by T L Gray
“Grant, I’m not sure how Issy would feel about me telling you this, but...” I jerked back up to look at her. She seemed to be battling with herself as to whether to say anything, but finally seemed to make a decision. “Issy accepted Christ on the phone with me a few days ago and has been reading your bible ever since. She didn’t say much, but I know she cares for you. I don’t know what’s going on with her, but I do know this, she is no longer without hope. I don’t think she’ll hurt herself again.”
Relief, amazement, and awe for a God that does the impossible surged through me. “She believes?” I whispered, still in shock.
Avery just smiled. “I know, it’s hard to imagine. She’s so stubborn. But she was ready, and I truly believe she meant it.”
I reached out and hugged Avery so fast it startled her. “Thank you. Thank you for being there for her to turn to. I always thought it would be me, but God had different plans.” I released her and let out the breath I had been holding. “You have no idea what hearing that does for me.”
She was crying, but smiling. She wiped her face and apologized, acting annoyed with her tears. “Hard to believe He would use me…I’m so inadequate. But I guess that’s what He specializes in, right?”
“I sure hope so,” I agreed, thinking of what a disappointment I had been for the last few days. “Listen, Avery, if Issy’s dad approaches you, please be careful. Tell him whatever you know; don’t try and protect me or Issy. He is a dangerous man.”
Avery’s blue eyes got real big, but she nodded. I squeezed her hand and apologized for having to run, but she seemed to understand. There was so much I had to do. If I was going to find her before her father, I needed money and technology. I gripped my steering wheel and prayed before leaving.
“Please Lord, protect her for me. Give me wisdom and confidence, and please guide me on Your path…not my own.”
25. MY SANCTUARY
ISSY
It had been seven days since I knocked on Candace’s door in the middle of the night, and I was still as skittish as a kitten, practically jumping at every foreign sound and running for the bathroom when anyone approached the door. Candace was patient with me, never pushing too hard to find out what happened. I had told her I was in trouble and that no one could know I was there. I assured her I hadn’t done anything illegal, and she promised to keep my secret.
She hit her final straw last night as I once again woke her up with my screams. The nightmare was always the same. I was running down the beach as fast as I could when suddenly I would be back in the room again, trapped. Seconds later Robbie would appear, his eyes dark and dangerous as he trapped me against the wall. “Oh Isadora,” he would say harshly, “You’ve been a very bad girl.” Then I would wake up dripping in sweat and shaking with fear.
The light flipped on, and I covered my eyes to adjust to it.
“Ok, that’s it, Issy, I’m sorry. You have to tell me what’s going on. All of it,” Candace demanded as she sat on the couch next to me.
I sighed and rubbed my eyes, trying to get the shaking under control. “The less you know the better, Candace.”
“See comments like that aren’t going to cut it anymore. You’ve been here for almost a week, and I’ve watched as you acted like a scared child. Now something happened and since your being here is causing me to lie to every person I know, I should at least know what I’m lying for.”
I put my head in my hands and nodded. “You’re right. You should know.” I then spent the next two hours reliving the nightmare that had transpired since New Year’s, not leaving out any detail. I told her about the prayer I said on the phone with Avery and how I remembered she also believed in Christ. I even told her about my mom which was something I had never talked about with anyone…even Grant, although I was sure he knew. Remembering the events of the last few weeks reminded me once again that I had put Candace in danger by coming here. My father and Robbie would ruin her and her whole family if they knew, and I told her so.
She sat silent for a long time when I finished. “I understand if you want me to leave,” I offered. “I never meant to involve you. You were just the only one I could think of that no one knew I was connected to.”
I was just about to stand up to pack my bag when suddenly Candace grabbed me into a strong embrace and held on tight. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered with more compassion than I’d ever known. “Stay here as long as you need.”
She pulled away, and I saw her wipe her eyes before turning off the light and getting back into bed. I couldn’t move, could hardly breathe. I had nothing to offer. My name had been stripped, my status, my money…everything. I brought nothing but danger into her life, and she still cared enough to let me stay. The enormity of that fact felt overwhelming as I laid my head back on the pillow and closed my eyes.
Candace was gone when I woke up again. She had class early on Wednesdays and it made me think of Jason. I wondered what he thought when I never showed back up for class after that night, and if Grant had even bothered to tell him I was leaving. I would never know, I guess.
I had left my phone in my room after deleting all the contacts that affiliated me with Candace out of my phone. I left a million more in there knowing my father would hunt down each one. I hoped it would keep him occupied enough to give me time to figure out my next move. I hadn’t thought past getting out of the house, and I knew I couldn’t live on Candace’s couch forever. A few thousand dollars sat in my wallet that I had saved and hidden since New Year’s. I had been taking cash periodically out of the ATM at a rate so insignificant my father never noticed. Unfortunately, the money was only enough to keep me housed and fed for a few months. Not to mention, going out in public at this point was extremely dangerous.
Candace had mailed my fake breakup letter to the press from school for me and had graciously picked up a paper each day. I looked with anticipation, but it was never mentioned. I should have known Robbie’s family controlled the paper. There had been one small blurb in the business section that the merger had been postponed briefly for negotiations, but that’s all that had been said.
