Bug Out! Part 6: Motorhome Mayhem in the Rockies

by Robert Boren

  “You make a good point,” Charlie said. “Gabe, you don’t have a good place to lock these guys up, do you?”

  “Well, as a matter of fact, yes, I have a great place. Might be a little smelly in there.”

  “What is it?”

  “Smokehouse,” he said. “Cinder block, with ventilation windows on the top. Metal roof. It’s also got big eyelet hooks to hang deer.”

  “Perfect,” Charlie said. “Let’s go get it ready for our new guests.”

  Gabe nodded, chuckling. He pulled a big flashlight out of the cabinet by the kitchen door. They both walked out onto the veranda and down the access road, past the barn. The smokehouse was about forty yards behind the barn, against the loose rock hillside.

  “It’s a ways back here,” Charlie said.

  “Yeah, don’t want smoke flowing to the clubhouse or over by the picnic area. I haven’t used this thing much, actually. Too hard to keep the smoke from going towards the camp sites.”

  “Yes, I could see that.” They walked over and Gabe shined the flashlight on the door. He pulled his keys out of his pocket and unlocked the large padlock on the hasp. Then he removed it and pulled the heavy door open. It was lined with steel on the inside.

  “Damn, is this a smokehouse or a kiln?” Charlie said, looking at the door and the heavy walls and the roof.

  “Well, for now, it’s a jail,” Gabe said, cracking up.

  There were vents under the roof eaves in several places. The middle of the floor held a pit, with a channel that ran outside to a slit in the wall, that was about two feet wide by four inches tall.

  “What’s that for?” asked Charlie, pointing at the opening.

  “I put that there so I could push more wood into the fire without opening the door. Didn’t work very well.”

  “It will work well for pushing food and water to our guests, though.”

  “I’ve got a chemical toilet…I could rig it up and put the drain pipe through there. It would still leave enough room to push their bread and water to them,” Gabe said, laughing.

  “Good idea,” Charlie said.

  “Give me a hand, it’s in the barn,” he said. They walked over to the barn. The toilet sat in the corner. It was a compact unit with a small tank underneath it. It sat about three feet tall. There was a port to hook up a hose on the back, with a pull valve. The men got on either side and carried it to the smokehouse, setting it inside, close to the opening. Gabe went back to the barn, and brought back a hose and a gallon bottle of blue toilet sanitizer. He hooked the hose up, closed the value, and ran it out through the hole. Then he poured about a quarter of the bottle of sanitizer into the toilet and stepped on the pedal to open the toilet and run the fluid into the tank.

  “Nice little unit,” Charlie said.

  “Yeah, you just pump the handle a couple of times to bring up some fluid, and then use the pedal when you’re done. Works pretty well until the fluid gets too dirty. Not a good long term solution, but for a few days it will work.”

  “Got some chain for those eyelets up there?” Charlie asked.

  “Of course, but I don’t have a good way to attach it to them to the prisoners.”

  “The Sheriff might have more than one pair of handcuffs. I know he has one for sure….we’ve had to use them before.”

  “Well, if worse comes to worse, we could just dump them in here with the zip ties and not worry about the chain,” Gabe said.

  “True. It’s not like they are going to be able to break out of here.”

  “Alright, let’s just go get them, then,” Gabe said. The two men walked back over to the clubhouse, and in through the door.

  “Their accommodations are ready,” Gabe said. “Let’s bring them back.”

  “Got it,” Earl said. He and Jackson got up. So did Jeb and Frank.

  “Don’t bounce Simon around more than needed,” Mary said. “He might bleed out. He’s half dead already.”

  “Oh, we’ll be real careful,” Jeb said, grabbing Simon by the arm and pulling him up roughly. He grimaced and moaned, almost losing consciousness. The Islamist still had a terrified look on his face. He got up quickly, trying not to upset his captors. The group walked out to the smokehouse. Simon and his companion got pushed through the door. Gabe came in after them, pointing the flashlight down at the toilet.

  “This is simple to use, boys. Push the pump handle down to bring up a little fluid, then when you’re done, push down on the pedal with your foot, and its bye bye to the little jihadists.”

