by Eden Finley
She chuckled. “I knew you were from Virginia. I was just stirring shit.”
“I know.”
She pulled back, pushing herself farther into the side of the car than possible. “But that doesn’t answer my question. It doesn’t make sense. I thought …”
I forced myself to pry my body off hers and stepped backwards to lean against the car parked next to mine. “I don’t know how to answer, because I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. All I know is the thought of you carrying another man’s baby drove me to this point.”
“It’s not like it’ll be my baby.”
“Don’t care. Every inch of your body belongs to me.”
Her eyes widened, and I couldn’t help loving the heat behind her stare. I tried to cover it by swiping my thumb over my bottom lip, but that drew her glance to my mouth.
“All you have to do is say yes, Pip.”
The struggle in her eyes was prominent, but as quickly as it came, it went. Along with any hesitance. “Yes.”
We met halfway between the cars, our mouths coming back together and my heart trying to leap out of my Goddamn chest.
She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me closer. When her body rocked against me, I gripped her perfect hips to still her.
“I haven’t had sex in eight years, darlin’. You keep doing that, and this’ll all be over before it starts.”
She pulled her head back. “Eight years? How have you survived?”
I leant down and growled in her ear. “By imagining my fist was your tight pussy every night.”
She moaned into my mouth as I took it again. My fingers traced her satiny skin as my hand made its way up her blouse. From her stomach to her bra-covered breast, my hand committed every curve to memory.
Whistles and hoots hollered from the sidewalk. I wouldn’t have let it deter me had I not recognised a voice that yelled out.
“About time.” Garrett.
Giving Garrett and Blair the finger, I broke away just enough to call out, “Keep moving.” Then her blue eyes pierced mine. “Pip …”
“Don’t. Please don’t pull away now.” She trailed her finger down my jaw to the dimple in my chin.
“Let me take you home,” I whispered.
“You kinda have to. You drove me here.”
“Let me rephrase. Let me take you home so I can fuck you harder than you’ve ever been fucked in your life.”
She tsked me. “That’s a tall order. You might be writing cheques your penis can’t cash.”
“Get in the car,” I said through gritted teeth.
“Yes, sir.” She turned and walked to her side.
Before either of us climbed in, I caught her gaze over the top of the car. “Don’t call me sir. Takes me back to my army days, and trust me when I say you do not want me to be in that headspace tonight.”
I had to force myself into the car. Apparently, kissing her gave me loose lips, and the last thing I needed was to go back there. I gripped the steering wheel tight as the memories threatened to come forward, but it all fell from my mind the minute Pip reached across the car and put her hand on my thigh.
“Drive fast.”
“Plan to.”
***
“How is it possible you got every red light on your way here?” she asked, while simultaneously unbuttoning my shirt.
“Because the universe hates me,” I grumbled. “That’s why.”
We stumbled into her townhouse, and she was already ripping off my clothes. Fuck, I loved this woman, and right up until I kissed her a year ago, I hadn’t realised what I was missing by denying it for so long.
I didn’t know when I fell for her exactly, only that I’d been pushing her away for far too long.
I was determined to be alone, but now I couldn’t imagine my life without her.
These last few months, I’d started to wonder how I was going to handle it if she met someone. I’d convinced myself I could deal with it if and when the time came, but then fucking Garrett …
I didn’t know why the whole surrogacy thing made me snap, but there was no going back now. No way.
By the time we made it to her bedroom, our clothes were strewn throughout the entire place. She fell back on the bed, and I got my first good look at her completely naked. I’d seen her in a bikini countless times, but my imagination didn’t do her body justice. Nowhere near it. From her pebbled nipples to flat stomach, my mouth watered as I imagined kissing every inch of her.
“You’re perfect,” I murmured.
“You just going to stare? You’ve got some work to do.”
I grabbed her ankles and pulled her towards the end of the bed. “I’m in charge tonight, sweetheart.”
Before she could protest, my knees hit the ground, and I buried my head between her thighs.
She arched her back as my tongue teased her clit. I pinned her down with my left hand, while my right hand went straight for her centre. One finger entered her slowly, and she let out an almost scream.
My eyes locked with hers, and I lifted my head. “You’re a screamer, hey?”
She leant up on her elbows.
“You don’t have to answer. You can show me.”
“Fuck, Gage.” She threw her head back.
“All in good time.”
When I used a second finger and sucked on her clit, her whole body convulsed and her pussy clenched around my fingers.
“Pip?” I asked, while my fingers continued to work her over.
“Uh-huh?” She had her eyes closed, her hands fisted in her sheets, and she breathed heavy.
“You still on the pill?”
“What?”
My fingers withdrew, and I stood and fisted my cock to try to keep the overwhelming need to come at bay. Her eyes raked over my entire naked body, landing right where my hand was. “Oi. Eye contact,” I ordered.
She laughed and gave me her deep blue eyes.
“Are you still on the pill?” I said it slower this time.
She nodded and spread her legs wider apart, putting herself on display. I could’ve come right then and there.
“We’ll come back to how you even know I’m on the pill in a minute. Right now, I need you.”
