Homesmind

by Pamela Sargent

  When I first came into this system, Homesmind continued, I felt that I was being drawn here for a purpose. Perhaps this was that purpose. I shall lend whatever I can to the Net of the Minds and try to save Them, but during that time, you must decide your own fate. I can do nothing more for you.

  Leito put a hand over her eyes; her mind seemed weaker. —Go home— she said to the crowd. —Pray, if you can. Earth needs our prayers now—

  Anra walked toward her own hut with Etey. The tension in the Net was straining at her mind. She put up her wall, unable to bear the murmurings of bewildered and despairing villagers.

  As they approached the hut, Anra suddenly realized that Rulek had not been present at Leito's hut. She opened her mind and sent out a tendril; Rulek was not inside, either.

  "No, he isn't," Etey responded as they entered.

  "Where is he, then?" Anxiety had crept into Anra's voice.

  Etey raised her eyebrows. "With Jerod and his friends, I expect. That's where he's been all day." She stared past Anra, obviously preoccupied with other concerns.

  "Rulek spends so much time with them?"

  "He's been with them for most of the time you've been gone." Etey sat down on a bench. "It seems he prefers their company to that of your friends."

  "But why? Is he that curious about their ways? He could have questioned you. Why does he have to go there?"

  "I spoke with Rulek, Anra. I told him it would be better to stay here and acquaint himself with the villagers, but he didn't listen. I can't force him to do what I think best."

  Anra's nails bit into her palms. Etey's mouth twisted. "There's more in your thoughts than worry," the sky-dweller went on. "Let me tell you something. Rulek has been weakened by what he's endured. I don't know if he can reach out to anyone now. You may have to be patient with him."

  "There may be no time for patience. Oh, Etey." Anra tried to control herself, fearful of flooding the reserved skydweller with her feelings. "I should have stayed here with him. Maybe if he knew how I felt, he wouldn't have ..." She paused. She had to calm herself. What could be wrong with Rulek visiting with the skyfolk? Her jealousy seemed to know no bounds. Perhaps he only wanted to be with people who wouldn't touch his unhappy thoughts. "Rulek was the one who convinced me I should reach out to my parents in the first place, useless as that was."

  Etey patted her arm. "Then perhaps it's time that you reached out to him."

  Anra had hardly slept, moving at the slightest sound, expecting Rulek to enter the hut at any moment. She rose just before dawn, unable to rest any more.

  Filling a bowl with water, she washed, pulled on a clean brown tunic, and combed her hair with her fingers. She would have to go to Rulek.

  She left the hut and hurried through the field in the dim, gray light. Three shuttlecraft surrounded the skydwellers' tent; those inside the vessels were sleeping. She crept toward the tent and raised the flap.

  Tuela looked up; she was sitting on one cushion, nibbling at a bowl of vegetables. Anra entered. Jerod was asleep on two cushions; Rulek lay on the ground, head cradled on folded arms. Reaching out, trying not to disturb him, she touched his mind, then recoiled in shock.

  Homesmind was feeding the boy dreams.

  She almost cried out. How could Homesmind have allowed it? She was about to protest to the distant Mind, then steadied herself. Homesmind could not force Its will on people in this matter; the skydwellers had not given It the power to do so when they had built It. But the sky-dwellers themselves might have restrained Rulek.

  "He's dreaming," Anra whispered.

  "He dreams often," Tuela said in the skydweller speech. "Would you like something to eat?"

  Anra strode toward the woman. "How could you let him do that?"

  "Why should I have stopped him?"

  "You know why. We're not used to such dreams. We're not like you. Such pastimes aren't for us."

  "He was unhappy. Now he isn't." Tuela selected a green vegetable spear and bit into it daintily. "Do sit down. Have you come to discuss recent happenings? Things are becoming quite eventful, are they not?" Her voice quavered a bit on the last words.

  Anra sat down, not knowing what to say. Now that she was closer to the woman, she could see the worried look in Tuela's dark eyes. "Eventful isn't exactly the word I would use," she said slowly. "So you know about the Minds, then."

