“So I no longer have a choice? Once again, you’re telling me I must become vampire?”
“Of course, you have a choice. I will not force the transformation on you. I will keep you safe. But no one must ever know your true nature. And whatever you do, you must not let anyone know you are Saga. You are important, in ways that go beyond you and I. And I am not the only one who will be interested in your return.”
I don’t feel important. It’s odd what he says, and I wonder what Roland means. Who else will want to know that I’m back? Adam? Marion? My sister Lina, if she’s still out there? I’m almost afraid to ask. Roland leans forward, taking my hands into his own. And the warmth of them feels so comforting in this cold weather.
“This is our chance, Saga. To be together, forever. You are here with me now, more beautiful than ever. Our marriage is set to take place. Don’t throw it away, not over my foolish mistakes. Not when we’re so close to finding the happiness that was taken away from us.”
It all sounds so tempting, in the same way it tempted Saga. But I think back to how that ended, the many deaths that she caused. And I wonder, if I give in to Roland, will it end that way again?
And Adam. I have to know what’s happened to him in the time I’ve been away, if he’s all right. But I cannot ask Roland, not without him knowing. I doubt even now that he has an inkling of my true feelings. And I must remember that Adam hates me. The last time I saw him, he all but told me so. And I can’t help but to wonder if he’s still with Marion, though that doesn’t seem to be the case. She had that strange relationship with the man she called her father, the one they sacrificed to their Elders.
And now I know that’s what they were, the three strange visitors at the Bennett’s party. And that I scarred the woman in my first life. It gives me a chill, to think I was so close to them again. And even worse, that the bald one seemed to know me, though I’m not sure how he could.
I turn back to Roland, who stares at me, expectantly.
“Tell me, did you miss me very much, while I was away?”
“Terribly,” Roland says. “I’ve looked for you in every face that I’ve seen. I’ve never experienced anything that resembled my love for you, until now,” he says. “And what of you?”
“Me?” I say, nervously.
“Caroline, your life as Saga was a very long time ago. Have you been back since then?”
“I … I don’t know. If I have, I don’t remember.”
But I do remember my death throes as Saga, and I think back to the image of myself, her vision of the future. In her moment of death, she seemed to know what her next life would be. Yet, I’m not sure that I should let Roland know of this strange ability, if it’s something that all the Luminos have.
“I’m fairly certain that I have not been back since then,” I say.
“Then do you know where you’ve gone?”
“I’m not sure. It’s a mystery to me.”
And it’s his turn to stare off in a daze, pondering my words.
“Listen to me, Caroline. I know that you are angry with me. I know you are confused by everything that you are remembering. And I cannot apologize enough for the foolish things that I’ve done. But I must ask … do you doubt in your heart that I love you?”
I consider his sweet words for a moment, and the sincerity I know lies within them.
“No, I don’t. I know you love me dearly.”
“Good,” he says. “I must go out of town tonight, for our family’s business. It kills me to leave you, now that I have found you again. But if I do not go, they will become suspicious. While I am gone, let your memories come back to you. And the more you remember of your time as Saga, the more you will have faith that I am being sincere.”
And I think to myself that exactly what I need is time to sort out what’s going through my head.
“Do not leave your home. Pretend you are still feeling ill. And if the Luminos contact you, whatever you do, do not go near them. Will you promise me you’ll do this?”
“I …”
But before I can say anything, a bright red ball comes rolling toward us from across the yard.
My sisters, the Twins, are nearby, playing croquet in the garden, wearing adorable velvet jackets to protect them from the cold. Though the girls hardly know the game, they pretend to play anyway, hitting the balls about, as one of the maids watches on. And Hope comes our way, chasing after the wayward globe.
“Caroline, will you play with us?” she says, as she grabs it.
“In a moment,” I say. “I’m having tea with Roland right now.”
And I see it, as though for the first time, though I’ve certainly noticed it before. Hope has a certain glow about her, only now, I realize what it is; she is Luminos, like me. And I am suddenly frightened for her.
As with most of the others in Saga’s life, I do not recognize her from the past. And I am thankful that she is most likely too young for the memories to have started returning to her, that she does not recognize me or know of my sins from a past life.
As Hope runs back to continue her game, Roland looks after her with the slightest bit of interest. But he returns his gaze to me.
“Caroline, your promise. Do I have it?”
“Of course,” I say, calmly. “I promise. I will not go near those people.”
And relief washes over his face.
But I’m lying to Roland again, because I have no intention of doing what he says. Looking at my sister, I now know what I must do, if only to protect her. I must make contact with the Luminos once more.
As I retire to my room that night, my mind dwells on Roland, and my possible betrayal of him. It feels wrong. When I look back on my past as Saga, I know that his love is sincere, just as he said, no matter what he’s done. And I feel something for him too. The idea of being with him forever appeals to me, and if I do not go through with the marriage, my family could be destroyed. Yet, there is an imbalance to the vampires. They lead to death and destruction, and I cannot take part in that anymore. What I did to poor Philippa Middleton alone will haunt me for lifetimes. I must see the Luminos again. Perhaps they can save me from this fate.
