No Place Like You

by Marnie St Clair

  The honest answer was that it had been fine, but no different to the countless other women he’d slept with.

  ‘Did I do something wrong?’

  That small, uncertain voice made him feel like the prick of the century. ‘Of course not. You can’t think like that, Katie. It wasn’t anything like that, it wasn’t you at all. You’re great,’ he ended, and it sounded weak even to his own ears.

  ‘Is there really no chance for us?’

  Josh sat, shoulders hunched, staring at the floor in front of him. Hating this.

  Brutally honest. The kindest thing was for him to be brutally honest. ‘There never was. I’m sorry. I thought I’d made that clear.’

  ‘Because of Lily. Beautiful, perfect Lily.’ The words came out quiet, but full of venom.

  Lily. Far from perfect, but again the object of hatred through no fault of her own. He had a sudden flash of sympathy for her in addition to the sympathy he was already feeling for Katie. ‘It’s got nothing to do with Lily.’

  She let out a bitter laugh, but it was true.

  ‘So you liked me enough to sleep with me, but not anything else. God, didn’t it mean anything to you?’ She was angry, and it was finally directed at him instead of Lily.

  She’d hit the nail on the head—it hadn’t meant a goddamn thing to him. He couldn’t blame her for being upset. They sat in miserable, tense silence for long, heavy moments. He wished he had something to offer her, but there was nothing he could say that would make this any easier.

  ‘I can’t help not being Lily bloody Schofield.’ The words crashed like thunder through the silence. She stood abruptly, cheeks flushed, eyes close to spilling. ‘I can’t do this. Tell Louise that something has come up, thank her for the delicious lunch. And I’ll see her tomorrow afternoon.’

  Standing, he held himself immobile. He wanted to pull her into a hug, tell her that she was going to be fine, that she was going to find someone much better than him, but there was no way this was the right time for him to do that. He followed in silence as she stalked to the front door, as if he were seeing her out after a lovely lunch, though that was far from the case. She grabbed her handbag from the hallstand and walked out the front door without sparing him another glance.

  Returning slowly to the sitting room, Josh resumed his spot on the couch and waited for his mother to reappear.

  Katie had laughed when he’d said it didn’t have anything to do with Lily. But it didn’t. It didn’t have anything to do with Lily.

  Brutal honesty. If he was telling himself it was the best thing for Katie, shouldn’t he take a close look at the truth himself?

  So, it did and it didn’t.

  What if he’d never met Lily? What if the Schofields hadn’t come here each summer? Would it still be true to say he wasn’t interested in Katie?

  Or would he already be married to her, or someone like her?

  He wasn’t sure. Lily had got under his skin, into his head, so long ago that he couldn’t begin to judge what his life would have been like if they’d never met.

  His mum returned, set the loaded tray down on the coffee table, and sent a hard look in his direction. ‘Where’s Katie?’

  ‘She had to go. She said to thank you, and tell you she’ll see you tomorrow.’

  She sat beside him and set out two red-and-white floral-patterned porcelain cups on saucers. ‘What happened?’

  ‘I told her the truth. As nicely as I could.’

  Her eyes narrowed but she didn’t say anything, just leaned forward with the teapot to fill their cups. She added milk to her own, stirred it, then leant back in her seat, facing him. Calmer than he’d expected. ‘You were right. I shouldn’t have invited her.’

  He shrugged. ‘It was a conversation that had to happen. At least things are clear now.’

  ‘She’d be perfect for you, you know,’ his mother added, but there was no bite there.

  He wasn’t arguing. In another lifetime, maybe she would have been.

  She put her cup back on the table and sighed. ‘I’m worried about you, Josh.’

  Worried? There was no reason for his mum to be worried. He loved his life. He loved living in Yarrow. He loved working with farmers. All he’d ever wanted to do was contribute to this community, and he was doing it. And soon, Mirabook would be his too. His life was everything he wanted it to be.

  ‘You’re twenty-seven years old. You’ve never brought a girl home. As far as I know, you’ve never been serious about anyone. Your father and I were already married six years by your age.’

