Homesmind

by Pamela Sargent

  "Your words are hard, Anra. Can't you understand the pain of that loss?"

  "Of course I can. Too many people whom I loved are gone. But we can't keep mourning. There would be no end to our tears. I had to learn that when my great-grandfather died. I won't run to a dream where he still seems alive."

  "I don't know that boy," Olin said, "and yet I can understand why he acted as he did." He paused. "We should look for him. Maybe we can give him back his courage somehow. He may be dreaming with others, and we could rouse them, too."

  "Do you really think we could?" She shook her head. "You don't know the power such dreaming can have."

  "We have to try. If we can awaken even a few dreamers, they might rouse others. You told me that you and those like you were meant to be a bridge. The skydwellers will need you now."

  She dropped her goblet, then rose. "We'll try, then," she said. "But they may not listen. We have no hope to offer them." She opened her link to Homesmind.

  Rulek is not far away, Homesmind whispered faintly. Anra and Olin, guided by Homesmind, were flying over treetops toward a wide, deep ravine. Two high cliffs, covered with vines and striped by glassy streaks, stood on either side of the chasm; below, the blue ribbon of a river snaked through another forest.

  They dropped between the cliffs. As they fell, the small figures of sleeping people became visible. Many lay along the riverbanks, while others were stretched out under the trees. There had to be hundreds of them; Anra could not count them all.

  Anra alighted next to a dark-haired woman clad in two gold bands of cloth. A small white cat sat near the woman, nuzzling her blue-black hair; it looked up and meowed as Olin landed. The people near her slept on; they were dreaming. Anra felt sick.

  The black-haired woman was thin, even for a sky-dweller; her cheeks were hollowed, her legs no more than sticks. Anra leaned over her and heard a rasping sigh.

  Two robots suddenly scuttled out from the nearby bushes, moved to either side of the woman, and began to lift her. As the metal creatures bore the woman away, Anra hurried after them. They stopped; she reached for the woman's wrist and felt no pulse. She let the arm drop. The cat bounded up and rubbed against Anra's legs as the two robots moved off with their burden.

  "She's dead," Anra said to Olin. The boy was staring at the sleepers as two more robots carried off the body of a man. Anra looked down. A man lying at her feet was still breathing; his bony chest rose and fell.

  "Wake up," she shouted. "Wake up!" His eyes remained closed. "Do something!" She leaned over and struck his face; his mouth sagged open.

  They've chosen their way, Homesmind said sadly. They want to dream, and die without knowing death.

  "You could save them," Anra cried out.

  I cannot force My will on than. Those who can't face what is coming will be lost, and only those strong enough to do so will live. The time of dreaming will soon end, one way or another.

  "You made them this way."

  They created Me to give them what they wanted.

  Anra closed her link. Through Homesmind's thoughts, she had felt the steady pull of the Visitor. The Wanderer, that pleasant, peaceful world, had become a trap.

  "Wake up!" Olin cried. A few people stirred; one woman covered her face when she saw him. "You'll die if you don't," he said.

  Anra stumbled past more dreamers until she came to a wall of brightly colored stones. A blond boy lay near the wall, his lips moving soundlessly. A brown-haired young woman was next to him, her head on his chest, her frail hands clutching her knees.

  "Rulek," Anra whispered as Olin reached her side. Rulek's thick blond hair framed a drawn, sickly face; the muscles of his bare arms seemed withered, and she could see the veins in his legs. A robot was washing a man near him, picking up his arm daintily in its pincerlike limb as the man continued to dream.

  "So this is the one," Olin said as he approached.

  "Rulek!" Anra knelt, took Rulek by the shoulders, and shook him; the woman's head, jarred by the movement, slid down to his belly. "Wake up before it's too late!" She opened her channel and prodded his mind, pulling at the strands of his thoughts until his eyes opened. She closed her mind again.

  He stared at her, not seeming to know who she was. Perhaps he had chosen to forget. "Wyke," he whispered.

