Random & Rare

by Cat Porter

  “You’re serious?”

  “Yes, I am. It’d give me more time with Becca, which I’ve been missing. I could get some studying done and save some money, all without having to work a regular job.”

  “You said something earlier about wanting to go back to school, right?” I asked.

  “I wanted to get my degree in physical therapy. I have one year under my belt, and then I went part-time. I gave it up though to follow Catch. This would give me that time to prepare, apply to schools, save money for school. Then, after your baby’s born, I could finally go back to school and afford it this time around. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to make it sound like it’s only about the money. I’d really like to be able to do something for you, considering everything you’ve done for me.”

  “I understand. At the end of the day, it’s a legal monetary transaction. All the details would be covered in a contract.”

  “Right.” Jill nodded, her eyes drifting over the items strewed over the bed. “I’d really like to help you. You saved Becca and made it easier for me to get out from under Catch. I haven’t been able to think clearly about that in a long time. You and Tania are giving me a new start, and I’d really like to do something for you.” That brief smile swept over her lips once more.

  I didn’t know what to say. It all made sense, didn’t it?

  “Refills, ladies.” Tania put the tray with our mugs on the dresser. “What’s going on?”

  “Jill offered to be my surrogate,” I replied. “Frankly, I’m sort of speechless at the moment.”

  Tania’s eyes widened. “Holy shit. Really?”

  “Really,” said Jill.

  Tania handed Jill a mug of tea. “Well, having you here in Meager would be—”

  “Amazing,” I said. “We could go to the doctor together. I can help you out when you aren’t feeling well or tired.”

  “Massage her feet,” said Tania handing me the mug of tea.

  “Massage your feet, your lower back.”

  “Babysit Becca,” added Tania.

  “Yes, babysit Becca. I’d love that.” I grinned. “Jill, I’m not quite sure what to say. Thank you. I’ll discuss it with my husband tonight.”

  “Good.” Jill exhaled and wiped at the edges of her eyes.

  I chewed the inside of my cheek. “I don’t want you to feel obligated. We just met. We barely know each other.”

  Jill sprang up from the bed and darted to her suitcase on the upholstered bench. “It’s a good-timing thing for me.” She shrugged her shoulders. “Really. It’s perfect.” She unearthed a stack of jeans from her suitcase.

  Tania shot me a look. “Grace, are you trying to talk yourself out of this again?”

  “No, it’s just that…I guess I expected it to be harder to find someone else. I just want to make sure. Jill, we’re talking about you carrying my baby for nine months, you being pregnant again. That’s huge. A huge responsibility, and a huge bond of trust between us.”

  “And a huge belly,” said Tania.

  “Exactly,” I said. “I need to be sure that you’re completely comfortable with it. You’re the one who offered, but…I don’t know what I’m trying to say.”

  “Woo!” Becca sat up on the bed. Large black sunglasses teetered on her face as she rocked from side to side. “Mama! Mam!”

  “Oh, those are way too big for you, honey!” I let out a laugh.

  “Becca!” Jill said from across the room, her voice strained.

  Becca tossed the light-brown case for the glasses at me, and it landed in my lap. I put my mug down on the night table and picked up the case.

  My heart stopped.

  My own handwriting from twenty years ago in faded ballpoint pen.

  Shards of ice needled my neck, constricting my throat. Those were Dig’s sunglasses on Becca’s face. My eyes riveted to the case, to my scribble.

  “So you don’t forget about me when you’re on the road, which is most of the time.”

  “I always think about you. Never forget you, baby.”

  My fingers gripped the worn Ray-Ban case

  The extra pair.

  The extra pair I’d looked for in his saddlebag but couldn’t find the day he got killed.

  My eyes shot to Jill. She was frozen to the spot, her face ashen.

  “Who the hell are you?” My voice ripped through the room.

  “Grace?” Tania asked, her eyes wide.

  Jill remained still, her lips parted.

  Becca reached up and pushed the glasses against my face. She clapped her hands together, giggling, and plopped back on the bed. A cry left my throat as I clutched them.

  Jill’s eyes sank closed for a moment. “I’m sorry, so sorry,” she breathed.