  "We all do. Homesmind has told us. It's very worrisome."

  Anra nodded, trying not to betray her annoyance.

  "Very worrisome," Tuela repeated. "Now it seems that we won't have our new comet after all. Many people are quite agitated by that."

  "Is that all you can think of?" Anra's voice was low, but Tuela seemed startled by her vehemence. "Our world may end, and you worry about that comet. You'll seed another eventually. What will we have?"

  Tuela pressed her fingers against her mouth for a moment, looking hurt. "My dear child,"she said. "You don't understand. We must get away from here before the strange comet comes closer. Now Homesmind will linger here and trap us with It. Many are already pleading with It to leave, but It ignores our demands."

  "You want to abandon us, then."

  Tuela held out a hand. "We would have taken you with us. You might have chosen to go. But that no longer matters. Homesmind will struggle to save the Minds here, and for what? How will that matter if It must confront the stranger, as I fear It may?"

  "If It must," Anra said, leaning forward, "better that It has the Minds to stand with It."

  "But why must we fight at all when we can escape?"

  "If you don't know what the stranger wants, how do you know if you can escape it? How do you know it won't follow you?"

  Tuela shook her head. "We should never have come back to this system." She leaned closer to Anra, breathing heavily. "Your people can talk to Homesmind. Tell It you want to join us. Tell It you require shuttles to transport all of Earth's people." The desperation in her dark face shocked the girl. "Tell It that you want to leave this system with us, and maybe Homesmind will agree. Help us the one way you can."

  "You forget the Minds, Tuela. They would wither and die without Homesmind's aid. We must think of Them."

  Tuela suddenly curled up on her cushion and closed her eyes. She was, Anra knew, retreating into peaceful dreams, running to the refuge her link could provide. The sight made her sick.

  "You cursed woman," Anra said in her own tongue. She saw what would happen to Earthfolk on a comet world; without the training of the cometdwellers, they would lose themselves in dreams of Earth as it had been.

  Rulek stirred, then sat up abruptly as his eyes met Anra's. His cheeks seemed more hollow, and his wall was up.

  "I came back last night," she said.

  "I know that."

  "You weren't at Leito's."

  "I sensed everything from here. All of us did. Their Homesmind showed everything to us."

  The boy's voice was loud. She motioned at the sleepers. "Don't worry," Rulek said. "They can't hear us. Jerod will wake soon, before we leave."

  "We?"

  "I'm going with them."

  She caught her breath. "What do you mean?"

  "Exactly what I said. I'm going with them to their world."

  "But you can't," she said feebly.

  "Of course I can. Jerod and Tuela have agreed. Their friends outside said I would be welcome. What is the matter? I thought you admired the heavendwellers."

  "When their minds are clear, I do. Their tools show-how much they know. But I despise their dreaming. It shows their weakness." Anra folded her arms. "You should have been warned. Their dreams aren't for Earthfolk. It's harder for us to resist them. They'll only weaken us, too."

  Rulek shrugged. "I'll do what I please." He looked down for a moment. "There's nothing for me here."

  Her chest constricted; a weight seemed to press against her, making it difficult for her to breathe. "But you know what's happening to the Minds. We must decide what to do, and how to help the rest of Earth
when they learn of this. They may already know—they'll be afraid."

  "You can decide only one thing in the end—to leave here. I'm deciding it sooner, that's all." His lip curled. "Do you think I'd stay here now? My life will be easier with the skyfolk, however strange they are. What can you offer me, or anyone else? Earth is dying now. I won't spend my life fighting a futile battle."

  "You've changed, Rulek." Her voice was edged with contempt. "I thought you were braver."

  He lifted his chin; her words could not wound him. "I broke my ties with my family and my home. It was a hard thing for me, but it's done. This will be easier. I have no more ties."

  She wanted to hit him. He raised his hands, dimly sensing her intention. "The Mind of the heavendwellers will feed me dreams," he went on.

