by Adam Oster
“Well, I don't know if I'd say we want--”
“Shut up, Buddy,” Alexa defended. “Okay kid, welcome to The New Defenders. Don't get killed.”
CHAPTER 15
“How freaking deep is this tunnel?” Buddy asked, gasping for breath. “I may be super-strong, but I’m still regular amounts of athletic.”
“I'm currently under doctor's orders to be restrained to my death bed, and you're the one complaining?” Oscar laughed.
“At least you've got that robot suit of yours to do all the work.”
“It doesn't do all of the work, Buddy,” Oscar laughed again, his laughter echoing deep into the hole beneath them. “Just most of it. I still have to breathe and it only barely regulates my heart.”
“I have to admit,” Alexa added, “that I'm starting to deal with some pretty strong issues of claustrophia right about now. Not to mention acrophobia, and a healthy dose of fear-of-the-dark-phobia.”
“Nyctophobia,” Oscar responded.
“What?” Alexa asked.
“Fear of the dark, it's nyctophobia, or lygophobia, or scotophobia, or--”
“I get it already,” Alexa snapped back. “Whatever you want to call it, I've got it.”
“You should've said something earlier,” Oscar returned, “with the night vision on my suit's visor, I didn't even notice the lights were off.” He pressed a button on his wrist. Thoom, Thoom, THOOM sounded through the hole as lights shot on consecutively from the bottom up, showing that they were still quite a ways from the end of their descent.
“Turn them off!” Alexa screamed, losing her grip as she was blinded by the sudden brightness filling the narrow tube.
Oscar pressed the button on his wrist again. Thoom, Thoom, THOOM. “Jeez, turn them on,” he mocked, “turn them off! Just no pleasing you is there?”
“So, I ask again,” Buddy asked again, “how far down do we have to go?”
“Well, The Bunker itself is about a half mile underground. The Jeffries Tube here takes us about halfway to our destination. We've been climbing down for all of about 5 minutes now, so I'd say we're probably around halfway there.”
“Are you all still whining up there?” Zero yelled up, his voice echoing oddly through the narrow vertical corridor. “It worked a lot easier for me once I just let go and allowed myself to glide down.”
“Not all of us up here can fly,” Alexa yelled back.
“And I need to conserve power,” Ryan added. “I can't go into whatever my dad's placed down here without a fully-juiced suit.”
“Fine, do it your way,” Zero shouted back. “Just tell me how to get through this door. I'm getting bored down here and am ready for some action.”
“Zero, whatever you do, do not open that door,” Oscar yelled. “I repeat, do NOT open that door.”
“God, this is boring.”
“Talmadge,” Oscar spoke, “you've been pretty quiet up there. You still with us?”
A faint squeak could be heard from a few feet above them.
“Talmadge?” Buddy asked louder.
“I'm here,” Talmadge responded weakly.
“You okay?” Alexa asked.
“Um, yeah, sure.”
“You don't sound too sure there, kid. Want me to turn the lights back on?”
“No!” shouted Buddy and Alexa in unison.
“Sheesh, just trying to help the kid out,” Oscar laughed again. “So, Talmy, old boy, anything I can do to make your stay more comfortable.”
“Uh, no. I guess not.”
“You're sounding pretty weak there, son. Just take a couple deep breaths. The worst thing you can do in a situation like this is forget to breathe.”
A loud exhale could be heard, followed immediately by a quick inhalation of air. This repeated several times in short succession.
“Feeling better?” Oscar asked.
“I've just never been a fan of small places. And with the statue closing down back over us, I feel a little trapped.”
“Totally understood, son. Just remember, you're with some of the most gifted people in the world right now. If something bad were to happen, you'll be just fine.”
“That's not what you were saying before we jumped in the hole.”
“Yeah, well that was when I was trying to keep you out. Now that you’re here, I’d rather you not die from fright.”
“Oh,” Talmadge said weakly.
“What's taking so long?” Zero yelled up again.
“Chill out!” Ryan yelled back. “We're going as fast as we can.”