  "Anra. I'm here on the comet now, with the rest of my village. Keep your eyes open." His lids were drooping; she slapped his face lightly. His eyelids fluttered as he took a breath.

  "Anra?"

  "You know me, then. You haven't forgotten."

  "No." His head rolled from side to side. "Here?"

  "Yes, I'm here, on the Wanderer."

  His hazel eyes were completely open now. She stroked his face, wanting to hold him, and then remembered Olin. She glanced at the other boy, but Olin had already seen the gesture.

  Two robots were lurking near them. They quickly reached for the brown-haired woman and dragged her away. "Come back," Rulek whispered. He tried to sit up, then fell back into Anra's arms. "Don't go. Come back."

  "She can't," Anra said as the robots carried the body toward the trees. "She's dead. Everyone here is dying." Her fingers dug into his arms. "How could you do this to yourself? Look at them." She turned his head toward the nearest dreamers. A globe was hovering over one dreamer, feeding him through a tube.

  "Water," Rulek said.

  A globe floated toward them. Anra held the flask to his lips as he drank. Rulek stretched out his arm, gazing at his thin hand, then glanced at Olin. "Who—?"

  "A friend. His name is Olin." She lowered Rulek to the ground, watching to make sure he did not fall asleep again. He began to flex his legs, then rubbed his arms.

  "I remember coming here now," he said.

  "The skydwellers gave you an implant, I see. I sensed it in your mind." He nodded. "Have they practiced any of their other arts on you, altered your body to give you more strength?"

  "Yes, when I first arrived. It was useless work. I still craved the dreams."

  "Then you should heal quickly, if you want to." She sat back on her heels. "Even so, you might have died if we hadn't searched for you."

  His mouth twisted. "So you've saved my life a second time."

  Guilt stabbed her. "It was Olin who told me we should try," she said quickly.

  "Is all of Earth here, then?" Rulek asked.

  "No, only our village—those who were left alive." The bit of hope she had seen in his eyes was fading. "I must tell you some unpleasant things. You'd better be ready to hear them."

  Rulek sat up slowly, resting his back against the stone wall. Anra thought she saw a little of his old determination in his face as he lifted his chin. "I'll listen."

  Olin sat down, averting his eyes from the dreamers all around him. Anra wondered how to begin. "Many Earth-folk came to our village. We had hoped that some might seek refuge with us, and a few did, but most only wanted to destroy us. I think they wanted revenge against those they believed were sinners—they thought we would stain all of Earth with our sin. They attacked my village, and many died in the fighting. The rest of us fled here in the shuttles the skydwellers had left for us."

  "If you had ships," Rulek said, "then why didn't you leave before they came?"

  "Because then we would have been abandoning those who might have needed our help. Homesmind had told us that we would have to live in the sky with the Minds on Their new world, as you know, but we couldn't leave others behind until there was no other choice." She glanced at Olin. "At least we saved a few." She paused. "Now we wait, and that strange comet is closer and seeks to swallow us all. Many Earthfolk heard its Voice and said God spoke through it and that we must yield to it, surrender ourselves. Now Homesmind can hear the Visitor, too. We must pray that It and the Minds find a way to defeat it."

  Rulek sighed. "So we're still threatened."

  "Did you think you'd awaken to find every problem solved?" Anra said. Olin raised his head and gazed steadily at Rulek as if assessing the other bo
y.

  "The heavendwellers here were right," Rulek responded. "We should have left this place. I know from what I was told that their second world could have taken us away."

  "And after that thing had swallowed everything here, it would have followed you. You would have had to keep running, and if the Visitor hadn't swallowed you, your fear would have. The Minds would have been lost, and Earth would have had no defense." She glared at him. "Kierlus and Riene died in battle. Have you forgotten them? Maybe your dreaming has robbed you of their memory. Leito is dead, too. Etey died at her side trying to save others." She forced herself to stop speaking when she saw the pain in Rulek's eyes.

  "Can Homesmind find a way to help us?" Rulek asked.

  "I don't know."

  "Maybe you should have left me to my dreams, then."

  "Then dream, and be damned," Olin burst out. Rulek shrank back against the wall.