  My spine as well as my voice hardened “How do you have his glasses? You knew him?”

  “Knew who?” asked Tania. “What the hell is going on you two?”

  “These sunglasses are Dig’s.”

  “I’m sorry,” Jill mumbled once again, her face slack.

  “What? What are you talking about?” Tania’s eyes blazed at Jill. “Oh, no—”

  “Dig never told you? You really don’t know?” Jill asked. “I thought you knew.”

  My pulse raced, a cold sweat beading on my skin.

  Jill’s watery blue eyes met mine. “I met him. Once.”

  Tania scowled. “Holy shit.”

  Jill swallowed hard as she sank into the edge of the mattress.

  My heart banged against my chest. Where the hell was this going?

  “Whoa, hold up,” Tania ordered. “You seem a little young to have—”

  “I was fourteen at the time.”

  My heart skipped a beat.

  Tania’s eyes flared. “Ah, fantastic. Oh no, you don’t. You just realized who Grace is, and you want to unload your guilt now? We do not need to go down your memory lane, Miss Biker Groupie.”

  “Go on,” I said. “Tell me.”

  “Grace!” Tania snapped.

  “I was kidnapped at the Deadwood Jam by a guy…a guy who turned out to be a thief and a murderer. He was a meth addict, and he tied me to the bed in his motel room. Dig showed up to sell him drugs.”

  “You’re sure it was Dig?” Tania asked. “The One-Eyed Jacks? The skull with the sparkling star in one eye? From Meager?”

  “Yes. I remember the logo, the name, the patches”—she gestured at the gun-barrel ring on my thumb—“that ring. I’d never been with a biker before. I remember everything about him.”

  I rubbed my hands down my face.

  “Fuck me,” Tania muttered.

  “The guy who kidnapped me didn’t have enough money to pay for all the meth he wanted.” Jill pressed her legs together, her fingers entwining with her daughter’s. “He offered Dig…he told Dig he could…” Her face reddened as she bit her lip.

  Oh fuck.

  “I understand,” I said.

  “I was tied to the bed. Dig came into the room and just stared at me. He came over to me, didn’t say a word, and then he climbed on top of me.”

  Tania let out a hiss of air.

  “He told me to keep quiet, his eyes, those golden brown eyes of his bearing down on me. I will never forget those eyes or his weight on my chest. I was so sure he was going to…but instead—”

  “Instead, Dig killed him.” The words spilled from my lips.

  “Yes,” Jill breathed, her watery gaze pinned on mine. “Dig distracted him by giving him the drugs to do, and then Dig made the guy think he was going to rape me,” she whispered. “Dig shot him straight through the eye in one go.”

  “Oh God.” Tania’s hand went to her mouth.

  “I really thought he was going to…you know. But it happened so fast,” she whispered. “He pulled his gun out of nowhere and shot that bastard dead. Dig got me out of that hellhole. He bought me new clothes, food to eat, even a toothbrush, and a bus ticket home.” Her eyes were round, glassy. “He waited with me for the bus. He took the time to talk to me and
made sure I got on the bus. I’d noticed his wedding ring. He told me that his wife was pregnant, and he was missing a doctor’s appointment with her.” She bit down on her lip, her face crumpling. “That was you.”

  I nodded, my body sagging.

  She cleared her throat. “He felt bad about it, and I felt horrible, but I was so grateful.”

  Becca climbed in her mother’s lap and pulled on her har. “Mam!” Tears spilled down Jill’s face. Tania lifted Becca in her arms.

  “He didn’t have to save me, you know? He could’ve taken his money and left. In fact, he could’ve taken whatever he wanted and just walked away. The pizza delivery guy who had shown up before him sure didn’t give a damn. He’d even stayed and played for a while. Left that bastard a free pizza in exchange.” Jill wiped at her wet eyes.

  “Jesus,” whispered Tania.

  “Your husband saved me. He saved my life. He killed to set me free. It was all so stupid. I wasn’t supposed to go to that concert, but I’d lied to my parents about it. I’d stayed out late past my curfew anyhow and gotten drunk with my friends, and that guy had taken me. Your husband had come along, out of nowhere. He gave up being with you and your baby to save me and send me home.”