“Oh, hon, if you think this is only going to take a minute, you’re going to be disappointed when I’m still fucking you by morning.”
“You haven’t had sex in eight years. I went with the safe bet.”
I couldn’t hold in the laugh. “Good point. I’ll have to build stamina. But I promise you’ll get your fill first.” I playfully slapped her thigh. “Move up the bed.”
She scooted her way up so her head was on her pillow, and I positioned myself on top of her.
“I’ll go slow first because I know it’s been a while for you too.”
“Okay, how the fuck would you know that?” she snapped.
“I know everything about you.” I cut her off from saying anything else by entering her.
She moaned, spurring me on. Her wet, tight heat surrounded my cock, and I had to pay attention to the sounds she was making, her trembling beneath me, and her pleasure, because the moment I focused on me, I was going to reach that point of no return and lose myself in her.
I slid into her with ease, rolled my hips, and loved it when she threw her head back and her eyelids fluttered closed.
“Damn, I forgot how good sex was.” I was never going without it ever again. “I need to hear you say it, Pip.” I pulled out to the tip and then thrust back in. “Tell me you’re mine.”
She cupped my cheek. While her eyes pierced me, her gaze and confidence never wavered when she said, “I’m yours.”
In that moment, I knew nothing would ever be the same between us, but I didn’t think it’d come crashing down a few hours later.
***
Why is my phone going off so damn early?
I reached for my beside table, only to hit air. When I sat up, I realised I wasn’t in my bed but Pip’s.
Flashes
of last night ran through my head, and I couldn’t stop my smile. I’d never been so sated or happy in over eight years. Or ever, if I really wanted to think about it.
I wanted so badly to roll on top of her and go again, but I wore her out. She was out cold.
Slipping out of bed, I grabbed my boxer briefs from the floor and made my way up the hallway, looking for my pants.
The ringtone had stopped by the time I found them, and when I saw who’d called, I didn’t even hesitate to hit redial. It didn’t occur to me that in the seven years I’d lived in Australia, my dads never once got the time difference wrong. Nor did it occur to me that I should’ve been freaking out until Odie’s voice came on the line.
“Gage.” His voice cracked.
“Don’t be so dramatic,” Dad cut in.
“I’m on speaker? What’s up?”
Dad sighed. “You need to come home, son.”
Fuck.
5
- PIP -
I could still feel him on my lips, on my skin, and inside me, but when I reached for him, there was only cold emptiness. The last thing I expected was to wake up alone.
I rolled over to find a piece of paper on the pillow next to me. Where I wanted to read “Went to get breakfast” or “Had some shit to do. Be back later” I actually read:
Left my car keys on your kitchen bench so you can drive to work on Monday.
I have to go home to the US for a while.
Just know this has nothing to with us, but we may have to put a pin in whatever this is because I don’t know how long I’ll be gone.
I don’t regret it.
Love, Gage.
It had nothing to do with us? Was he kidding me? What kind of lame-ass excuse was that, and what was I supposed to think? The same night we not only cross that friendship line, but go so far past it we can’t even see it anymore, he bails out on me and leaves? To the other side of the world, no less.
I screwed up the piece of paper and threw it across the room.
Fuck that. And fuck Gage Tanner.
***
Three months. Three. Fucking. Months.
I shut down another pointless Google search trying to find out updates on Gage, but it’d literally been like he fell off the face of the planet. All social media was shutdown. I’d even resorted to searching for deaths in Virginia. He could’ve been dead for all I knew. Tony said he wasn’t getting regular updates either, but I’d had nothing. At all.
I called and messaged Gage when he left, but all I got in response was a Facebook message saying his phone didn’t have international roaming enabled so it didn’t work, he was dealing with a family crisis, and that he’d get in contact when he could. Then he shut his Facebook account down so I couldn’t even reply.
That didn’t stop my obsession in trying to find him.
There was a knock on my office door, and a tall, sexy man appeared. “Ready to put my baby in your belly?”
“You make it sound so romantic,” I purred.
He grinned. “I’d offer to do it the old-fashioned way, but I don’t have sex with women anymore.”
“Way to smash the fantasy, Garrett.”
In reality, we were headed for the lawyer’s office to sign the surrogate contract. The actual baby-making part was a month off.
When Gage disappeared from my life, I told myself not to waste another seven years on a man who wouldn’t let me in. He claimed me and then abandoned me. So a few weeks after the fact, I messaged Garrett and Blair and told them I was one hundred percent in. I wasn’t putting my life on hold for that douche-nozzle.
Garrett cocked his head. “Are you sure you want to do this? Blair and I were surprised you wanted to after what happened with Gage—”
“I was ready to do this before Gage left. This isn’t a midlife crisis or quarter-life crisis or searching for emotional redemption from a broken heart. I want to do this for you guys more than anything. It also gives me something else to focus on other than him.”
He sat in the chair opposite my desk and leant forward with his elbows on his knees. Garrett and Gage were similar in stature and the move threw me. Garrett’s muscles weren’t as impressive as Gage’s but pretty damn close. Tears threatened until I told myself to stop it.
“What if I told you the real reason Gage left?”
