Evie’s Little Black Book

by Hannah Pearl

  ‘I just wanted to thank you,’ I told him when he looked back. ‘You were a good friend when I needed one. You were gentle, kind, and you taught me a lot about who I wanted to be.’

  He sat back down quickly and stared at his shoes. ‘You say thank you, I still feel like I should be saying sorry. You were a kid, you were my mate’s sister. I never meant to hurt you.’

  ‘I chose to get involved with you. In fact, half of what we got up to was because I started it,’ I told him. He looked off in the distance and I wondered if he was thinking back to some of our more innocent and intimate times together. ‘Besides, I’m happy with where I’m at now. I wasn’t for a long time, but I’ve been thinking about what you used to say to me a lot recently. If it wasn’t for what we did, I wouldn’t be here with Jake right now, so I’m grateful to you, really.’

  He reached out, gave my hand a squeeze then wandered off to find his bride.

  My parents came in a moment later with Matt, but there was no sign of his bridesmaid from the night before. I wondered what Matt would have done if he’d seen George and me talking a moment earlier. Would he have assumed that we were trying to hook up again? Though the thought hadn’t even crossed my mind. Would he have trusted us to find our peace as we had?

  I had almost finished my coffee when Jake strode into the room. He greeted me with a kiss, not embarrassed to do so in front of my family. I took his hand under the table and I didn’t let go.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  We found our own little routine after that, taking Alice out during the day, having tea ready for when Bea got home from work, then Jake would walk me home. More often than not he would stay over. I wasn’t sure whether Bea was ready for us to explain my presence in the mornings to Alice, so mostly it felt easier that way, waking up in the morning and rushing to get back before Bea had to leave again. She seemed happy to see us together, but I didn’t want to flaunt our relationship in her face when she was still grieving for her own broken marriage. After cutting it fine for a few days in a row, Jake asked me if I would consider staying at his house.

  The matter was decided the following Friday night when my boiler went on the blink. Having been to the library, the park and the toyshop in thirty degree heat, when I couldn’t have my bath I lost it slightly. I packed a bag and told Jake we were going to his. With hindsight I probably hadn’t needed to bring a whole suitcase for one night, but I hadn’t wanted to use all of Bea’s bubble bath, so I’d packed all of my own bottles and pots, alongside my big fluffy towel for afterwards, my hair dryer, and just a small selection of clothes.

  ‘How many days are you staying for?’ he joked.

  ‘It depends whether my landlord continues to be so bloody useless,’ I told him. ‘Last winter he left me without heating for three weeks before he got the boiler fixed. At least I don’t need to worry about freezing my bollocks off this time.’ Jake stared at me, then wisely decided not risk my temper by commenting on how my terminology didn’t match my anatomy. I’m not at my most patient when my feet ache and I’m coated in that stickiness you get from being active so much on a hot day. Instead he took my bag.

  ‘I get the feeling you need a long soak, and maybe a glass of wine,’ he said, laughing until he saw my glare. ‘Okay, note to self, stereotypes about redhead temper are justified.’ I glared at him. ‘They are also not a joking matter.’ He carried my bag in silence, let me in and guided me up the stairs, saying that he would explain to Bea. I don’t think he trusted me to speak until I’d had half an hour in the tub. I was on my third helping of hot water when there was a delicate knock on the door and Jake let himself in.

  ‘Bea says she took the lock off the door so that Alice couldn’t lock herself in. I hated it the first time I was trying to use the loo and Alice burst in on me, but now I’m starting to see her point,’ he said.

  ‘I think you’re looking at my points,’ I said, sliding my chest back underneath the bubble so that Jake could meet my eyes again. He handed me a glass of wine. I took a sip, sighed in pleasure and apologised for being grumpy earlier. Picking up my towel, Jake helped me out of the bath and led me to his room. He gave me one of those back massages that soothe your weary soul as much as your tired muscles, and even though I could see how much he was enjoying running his hands over me, I still managed to fall asleep before we could do anything about it.

  In the morning I woke up to find Jake stood in front of me wearing just his pyjama bottoms, holding out a mug of coffee. I sat up and reached for it, drinking half before I managed to speak again. ‘It should have been me treating you to a cuppa in bed, and apologising again for my mood yesterday.’

  He took the mug from my hands, set it down on his bedside table and climbed back into bed next to me. ‘Don’t worry,’ he reassured me, ‘we all have bad days sometimes. Alice says she needs croissants for breakfast. Bea talked to her for ten minutes but nothing else would do so they’ve gone to the café.’ He started kissing my neck and I realised what he actually meant.