  Jeb stared cracking up. “I’m starting to like that Gabe.”

  “What about TP?” Simon croaked. “And water?”

  “We’ll bring that over and shove it through that hole down there,” Gabe said. “Don’t you worry.” He went back through the door and then slammed it shut, putting the large padlock back on the hasp.

  “Think this will hold them?” Earl asked.

  “Yeah, no problem there.”

  “Good, then let’s go,” Jerry said. The group turned and left, heading back towards the clubhouse.

  “Did you guys call the Lieutenant back yet?” Charlie asked.

  “No, we were waiting for you guys,” Frank said. “We should all be there to listen.”

  “Good, thanks for that,” Charlie said. Gabe nodded in agreement. They got back to the clubhouse and entered.

  “Gather around, folks,” Jerry said. He had the radio in front of him. Everybody came over.

  “Lieutenant Bailey, this is Jerry. Come in.”

  There was a pause, then the scratchy noise of the button being pushed.

  “Jerry, this is Lieutenant Bailey. Over.”

  “We have Simon Orr and some low level Islamist locked up at the park. Over.”

  “Good. We saw what you did to the enemy’s supplies and vehicles. Nice work. Over.”

  “Yes, that went easier than expected. Sorry we didn’t hear your messages on the radios. I wasn’t ready yet, and things happened fast. Over.”

  “Understand. Do you know the position of the force that was with the vehicles and supplies? Over.”

  “Yes, they are lying dead in the river bed, for the most part. There might be some survivors. Over.”

  “We’ll send a chopper over there. Over.”

  “Nobody else has shown up in the area? Over.”

  “No, Jerry, not that we’ve seen. Over.”

  “They knew where we were. Over.”

  “The pilot of that chopper probably told them. Over.”

  “Then that makes it not safe here. Over.”

  “Maybe. Hard to say. We don’t think there’s a large force of enemy fighters in this area, and we believe we’ll see them if they pop up. Over.”

  “So you think we should stay here? Over.”

  “Unless we see a force larger than you can handle approaching, yes. Over.”

  “What about the prisoners? Over.”

  “Simon Orr is valuable. I’d like to talk to the CO in Denver about him. Over.”

  “Alright. We can hold them for a few days, but we don’t want him to be a magnet. Over.”

  “Understand. My advice is this. If you get attacked, kill both of them. Over.”

  “Understood. Anything else? Over.”

  “Yes, make sure somebody is monitoring the radios at all times. Even if I don’t see anybody coming your way now, they might pop up really quickly. Over.”

  “Will do. Get back to us on the prisoners as soon as you can. Over.”

  “We’ll be talking soon. Over and out.”

  “Well, there you have it,” Jerry said, putting the receiver down on the table.

  “We need to keep a grenade handy, somewhere close to that smokehouse,” Earl said.

  “Why?” Jasmine asked.

  “First sign of an attack, we pull the pin and toss it into that access hole.”

  “Oh,” she replied. “Not a bad idea.”

  “I’m going to go get the rest of the radios,” Jerry said, getting up.
“There’s four more out in my rig. I’ll show all of you how they work.” He took off towards the door. Jasmine hurried behind him and caught up before they went outside.

  “How secure is that smokehouse?” asked Hilda. “We don’t want that creep Simon to get loose. He’s a bad guy.”

  “Seriously,” Mary said. “He really needs to be in a hospital, by the way. He might have internal bleeding from that arrow head. I can’t tell.”

  “If he does, how long would he last?” Jane asked.

  “I don’t know for sure. Could be hours. Could be a few days. Depends on how bad the bleed is.”

  “I don’t think this guy is going to talk,” Frank said. “For us or for the army. If he’s locked up by the Feds, I’d put the chances of him being sprung at somewhat better than fifty percent.”

  “He said that they were going to spring Sean,” Jackson said. “We should be worried about that. It’s probably harder to get the kind of explosives he used near the Capitol building during a joint session of Congress than it would be to spring his butt from a Federal prison.”

  “I know,” Frank said. “I was thinking the same thing. Maybe we should have mentioned that to the Lieutenant.”