A few loud thuds echoed up the tube. “Go faster. Something down here is amiss.”
A couple more thuds, followed by a multitude of chirping noises.
“Oh, crap,” Oscar muttered.
“What?” Alexa asked shrilly.
“Oh, don't worry, honey. It's just that, well, when I designed this entrance, I had expected a group of superheroes in their prime to be the ones we wanted to allow to make their way to the bottom, not a group of out of shape or normal folks.”
“Yeah, and?” Buddy asked, tension building in his voice as a group of red lights appeared far below them.
“Ow!” Zero yelled.
“You alright down there, pal?” Oscar asked.
“Of course, chum,” Zero yelled up confidently. “Zero smash?”
“Yes,” Oscar yelled back quickly. “Zero smash!”
“Goody!” Zero yelled back. The floor glowed purple, speckled with the red lights from before, until large flames burst up the tunnel, nearing the descending heroes.
“Up, up, go up already!” yelled Ryan, as the flames closed in on them.
Talmadge was frozen in place. Now visible from the light below, he could be seen tightly holding on to the rungs of the ladder, his eyelids pressed hard against each other as he tucked his head into his chest.
“Move!” Buddy screamed. “Talmadge, move!”
A purple glow sped past the intensifying flames and stopped right at Ryan's feet just as the fire-burst crashed against it, stopping its momentum.
“Sorry about that, folks,” Zero cheered up to them. “Didn't know about the blow-back on these puppies. Nice design, Oscar.”
“Thanks,” Oscar exhaled roughly. “Did you get all of them?”
“Yeah, I think so. Not really much to them.”
“Yeah, they were designed to be mobile mines. A little more lethal than I would typically use, but, you know, protecting the base was of the highest importance.”
“I hope that's not the best you have to offer,” Zero yelled up.
“Not nearly, unfortunately,” Oscar replied.
“Perfect. You kids ready to jump down now? Since I've already got a field up there, you could just stand on it and let me be your elevator.”
“I think, considering the circumstances, that would be a brilliant option,” Oscar answered. “Thank you, Zero.”
“Not a problem. My purple prowess hasn't had nearly enough use lately.”
Ryan stepped down onto the purple platform Zero had provided and assisted his sister in stepping down next. The two were cramped side by side in the small enclosure.
“I think we'll have to take turns. Zero, take us down.”
“Your wish is my command, Little Red.”
CHAPTER 16
“So, Dad,” Ryan asked as Oscar and Talmadge were lowered to the ground, “what were those things supposed to be anyways?”
“Just what I said.” Oscar replied. “They were mines. Look, this place was made for one sole purpose, to not let anyone through. If you think those were bad, just wait until you see what else is down here. Of course, I hadn’t considered how bad the flashover might be. But still, just made them even more effective, don’t you think?”
“Flashover?” Buddy asked.
“Unimportant. Basic thing is, I used the wrong materials for the walls. Makes a much bigger explosion than I had considered for such a small space. Of course, wrong materials is a relative concept
here, considering how much it added to the firepower. Live and learn, I suppose.”
“Um, sure,” Alexa responded. “So, now that we're all crammed down here in the bottom of this incredibly deep hole, where do we go?”
“Ah, well, this doorway here, of course.”
“Of course?” Zero asked. “When I asked if I could open it, you yelled at me for even considering such an idea, Red.”
“Well, of course I did. I didn't want you to go on alone and have us all missing out on all of the fun. Besides, I have to admit that I may have forgotten all of the, forgive the expression, booby traps I had set down here. I'm kind of hoping that they come back to me as I walk through.”
“I thought you were going to go over the blueprints before coming along,” Ryan exclaimed.
“Well, I was, I mean, I did. Actually, the truth is, the blueprints are incomplete. I didn't want to have all of the details of the back door available in one location. So, most of it is stuck inside my head.”
“Are you trying to say that you've brought me down here to a giant deathtrap a half mile underground without knowing what we’ll find?” Talmadge asked.