  ‘How long will they be out?’ I asked.

  ‘Not long,’ he admitted. ‘They went a few minutes ago. I wanted to wake you up earlier but you looked so peaceful. I just wanted to let you sleep as long as I could. I really appreciate how much of your holiday you’ve given up to help us.’ He gestured to his injured arm.

  ‘It was my pleasure,’ I reassured him. ‘I’ve really enjoyed spending this time with Alice.’ He raised an eyebrow at me. ‘And with you, of course,’ I said, smiling at him and admiring the scattering of golden hair that curled in the centre of his muscular chest. He resumed kissing me, and I found my body waking up.

  ‘Do you think we’ve got time? What happens if they get back before we finish?’ I asked.

  ‘If you manage to keep the volume down I think we could get away with it,’ he said.

  I painted a shocked look on my face. ‘Are you saying I’m loud in bed?’ I asked him, knowing full well that he was telling the truth. Lying back and doing his best Meg Ryan impression, Jake demonstrated what he thought I sounded like. Straddling him and reaching over into his bedside drawer for a condom, I said, ‘You set a high standard for yourself, mister. You’d better make me make those noises for real or I’m going to put in a complaint.’

  Running his hands over me again, Jake did his best to comply.

  ‘Don’t get me wrong,’ he said afterwards as we lay side by side panting, ‘I love hearing what I do to you.’

  ‘I love it too,’ I said, carefully skirting the words I found myself wanting to say to him. I wasn’t sure if he was ready yet to hear the three-word refrain that was skipping across my mind more and more often when I was with him. We heard the front door slam shut and a moment later Alice’s voice was calling us from outside the bedroom door. Jake reached for his clothes, and dropping one more kiss on my shoulder, he got dressed and got up to play super uncle again. I meant to get up and help too, but found myself closing my eyes and promising myself just five more minutes in bed.

  This time when I woke up it was to find Alice peering at me, with her face just two inches from mine. ‘Lunchtime, Aunt Evie,’ she said, looking very serious.

  I got up, brushed my teeth and pulled my hair back into a ponytail. I found a loose cotton skirt in my bag and a vest top. It promised to be another hot day.

  ‘Sorry,’ I said as I sat at the table next to Jake. ‘I don’t know why I’m so tired today.’

  ‘You’ve had a busy week looking after my munchkin,’ Bea said, sliding a plate of beans on toast in front of me. ‘I wasn’t sure what meal you’d be ready for, breakfast or lunch, so we’ve made a brunch.’ Jake was adding tomato ketchup to his bacon sandwich and Alice was tucking into a bowl of scrambled eggs.

  ‘This is just what I needed,’ I said. ‘What is the plan for the afternoon?’

  Bea explained that there was a film that Alice wanted to see at the cinema. I didn’t really fancy watching animated teddy bears for two hours, but the lure of air conditioning
was too good to miss so I offered to take her. Jake sighed, realising that his afternoon of relaxing had disappeared, but when Alice offered to share her popcorn, he grinned and I knew that he didn’t mind really. Bea looked relieved at the idea of having a couple of hours at home by herself, so after we finished eating we piled into my car and I drove us to the shopping centre where the cinema was located on the top floor.

  We were sat in the dark of the cinema, and just as the trailers started to play, I felt my stomach begin to cramp. The mystery of why I’d been so tired and grumpy the day before was solved. I should have known what was coming. I reached for my handbag, and realised that I’d left my usual supplies at home. Telling Jake I’d be back in a minute, I dashed to the loos, but predictably their sanitary towel machine was broken.

  I didn’t want to risk sitting in a pale skirt for two hours with no protection, so I grabbed my purse and left the cinema. I flew down the escalator, dashed down the mall and found a pharmacy. Running around as quickly as possible, I couldn’t spot what I needed anywhere. Normally every other aisle seems to be labelled with the polite and somewhat mild description of feminine hygiene products. In the end I grabbed the first shop assistant I could see, who happened of course to be about sixteen and male, and asked him where the tampons were. He pointed directly behind me, so I thanked him, blushed, and grabbed a packet of pads.

  The queue at the till was barely moving. I got stuck behind a little old lady who insisted on paying with exactly the right coins, and a middle-aged man who wanted to be sure that the shampoo he was buying was the one his wife would find acceptable. I don’t know how the cashier kept her temper, I was rapidly losing mine. I tried to pay as quickly as I could, refusing the offer of a bag, turning down the new store card that was proffered, and running back to the cinema.