  Anra glared helplessly around the tent, longing to curse at Jerod and Tuela for allowing it. "You mustn't dream their dreams," she said, trying to control herself. "Tell Homesmind not to feed you any more. If It can give you dreams, It can wean you from them, too." She held out a hand.

  Rulek did not seem to be listening. "I walk through a garden with Wyke," he murmured, "and she sings to me. We hunt together and cook our game and laugh and make love together. It's all real to me. Only when I awake do I know it's a dream."

  He should never have come to this tent, Anra thought. He had lost not only his pain, but also his will. "Wyke's dead," she cried out, shaking a fist. "She's dead, and your dreams won't change that."

  Rulek showed his teeth. "How you hate her. I see what you're really telling me. You want me here for yourself. You only want to bind me to you."

  Her mind struck at him before she could stop herself. He rolled across the ground, then staggered to his feet, rubbing his jaw. He was still smiling, but his eyes showed his rage. "Don't fight me, Anra."

  She stood up; her legs were shaking. "I should have left you in the desert. I wish I'd never brought you here. If you leave, don't ever come back."

  "I don't intend to."

  "You cursed boy. I should have left you to die." She ran from the tent, wondering how she could have thought she cared for him.

  The tent had been taken down. One of the shuttlecraft had departed; the other two had been abandoned.

  Rulek was gone. Anra walked along the rows of her garden, telling herself that it was better this way. The feelings the boy had evoked in her had made her irrational and weak. She couldn't afford them now; she needed to keep her mind steady to deal with what was to come.

  The Net was heavy with despair. She had blocked her mind off from it, not wanting the village's sorrow and fear to seep into her, but she could still feel the Net's heavy cords.

  She poured water from her jug, letting it trickle as she walked down one row. Etey had been oddly quiet all morning, shielding her thoughts even more than usual. She hadn't responded when Anra had told her Rulek was leaving Earth, but then Etey had probably sensed that earlier.

  Anra opened her link slightly, reaching out to Homes-mind's thoughts. She could feel the drain on Its energy as it struggled to hold the Minds together. She suddenly regretted her parting words to Rulek. She had wanted to shock him, warn him of the dangers of dreaming; instead, she had only expressed her own resentment and anger and given him yet another reason for retreating from the world.

  Should I tell him that you're sorry? Homesmind said faintly.

  —No— she replied. —I doubt he cares whether I'm sorry or not—

  He thinks that dreaming will heal him. My people once learned from their dreams. They could experience part of the life of another as though it were their own life, and use the lessons they learned in the real world. A dream could soothe a troubled spirit and enable it to return to life refreshed. When My people would tire of their long lives, and choose to die, their final dreams would help them gather the threads of their lives so that they could leave this life with a sense of completion, of a life well lived. But fear has entered their lives, and dreams are becoming a retreat. I cannot prevent it. Even if I had the power, I cannot resist My people and cling to the Minds as well.

  —Perhaps they would stop their dreaming— Anra said, —if You left this system—

  I cannot abandon Earth's Minds. I tell Myself that if My people are dreaming, then at least they will not try to interfere with that important mission. But that is only My reason helping Me make the best of this situation. Child, your people may have been right to fear dreaming. You and those like you may still be strong enough to face what may come.

  She closed her link. Homesmind had more faith in her than she had in herself.

  Reiho and Lydee were walking along the path leading to the hut; Etey suddenly emerged from the doorway. Anra put down her jug and went to the edge of the garden. All three were shielding their minds tightly; Etey looked away quickly when Anra gazed at her.

  "Something's wrong," Anra said. "You have to tell me something that you're afraid to say." She glanced at Reiho, who was wearing his silver suit; she couldn't recall the last time he had put the garment on. "What is it?"

  "I was hoping you'd already sensed it through the Net," Reiho replied.

  "No. I've kept my wall up."

  "Then we'll have to say it." His face was grim.

  Lydee said, "We've come to say good-bye."

  Anra stepped back. "But why?"

  "We must go to our own world."

  "Not you, Lydee. Marellon told me that if you ever left, it would be the end of our village."

