by M.J. Kane
“That didn’t sound good. How was your day?” I turned on my side to face him, my hand on his chest.
His eyes were closed. “Let’s just say this has been a much needed stress release after a crappy day.”
“That bad?”
“Sí, that bad. It’s more my impatience than anything. We’re a week behind on renovations and there’s nothing I can do about it. But things could be worse, like not having the shop at all. How about your day?” He angled his head, peering at me through lowered lids.
“Hmm…in a nutshell? Challengin’, frustratin’, and honestly, if I saw Luke tonight, you’d probably have to bail me out of jail for murder.”
He smiled, then closed his eyes again. “Sounds like we both could use more days like this.”
I kissed his chin, rested my head on his chest, and closed my eyes. “I think you’re right.”
Contentment like this didn’t come often. The cadence of his breathing soothed me as my breath synced to his.
My mind drifted back to the look on his face when he found me in bed naked and when I surprised him in the shower. Making love to Antonio was a mind blowing experience in so many ways. I thought about the times we’d been together and couldn’t remember ever having sex the same way twice. Not only was Antonio creative in the where and how, he was attentive and caring to every physical need. Even in the wildest peak of passion, he made sure we used protection.
Luke…not so much.
Now that I thought about it, no man in my past had been as vigilant about birth control as Antonio.
“Baby?”
“Hmm…” he sounded as if he’d begun drifting off to sleep.
“Why did you stop?”
“Stop what?”
“In the shower…you could have had me there, in fact, I wanted you to. But you stopped. We would have been okay. I’m on birth control to regulate my cycle. I should have mentioned it before.”
“That’s good to know. I still play it safe, though.”
For some reason, his statement made my chest tighten. I studied his face. “Is there somethin’ you’re not tellin’ me?”
He opened his eyes, confusion on his face. “Something I’m not telling you? What do you…oh you mean…no, Kaity. There’s nothing to worry about. Believe me, if there was I wouldn’t have slept with you.”
“So why use protection? Most guys would take the information and run with it. I’ve got a clean bill of health, too. Yet, you don’t seem interested in sex without a condom. Why?”
An expression I couldn’t read came over his face. “Because I care about you.”
“Um…that’s not tellin’ me anythin’.”
“That’s not enough?”
My lips tightened. “Why do I have this feelin’ you’re hidin’ somethin’?”
“Te amo, there’s nothing to hide.” He sighed. “Look, I care about your health. The last thing I want is for you to get pregnant and deal with the health issues you had before.”
I sat all the way up in the bed. “So, wait, you don’t want me pregnant because I could get sick again?”
“Yes.”
I tilted my head in thought, trying to wrap my head around what he said. He cared about my health, yet he told me weeks ago he wanted a family.
“How does this work with makin’ us a family?”
“Because…you’ll be my wife and Chloe will be my daughter.”
“So, that’s it, no other children?”
Antonio shook his head from side-to-side in a slow motion.
“You don’t want me to have your baby?”
He sat up in bed, his expression pained. “It’s not that I don’t want to have a baby with you. I’m just not going to.”
The finality of Antonio’s admission felt like a slap to my face. “Why? I’m not good enough? You don’t want to have a mixed race baby with me?” I moved to the edge of the bed.
“No, it’s not like that. Asking you to risk your health for something I want wouldn’t be fair to you. I almost lost you on the birthing table, I can’t do that again. I refuse to raise my kids alone like my father and I won’t risk Chloe losing her mother.”
My eyebrows creased. “Oh, I see, you’ve decided what’s best for you. What about me? It’s my body, my life. What if havin’ another child is what I want? You wouldn’t give that to me?”
Antonio’s gaze lowered, refusing to make direct eye contact.
And that’s when it hit me. “You son-of-a-bitch…now I get it, this has been about you all along.” I slid out of bed. Never in my life had I felt so betrayed. Not even in my dealings with Luke.
“Kaity, what are you talking about?”
I shimmied into my panties that he’d dropped on the floor and left the bedroom in search of the rest of my clothes. “You left the other woman because she wanted a family, didn’t you?” I spun around, nearly running head first into Antonio who followed me out of the bedroom. He didn’t reply. “She wanted what you didn’t want to give, that’s what you said. I bet ten to one she could carry to term without any problems, but you didn’t want to take that chance. You look at little old me and think, ‘hey, here’s a good candidate’!” I threw my arms up in the air. “And oh yeah, she’s already got a kid!” I licked my finger pantomiming making a mark on an invisible chalkboard. “That’s plus two in her column. Sexy, skinny Latina, zero… gullible blond with baby, two. Ding, ding, ding, you win!” I spun on my heel and continued looking for my clothes.
Antonio shook his head. “Kaity, you’re overreacting.”
I pulled my shirt over my head, sans bra, who knew where that landed. He could keep it for all I cared. My legs were in my pants in record time while fighting to hold back tears.
“The hell I am!” Grateful my shoes were slip ons, I grabbed my purse. “I knew this was too good to be true. To think you actually want to be with me and love my daughter.” A tear fell, I cursed, wiping it away.