  So that’s what she was on about. But twenty-seven wasn’t thirty-seven. Surely it wasn’t time to panic about marriage yet. Truth was, he’d never wanted a girlfriend. Up until recently, he’d been more than happy with his diet of solid casual sex. And over the past few months … Well, he’d been distracted with everything that was happening with Mirabook and the deadline for the debt payment. ‘There’s nothing to worry about, Mum,’ he replied confidently. ‘It’ll happen when I’m ready.’

  But she hadn’t finished. ‘Your father and I raised you to be responsible, but sometimes I wonder if we did too good a job. You were such an easy child, Josh, so good all the time. We never had to worry about you, could always trust you to do the right thing. A good son, a good friend, a good student.’ She picked up her cup of tea, but put it down before it’d reached her mouth. ‘You take on too much. You spend all your time and energy trying to keep this town afloat. It hasn’t left you with time to be young, to find a girlfriend.’

  ‘It’s not like that.’ This was starting to get awkward. ‘I love what I do. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else or do anything else.’

  She picked up her cup again. This time she did take a sip. A slow, contemplative sip. ‘What’s happening between you and Lily?’

  ‘Nothing.’

  ‘Joshua Farrell, you are not going to sit there and lie to me.’

  He half-smiled. ‘It won’t last long.’

  The cup came crashing back down again. ‘It never occurred to me that it would.’ She was angry again. ‘Lily and her people are nothing like us, Josh. They don’t care about anything except themselves. To them, we’re like toys, played with when bored, dumped the second something more interesting comes along.’ She paused then delivered her fatal blow. ‘Think of your father.’

  He did think of his dad. All the time. And he was trying to settle things his own way. His mum didn’t know about his plans to own Mirabook, or the debt. He hadn’t told her about it, and he wasn’t going to now. He didn’t believe in counting chickens until they’d hatched. But when it was his, she’d see he’d settled the score.

  And he couldn’t explain his other feelings to his mum. That despite everything, he desired Lily as much as he hated her. That sometimes he even found it hard to hold on to his hate.

  ‘I don’t think it’s good for you to spend time with her.’

  ‘I’m not spending much time with her.’ In fact, he was doing his best to spend as little time with Lily as possible, while still finishing things in the bedroom. It wasn’t an easy line to walk.

  ‘What about the help you offered for the ball?’

  ‘Hasn’t started yet. She’s still working on the designs.’

  His mum’s lips were pursed in disapproval again. ‘I don’t see why you have to be the one to help her. Can’t she find someone else to do her bidding?’

  What his mum didn’t realise was that he had to be there to help. God knows what Lily planned to do to Mirabook. He didn’t want her making big changes to what was going to be his place very soon. ‘Don’t worry about Lily. She’s not going to be here much longer.’

  ‘Has she said something to that effect?’

  ‘Not exactly.’ In fact, she’d intimated the opposite.

  ‘You sound very sure.’

  He shrugged. He was. Lily would be leaving once she sold to him.

  Or would she? He frowned as a thought occurred to him. He could force her to sell
the house, but he couldn’t force her to leave town. What if she decided Yarrow was her new home, with or without Mirabook?

  He couldn’t—wouldn’t—let that happen. ‘Lily will be leaving. Leave her to me.’

  ***

  Lily shifted nervously as the committee looked over the sketches she’d been working on over the weekend. She really hoped they liked them, because what was on those pages, she had her heart set on.

  ‘It’s perfect,’ Katie said quietly. ‘Of course.’

  Lily snuck a look at her, not for the first time that afternoon. Her normally almost-ruddy skin was ashen. She was tired, if the bags under her eyes were anything to go by, and something more … Sad? Dejected? Whatever it was, Katie was nothing like her usual bouncy self. Even her pony tail seemed flat.

  ‘Yes, they are lovely,’ Maureen added. ‘But I must say, it’s a bit more than I was expecting.’

  Lily swung her attention back to Maureen. ‘I wanted to make it special.’