  “We will next time,” Charlie said.

  Jerry and Jasmine came back in, each carrying a couple of radios. They brought them to the table.

  “Okay, everybody, gather around,” Jerry said.

  “Where are you two going?” Jasmine asked, looking over by the door. Jeb and Rosie were leaving.

  Frank shot a grin to Jane.

  “Mom!” Jasmine cried.

  “Mind business, I be back in little while,” she said.

  “You don’t think…...” Jasmine said to Jerry.

  “I hope so,” Jerry said, smiling. “They owe it to themselves to live a little, although I hope neither of them has a heart attack.” He laughed, and Jane and Frank started chuckling too, along with the Sheriff.

  Chapter 09 – A New General

  Frank woke up with a start. It was a cloudy morning, warmer than normal because of the cloud cover. He got out of bed and walked over to the kitchen counter to turn on the coffee machine. Lucy trotted over, tail wagging.

  “Want to go out, I bet,” he said to her. “Alright, I’ll get dressed in a minute.” He went back into the bedroom. Jane was stirring, and opened her eyes.

  “The girl needs attention, I take it,” she said as Frank was getting dressed.

  “Yeah, of course. I turned on the coffee machine.”

  “Good, I’ll be up in a minute,” Jane said. “Think we can level and put out slides today?”

  “Let’s chat with the group first. I’m afraid there are still cretins around who know where we are. I’m expecting more problems.”

  “Alright, I guess it pays to be a little cautious,” she said, rising out of bed. “See you in a few minutes.”

  Frank nodded and walked out into the salon. Lucy was back at him, jumping up and down. Mr. Wonderful jumped down off the dashboard and came over, tail held high. He looked up at Frank and started his ‘feed me’ meow.

  “I’ll feed you in a few minutes,” Frank said, as he hooked Lucy up to the leash and opened the door. Lucy bounded in front of him, hitting the dirt before he was half way down the steps. Frank followed as she kept the leash taut, exploring her new territory. Frank heard a coach door open, and looked over to his right. Jerry was climbing out. He looked tired.

  “Get any sleep last night?” Frank asked.

  “Not enough,” he said, grinning. “Jasmine wore me out, since we were alone last night. First time in a while. Surprised you didn’t hear us.”

  “I was out as soon as my head hit the pillow,” Frank said. “I take it Rosie didn’t come back last night.”

  “Nope. I hope both of them aren’t dead in Jeb’s rig.”

  “Jeb’s in a lot better shape than he lets on,” Frank said. “Look at how he is in the battles.”

  “Good point,” Jerry said. “I’d still be trying to sleep, but a call came in on the radio. Lieutenant Bailey. I figured I’d better talk to you.”

  “I suspect he wants to come over and interview our guests,” Frank said.

  “Exactly, and he’s bringing a General, too.”

  “When?”

  “In a couple of hours. They’ll come in a Chinook, with a support team.”

  “I hope they pick the team well this time,” Frank said. “Every new face that shows up here worries me.”

  “I know, me too. Wonder how many bad guys know where we are?”

  “I suggest we discuss plans today, before our guests get here.”

  “Yeah, I agree. I’m afraid to level and put the slides out,” Jerry said.

  “Me too,” Frank said. “Jane asked me to do that this morning, and I told her I wanted to wait.”

  “Probably doesn’t matter anyway,” Jerry said. “Unless we get a real early warning from the Army, we aren’t going to be able to make a run for it in these rigs.”

  Frank nodded, and then there was yelling, coming from the smokehouse.

  “Hey! How about some breakfast?” Simon shouted. Then he coughed and wheezed.

  “We’ll get to it, traitor,” Jerry yelled.

  “Well…you’ll only need one,” Simon wheezed. “I sent…pajama boy off…to get his virgins.” The effort of trying to yell was almost too much for him.

  Frank and Jerry looked at each other.

  “Why would you do that, traitor?” Frank yelled.

  “I didn’t…like the way…he smelled,” Simon wheezed. Then there was a weak cough.

