sometimes we get dudes who want to sleep in the hayloft or honeymoon couples. They dream about a toss in the hay.” His smile widened. “Of course, if you’d rather use the straw…”

  “No, this is fine.” Kam laughed, delighted. Indeed, the room was large and smelled of sweet, fresh hay and straw. “This is perfect, Wes.”

  Wes turned on a small stained-glass lamp that threw off just enough light to make the space romantic. He turned off the main light, then drew Kam into his arms. “No regrets about this?”

  “None,” she whispered and began to pull apart each pearl snap on his work shirt.

  “I need a shower.”

  “So do I.”

  Grinning a little, Wes closed his eyes and felt the whisper of her fingertips across the dark hair of his chest. “There’s a shower through that door,” he said, opening his eyes.

  “We’ll use it later,” Kam told him, pulling the shirt off his upper body. As the material dropped to the floor, he was already pulling off her tank top. The white silk outlined her breasts and she felt the nipples harden. He cupped them in his lean fingers almost with reverence. Leaning down, he closed his lips over one of the nipples.

  With a gasp of utter, raw fulfillment, Kam gripped his tense shoulders and swayed unsteadily. The pleasure rippled outward like circles across a pond. Her breathing changed and she felt her lower body explode with heat. Kam wasn’t going to be shy about her desire. She eased away, lamented the loss of his lips on her, but she wanted him naked—now. Without a word, their breathing harsh and shallow, Kam undid his belt and unsnapped his jeans.

  Wes obliged and sat down on the bed to push off his boots, peel off his socks and get rid of his jeans. As he stood, Kam walked over with a gleam in her eyes that thrilled him. She was like an alpha female knowing her place and wanting her mate. Her fingers slid inside the band of his boxer shorts and she pulled them off him. Standing naked, he felt powerful. He liked the approval in her smile as s
he assessed him.

  “You are beautiful,” Kam whispered.

  His hardness increased beneath her softly breathed words. To feel her love, her need, nearly overwhelmed him. He had never felt like this with any woman. Walking over to her, Wes said thickly, “Now it’s your turn.”

  Kam laughed and allowed him to lead her over to the bed. He pressed her down upon it and removed her boots, socks and jeans. Her white silk panties were the last to go. Straddling her with his long, firm thighs, Wes pressed a kiss to her belly. With his tongue, he circled her belly button. And then teasingly slid lower.

  Moaning, Kam gripped his shoulders. The hot anticipation of his lips drifting downward, his tongue easing into the cleft between her thighs, was too much. The wetness between her thighs built, his warm breath coming closer and closer to that juncture. Suddenly he was there, and Kam groaned. Her fingers dug deeply into his taut shoulders.

  Stars exploded behind her tightly shut eyes. Her breath hitched. The strong, warm movement of his tongue exploring her womanhood sent her into a frenzy of need. Almost unable to stand the pleasurable sensation, the driving desire to have Wes inside her was even more powerful. Opening her eyes, panting, Kam rasped, “I need you…”

  Without a word, Wes covered her with his long, lean body. Her eyes were wide with hunger, her lips parted, her breathing ragged. He could feel how close she was to a climax. Kam leaned upward, her hands framing his face, her mouth ravenous against his. With a groan, Wes felt her plunge her tongue inside his mouth. Startled, he groaned in response. As his elbows settled on either side of her arched, wanting body, he smiled against her mouth.

  Then he moved his hips forward, thrusting into her. Automatically, her legs came around him, drawing him even more deeply into her depths. He felt the scalding heat of her inner body, the tightness that surrounded him and he groaned heavily. Their lips clung together, as hungry as their lower bodies had become. Wes became lost in sensations of heat, wetness, the slickness of their bodies melding and molding hotly with frantic demand. Kam thrust against his hips with an insistence that sent a lavalike explosion cascading through him.