  "Olin," Anra said weakly. His face was taut, and she could dimly sense his pain. She touched his thoughts. He had seen that she still cared for Rulek even after seeing him in this weakened, self-destructive state; he was not lashing out at the other boy, but at her.

  Olin closed his link. "I'd rather face what's coming than die in illusions." He stood up, looking down at Anra angrily, his eyes narrowed with contempt. "He isn't worthy of you." He stumbled away. "Wake up!" he screamed at the dreamers; he was probing at their minds through his link. Several people moved, and Anra heard a wail.

  "Let us dream," a man cried.

  Olin looked around hopelessly, then lifted himself, flying up toward the cliffs.

  "I'm sorry," Rulek said. "Your friend—I didn't know."

  "It's not your fault."

  "He despises me. I suppose I deserve that."

  "Listen to me. The cometdwellers themselves can't resist their dreams—how could you be expected to? We were taught to be wary of the dreams, but you weren't."

  He raised an eyebrow. "You're being too kind. I despise myself, too. I have ever since I left Earth. I could also escape that in the dreams."

  "You think too little of yourself. The boy who tried to save his sister shouldn't be despised."

  "You've suffered as much as I have now, and you don't retreat."

  "I may have my own escape. I keep believing that we'll find a way to defeat the Visitor, but that may only be my lie to myself. If I truly thought we couldn't, I might be dreaming by now. You can come with me, Rulek. It's up to you." She knew that she could probably force him to come to the shuttlefield with her; he was still weak and would probably not be able to resist if she were firm enough. But he would only return to his dreams if he had truly lost his courage. "If you'd rather stay here, I'll understand."

  He looked around at the dreamers, as if seeing them for the first time. "No. I'll come with you. My dreams were starting to sour anyway. I kept losing Wyke over and over again."

  "So now you must escape from your dreams."

  "She still holds me, Anra. I loved her too much—I still long for her."

  Her mind held enough pain already; she could easily absorb the sting of his words. Rulek would never come to her, and now she had hurt Olin as well.

  Whenever Anra opened her link, she could hear the murmurings of the Visitor. Other voices were inside the hungry comet, some gentle, others more demanding and fearful. They were the voices of those it had trapped— the voices of other beings and of other comet worlds swallowed long before.

  She now knew, as everyone did, what little Homes-mind had discovered. No cometdwellers had created the Visitor. It had begun as a small probe sent out by a dying world in another part of the galaxy; it was the last remnant of beings who had wearied of life.

  A comet world, long ago, had found the probe; it had swallowed that comet world's Mind and the thoughts of all its people, learning that there were other such worlds to feed on and that one small solar system had given birth to those worlds. It had made its way across space toward Earth and another prize, the Minds that Earthfolk had built. As it traveled, it had gulped down more worlds, yet its hunger had grown.

  Even Homesmind could not know the motives of the alien Visitor. Had its people, knowing they would die, sent it on its deadly mission? Had they longed for death so much that they were unwilling to let other beings live? Or had the Mind of the probe, grieving for its creators, been driven mad? It was impossible to guess. The Visitor might have a motive human beings and their Minds could never comprehend. Perhaps the Visitor had only sought knowledge, until the worlds it had swallowed had awakened its hunger for something more.

  Anra wandered past the tents, nodding absently at those who greeted her. Robots no longer tended the garden and the shuttlefield; weeds grew near the runners of the craft and the flowers had begun to wilt and die. People now had to fetch their own food from the recesses and windows hidden among the trees. Homesmind was concentrating most of Its efforts on strengthening the Net of the Minds, but somehow Its thoughts held a new power. Anra had not been the only one to sense that. Homesmind believed that It might find a way to defeat the Visitor, yet It was keeping that hope buried deep inside Itself, lest the Visitor sense it, too. Its minions on the seeded world would also complete their work soon; the Minds would be housed in new pillars, where They could regain a little power for the confrontation.

  A few pale, weak skydwellers stood at the edge of the garden; Jerod and a few Earthfolk led them toward a tent. Olin stood near the trees; Anra hesitated and then went to his side.