  “You did go home?” I asked.

  “Yes, I did. I was scared, but my parents were thrilled to see me. I’d been missing for a couple of days.”

  I squeezed her leg. “Oh, Jill.”

  “Dig was right. He told me no one had ever given him a second chance until he met a guy from a bike club. That guy showed him that you could make your own luck, pave your own road through life.”

  My eyes squeezed shut. Wreck.

  “Dig had said, ‘It’s up to you to either find a way or make one.’ That’s helped me a lot over the years whenever I’ve been tempted to feel sorry for myself or helpless.”

  My fingers squeezed over Dig’s ring on my thumb. The Latin inscription.

  Jill touched my knee, her face brightening for a moment. “And that’s what this is about for me, being your surrogate, me making my way. I’ve finally left Catch, left Nebraska after years of waiting, feeling stuck, feeling trapped, being annoyed. I wanted to believe things would change, that he’d be the man I wanted him to be. But he isn’t, and that’s okay. I’ve finally, finally faced that fact and accepted it. Everything that happened today made me see that.” A tear slipped down her face. “Please, Grace. Please let me do this for you.” She squeezed my knee. “It made Dig smile when I asked about you. That was when he told me about you being pregnant. He was excited about it. Seemed kind of nervous, too, but excited.”

  My vision clouded. I pressed my hands down my thighs. “I got really mad at him for missing that appointment. He’d promised to meet me at the doctor’s office, but he never showed. I hadn’t known where he was. I was upset. I had just gotten a cell phone for the first time, and I’d tried calling him, but he never answered. When he finally came home that night, I picked a fight with him over it because he wouldn’t tell me the reason why he hadn’t come or why he was so late in getting home.”

  Jill’s eyes widened. Her face flushed. “We didn’t. I-I—”

  “No, I didn’t think it was another woman. I figured it was some kind of club business, either petty or epic, but business was business. He’d been evasive in general during the prior two months, but he’d never broken a promise to me before, not really. He’d been excited about that appointment, too. He’d wanted to see the baby on the monitor. Hear the heartbeat.”

  Jill’s eyes filled with water, her breath hitched. “He made me promise never to tell—not my parents, not the police. Never. And I never did. I didn’t want to get him in trouble. I was so grateful to him. He’d given me my justice. He’d made that happen for me. I didn’t feel guilty at all about that asshole dying, not one bit. He probably got chopped up into bits and thrown in some hole. Still don’t feel guilty. Does that make me a bad person?”

  I shook my head as our fingers laced together.

  “When I saw the pistol ring just now, I remembered his bravery, the sacrifice he didn’t even realize he was making.” She took in a breath. “I’m so glad and very grateful, that today, my baby was safe. That you and Tania are safe. That we’re out of there.” Her face broke into a small smile and she shook her head

  “What is it?”

  “When I first saw that ring on his hand, it kind of scared me.”

  My grin wobbled. “Me, too.”

  “He had a gun, a knife, a loud huge bike, and he wasn’t afraid to use them. It’s funny. He was everything my mom always warned me about in a guy, but if it wasn’t for him…I always think about that. Pretty damn ironic.”

  I took in a breath. He had killed for Jill, but I knew Dig had killed for Eve, for his mother, his father. Killed for himself. That day—I knew it in my heart—he had also killed for me, clearing the way for our baby, our future, with one less dirtbag in it. I let go of Jill’s hands.

  She sighed as she brushed her hair from her face. “I went home. I worked on things with my parents. It was hard at first, but it was worth it. Then, not even a week later maybe, I saw on the news that a biker got shot and killed, and his wife was seriously injured. I prayed it wasn’t Dig. But they showed his picture, mentioned his name. I was devastated. Just devastated.”

  “It was your kidnapper’s brother who came after him.”

  “Yes. I read everything I could about the shooting. You were bleeding to death, but you shot him. You killed him. You know, I had been tied to a bed for over twenty-four hours. I hadn’t known how to fight back. I’d been too scared. All I’d wanted was to die. Instead, Dig and your baby…”

  “Jill, don’t,” muttered Tania.