  “Frank, he’s got his hands undone if he really killed the other prisoner,” Jerry whispered. “You think he’s in good enough shape to do that? He sounds pretty bad to me.”

  “He didn’t’ kill anybody,” Frank whispered. ”He’s barely alive himself. Hear that wheezing? His lungs are cut.”

  “I say we don’t do anything with this creep until the army gets here,” Frank said.

  Jerry nodded in agreement.

  “I’m going to take the dog in and have some breakfast. I’ll be over to the clubhouse in about half an hour.”

  “Alright, see you in a little while,” Jerry said.

  Frank went back to his coach. Jane was filling the pet dishes as he came in. Mr. Wonderful was pacing the floor next to her, bumping into her legs and meowing.

  “Oh, good, you got their food,” Frank said. “Thanks, honey.”

  She nodded, putting the bowls on the floor. The animals attacked them.

  “What were you and Jerry talking about?”

  “The Lieutenant is coming over in a couple of hours to talk, and he’s bringing a General.”

  “I figured that was going to happen after we told him about the prisoner,” Jane said, getting herself a cup of coffee. “Want a cup?”

  “Of course.”

  “I heard the prisoner yelling, too. Do you think he really killed that poor boy?”

  “Don’t know, it may be a diversion. I don’t believe it, though. He sounds barely alive. I think he’s bleeding out.”

  “What are we going to do?” she asked as she handed Frank his cup of coffee.

  “We aren’t doing anything until the army gets here. I hope they take that cretin with them. I don’t want him around here.”

  “Me neither, as long as the army doesn’t let him escape. Jeb said he’d rather shoot him than give him to the army.”

  “I know, but we can’t do that, honey.”

  “By the way, I think Rosie stayed with Jeb all night last night.”

  “Why?” Frank asked, smiling.

  “Didn’t you hear Jerry and Jasmine last night? They were going at each other for hours.”

  Frank laughed. “Jerry said something about that to me…and yes, Rosie was with Jeb all night.”

  “I’ll bet Jasmine went off birth control,” Jane said.

  “What? Why would she do that?”

  “Rosie was trying to t
alk her into it a while back. Jasmine was getting the urge, and she’s not getting any younger. Rosie told her to do it.”

  “Would you like to have a baby to take care of in the middle of this?” Frank asked.

  “I think this kind of life must push that instinct to the forefront,” Jane said. “So yeah, if I were young enough, I’d want you to get me pregnant. The thought is actually getting me a little excited. Wish we had more time this morning.” She giggled.

  “I’ll never figure you women out,” Frank said, laughing. “Luckily for me, that horse has left the barn.”

  They both cracked up.

  “Let’s eat a quick breakfast,” Jane said. “You know today’s going to be unpredictable.”

  “I’m good with a bar, if we have any left.”

  “Why don’t I make some oatmeal? We have time. It’s better for us.”

  “Sure, honey, sounds good,” Frank said.

  Jane started working on breakfast. There was a knock on the door. Frank got up and opened it. It was Charlie.

  “Hey, Charlie, come on in,” Frank said. He walked up the steps. Lucy came up and pawed at his shin, tail wagging.

  “Hi, girl,” he said, reaching down to pet her. “Morning, Jane.” She nodded and smiled.

  “Want some oatmeal?” she asked.

  “No thanks, Hilda and I already ate.”

  “What’s up, Charlie?” Frank asked.

  “Jerry just told me that the army is coming over in a couple of hours. I was thinking we might want to have a chat in the clubhouse before they get here.”

  “Me too,” Frank said. “We’ll be over at the clubhouse in about half an hour.”

  “What about the traitor? He’s trying to yell, but sounds like it’s using him up.”

  “Let him yell,” Frank said. “You heard the exchange that Jerry and I had with him a few minutes ago?”

  “How could I not,” Charlie said. “You think he really killed the pajama boy?”

  “I doubt he’s strong enough to wipe his ass,” Frank said.

  “Yeah, you’re probably right about that. What are we going to do?”

  “I say leave him alone until the army gets here,” Frank said. “I don’t care if he lives until then or not.”

  “Okay, I’ll leave you two to your breakfast. See you in a little while.”