by J. Lea
“Ella?” I whisper when I reach the bed.
She flinches at my voice, and turns to me, quickly wiping away the tears running down her cheek. “Jake? What are you doing here? How did you find me?”
The sight of her makes me feel like someone just punched me square in the gut. She looks so broken, so fragile. Why did I act like a complete jerk? “I had a hunch you’d be here.” I pause for a moment, and quietly continue. “I want to apologize for acting like such a humongous idiot. You have every right to be angry with me.” I bring my arm up to stroke her cheek, but she flinches away. I close my eyes, my lips thinning. It serves me right.
“’Angry’ is too mild of an expression. But more than that, I’m disappointed in you. I don’t know how on earth it could ever occur to you, that I could do something so horrendous to you. Ever since we’ve started dating, I only live for you. Every ounce of my being yearns for the moment you come back home to me again. It hurts like hell to know you think I’d ever be capable of cheating on you.” She opens her mouth, and then closes it. “Please, leave. I’d like to be alone.”
“I’m not going anywhere, not until you accept my apology, until you forgive me.”
“I don’t want to talk to you. I just want to be left alone.” She turns around, her back to me.
“I’m really sorry. I promise you, I’ll prove to you each and every day, how very sorry I am for my idiotic outburst. You’re home alone for the majority of the time when I’m racing, and I thought that maybe you’re lonely, and that you got tired of waiting for me. The way I reacted was completely wrong; I know that. I should’ve asked you first before accusing you of anything.” I walk to the other side of the bed, kneel in front of her, and make her look at me. I take her hands into mine, holding them for a while. “Why didn’t you answer your phone? I must have left you a thousand messages.”
“I deleted them. I didn’t feel like listening to your voice.”
I nod in understanding. “Can you ever forgive me?” I wipe the tear running down her cheek with my thumb.
“I don’t know, Jake. You were really hurtful. I didn’t even recognize you for a minute there. You were so cruel.”
“I know that, babe, and I’ll kick myself in the butt for the rest of my life for being such an incredible jerk. I am so sorry. I truly am. I love you, Ella.” I turn my gaze to the floor. “If you knew what horrible things played through my head when I found that pregnancy test… My whole past came crawling out of the black, poisonous compartment in my head that I locked away ages ago. I felt sick to my stomach at the thought of some other man…shit, I can’t even say it out loud.” I take a deep breath, and place my head on her knees, raising my hand to her hip. After a few moments of silence, I look her in the eyes. “And the worst part was, it hurt so much more than when I found out about Liz cheating on me. Even though I knew deep down you’d never betray me, that there was a reasonable explanation, I still let my past win. Ella, I’m sorry. I was afraid I was going to lose you. I wasn’t thinking straight.”
“I understand what you’re trying to say, I do, but that doesn’t mean you can just put people in the same compartments, and slap the same label on them. You need to learn to trust me.”
“I do trust you,” I protest.
“An hour ago, it didn’t look like it.”
“That was a mistake I’m going to regret making for the rest of my life. Please, forgive me. Let’s go home, and we can talk some more there.” I gently pull her up by her hand, but she snatches it away.
“I’ll think about it, Jake. I love you, I really do, but I can’t go home with you right now. I’m too… I need a few days to clear things up in my head, okay?”
“Is that your way of saying you never want to see me again?”
“No, Jake. I love you, but I need some time alone. I promise I’ll come back.”
“But I’m leaving in two days.”
“I know. Give it your best, and I’ll be in front of the TV, cheering for you. When you get home, I’ll be waiting for you there, okay?” I lay my head on her knees again, and sigh. I can’t force her to go with me. Miserable, I lace our fingers together.
“Okay, babe. I’ll respect your decision. But that doesn’t mean you won’t hear from me each and every day. I love you and I want you back.” I stand up, lean down, place a kiss on the corner of her lips, and walk out the door.