“Kaity,” Antonio reached for me, his voice firm, but I pulled out of his grasp. “It’s nothing like that. I fell in love because you make me happy. You’re my air, I can’t breathe without you and you know I love Chloe. If it were only you and there were no baby, I’d still feel the same way. I can’t take that risk. That’s something about me I’ll never be able to change.”
“That sums up this relationship, doesn’t it? It’s a matter of convenience for you. You get what you want, a pre-made family with a woman desperate for love, who has a child and a history of bad health issues, and who’s probably scared to death of having another kid.”
“Stop saying that! Kaity, that’s not why I love you!” Antonio’s voice was the loudest I ever heard.
“I have to go.” I didn’t have the emotional strength left to finish the conversation.
He followed me into the hall, even though he was naked. “Kaity, we’re not done with this, not by a long shot.”
I stopped at the top of the stairs leading to the parking lot, peered over my shoulder. “Yeah, I think we are.”
Chapter 35
“Oh my God, look at this little angel!”
The urge to roll my eyes at Luke’s mother was strong; I plastered a smile on my face instead.
“Kaitlyn, I will never understand why you chose to keep her away. I don’t care what kind of problems you two had,” she looked at me pointedly. “It doesn’t change the fact she is still a Peterson and part of this family.” She nuzzled the side of Chloe’s neck and mumbled grandmother talk.
Little did she know, bloodlines aside, my daughter bore my last name.
I gritted my teeth and glared at Luke, who decided now would be the time to focus his attention on his feet. What line of crap did he feed them? Apparently he forgot to mention his decision to avoid fatherhood is what caused the separation.
I could have stayed in contact with his family, but for my sanity, it was smarter to avoid his family and their drama. It was enough dealing with him.<
br />
“It won’t happen again, Mom.” Luke promised, his attention now on his mother while avoiding my stare.
I sucked my teeth; as if this decision was only his to make.
“Well, don’t we have time to make up for?” She cooed, adjusted the pink headband Chloe wore for the fifth time before removing it completely. “I hate those things. They do nothing but cut off circulation to the brain.” She ran fingers through her hair, messing it up.
My eyes narrowed.
Chloe’s expression seemed pained. She wasn’t comfortable with Grandma at all. Her little lip trembled as if ready to cry at any given moment. Her eyes never left me as she twisted around to keep me in her line of sight. Mrs. Peterson took a different path. I’m sure the bouncing aided in her discomfort.
In my mind, Chloe said, ‘Momma, who is this lady?’ I laughed out loud before covering it with a cough.
“And what sort of name is Chloe anyway? It isn’t befitting a young lady,” his mom continued, shooting a glare of disapproval in my direction. “What is her middle name?”
Luke placed a hand on my arm right as I opened my mouth. He knew me well enough to know the words uttered would not be my daughter’s middle name.
“Michelle. I think both are perfect.”
Mrs. Peterson’s lips pursed. “Well, you didn’t have a hand in coming up with a name or else you would have chosen something more distinguished, like Gertrude, which was your grandmother’s name. She would have loved it.”
My eyes bulged. “Gertrude?” I mouthed to Luke, who shook his head. That did it. In fact, my cheeks felt as if they turned three shades of red in the past thirty seconds.
“Mom, we are going for a walk in the garden. Can you watch─”
“Boy, what kind of question is that?” She kissed Chloe’s open mouth.
I cringed.
Luke reached for my hand. “Come on.”
Outside, I breathed deeply and studied the manicured landscape. Not a lot had changed in the months since my last visit, well, except for our relationship. We used to spend the majority of our visits with his family in the back yard, hiding out in the gazebo.
We walked over to the vine covered decoration sitting in the far corner of the yard. Luke sat while I paced.
“Sorry about that.”
I huffed. “About what? Her comments or the fact you are the reason we separated?”
He looked at his hands. “Both.”
I studied his face when he looked back up at me. It was easy to see the sincerity in his eyes. For a moment, the old Luke, the one I spent two years of my life getting to know, the man I fell in love with, was visible.
He joined me at the gazebo railing, stopping a few feet away. He was close enough that I was forced to stare up at him. Our height difference was one of the things I loved most about him. Luke was 6’ 2” and I was 5’ 4”. He always made me feel protected when I was in his arms.
My eyes traveled the expanse of his button up shirt, up his Adam ’s apple, to the chin covered in a five o’clock shadow. His rich brown eyes were hidden behind slightly disheveled dark brown hair. He’d let it grow longer over the last few months, a sign of defiance to his father’s strict rule of close-cropped hair.
I cleared my throat. “You’re a bit late for that.”
“I know. Spending time with you, both of you, made me realize I was stupid.”
“Stupid? That’s it? Luke, we were together for two years.” I emphasized the point with my fingers. “We had plans. You would come off of probation at work and make more money; I would keep doin’ what I loved. We’d buy a house, get married, then start our family. What happened?”