  Lydee held out a hand. "That isn't so. We mean to return. But the people of the Wanderer need us now."

  Etey nodded. "Our people need our help. Some are so afraid of what may happen that they're thinking of taking their own lives. Others are entranced by dreams, and still others are pleading with Homesmind to leave this system. We must reach out to them. Our people aren't used to such dissension."

  Anra stared at them wordlessly, wanting to beg them not to go.

  "We must go to our world to help you, too," Reiho said. "Homesmind is trying to save your Minds here, and that's taking much of Its strength. It has little left over to calm our people and give them courage. We'll have to do that."

  "Can you do it?" Anra asked. "You're only three people."

  "Some are wavering," Reiho said. "If we speak to them directly, they may find their courage and then help others to find theirs."

  "You don't have to leave Earth to do that," Anra objected. "You could speak to them from here, through your links to Homesmind."

  Reiho hooked his thumbs around his belt. "We can speak to them now." He paused. "But Homesmind could grow weaker."

  "You'll have our shuttles," Lydee said hastily. "And we'll leave you one of those out there as well." She gestured at the field. "You'll need them if another village calls to you. Try not to lose contact with the rest of Earth." Her mouth twitched. "Maybe they'll be more willing to have contact with you when they know that we are gone."

  Anra blinked; her eyes were stinging. She put her arms around Reiho, leaning against the man who had been a father to her. "I see that you must go," she murmured as she released him. "But I'm afraid of what will happen to us when the rest of Earth realizes that the Minds might fail for good. We'll be blamed, and they'll say it's our sin that brought it about. You heard Areli. Even people here are wondering if they were wrong to trust you."

  "I know," Lydee said, "that if the Minds fail before Homesmind can rescue Them, the rest won't matter. That's our most important task now—to help Homesmind so that It can help all. We'll send you more shuttles if you call to us, if you decide—"

  "—if we have to leave Earth," Anra finished. She could only hope that they would be able to leave their world peacefully, reconciled with the rest of Earth, instead of having to flee while leaving other Earthfolk behind.

  "Good-bye," Lydee said. Anra hugged her aunt, then touched Etey's extended hand.

  The three skydwellers walked toward the field. Anra wondered if they would ever come back.

&
nbsp; PART TWO

  SEVEN

  Fiella was gazing out at the field. Anra, digging at a weed near her row of lettuce, looked up.

  A band of five men was approaching the village. Anra sat back on her heels. The men stopped at the edge of the weedy, fallow field and sat down.

  "What can they want?" Fiella asked, careful to speak aloud so that the strangers would not overhear her thoughts. The village had encountered another small group of wanderers a month earlier. That violent meeting had cost the villagers several injuries before the group had been driven away. Anra's throat tightened as she remembered that battle. They should have been able to drive off the strangers easily, yet much of their strength had been drained by their efforts to protect other villagers, who had not seemed to care whether they lived or died in the fight.

  The Minds were failing; Their Net had grown weaker during the past months. It was still possible to draw on some of Their power, but many villages, Anra knew, had become isolated, unable even to communicate with nearby settlements, for the Minds needed most of Their energy to maintain Themselves. Luret and Wiland still roamed Earth in one of the shuttlecraft, and they had sensed weak Nets and apprehensive thoughts everywhere they had gone. Even the villages that had tentatively accepted their visits before no longer welcomed them.

  Homesmind, clinging to the Minds with all Its strength, no longer spoke. Anra was sure It would have sent the village a message if Lydee and her companions had been successful in their mission; Its silence had to mean that they were failing.

  She could sympathize with Homesmind's dilemma. If It remained to help the Minds, It would lose many of Its own people to dreaming and even the final escape of death. If It let them go, or fled with them, the Minds would die. All this time, the stranger comet had still not spoken to Homesmind, and every day of that silence made it seem more threatening.

  The strangers were still watching them. Paeter and Gennon came out of the boys' hut, followed by Kierlus and Jaan. "What are they doing?" Gennon asked, pointing at the band.