My face lit up until I realised what that meant. Gage was in contact with Garrett. “You spoke to him? All Tony would say is he’s taken a leave of absence because his dad is sick.”
“I had to email him about a few of his accounts. His dad’s not just sick, Pip. He’s got stage four pancreatic cancer. There’s nothing they can do for him. He asked me not to tell you, but if he has anything to do with your decision to go ahead with the surrogacy—”
My heart broke for Gage, while my brain wanted to scream at him. “Why couldn’t he tell me that?” As soon as I asked the question, I knew the answer. My shoulders sagged. “He wanted to deal with it on his own.” He wanted to do everything on his own. “He was there when my mother died. I don’t understand why he’s shutting me out. I would’ve gone with him. I could’ve—”
Garrett pointed to me. “And that there is the reason he didn’t want me to tell you. Do you notice he never talks about his time in the US? The most I’ve gotten out of him was the story of his parents. That was years ago, and I think the only reason he told me was because I was struggling with coming out. I don’t know anything of his upbringing, other than he lived in a small town with two dads and he got into fights a lot over that fact. He never talks about his time with the army or about the girl who got him arrested when he was eighteen. You and I are his best friends, and yet, we don’t know much about him apart from who he is now. There’s no doubt in my mind he didn’t tell you because you’d be on the first plane over there, even if it meant knocking on every door in Virginia to find him.”
I sat there, completely defeated.
“You know I’m right.”
“Yeah, I do,” I mumbled. “God, I can’t obsess over him any longer, or I think I may go insane. And not metaphorically insane where your friends go ‘You so cray’ … but full on, psychiatric ward insane. I need to stop thinking about him. I’ve been doing it for three months.” Seven years, actually. “At what point does it make me sad beyond redemption?”
Garrett leant forward in his seat. “I know you guys don’t know much about Blair’s and my relationship because we kept it secret for so long, but I was always the one running away. It had nothing to do with Blair but with my own issues. So, as someone who kept shutting out the person he loved, I can say Gage cutting you off has nothing to do with you. And if you’re not ready to do the surrogacy—”
I held up my hand. “I’m more than ready. Let’s go sign a contract to make a baby.”
“Now who’s the romantic one?”
I was lying, of course. To Garrett and myself. While I was completely ready to do this surrogacy thing, that didn’t mean I wasn’t going to wallow and obsess over Gage until I heard from him or he came back. It wouldn’t stop me from blaming myself for crossing a line we always promised not to cross.
Maybe he would’ve let me in had we not effectively shut each other out by sleeping together.
I didn’t want everyone else to see a man had brought me to my knees. Not literally because I was never on my knees. We didn’t get to that position the night we had together. Dammit, now I’m reliving it all over again. I forced myself to shove the image of him on top of me out of my head. Every thrust, every touch—our night haunted me, and it ruined me a little more each time I remembered what it was like to have everything I’d fantasised about.
I’d always been independent. I had a career I was thriving in, I owned my own townhouse, and I’d never needed a man. I needed Gage like I needed oxygen.
Then I’d remember he left me. Obviously, he didn’t need me as much as I needed him.
6
- GAGE -
I hated Westbumfuck, Virginia. Hat
ed it. The only good thing was no one in my small hometown knew I was back or that I’d been back for three months already.
I was caged. Not like an animal. Animals wanted to be free. They wanted outside the confines of their four walls. No, I was like an agoraphobe whose house was on fire. I didn’t want to leave, but the fire was pushing me out. My fire came in the form of a two-hundred-pound man I called Odie.
“Look, we know you hate it here, and you have every right to, but it’s not healthy to sit inside all day, watching TV. You hopped a plane without any luggage and have been stretching my shirts with your muscles. Go shopping. Go do something. Just get out for a few hours.”
“I need to be here with Dad,” I argued.
“You need to get out of my bloody hair,” Dad said. He didn’t live in Australia with my mother for long, but he still said some Australianisms that made me laugh.
He was propped up in the rented hospital bed, facing the TV in our den. His diagnosis was only three months ago—the day I got the phone call—but his condition was so advanced, he’d only deteriorated since I got here. They knew something was up for months. He’d been fatigued, he was losing weight, but they weren’t expecting the tests to show up something as sinister as pancreatic cancer. It was why I wasn’t told he was sick or even having tests done. They thought it was going to turn out to be something simple. Something fixable.
The only option left for him was palliative care.
It fucking sucked, and even though I’d been here every day, seeing his fast spiral down, I wasn’t willing to accept it. I was waiting for a miracle cure that I knew would never come, but I couldn’t process that I was going to lose him.
He had good days and bad. Today was good in the sense he wasn’t complaining about pain, but his skin was yellow, and I barely recognised the frail, thin person in front of me as the strong man who raised me. Even his hair, which had always been a rich dark colour with streaks of shining silver, was thinning and a dull shade of grey.
My heart pounded when I looked at him, reminding me of his mortality and the fact we only had a few more months left together. If we were lucky. But I refused to break down in front of Dad. If it was Odie, I’d probably be bawling like a baby, but Odie could handle me losing it. Dad, not so much.