Luke turned his back to the railing, crossed his arms. “Work became stressful. My father came down hard and gave me an ultimatum. He said you were a distraction. If I didn’t get my shit together, I would have to find work with another firm. Then you got pregnant and Ebony was getting married. Every day all you talked about was the baby and her wedding. With my dad in one ear and you in the other…I lost control of everything.” His eyes lowered. “I’ll never forgive myself for asking you to have an abortion. I’m glad you didn’t listen to me.” His gaze went in the direction of the house. “She’s beautiful. I’ve missed so much of her life. I can’t make that up to you or her, but I’m here now. I’m not leaving.” His eyes met mine; the fire and passion I once loved was evident.
Never in a million years would I have expected such a change in him. For the past six weeks, he’d gone out of his way to make sure he spent time with Chloe, even when his schedule got screwed up and it was obvious he was tired. He’d bought clothes, toys, gave me money to put into a saving account for her. Everything he could do, he did. I had to admit, even though at times it inconvenienced my life, in the end, it was worth it for Chloe’s sake.
“Why now, Luke? Why couldn’t you have told me months ago? I would have understood.”
“Would you, honestly? Kaitlyn, you were hell bent on getting what you wanted, even before you were pregnant. Every conversation was about what you had planned for our future. I barely got a word in edgewise. And then one day, you just stopped talking to me. I wasn’t sure what to do.”
It was my turn to stare at my hands. I knew exactly what time he referred to.
“I found out you were cheating on me with Nicole.”
Luke stood up straight, his arms falling to his side. “How did you─”
“I came to the office one night when you were workin’ late to surprise you with dinner and make up for the fight we had that mornin’. There was laughter coming from your office. The door was cracked so I peeked in. You were sittin’ in your chair, she was on your desk, her feet in your lap. I left.”
His face paled. “You never said anything?”
I shrugged. “It was my fault for not listening to you. I did everythin’ in my power to win you back. I thought the pregnancy would bring us back together. It did the opposite.”
I swallowed hard. It was too late to cry about it. The past was just that. Chloe was what mattered, not our mistakes.
“For the record, I never slept with her.”
A quick study of his eyes showed the truth, he wasn’t lying. One thing he’d never been good at was dishonesty, which was the reason why he dealt with Probate law instead of becoming a defense attorney like his father.
“Never?”
“We came close, but all I could think about was how I already hurt you. By the time I wanted to talk about it, I came home and you were gone.”
My stomach sunk like a lead weight. “You mean the night I moved out you were gonna─”
“Apologize and beg you to forgive me. I had flowers and grape juice since you couldn’t drink wine.” His smile was sad. “I even had a ring.”
I closed my eyes, thought back to that night when Ebony came by and helped me move my things.
He had a ring.
“Why didn’t you come after me? God, Luke, you mean all this time you wanted to marry me?”
He stood and faced me fully. “Yes. After you left, I wanted to tell you, but you called, cussed me out, and demanded me to do things. I could barely get in a word. You said you didn’t want or need me. My ego wouldn’t let me apologize. I took it as a sign we were through, and figured if that was the way you wanted things to be, then that’s how it would be.”
The stress and strain of the past eight months ran by in my mind’s eye as realization hit. My decision to leave was the catalyst of everything that happed.
One selfish choice turned into the snowball from hell. Each roll throwing more weight, more stress, and involving more people.
Simple communication would have prevented a lot of things.
Luke and I would have been married. Chloe would have had her biological father from day one.
But now Antonio was involved. Another father figure.
Another man with his own agenda.
And in the middle
of it all, sat Chloe, like a chess piece on the board that was my life.
“I know it’s a lot to ask, Kaitlyn, but… I want you back. I want to give you everything we planned and more. I’m ready to be the man you want me to be.” He walked over to where I stood, standing so close I could feel the heat of his body. I had no choice but look him in the eye. “I want the woman I fell in love with to come back home with our daughter.” He reached out, traced my mouth with his thumb. “I want to pick up where we left off. Will you give us another chance to become a family?”
I felt my eyes go wide. Was he serious? Did he really want to give me what he promised months ago, back when everything between us was perfect?
He didn’t wait for me to answer. Luke’s warm mouth met mine. Comfort, familiarity, and promise of a new beginning filled me as he enveloped me in his arms. I gave in to the kiss and let the past memories of pain and hurt drift away, replaced by the vow of his words. Forgotten passion and unfulfilled dreams intertwined, emerging from the recess of my mind.
My eyes were still closed when the kiss ended, and as always, he followed with a kiss on my nose. In the past I would giggle.
Today, the gesture reminded me of the way Antonio kissed my nose after making love to me the night before. Moments before the truth of our relationship was made manifest and I walked away from him.
“How about we rescue our daughter before my mom does something stupid? She always wanted a daughter, but got stuck with me and my brothers. Chloe is going to be one spoiled little girl.” He laughed. “And for the record, Chloe is the name I would have chosen, too.”
I forced myself to smile and allowed the father of my child to hold my hand as we walked back to the house.
Chapter 36
“Tiffy, that skirt can’t be legal.”
My sister stopped in the doorway of the kitchen and posed, cocking her bare leg to the side in mile high stilettos. “Don’t hate. Besides, this came from your closet.”
I studied the outfit. I couldn’t remember the last time it was worn, but the heels were worn the night of the Quinceañera.