As I sit in my room, I hear a small knock at the door. And before I can answer it, Cecily enters. She rushes to my side, once again.
“It is done.”
“What is done?”
“Your meeting with the Luminos. Madame LaForge will send you a card tomorrow morning, advertising a new shipment of wedding dresses. When you go shopping with your mother and sisters, insist on visiting the store. She will offer you a special gown she has chosen just for you. Tell your mother that you simply must try it on.”
“Mother will find it hard to believe that I want to try on a dress. She will want it sent to our home instead.”
“It is for your wedding, she will believe you. You must make her. There is no other way.”
“And how did you contact them so quickly?” I ask.
“A boy from the market who fetches things for Cook. We send messages back and forth through him.”
Cecily gets up and goes to the door once more.
“I must get back now, before anyone notices I’m gone.”
“But …”
“Goodnight, Mademoiselle. And good luck.”
And she skitters out again, as quickly as she arrived, leaving me to ponder my unanswered questions about the strange race to which I belong.
I dread going to sleep, for fear that I will fall deeply into Saga’s life. I worry what I will see in it, the horrible things I have done. I am afraid that I may sink so far into her world, I will never come out of it. Or at the very least, that I will sleep through my meeting with the Luminos.
When I finally drift into slumber, my worries are for naught, as I only visit her world briefly. In my dream, we are standing on a battlefield, Marion, Roland and I. We inspect the damage from one of our skirmishes, an early attack on Adam’s lands. And eventually, Marion goes off to confer with one
of our lieutenants. It is the man with the short hair, the one who mistrusted me at our grand feast, and later led the applause when I said I would help them hunt the Luminos. Which I have more than done.
And I wonder if he and Marion are lovers, who are sneaking off for a dalliance. I try to listen for the sounds of their passion with my newfound vampire hearing. But instead, as I stand with Roland, I see something far in the distance.
Even though it is the dead of night, I can still spot them, three small figures walking toward us across the arid desert sands. And I instantly know who they are.
Roland turns to me and smiles.
“Do not be afraid. It is the Elders. They only appear to us at times of great importance. This is a good sign, indeed.”
But I am afraid, because I’ve fought them before. Adam’s killers. And I’m worried that they know who I am, even though it was another lifetime, long ago. And for a moment, I’m worried that they’ve come to seek retribution. But perhaps they don’t recognize me, even with their advanced powers, and I think it best to say nothing for a moment.
As they approach, I can see something strange coming from their bodies in waves, the way heat rises from the sands on a hot day. I can almost feel it, a kind of supernatural power that emanates from them. And I’m grateful that Roland goes off to meet them, leaving me behind.
I don’t even want to look at the Elders, but I cannot help myself, and I notice they wear simple clothes, not the ragged leather hides they wore in the caves. And my mental abilities have improved now that I am a vampire. I am no longer capable of only sensing when one tries to pry into my mind, I can seem to sense their thoughts, too, though it’s more strong with the humans. And right now, I can feel waves of hostility coming off the red-haired woman, which tells me they know who I am. I tense for an attack that never comes.
Instead, they talk about something with Roland in tones so low I can’t hear them, even with my sharp ears. But I can see their lips moving. The bald one utters a few words, and from off in the distance, I see him turn to look at me. From the wicked way he smiles, I almost feel that he wants me to hear him, too.
For a moment, his voice raises just enough for my ears to pick up a phrase.
“She will lead us …”
And a small jolt of fear goes through my body, because it’s me they’re talking about, I just know it.
The Elders walk away, as quickly as they had appeared. And Roland comes back to me, smiling. He kisses me, and though it’s sweet, in my cold vampire heart, I can feel a sense of impending doom.
When I wake in the morning, Saga’s sense of dread over the elder vampires’ visit still hangs over me. It lingers so strongly, it once again takes several moments for me to remember which reality I am living in.
And I begin to recall some of Roland’s words from the day before. That I am important, and that others are looking for me. In the dream, he said that the Elders only appear at significant moments in time. And I recall that they were at the horrible party where Roland’s father died. And I cannot help but to feel that perhaps they were there for me.
For some reason, I’m convinced that they want something from me. “To lead them …” were the ugly one’s words. But they confuse me, because I cannot see how I could lead anything, if that’s what he meant at all.
I go down to breakfast, and as we are eating our meal, Cecily enters the room with a card. She quietly sets it at my side and leaves, giving me a quick, knowing glance as she exits. I open it, though I don’t need to look at it to know what it says. Yet, I must perform my part in this drama.
The envelope is on a fine cream paper, and the inside of the card is printed. It looks like an invitation for an event, with Madame LaForge’s signature below the words.
I clear my throat, and make an announcement to the table.
“Mother, Madame LaForge has received a new shipment of wedding gowns to the shop. May we go see them today?”
Mother looks up at me and smiles, offering surprisingly little resistance.
“Of course. Today will be the perfect day to shop for your wedding dress.”
