by Eden Finley
“Why?”
Ignoring her question, I tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. Her breath caught, and when my eyes flicked to hers, we had one of those moments that I’d had countless of times with her in the past. She stared at me as if she wanted to devour me. Her gaze dropped to my mouth and back to my eyes. She wanted me to give her any indication that this was what I wanted. And God knew it was. I always broke first, tearing my eyes away from her, but with how drunk she was, and the fact I was holding her up, I decided to be selfish.
For the first time in six years, I took what I shouldn’t have. I stole a kiss I had no right to take. My mouth met hers softly, and I immediately hated myself for it. That didn’t stop the moan that escaped me when she gasped. It did stop me from taking it any further.
A small, chaste kiss. That was all I allowed myself, and I knew even that was too much. I was over everyone trying to push us together, because they weren’t telling me anything I didn’t know. Pip and I would be great together, but what everyone else didn’t understand was I didn’t have it in me to take that step. With anyone. Unless I was willing to deal with my shit, it would be unfair to Pip to start something.
“Go inside, darlin’. Sleep it off. You won’t remember this tomorrow anyway.”
3
- PIP -
NOW …
Even though it was Friday night, I was still at the office. The huge pitch on Monday morning for a new sporting ad campaign was stressing me out. I had to land it.
“If you don’t have it by now, give it up.” Gage’s voice irritated me. Not because it was him, but because he had a point.
“I’m going to be stuck on this all weekend,” I complained. “It’s perfect, but something’s missing. I just don’t know what.”
“I think you need to look up the definition of perfect in the dictionary.”
“The American dictionary, Australian dictionary, or the monkey dictionary we’ll create when we’re rich?” That joke hadn’t died down.
Gage smiled as he entered my office and took a seat at my desk, and dammit, he stretched his long legs, placed his feet on my desk, and leant back in his chair, showing off every good angle of that toned body. Then again, was there a bad angle?
“Come on. We’ll be late for pub night with the guys,” he said, bringing me out of yet another blatant ogle-fest. How he hadn’t called me on it yet was beyond me. It’d only gotten worse over the last year—ever since the night I claimed I didn’t remember and he never admitted to. I knew there was no point bringing it up. He made it perfectly clear before and after it that he wanted me to forget it, so I let him believe I was so drunk I couldn’t remember that stupid two-second kiss.
It was easier this way. There wasn’t any risk of losing him if I pretended I didn’t remember it.
With both my parents gone now, Gage was the only family I had. I had Reece and the guys from school, but it wasn’t the same as what I had with Gage. I’d always seen him as more. For a long time, I thought he’d wake up and realise what was in front of him, but it became abundantly clear that was wishful thinking on my part. I believed that right up until he kissed me. It pissed me off, because he gave me a taste and then dangled our friendship over our heads by telling me to forget it. I’d rather have him as a friend than not at all, but that meant I had to stay quiet about what happened.
Most of the time I could, but on days where he looked particularly delicious, like right now, it absolutely killed me to be near him.
“Can it still be classified as pub night when it’ll only be Blair and Garrett? All of our other friends are with children.” I couldn’t stop the pang of envy from seeping into my voice. Every single one of our friends had become proper grownups and had partners and families now.
He laughed. “The way you say it, it sounds like they’re hanging out with random kids for fun. They’re parents. We get to go out and revel in the fact we have no responsibilities.”
Right, the man who didn’t drink or go out—the most responsible man I knew—revelled in having no responsibilities. Go figure.
I cocked my head to the side. “Don’t you care we’re going to die spinsters? We’re thirty this year.”
“Are guys known as spinsters? Aren’t we eternal bachelors?”
“Of course, you get the cool label, as if being single for so long is something heroic. We get labelled as crazy or damaged.”
“Aw, hon, you are crazy.”
“Way to make me feel better.”
“I’m not worried. We’ll grow old together.” So many times I’d wished for him to say shit like that to me. However, he didn’t mean it the way I wanted him to.
“Don’t you want something more? I want romance and passion.”
Gage stopped rocking back in his chair. His feet fell to the floor, and he cleared his throat. “You mean … with me?” His voiced cracked.
Yes! “No, you dickhead.”
Gage told us that very first night we all met him that he never dated, and as far as I knew, he never had. But it’d been seven years. I wondered how he’d gone that long without sex. Maybe he was a regular at one of the local brothels. I shuddered. I didn’t want to think about that, but for the last year, I’d definitely wondered about it.
“You’ll find your someone one day.” Gage’s brow furrowed as if he was contemplating that idea and it confused him. I didn’t blame him. Me going on a third date was a rare occasion. Either everyone out there sucked or they just sucked compared to my best friend who I measured everyone against. I couldn’t help it.
“But what will you do when that happens?” I mocked.
“Been on my own for years, Pip. I prefer it.”
“Because …” I prompted, knowing full well he wouldn’t answer me. He hadn’t answered me for seven bloody years.
“Come on, let’s head to the pub. After this week in the office, beer is needed.”
Another figure appeared in my doorway. “Dear nephew, you hate working for me that much?”