  She rarely had the luxury of designing from scratch—it had always been someone else’s dreams. But this time she did. And it was going to be all about Mirabook. She’d walked the property all weekend long, getting a feel for the colours, the textures. She wanted to capture all of it. Front and centre were the gums, the palette she’d shown Josh on Friday evening. Then the river. But there was a human element too—flocks, fences, crops. She’d done her best to get it all in there, in the images on the table in front of them.

  Helen’s habitual sour-lemon expression was out in full force. ‘I think it’s too much. We should keep it simple, achievable, and appropriate.’

  ‘It’s achievable. And given that I used Mirabook as my inspiration, it couldn’t be more appropriate.’

  ‘Achievable? This?’ She waved angrily, incredulously at the pages on the table.

  Lily almost sighed in exasperation. Why, why, why was she doing this to herself? She still wasn’t sure. All she knew was that she wasn’t ready to stop trying yet. ‘This is what I do, Helen. I know it’s achievable because I’ve done it, or things like it, many, many times before.’

  ‘Yes, with an army of helpers, no doubt,’ Louise responded. ‘How many precious hours are you expecting people to donate just to achieve the look you want?’

  And by people, she meant Josh.

  ‘And how much is it going to cost?’ Helen inserted before Lily could reply. ‘We’re trying to raise enough for a new building, not make you look good. We can’t waste a lot of money on decorations.’

  ‘It’s not that we don’t like the drawings, Lily. But the ladies do have a point.’ Even Maureen wasn’t totally backing her on this one.

  ‘It’s not going to cost anything. I want to source everything from Mirabook. Except for the paint of course, but I’ll cover that because I want to paint anyway.’ Because she hadn’t given up on the idea of turning Mirabook into a wedding venue. After all Josh’s criticisms on Friday night, the whole thing was on hold. He was right, there was a lot to consider. More perhaps, than she’d realised. But she hadn’t given up. She’d keep thinking and planning while she focused on getting ready for the ball, and then when she had more time, she’d revisit. With gusto. ‘As to how much help I’ll need, apart from Josh, I have a friend coming to stay with me. Between the three of us, we should get there.’

  ‘I suppose you’ll have him around there every day. Josh has other things to do. I don’t think he should be involved at all.’

  ‘He said he wants to help. He came around on Friday evening to see what I wanted done.’

  And asked to see her bedroom, made her feel so shivery-good she’d barely been able to breathe, and then walked out on her … She shut the thought down. As she’d done all weekend, with varying degrees of success. She wasn’t about to start obsessing over what had happened now.

  Her gaze landed on Katie again, who if anything, managed to look even paler. Which she assumed was due to the reference to Josh coming over. Was Lily supposed to avoid all reference to Josh? Lie? Was it so terrible just to tell the truth?

  ‘Well, it looks great, and if you think you can pull it off in the next few weeks for next to no money, you’ve got my support,’ Maureen said matter-of-factly. ‘Any objections to Lily’s plans?’

  No one said anything.

  So that was it. Design approved. A little bit more enthusiasm might have been nice, but at least she had their okay. Now she could turn her attention to making it happen.

  ‘I also made a list of everything I have at Mirabook that we might need.’

  She read through it as quickly as possible, but it took a while. The list comprised all the items she’d found that the dinner component of the evening would require—plating, silverware, glassware. There was a lot to get through. It seemed that a Mirabook wedding had meant new sets of everything. She’d found five generations worth of cutlery stored in various buffets and sideboards. Coming up with enough for two hundred wasn’t going to be a problem.

  ‘You’ve had a busy weekend,’ Maureen commented.

  Yes, she had. Deliberately. She’d wanted to fill every moment, so she didn’t have a single unoccupied second to dwell on Friday night.

  ‘The one thing I’m not sure about is the kitchen,’ Lily ploughed on. ‘It’s a good kitchen, relatively modern and well-equipped, but I’m not sure how well it’ll cope with turning out food for that many people.’