We get into our carriage, and though I am eager to reach Henriette’s, to meet my fate, Mother has made a promise to the Twins. They have been especially good this week, and on our way to the store, we stop off at a candy shoppe they particularly enjoy to reward them.
The store is a large, noisy place, one of the biggest in all of London, full of large glass containers brimming with brightly colored treats. And as the girls run about the shoppe begging for sweets from Mother, Marjorie and Madeline sip some of the store’s flavored drinks at a table.
Though I, too, normally enjoy sweets, I walk around in a daze instead, feeling overcome with nervous energy over thoughts of my meeting. I look at the candy without really seeing it, but slowly begin to sense something, eyes that are on me. I look up, and am shocked to find Adam standing across from me, smiling.
I stop for a moment, and try to contain my emotions, so that I do not reveal myself, and all that I remember of the past.
He bears that same grin of self-confidence that I have seen before. And normally, I would have found his fascination with me unnerving. But now, I know the truth. We have a past connection, and I wonder if something about me is triggering his memories of Saga. Or perhaps he can somehow sense the fact that I am Luminos, from his own connection to that group.
And as much as I want to speak with him, it is perhaps best that I try to resist the deep urge, with what I have planned for the day. It will be best for the us both.
“Adam. How nice to see you,” I say. “But I’m afraid I cannot be spied in conversation with you. It is improper for a woman who is engaged to fraternize with other men.”
“Even when he is the brother of your fiancée?”
“Especially when he is my fiancée’s brother. Because he should know better.”
“You’re forgetting. If anyone so much as noticed us, I would be able to tell.”
Adam taps his forehead, and smiles. And indeed, even though the store is large and quite busy, no one seems to care that we are conversing over the large jars filled with candy, not even my sisters. And it must be Adam’s doing, at least in part.
“Ah, yes. You have your mysterious powers.”
“The ones that don’t seem to work on you. Which is odd, to say the least.”
My young sister Hope is at the other end of the shoppe, picking out gum balls, and I wonder if it is safe for her, as they are enemies. But he doesn’t seem interested in her, and I take comfort in the fact that she is most likely too young for him to have noticed anything strange. I am the one Adam seems intrigued with, and I turn to him once more.
“Tell me something, are you following me because you think I am Luminos?”
I curse myself for saying the words, from the moment they pass through my lips. But there is something about his smug nature that makes me want to challenge him. And Adam does seem shocked for a moment, though he quickly recovers.
“So, Roland told you about the Luminos?”
“Of course. Roland loves me dearly. He has told me many things,” I say. “May I ask, do you really hate them that much?”
“I don’t hate them,” Adam says. “It is simply a matter of necessity, that we hunt them. They are our foes.”
“None of them? There is not even one of the Luminos you despise? Perhaps one who has wronged you in the past?”
And he smiles, no doubt wondering what I am hinting at.
“Hate is a strong emotion,” Adam says. “It changes over time.”
“And if I was one of the Luminos, would you strike me down? Would you torture me, to find out my secrets?”
“No,” Adam says, slowly. “I would not need to do that, because you are not. Roland would know by now if you were Luminos. With a love as strong as yours, it would be a difficult secret to keep. And it would be one he would be very desperate to hide.”
I’m wondering if Adam is telling
me he knows, or warning me that he does. His green eyes dart back and forth, analyzing me. And I’m guessing that in this moment, he wishes he could plunder my mind with his vampire powers, though he doesn’t bother to try. I cannot feel the invasive pain in my mind that seems to indicate one of their mental attacks.
And as I stare at Adam, I flash back to an image of him in the past, when he had long braided hair and darker skin. And my heart fills with sadness, that I cannot tell him the truth. Even worse, it fills with feelings of love, that the young cave girl felt. Or perhaps I must take responsibility for my emotions, and not force her to carry the weight of them anymore. It is something I feel for Adam, when I look at him, and I realize I cannot pretend it doesn’t exist, as Saga tried in her own past.
“Tell me something,” I say. “If I am to be transformed, then I must know. Are you happy with this vampire life?”
Adam winces as he hears my question.
“It is a kind of happiness,” he says. “But at least with this life, I have an eternity to find what true contentment is.”
And it kills me, to think that he is not truly happy. But at least Adam is alive, he seems to have embraced his vampire life. So perhaps I did not do the wrong thing to him. At least I can take some small comfort in that knowledge.
“Thank you again, for helping me the other night. I greatly appreciate your gentlemanly actions,” I say. “It has been a pleasure speaking with you.”
And he seems to realize that I have finished with our banter. Adam smiles and nods gently, and I turn and walk away, not even wanting to hear his clever response.
I walk over to Mother and my sisters, who sit at a table near the window.
“May we leave, Mother? I am eager to see the beautiful wedding gowns at Henriette’s.”
“Of course,” Mother says.
“Was that Adam?” Marjorie says.
“Yes, it was. I believe he was buying some treats for Marion. No doubt she has a constant appetite for sweets.”
We leave, and enter the family carriage once more. And it is a short ride to the boutique.
The Meridian Gamble Page 33