“Well, no, not exactly. A deathtrap which is a quarter mile underground, sure, but we're not quite a half mile down yet.”
“Great,” Talmadge responded sarcastically. “I wish you had warned me that you were sending me to my grave. I would have worn something more appropriate.”
“A good soldier is always buried in his uniform,” Zero rebuked.
“Are you crazy?” Talmadge responded, his voice squeaking. “This isn't a uniform! This is just some stupid costume I bought off the internet. It doesn't even work right. Do you have any clue how angry my mom would be if she knew that this was the outfit I was going to be buried in? Or,” he added, pausing shortly to reflect, “how angry she'd be knowing I'm down here on some stupid adventure that sounds like one of the stories my dad made up?”
“Your mother?” Oscar asked. “Do you mean to say that Piper is still alive?”
“No, Piper was my first mom, my, you know, biological mom. She died when I was born. My dad was never really around that much, so I was put into foster care. Luckily, the woman that fostered me took really good care of me. She’s really the only family I’ve got.”
“That's a fantastic origin story, young Bee,” Zero cheered. “The kind of stuff true superheroes are made of. However, now is not the time to go over our histories. We have an adventure afoot!”
“Zero's right, folks,” Buddy added. “We've done more than enough talking. Let's get to exploring.”
“Thanks, chum. So, Red, although you told me not to enter the door, I have to admit, I did make several attempts to determine how to open the beastly thing. All were to no avail.”
Oscar smiled. “Oh Zero, I love your enthusiasm. Did you try knocking?”
“Knocking?”
“Yeah, you know,” his smile grew bigger as he knocked three times rapidly on the door in front of him, “knock.”
The door slid open to a small, well-lit room and was joined by an all-too-familiar voice.
“Greetings, visitors. Please, enter, and welcome to Oscar's Funhouse. I hope you've brought your wits.”
“D.A.W.N.!” Buddy exclaimed as he and the others entered the newly available corridor. “I never thought I would be so excited to hear your voice!”
“Buddy?” the computerized voice asked. “Is that really you? I’ve missed you so much!”
“I actually missed you, too,” Buddy laughed. “Seems like your boss didn't want to have ol' Buddy Hero around to screw up his plans any further.”
“I believe the truth of the matter is much to the contrary, Buddy.”
“I find that hard to believe,” Alexa joined in a chuckle. “From the sounds of it, Arthur's been up to all sorts of exciting activity since the last time we were down here.”
“Alexa, is that you?” D.A.W.N. asked.
“Yeah, of course it's me. I don't look that different, do I?”
“I honestly can't tell, dear. You see, my creator never thought to install surveillance equipment up on these floors. And he always told me that he was the genius.”
“Hey now,” Oscar smirked. “Don't be talking about me behind my back now, missy!”
“Oscar?” D.A.W.N. shrieked. “Is that really you?”
“Yes it is, girlie. Miss me?”
“Hmm,” D.A.W.N. scoffed. “Do you think I could possibly miss the man who spent countless hours telling me that I wasn't operating at his qualifications of peak efficiency?”
“Speaking as your designer, I'd say the answer to that question is yes.”
“You always did know all the right places to tweak a girl, didn't you?”
“Watch it, D.A.W.N., my children are here.”
“Children? You mean Ryan's down here as well?” D.A.W.N. cheered. “The only other man who knew how to work a girl's diagnostic software.”'
Ryan cleared his throat, looking down at the floor.
“Seems like you've got quite the party here. Who else am I missing?”
“Hello, you computerized vixen! It is I--”
“Zero! This really is becoming quite the reunion tour, isn't it?”
“Don't forget about me!” Talmadge exclaimed.
“Hmm. . . I can't say that I have any memory of your voice pattern in my speech recognition databanks.”
“Oh, I thought this was some sort--”
“This, darling,” Oscar interjected, “is Talmadge Jones, whom you might know better as Talmadge Bouchard.”
“Little Talmadge?! Piper’s boy?”
“The very same,” Oscar beamed.