Chapter Eight
Ella
“This is the third one today,” Sophie says with a raised eyebrow as she plops down on the couch beside me. It’s been two days since I’ve last seen Jake, but every day, he shows me he wants me back. She hands me a small package. I open the box, and inside is a suede baggie, about 3 inches tall, tied with a bow. I untie the bow, and spill the contents on the table.
“Wow, Ella!” Sophie exclaims in surprise. “I didn’t think he was such a romantic.” She is fascinated, examining the pebbles with inscriptions on them. On one side of the pebble it says I love you…, and when she turns it around, there is a reason why he loves me. I examine each one, my heart warming.
I love you…for your honesty
I love you…for your smile
I love you…for your beautiful eyes
I love you…for the feelings you bring out in me
I love you…for you!
“When are you going to forgive him? Look at all the effort he put into this.” Sophie’s eyes are darting from one pebble to the next, and I can tell she’s impressed.
“I’ve already forgiven him,” I tell her. “But I need some time to myself, as I told him already.”
“He really loves you.”
“I know,” I smile. “But still… the way he reacted… he can’t treat me like this. He needs to think hard about how he messed up.” I give her a cheeky grin.
“That’s mean,” Sophie wiggles her finger at me, laughing. “However, I think you’re absolutely right. Let him sweat a little.”
It’s nice to know Sophie’s on my side, but I don’t want to talk about Jake anymore. I still haven’t found out how Matt took the news about the pregnancy. “What about you? Have you told Matt he’s going to be a father yet?” I’m curious to know if he was as excited as I think he was.
Sophie bites her lip, nodding. The corners of her lips curve up in a smile.
“So? Tell me already! You know how curious I am,” I whine.
“He couldn’t contain his excitement. He said I made him the happiest man on the planet.” Her eyes are radiating with joy. It pleases me to no end to see her like this.
“What did I tell you?” I throw my arms around her, and squeeze her tightly. “I’m deliriously happy for you guys, you deserve it.” For a second there, my smile falters, and Sophie notices my mood change. She knows me too well.
“What’s wrong, Ella?” I shift on the couch, and look at her.
“Nothing…”
“You know you can tell me anything.” Sophie gives me a compassionate pat on the hand. Taking a deep breath, I think about telling her what’s on my mind. I know she’s going to keep the secret to herself. I trust her completely, and I have to get it off my chest.
“There’s something I haven’t told you about Jake, and when you told me about your pregnancy, I’m ashamed to say I was a little jealous of you. I want to have kids one day, too,” I say. Sophie interrupts me.
“You have plenty of time for that. You’ve only been with Jake for eight months.”
I shake my head. “That’s not it. I know I’m still young, but that’s not the problem. I won’t be able to have kids with Jake. He’s infertile.” I bow my head, my hands fidgeting with the hem of my shirt.
“What? He told you that?”
“Do you remember when he mentioned Liz?” She nods. “Liz is his ex-wife.”
“He was married?” she asks incredulously, and I nod. “I can’t believe I didn’t know that.”
“Please, don’t tell anyone. I don’t want the tabloids to hear about it. I’m telling you th
is in confidence, because it’s eating me alive, and I had to tell someone.” I explain to her the whole story, about Liz, how she lied about Timmy being Jake’s son, about Brian, and Jake’s illness that led to infertility. Sophie listens to me without interruptions.
“Wow!” she exclaims when I finish.
“Exactly. I can hardly believe it myself. Well, the bottom line is—I love Jake. I’m willing to give up children for him, even though I’ve dreamed of a full house of children ever since I was a little girl.
“What about adoption?”
“I don’t know. We haven’t talked about any of this yet. I assume it’s a pretty delicate topic for Jake, and I don’t want to put additional pressure on him. I wouldn’t want him to think I expect children to come out of our relationship. I will stay with him no matter what. After all, he is the man who stitched my heart back together, and made me whole again.”
“Don’t worry. Everything will work out the way it has to, just you wait,” Sophie comforts me, and I give her a weak nod.