I threw down the paper in frustration. I was itching to get on the internet and find out what was going on, but having been raised in a house with a computer tycoon, I knew that hitting any site linked to them could be tracked, so I stayed away from Candace’s computer.
The hours that Candace was gone were the worse. I hated the silence, hated the loneliness. I tried to use the time to study the bible and pray, hoping to ease sadness that hit every day. I was almost grateful for Candace’s “No alcohol” stipulation, as I still felt tempted to drown my sorrows. Praying definitely helped, but I still missed people.
I heard Candace’s lock turn and practically ran to greet her as I had every day since getting here. She walked in, and I flew to embrace her. “I’m so glad you are back,” I said squeezing her tight.
When I pulled back, I noticed the apprehensive look on her face and I backed up. “What’s going on?”
“Issy, I know you didn’t want me to tell anyone, but honey, I had to. I can’t carry this on my own, and you need more support than I can give you.”
Fear consumed me as I stared at her. “What did you do?”
I watched in horror as Candace backed towards her door and opened it so Reggie and Rusty could walk in. They hated me, hadn’t even spoken to me in weeks. I immediately panicked and grabbed my bag, throwing as much in there as I could find around me.
Reggie was the first to approach and touched my arm, making me freeze. I kept my gaze away from him.
“Tink, please. Let us help you.” His words were gentle and sincere. I slowly turned toward him, my eyes guarded as I assessed his intention.
“Why would you want to?” I whispered as I stared into his gentle brown eyes. The bored, annoyed Reggie was long gone and in his place was a warm, concerned man who appeared to genuinely care.
“Why wouldn’t I?” was all he said in response. He tugged on my arm
and took the bag out of my hand before tentatively putting his arms around me. “You can trust us.” I hugged him back, feeling safer than I had in weeks.
Rusty was next and appeared sorrowful as he approached me. “I owe you an apology,” he said with his hands deep in his pockets while he kicked the couch a little with his cowboy boots.
I almost laughed. “Why?”
“I was too busy licking my wounds to be what you really needed…a friend. I hope you can forgive me.”
I stared at him in awe. “Rusty, there is nothing to forgive,” I assured him.
He glanced up at me with a boyish smile, dimples showing slightly on each side of his mouth, and embraced me. He felt solid and safe, just as Reggie had, but held me just a touch longer.
Candace had tears in her eyes, but still managed her sarcastic wit. “Excellent. It’s settled then, and thank goodness, because girl, you are high maintenance.”
We all started laughing, and I knew she was right. I glanced around at my small group of friends, people who had only known me a short while, but were willing to sacrifice so much for me. It seemed like an impossible dream.
That day was the last time I spent any time alone. Between Candace, Reggie and Rusty, I had constant company in the small apartment and soon a week became a month without me even really noticing. Candace had thankfully gotten me some more clothes so I wasn’t doing laundry every day. She also insisted I stopped pouring over the paper which never held any news on the merger anyway. Our little group was so different than any I’d been around before. None of them drank which was the first major difference. They also were so encouraging to each other, praying unashamedly when we ate or when they could tell I was down. Candace and I started studying the bible together, and it was so nice to have someone who could answer all of my questions.
The biggest surprise, though, was realizing how quirky and fun they all were. Rusty especially. He was like a goofy kid most of the time and kept me laughing so much that half the time my side hurt.
I thought of what Grant had told me once, that I made people forget they were all grown up. Well, Rusty did that for me. He made me forget I was in hiding and basically had no idea what my future looked like. I felt like I could just be myself with him and play and kid around like I used to with Jake all the time.
His presence made the loss of Grant and Jake seem less intense although I’d still feel a pain in my chest as I thought of the way he looked when they ripped him from me. I wondered how he was doing and if he was still angry at me. Tears threatened my eyes, but I pushed them away. I hadn’t cried once since being here and I wasn’t about to start now.
“You ok?” Rusty asked as we sat watching a movie. He ran his hand along my shoulder as he asked, his brown eyes full of concern.
I smiled up at him, still in awe sometimes that he had a face as beautiful as it was. Rusty was a man’s man. Strong, chiseled jaw, straight nose and lips full enough to be called kissable by any woman alive. I saw his eyebrows pinch together as he watched me examine him.
“You’re really a beautiful man, Rusty. Inside and out,” I explained as I looked at him. Dimples formed as I watched his mouth turn into a smile.
“Ditto,” he replied, taking my hand in his. He pulled me near him, and I snuggled up next to his warm body, feeling safe and secure. I leaned against his chest and I felt him kiss the top of my head. I closed my eyes and soon drifted off to sleep.