  "I've missed you," she said. "You haven't come near our tent."

  "There were dreamers to awaken." He looked away.

  "I know. All my friends and I have been doing the same thing, but so few respond. Some are already too weak to awaken. The shock would kill them." She shuddered at the memory of the bodies covering the landscapes of the once-beautiful world; so many had already died that the robots might never bury them all.

  "Is Rulek still with you?"

  "He stays with us. He no longer dreams."

  "That must be hard for him."

  "He's stronger now." She paused. "He's my friend, nothing more. He may have given up the dreams, but he still thinks of the one he loved."

  "So now you've come to me again, so that I can console you."

  She winced. "I saw you and I wanted to talk to you. I've missed you, Olin. I know why you want to hurt me with your words. I did the same thing to Rulek back on Earth when he turned away from me. I wish I could say that I care for you more and that he would never haunt my thoughts. But there is some love in me for you, too." She held out her hand. "I would choose you now, if you let me."

  "For how long? Until he comes to you? Maybe he will in time."

  "Olin, we may have no time."

  He stepped back. "Leave me, Anra. I can't ..." He spun around and vanished among the trees.

  Homesmind's voice roused her, dragging her out of a deep, dreamless sleep. Anra rubbed her eyes as she tried to hear what It was saying.

  Awake! Homesmind called out. Fiella and Paeter got to their feet; Rulek, who had been sleeping in the far corner, groaned as he sat up. Awake! The time for dreams is over! The Visitor draws near. I must save My strength for the battle and can give you no more dreams.

  The four stumbled toward the tent flap, lifting it. Gen-non was already outside with Viva and Barla.

  Awake!

  People were shouting to one another. Olin raced toward Anra, elbowing his way past one group, and stopped in front of her, then took her arm.

  "Olin—" she started to say.

  He shook his head and touched her thoughts. —I know—he whispered. —I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you any more. I'll face the battle with you—

  The hazy, golden light pervading the garden and field had grown dimmer. Listen to Me, Homesmind said inside all of them, drowning out the mental babble of frightened people. You must leave this world and seek refuge on Earth.

  "Earth?" someone screamed in the skydwellers' tongue. "How can we be safe o
n such a dangerous world?"

  You'll be safer there than here. You must go.

  A few cometdwellers were already running toward the shuttles; they scrambled aboard one craft as others ran after them. "Come on," Olin said; the young people began to follow him slowly toward the field. A group of Earthfolk, herded along by Daiya, who was carrying Chal, were lining up in an orderly way while others, confused, milled around in front of the tents. A few shuttles lifted, flying out toward the corridor.

  Reiho was pacing in front of a group of his people; he held out his arms, as if pleading with them. A woman suddenly pushed him aside and hastened to a shuttle, followed by the other cometdwellers. Anra halted, shocked by the look of rage on Reiho's face as he ran to her side.

  "The fools," he burst out. "They won't go to Earth. They're going to try to escape on the seeded comet."

  Barla gasped. "But they can't," Anra said.

  "They can. That world can be piloted and can travel through space. They're going to try to escape from this system on it, and Homesmind can no longer stop them."

  Anra was stunned. The Minds would lose the place where They were to be housed; Homesmind would have to maintain Their Net while It faced the Visitor, and the Minds would be lost whatever the outcome.

  Other skydwellers were streaming onto the field now. Anra looked up. A band of cometdwellers was flying over the treetops and landing on the field; most of them had the wizened, bony look of recently awakened dreamers. More craft flew toward the corridor. She opened her link. A roar flooded into her: The cries of the skydwellers, Homesmind's pleas, and the lower, ominous murmurings of the Visitor were one long, deafening scream.

  Rulek stared at the crowd; Anra was sure he was trying to decide whether to flee to the other comet or take his chances on Earth. More people raced through the garden, trampling the dying blossoms in their haste. Tents collapsed as the mob passed them; villagers hurried out of the way of the stampede. A wall of people was bearing down on the field.