I don’t want to be late to work, so I quickly change, and put on some make-up, give Sophie a hug, and drive off to Ace. Every day, Jake also leaves a voice mail on my phone, along with all the presents he has delivered to Sophie’s. He only phones at night, when I’m already asleep. Every voice mail is the same: he apologizes, and tells me how much he loves me. I never respond or leave a message, but I decide to text him now. I’ve had enough. I miss him, and I want to come home to him. He’s on the road again, an important race ahead of him, and I hope my message will give him an ever bigger drive.
Me: Thank you for another wonderful present. I love it. I’m writing to tell you I’ve decided to come back home. I miss you; things just aren’t the same without you.
Not a minute passes before my phone starts ringing. “You’re coming home?” I hear Jake’s happy voice on the other side of the line.
“I’m coming home.”
“This is such great news, babe. I can’t wait to be back. I love you.”
“I love you, Jake.”
Two days later, I decide I’m ready to take the next step—rent space for my salon, so I dial the number of the agent who showed me both locations I went to see. It was love at first sight with the first one, but the second didn’t impress me much. Conflicting emotions run through me as I wait for her to answer. This is a huge turning point for me, but I’m so ready to start a new chapter in my life. I almost end the call when she finally answers.
“Hello?”
“Hello, Mrs. Johnson, Ella Vaughn speaking. The other day you showed me some office space available for rent. You told me to call if I made my mind up about putting in an offer.”
“Oh, Miss Vaughn. Yes, of course, I remember you. Unfortunately, the premises you liked so much is no longer available. It’s been sold recently. I’m sorry.” My smile falters as disappointment hits me. “But the other location, above the store, is still available.”
“But didn’t you say only renting the place was possible? At least, that’s how I understood you,” I ask her, downhearted.
“Yes, but the owners received an offer they couldn’t refuse. I’m really sorry; I hope you find something else to your liking. Have you changed your mind about that second location?”
“I didn’t, but thank you,” I respond quietly, and end the call. Why did I keep postponing my decision? Now, it’s going to take forever before I find anything suitable. I guess I’ll have to put my dreams on hold for a while longer.
I don’t go home; I drive to Sophie’s. Matt opens the door and lets me in, and then he goes back to his office at the end of the hall. Fifteen minutes later, the front door opens, and Sophie comes barging in with hands full of grocery bags. She dumps them on the kitchen counter.
“Hey, I didn’t expect to find you here. But I’m glad you came. You can stay for lunch if you want.” I shake my head absentmindedly, still hung up on the bad news the real estate agent delivered me. Sophie notices my bad mood instantly. “Are you okay, Ella? Why are you sitting here like your puppy just died? I thought you’d be happy to be home again.”
“I am. It’s not that. I just spoke to the real estate agent,” I look up at her. “They sold it.” No need to explain further. Sophie knows what I’m talking about.
“Oh, Ella. I’m so sorry to hear that. I know how much you loved that space. But keep your head up; I’m sure there is an even better location for your salon out there. Knowing how determined you are, you’re going to get that dream of yours.” Kneeling in front of me, she hugs me.
“I know. It’s my own fault for postponing so long. Now, I’m going to be beating myself on the head because of such a great lost opportunity.”
“Don’t say that. I’ll help you find the best, most beautiful space for your paradise, you’ll see.” Smiling at her, I nod.
“Thank you, Sophie. I needed that. I love you so much.”
“I love you, too. Now come help me cook lunch. The vegetables are not going to cut themselves.” She winks at me, then walks to the counter with the groceries laid out on it. We cut the onions, roast the meat, and I peel the potatoes while she makes the salad, chatting incessantly while we prepare the lunch. Sophie is helping improve my mood with her joking around. She turns on the radio, and our favorite Christina Aguilera song is currently on. We look at each other, squealing in excitement. Ladles in our hands serve as our microphones as we sing out loud, shaking our butts in the process. We complete each other perfectly.