For Gage to want to drink, it had to be dire. “No, Uncle Tony,” Gage said in a monotone voice.
“Good, because I can’t afford to lose you. Or Pip for that matter. You’re my two best reps.”
“You mean apart from the golden boy.” I scoffed.
“Garrett Erikson is in a league of his own. Where is he, anyway?”
“Took the afternoon off. Personal time,” Gage said.
I wondered what that was about.
“You two should get out of here too,” Tony said.
“I just have to—”
“No, Philippa. You don’t have to. You’re ready for the presentation on Monday. I’ve already looked over your work. Gage, tell her.”
“You’re ready.”
I shut my computer down, knowing I wouldn’t get anywhere with either of the stubborn men in front of me.
We were the last ones in the office—not unusual for us—and we flicked all the light switches off as we headed for the elevators.
“Ah, damn,” Tony said. “I left my phone in my office. Have a good weekend, guys.”
Gage gave him a mock salute and threw his arm around me as he hit the elevator button.
I hated the sparks that always appeared when he touched me. My body became alight with desire from him merely putting his arm around my shoulder. It’d been happening a lot this last year, and it was getting harder and harder to ignore.
Maybe I was lonely. All of our friends were paired off, and I knew I was never going to meet the one while being so close to Gage, but I couldn’t bring myself to cut him off.
I shrugged out of his grip, needing distance.
“What’s that about?” he asked. I usually didn’t shy away from his affection.
“Nothing. Just … you know, personal space, dude.” Dude? Was I an eighteen-year-old surf bum?
“How’s this for personal space?” He swiftly bent down and lifted me bridal style into his arms.
I struggled in his grip.
“What are you doing, you moron? Your back.”
His slipped disc was a permanent condition, but he always did stupid shit as if he wasn’t injured at all. He also still trained like crazy. I swore three out of five times I walked past his office, he would be doing some form of exercise. My favourite was the one-armed push-up. He said it helped get the creative juice flowing. I just liked looking at his flexing muscles.
“Lifting weights is good for my back. Keeps it strong.” The cocky bastard used me as a weight for three reps.
“You better not have called me heavy.” I gave up trying to escape his grasp.
“Please. I can bench more than your entire weight.”
I knew he could. And I hated how hot that image was.
“Can I get down now?” I asked.
“Nope.”
He didn’t let me go, not even when the elevator doors opened. He carried me all the way over to his car until he finally put me down. “I’ll drive.”
“I thought you wanted to drink?”
“You know me. I’ll have one or two at most. You can drink all you want. I’ll crash at yours, and we can come get your car in the morning.”
“Are you trying to get me drunk, Mr. Tanner?”
“Of course. You’re a lot friendlier when you’re drunk. You don’t call me an asshole as much.”
“Truth.”
He patted my head, messing up my unruly red hair. “I wouldn’t have you any other way.”
Yeah, I know. You won’t have me, full stop.
***
“I’ll do it,” I blurted to the table, not realising what I’d actually said until it was too late. It was just a thought in my head. Granted, I’d been chewing it over for about twenty minutes—ever since the subject was brought up—but I didn’t think it’d come out like that.
Two of my best friends were trying to have a baby, and they were struggling to find a suitable surrogate.
“Do what?” Blair asked.
“I’ll be your surrogate. If I’m good enough to meet his royal highness’s standards, that is.” I bowed at Garrett. Apparently, none of the candidates were good enough for him. Garrett’s sister-in-law was donating her eggs, so they were purely looking for someone to carry the baby.
“Pip, no,” Gage said. “That’s crazy.”
“Why’s it crazy?” Garrett asked, beating me to the question.
Gage took a swig of his beer. When his glass landed back on the table, he turned to me. “It’s just … I don’t know. Crazy. It’s generous but crazy. You do realise what that would involve, right?”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, I paid attention during sex ed at school, Gage. Who knows, this might be my only chance to carry a baby seeing as the world of dating is shit.”
I didn’t know why I was so focused on this issue lately. Maybe I was starting to freak out about turning thirty, and I’d convinced myself I’d be alone forever.
Maybe I just needed to get laid. The last guy was about six months ago. Lasted three dates. That was average for me. I was almost thirty years old, and I hadn’t had a long-term relationship. What did that say about me?
“And you’d be okay giving the baby up after carrying it for nine months?” Gage asked.
He was asking a valid question, but I didn’t see it like he did. “It wouldn’t be my baby. If it was biologically mine, I’d probably have issues with it. I couldn’t see myself giving away my eggs like Sara—that to me seems more generous than letting them rent my womb for nine months.”
“It’s not a fucking apartment, Pip,” Gage snapped.
I didn’t understand where his anger was coming from.
Blair shifted in his seat—probably because we’d made him feel hella awkward. “It’s a really generous offer, and I don’t think you realise how much we appreciate it, but you should think about this longer than over drinks at the pub.”
Maybe they thought I was rushing this. I supposed they had a point. It was a rash decision to blurt that out, but that didn’t make me want to do it any less.