“Oh, well, you, sweetheart,” D.A.W.N. took on her most motherly of affectations, “are the most wonderful surprise of all.”
“Thanks,” Talmadge smiled.
“So, what are you lot doing coming through the back door? No one ever seems to want to enter me that way.”
“I don't remember designing you to be so cheeky,” Oscar frowned.
“Carl's been modifying my personality matrix in an attempt to make me appear more human-like and less computerized monstrosity. What do you think?”
“It's better than the mom-version of you he had going on the last time I saw you,” Alexa laughed.
“Speaking of which,” D.A.W.N. said, “you had better stop leaning on everything, Alexa. It's very unbecoming.”
Alexa stood up straight, taking her weight off of the wall she had been holding up. “You think you know everything, don't you?”
“I believe I know pretty close to everything, yes,” D.A.W.N. answered matter-of-factly.
“This is a heart-warming reunion and all,” Zero interjected, “but don't we have an important mission to carry out?”
“What’s that on your neck?” Alexa asked.
“Many things,” Zero answered. “My head, for instance.” Alexa walked to his side and inspected a large red welt growing on the side of his head.
“You got hit by one of those mines, didn’t you?’ she asked.
“They did manage to cause a minor discomfort in this general region, yes,” he answered as he gestured toward his injury.
“Minor discomfort?” Oscar laughed uncomfortably. “With a burn like that, you should probably be on the ground screaming in agony. I’ll never get you and your high tolerance for pain.”
“Well, if you’re sure you’re alright, we should probably move forward,” Buddy joined in. “D.A.W.N., anything you can do to help us get down to The Bunker?”
“As much as I would love to help, Buddy, Oscar placed protocols in my sub-system that keep me from being able to interact with any of the defensive measures he put in place up here. I'm merely here to act as an additional warning measure. Oh, yeah, almost forgot.” D.A.W.N. paused and made a noise that sounded like she was clearing a throat she didn't have. She continued by using an official-sounding voice pattern. “You are all trespassing on private property maintai
ned by The Defenders of America. If you continue forward, you are doing so under the understanding that great danger lies ahead for all who--”
“Jeez,” Zero interjected. “What's with all this legal-sounding mumbo jumbo? Look, we are The Defenders of America. Shouldn't that mean anything?”
“I'm sorry, Zero, I am compelled by my programming to issue this standard warning/release of liability message to all who enter this way, no matter their political affiliation. So, if I may continue, You are doing so under the--”
“D.A.W.N.,” Oscar interjected, “initiate terms and conditions acceptance override authorization 42AO.”
“Thank you, Oscar, sweetie. I was getting quite bored with that message myself.”
“Okay, so, I have to admit, I've forgotten most of the tricks we put into place down here. Any chance you could give us a heads up on what's to come?”
“You know I'd love to Oscar, dear, but unfortunately you had the foresight to remove everything but the most cryptic routines from my memory. All I am capable of doing on this end is starting the funhouse program and allowing it to run its course.”
“Am I the only one who's excited?” Zero asked.
“Yes,” Talmadge responded weakly.
“Okay then,” Buddy took charge. “Let's start this puppy up. I'm as ready to run the gauntlet as I'll ever be.”
“I would be delighted to, Buddy darling. Please play safe.”
The lights dimmed and a loud cranking sound filled the room as the doorway behind them slammed shut.
“You guys remember what I said about not liking cramped quarters, right?” Talmadge asked.
“Now is not the time to get anxious,” Zero responded.
“Would it be the time if I said this room is getting smaller?”
“That's just the claustrophobia talking, Talmadge,” Oscar diagnosed. “Patients frequently experience the illusion that small enclosed spaces are becoming smaller.”
“I hate to disagree with you pops,” Ryan disagreed as he pushed closer to his father, “but I think he's right.”
“He is most definitely correct, Red,” Zero agreed. “This room is closing in on us.”
“Dammit,” Oscar scowled. “Really? I was almost positive I had removed this trial from the program. It's just so cliché.”