“What’s going on here?” Matt interrupts our concert, eyebrow raised, smiling at us from the door. We’ve been so busy singing and giggling, we didn’t even hear him come in. Sophie turns the volume down, and runs into Matt’s arms, planting a kiss on his mouth. During the lunch, we tell him everything that happened.
After lunch, I’m in much better spirits when I head home. At the iron gate, reporters are waiting again, so I wave at them with a smile as I drive past. When I get into the house, I call Jake, but he doesn’t respond, which is nothing strange. I draw myself a bath, and grab a glass of wine and a book while the water fills the bath. I strip down my clothes. I test the temperature of the water by sticking in a finger. Perfect. Warmth engulfs me as I step in, and settle comfortably in the bath, a book in my right hand: a historical romance this time. The blurb on the back was so intriguing I had to buy it. It’s about an arranged marriage between a young noblewoman, and a rich heir to the throne. About a third into a book, loud ringing of the phone interrupts me. Marking the page I am on, I answer.
“Hey, Jake,” I answer, still overwhelmed by the emotions the book evoked in me.
“Babe, you called? We had a shoot with some sponsors, so I turned off my phone.”
“It’s okay. I know you’re busy. It’s just that they sold the business premises at that location I really liked. I was a bit under the weather, and I wanted to hear your voice, nothing else.” I already feel much better now that I speak with him.
“I’m sorry, babe,” he says gently.
“If only I knew it was up for sale, I’d also have made an offer on the premises. I’d find a way to pay it off. But they explicitly said it was only available for rent. I’ll survive. I’m a little disappointed, but it’s life. It just wasn’t meant for me.” I’m more than a little disappointed.
“Don’t let this get you down, I’m sure things will work out eventually,” Jake tries to comfort me.
“I miss you, Jake.”
“I know. I miss you more. I won’t be gone for long, and when I get back, I’m not letting you out of my arms for a week.” His voice gets low and gruff.
“I’m counting on it,” I say more cheerfully. “I love you, bye.”
“I love you too, babe. See you soon.”
~ * ~
Halloween is right around the corner, and since there’s going to be a huge Halloween party in Pearl, Sophie, Matt, and I decided to go. If Jake manages to come home on time, the night will be perfect. He doesn’t know what I have pla
nned for him yet; he thinks it’s just going to be a quiet night in. I haven’t worn a costume for Halloween in ages, so this year I’m going all out.
“Christ, look at that costume,” Sophie laughs, pointing at a tiny scrap of fabric on a hanger, as we’re browsing the store. Matt disappeared to the male costume section, while Sophie and I are trying to find the perfect costumes for us.
“Can you even say it’s a piece of clothing? I don’t think it’s appropriate for anywhere other than the bedroom,” Sophie laughs.
“No kidding! I can’t believe some women even put this on, and walk around in public.” I shake my head, and set the hangar with the ‘costume’ back on the rack.
“What about this one? Seems interesting,” Sophie turns to me.
“It’d look smashing on you,” I agree. She’s holding Superwoman’s costume in her hand. It would suit her figure, and her personality, perfectly.
“I’ll go try it on.” She heads to the dressing room.
I also find a few fun costumes, and follow Sophie in the dressing room. The first three don’t fit perfectly, but the fourth one’s a charm. I admire myself in the mirror.
“I’d say this one’s the right one,” I step out in a skintight, orange leather romper with a silver zipper in the front and ‘CONVICT’ written on the back. It’s sexy, but doesn’t reveal too much.
“Oh, a sexy convict, huh?” Sophie grins. “Jake’s never going to let you out of the house.”
“Why not?” I knit my brows together.
“Hello, Ella! A leather romper that hugs your every curve… Jake’s going to lock you in the house. If he’s not already into role-playing, he’ll get a new appreciation for it.” I laugh out loud.
“It’s not revealing, so it’s going to be fine.”