“If you’re serious about it though,” Garrett added, “we can give you all the info we have, and you make a decision after that. I’d love for you to do it, but there’s absolutely no pressure, okay?”
“I am serious. I love you guys. You’re one of my favourite people to work with, and I’ve known Blair since we were kids. Send me the info.” I wasn’t signing anything yet, and it’d be best to know all the facts before I definitely agreed to anything, but I wanted to do this for them.
Gage threw back the rest of his beer and stood from the table. “I’m out. I’ll see you two in the office on Monday. Blair, see you next week.” He walked out before any of us even had a chance to respond.
“I better go see what’s up his ass. Especially considering he’s my ride.” I shuffled out of the booth with a sigh.
Garrett stood and hugged me before I could run off. “Thank you for even considering this.” He kissed the side of my head, and I nodded to him as I wandered off.
The cold winter air hit my skin as I raced outside. In my haste, I left my jacket back in the booth.
I caught up to Gage as he reached his car. “What the fuck was that?”
He spun and his eyes landed right on my chest. I glanced at what he was fixated on and realised my nipples were on high beam through my bra and shirt from the cold.
“Jesus, Pip. If I’m finding it cold out here, you must be freezing.” He took off his suit jacket and threw it around my shoulders.
“Always the gentleman,” I said sarcastically. “Garrett’s one of your best friends. You’re acting as if you think it’s wrong for him and Blair to want a child.”
He looked up at the sky as he took a deep breath. “I don’t care what Garrett and Blair do.”
“Then again, I ask, what was that back there?”
“Nothing. Forget it.”
“We’re not going anywhere until you explain.”
“I’m not getting into it with you. It’s my own shit, and I’ll deal with it on my own.”
“Here we go again.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means whenever you’re at risk of opening up to me, or to anyone for that matter, you shut down. You shut us all out. Do you trust anyone at all? Ever?”
“You’re the only person I trust completely.” His voice was so small, barely a whisper. Vulnerability wasn’t in Gage’s vocabulary, so I had no idea what was going on with him.
“You say you trust me, but you never talk about the important shit with me. Like your life back in America or why you moved to Australia to begin with. You’ve given me vague answers at every turn. The most you’ve given me is that some girl’s parents screwed you over and got you arrested when you were eighteen, but even getting that out of you was like pulling teeth. I’m over it, and I’m demanding to know why you’re acting so bigoted right now when I thought you of all people would know what it was like for a gay couple to want kids and the judgements they’re faced with. What would your dads think if they found out how you behaved in there?”
“Leave my dads out of this. This has nothing to do with them or the fact Blair and Garrett are in a same-sex relationship. I’m happy for them, and they deserve to be parents. But they need to find a surrogate who’s not—” He stopped himself and took a step back. I stepped forward so there was only an inch between him and me. He towered over me and stared down at me with widened, fear-filled eyes.
“Who’s not what?” I demanded. I knew what he was thinking. I wasn’t mature enough or emotionally stable enough; I wasn’t good enough. I’d never been good enough for him over the years, so I didn’t know why I held hope he’d look at me differently than just his friend.
At his next words, all the air was knocked from my lungs.
“They need to find someone who’s not mine.”
4
- GAGE -
What am I doing?
Those were the last words in my head befo
re I crushed my mouth to Pip’s.
Seven years I’d resisted. Seven fucking years. My slip last year didn’t count. It was a peck. A long peck, but nothing like this.
Our tongues fought for control, and I was all but ready to surrender.
I’d been determined to keep Pip at arm’s length, and I couldn’t do it anymore.
I didn’t think that after seven years of sexual tension, friendship, and closeness, the thing that did me in would be one of my best friends telling me they wanted to use Pip as a surrogate.
Fuck that.
If anyone had claim to Pip and her uterus, it was me.
God, I was thinking like a crazy person. That was what this woman did to me.
I cradled her face with my hands anyway, my tongue slipping deeper. Her mouth was mine, and I had no trouble branding it as my own.
My jacket fell off her shoulders—the jacket I wrapped around her so I didn’t have to stare at her mouth-watering tits any longer. She had it wrong—there was nothing gentlemanly about it.
With a groan, I spun us and pinned her against my car, because now that I’d started kissing her, I didn’t want to stop. Hell, I’d fuck her right here in the parking lot if she’d let me.
I was brought out of getting completely lost in her when she whimpered. I tore my mouth from hers but couldn’t bring myself to back off her completely. She could no doubt feel how hard I was with my cock pressed into her stomach, but I didn’t care. I wanted her to know how she affected me. “Please tell me this is okay,” I begged.
I’d no doubt confused the heck out of her. For seven years, I’d been lying to her and telling her I didn’t want this. And for seven years, she accepted it and never pushed for an explanation. Sure, she’d asked, but she knew when to back off.
“Why now?”
Her question didn’t shock me, but I didn’t have an answer I could give her. I never had answers.
“Seven years, Gage.”
I lowered my forehead to hers, unable to keep my possessiveness at bay anymore. “You’re mine, Pip. You always have been. Always. Ever since my first day at the firm and you accused me of being Canadian.”