My dream that night was the worst ever. I was running and running, fear gripping my heart as I willed my legs to move faster. It was as if I was on a treadmill, because I never moved, just ran in vain. Suddenly the room was around me again, and Grant was there. He was tied to a chair and gagged with a towel. There was blood dripping down his face and I could see bruises already starting to form around his eyes. I rushed to him and freed him. He just fell from the chair into my lap. I shook him and screamed at him to wake up, but he never did. Just lay there still and cold. Then he disappeared and the room was empty again. I looked around and screamed out his name, banging the walls so fiercely that my hands started to bleed. I suddenly felt Robbie’s presence all around me. It was suffocating and fear overwhelmed me as I backed into a corner and fell to the ground. Robbie was in front of me, crouched on his knees as he rubbed my face. I shook my head back and forth as the tears streamed down my cheeks. “You can’t run forever, Isadora. I told you I don’t share.” I heard Rusty’s voice in the background, calling my name. Robbie heard it too, and looked around, his eyes more dark and dangerous that ever before. “He’s next, Isadora,” was all I heard before Rusty finally jerked me awake.
I was shaking and sweating and felt tears dripping off me. Rusty was holding me tight, trying to get me to focus on his face. When I finally did, he sighed in relief and embraced me even tighter. “Gees, Issy, you scared me half to death.”
I sat up and wiped my eyes. “I’m sorry. It was a nightmare.” My hands were still shaking, and I couldn’t get the image of Grant’s lifeless body out of my mind.
“Issy, that wasn’t just a nightmare. You were shaking uncontrollably and screaming. I couldn’t get you out of it. You are still shaking,” he said noticing that I hadn’t calmed down yet. He moved closer to me, but I jumped off the couch and grabbed my bag.
“I have to leave,” I whispered in a panic. “I’ve put all of you in danger. I’m so stupid. He always wins.”
Rusty rushed to me and took the bag out of my hand. “Stop it. You’re not going anywhere. He’s not getting past me, ok? You’re not alone anymore.” He captured me once again in his strong arms and didn’t let go even when I resisted. “Issy, it’s times like these that faith is required. God is in control. Look at all He’s already orchestrated for you.” I eventually stopped fighting and calmed down. When he finally let me go, I sat back on the couch.
“I need a computer,” I stated frantically without an explanation. I had to know if Grant was ok.
Rusty walked over to his school bag, pulled out his iPad and handed it to me. I knew it was a risk, but I had to know. I Googled Grant’s name, but nothing came up. Next I searched through all the North Carolina newspapers for his name. I knew with each site I looked at that I drew more and more attention to myself, but I didn’t care. I had to know he was ok. I finally got a hit from a business article dated two days ago. Relief flooded me. There wasn’t much, but it was enough to put my restless heart as ease. It confirmed rumors that Andrew Summers’ former assistant, Grant Forester was now working with long time competitor, Mark Stonewall, on a new software development. I smiled to myself and erased the history from his internet browser.
“I have to reset you back to defaults, Rusty. I’m sorry,” I explained as I basically wiped his iPad clean. “You can reload everything back from your computer.”
“Whatever, Issy, that’s fine. I barely know how to use that thing anyway.”
I handed it back to him when I was finished. I hoped I’d been fast enough to stop any trace to his device. Only time would tell.
“Why do you do it?” I finally asked after Rusty had joined me again on the couch.
“Do what?”
“Take such good care of me? All of you. It doesn’t make sense to me.”
Rusty turned to look at me. “We love you, Issy,” he stated as if it was the most obvious answer in the world.
I shook my head. “See, that’s the part I don’t get. I’ve only loved two people in my whole life enough to sacrifice for them. One was the only family I’ve ever really had, and the other, well, I guess he was kind of family too. Yet, you guys have only known me for a few months. Most of that time I didn’t treat you all that nicely either, and still you love me more than even my own parents ever have.”
“Issy, all three of us have known a love so great that it changed our lives. All of us were broken and lost, and Christ pulled us out of that through his unconditional love. Once that kind of love has been shown to you, it kind of just shines through, you know?”
I
laughed a little, thinking of the life I’d always lived. “I hope you’re right, Rusty. I want to be like that, but I’m not like you guys. I’m not proud of the person I was. I used people all the time, never caring who I hurt in the process. I mean that’s how I met you guys in the first place. I actually thought Reggie might be my ticket into Western’s night life.”
“Issy, that’s the beauty of salvation. You are a new creation. The old is gone and the new has come. There is nothing about your old life that has to define your new one.”
I sighed and pondered on his words for a second. “I know you’re right. Is it wrong to miss things about my old life?”
“What things?”
“I miss dancing. Not the club dancing so much, but real dancing. I used to study ballet, and then everything fell apart. I stopped dancing when I couldn’t hear the music through the screams in my head. My head is silent now, and I just wonder what it would be like to do it again.”
Rusty squeezed my hand and smiled at me. “No Issy, there’s nothing wrong with missing dancing.”
We sat in silence, and I wondered how life had brought me to this point. I closed my eyes, and prayed for Grant’s protection as I remembered every line on his beautiful face. Despite the distance, we were still connected. I was realizing that we always have been.
26. THE DANCE
It had been two months since I escaped my father’s house, and while Rusty was my ever present help mate, I missed Jake and Grant so much that it was hard to breathe sometimes. I just wanted to know they were ok, but seeking them out was still too risky. My friends could see me slipping further and further into a depressive state and tried everything to get me to smile.