  Jill’s back straightened at the sharp tone in Tania’s voice. “I feel responsible for all that pain and loss you must have gone through. All because of me,” she whispered, tears streaming down her face.

  “Jill, he saved your life.”

  “But he risked his own and yours and paid for it in the worst way.”

  How could I explain to Jill that the sacrifice she felt Dig had made was actually the only decision he could have made? There was no other way for him. His absolute action was one of absolution and justice, pure and simple. Dig, the lone warrior, the avenging angel. I rubbed the gun-barrel ring on my thumb. Something shifted in my chest.

  “I came to find you in Meager, about a month later, when I was able to get away. I went to the bike club, but I didn’t get very far. They wouldn’t talk to me. Your friend with the long hair and green eyes, Boner, was so mad at me.”

  My eyes widened at her.

  “He kicked me off the property. Had me followed home. I promised myself that one day…one day, I would find you and tell you. I didn’t know what I’d tell you or how I’d tell you. I was sure the other bikers knew all about it. That was why they’d blown me off. That was why Boner had been so pissed. They resented me, hated me. And I assumed you knew what had happened and that you hated me, too, but I didn’t care. I needed to find you. To look you in the eyes, to thank you. To fall at your feet. Something.” She shuddered, hunching over.

  But I had nothing to give her. I was numb.

  “Today, when I realized Becca was missing, taken, all I could think was that his bravery couldn’t have been for nothing. That I’d failed him, failed my daughter. But then you came walking into the Flames clubhouse, holding my baby.”

  She held my gaze.

  “Grace, I want you to know, I hate that the wonderful thing your husband did for me shattered your family. I hate that. But every night, I count my blessings that a drug-dealing biker showed up to that motel room that horrible day. Wasn’t even a profitable deal. The idiot barely had any cash on him.” She cleared her throat. “I’m sorry, Grace. So sorry.”

  She sagged against me, and I took her in my arms and held her.

  “He saved me,” she rasped.

  “He saved you.”

  “He taught me to have ho
pe for a better day. That it was my choice. That I could make that happen.”

  “It is. I had to learn that all over again myself. It took me years to learn it all over again,” I whispered.

  “What the hell were you doing with my brother then?” Tania asked. “You got bit by the biker bug?”

  Jill sat up, pulling away from me. She rolled her eyes as she wiped at her face. “Yeah, I suppose.” She picked up Dig’s Ray-Bans from the bed. “I’ve kept these all this time.”

  “I had a pretty bad black eye and bruises on my face when he found me. He gave me his sunglasses to put on to get me out of the hotel and on his bike without attracting attention. I tried to give them back to him before I left, but he said I should keep them. He said he had an extra pair.”

  “He always kept the extra pair on his bike,” I said. “These were his. The ones he was wearing when he was killed…they were the extras…” My body wavered. A cold sweat sprinted down my back, my chest constricted.

  “Grace, you okay?” Tania deposited Becca on the bed, and her arms went around me as nausea swept through me. “Breathe, honey.”

  My lungs flattened against my chest. A stinging pressure seared me between the eyes.

  I struggled to take in air.

  “Lay her back. Let’s get her feet up.” Jill’s even voice floated over me.

  My body was extended, my legs lifted. A cold wet washcloth banded around my neck, and I shivered. The buzzing ceased, the blur dissipated, and the room clarified for me once more. A splash of cool water passed my lips. My fingers curled into the quilt and grazed hard metal.

  I had forgotten my glasses at home on that last ride together with Dig. I had gone looking for the extras in the saddlebag where they always were. But that one time they had been missing, in their place, I’d found Mole’s stolen gold and two of Vig’s damn diamonds.

  Dig had brushed off the whole confrontation with Mole to me like it was nothing but an irritation, an annoyance, a waste of his time, and I’d only scoffed at him. I’d known better. I had believed that his short temper and his arrogance as a defiant outlaw had gotten him into yet another club quagmire. But that hadn’t been the case, had it? Here was a testament to his bravery, his determination, his I-must-do-this-or-I-am-nothing attitude. My fingers touched the cool black metal frame, closed over the smooth curve of the lenses.