  ‘Let me worry about that, that’s my job,’ said Maureen, and if she didn’t seem worried, maybe Lily shouldn’t be either. ‘Right, things are going well. We need to start advertising and selling some tickets. Hopefully, all two hundred of them.’

  Lily had thought of that too. She’d had to do a lot of painting to perfect her colour scheme, and she’d decided they might as well re-use her efforts, so she’d turned them into posters they could put up around town. She reached into her bag and brought them out. As she placed them on the table, they were joined by a second pile.

  ‘I made posters,’ Katie said.

  Lily grabbed her pile off the table, meaning to shove them back into her bag before anyone noticed what they were. Things were tense enough already without competition about whose posters were going to be used.

  ‘Oh,’ Katie said from across the table. ‘Lily did too. Of course.’

  Too late.

  ‘Oh, not really. I mean, I just made them since I had to paint anyway. We didn’t really discuss who was going to make the posters. If you’ve made some specially, we’ll use yours.’

  ‘Let’s have a look at them, Lily,’ said Maureen.

  Reluctantly, she set her stack down next to the other pile.

  Katie’s posters were done in bright-coloured texta. There was nothing wrong with them. They were colourful and clear and had a kind of energy about them. But compared to her own hand-painted pieces… Well, there was no comparison really. She really wished her posters had stayed buried in her bag.

  The two piles sat there, side-by-side. No one said anything.

  She risked a glance across the table at Katie, who did not look happy. If anything, she looked even more listless than before. This must be about more than Josh coming over or the posters. What was going on with her?

  ‘We should use Lily’s,’ Katie said eventually. ‘Especially if we’re going to use the same colours for the event. It’s perfect to kick it all off with matching posters. Just perfect.’

  ‘If you think, Katie,’ said Maureen, no doubt relieved the matter had been settled without further fuss.

  ‘Okay. I’ll put them up,’ Lily agreed, seeing no way out of it that wasn’t going to make it worse.

  She stood, and like a mirror image, Katie stood with her. Katie reached to gather her posters just as Lily reached to take hers. Their eyes locked for a moment, and Lily had the strange sensation that they were actors, trapped on a stage, acting out one of those two-person mirror mimes. Katie’s gaze dropped, and Lily followed suit. She saw her own pale, slim hands gripping her posters. And Katie’s s
maller, browner hands on her own. They looked up at each other again, and the expression in Katie’s eyes … They must be mirror images, because Lily could feel her pain. Dropping her gaze again, she watched as Katie picked up her pile and then, as if in slow motion, her hand made an inevitable journey towards her almost-full coffee. The cup tipped and milky brown liquid spread all over Lily’s posters.

  Lily looked up and locked eyes with Katie once again, and Katie looked as shocked as Lily felt, her expression mirroring Lily’s feelings as if they were still trapped in their strange unanticipated performance.

  Had that been deliberate?

  A moment of frozen stillness, and then the room came to life again. She was vaguely aware of gasps and a flurry of activity starting around the table. Louise and Helen were busy shifting everything off the table while Maureen moved with animal-swiftness across the room and came back with paper towels and cloths to clean the liquid up.

  Jolting back to life, Lily picked up her pages and tipped the coffee pooled on top back into its cup. She evaluated the damage. None had escaped, even the bottom ones were stained brown. That was that then.

  She walked to the counter and dumped her ruined posters in the bin.

  No one was saying a word. Leaving it for Lily and Katie to sort out. And who knows what she might have been about to say, but one look at Katie and she bit her tongue. If Lily’d thought she looked bad before, that was nothing compared to how she looked now. Like death barely warmed up.

  Maybe it hadn’t been deliberate after all.

  Chimes. Saved by the bell. Everyone stopped moving, heads swung to see who was entering the café.

  Saxon. Thank God. Saxon.

  He stopped, eyes wide as he surveyed the scene in front of him.

  Lily forgot all about the stupid posters. She’d never been so glad to see anyone in her life. She started off at a walk, but those last few steps were more like a run, straight into friendly, open arms.