  I tried to find which pocket I’d put my ticket stub in for safekeeping, but thankfully the young lady who was checking the tickets took pity on me. Perhaps they didn’t often get redheads running around like nutters and she remembered me from my speedy exit. Regardless, she let me back in, and I stopped at the loo, opened my purchase and got myself cleaned up.

  As I sat back down next to Jake and Alice, Jake whispered in my ear to ask what was wrong. Alice told him to stop talking, and I was glad of the chance to rest without being able to talk so that I could get my breath back.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Jake was so sweet. When I finally had chance to explain about why I’d run out on him, he turned a little pale. I think he was worried about how much detail I was going to go into. He settled me on the sofa with a book and a cup of tea, as if he was worried that I was going to break. I wanted to point out that I’d been coping with periods on my own for the last fifteen years, but it was very comforting to be fussed over.

  Charmaine had nipped round whilst we were out and we came back to find that she was giving Bea a quick tutorial in the kitchen. The smells were amazing and I hoped that they were also making a veggie version of whatever they were cooking up. Charmaine took one look at me lying down feeling sorry for myself and shook her head. ‘Time of the month?’ she asked. I nodded. ‘Poor Jake,’ she said. ‘He has no idea what a world of trouble he’s in for this week.’

  I picked up a cushion and was about to throw it at her when I realised that this would prove her correct. Instead I plumped it up and set it back behind me. She laughed and disappeared back out of the room again.

  Jake popped his head around the door to ask if I wanted him to bring my dinner in on a tray but I reassured him that I was able to get up and eat. It was worth it too. The chefs had whipped up a salad with lightly spiced lentils and homemade bread. Even Alice ate hers without a single complaint. I could see how chuffed Bea looked at this.

  I was busy complimenting them when Bea smiled and told us that we hadn’t seen anything yet. She cleared the table and got a bowl out from the fridge. ‘I hear that Charmaine’s chocolate mousse is to die for. I’m not sure if my attempt will be quite up to standard, but let’s try it and see.’ She passed around bowls filled with the sweet dessert and the room was plunged into silence as we ate. I might have moaned out loud. I don’t remember doing so but Jake was looking at me with lusty eyes. Poor guy, he’d have a few days wait before I’d be helping him out with that. No one had spoken yet when the quiet was broken by the sound of the phone ringing. Bea got up to answer it.

  There wasn’t any screaming or shouting, so we had no clues as to why she came back, opened a bottle of wine, poured and drank a whole glass before she sat back down again. Alice must have sensed something was up, because she climbed down from her chair and went to sit on her mum’s knee. Bea snuggled her and kissed her hair. ‘That was Daddy on the phone,’ she said. Jake got up and grabbed himself a glass of wine. Charmaine and I sat there and didn’t say a word. ‘He was saying that he really misses you. Would you like him to come and pick you up and take you out somewhere nice tomorrow?’

  Alice nodded and I saw Bea’s eyes fill with tears. ‘I thought you would. He’ll come after breakfast and pick you up.’ Alice got up and started dancing round the house cheering with excitement. Jake offered to go and look after her but Bea stopped him. ‘She’s going to be away from me all day tomorrow. I need to be with her now,’ she said.

  Charmaine and Jake cleared up while Bea put Alice in the bath. I offered to help but Jake was still feeling chivalrous and wouldn’t let me. Charmaine left after the washing up was done, but even as Jake and I curled up on the sofa to watch some mindless TV, Bea still hadn’t come downstairs. Jake checked on her when we went to bed and found that she’d gone to sleep cuddling Alice. We didn’t wake her.

  ‘It must be hell on her,’ I said as we climbed into bed. ‘She’s the one who had to start over, make a home for her and Alice. Now he just rings up and gets to take Alice out and do the fun bits.’

  ‘I know,’ Jake said. Normally in bed he would wrap his arms around me and hold me close, but I could see how angry he was at his ex-brother-in-law. He was lying there stiffly. ‘We actually used to be pretty close, Ted and me,’ he said finally. I wasn’t surprised by this, Bea had mentioned it once before, but Jake had never brought it up so I tried to give him the space to tell me himself. I could see how fond Jake was of his sister and it was clear that his niece meant the world to him. He continued, ‘I was so angry when Ted left her. They had been together since they were sixteen. None of us saw it coming. Honestly, I don’t know how Bea didn’t throttle him.’

  I drew Jake against me, and held him until I felt his body begin to relax. ‘Bea is so lucky to have you,’ I told him.

  ‘And I’m lucky to have you,’ he said, burying his face in my hair. ‘I had pretty much stopped believing in love until I met you.’ We fell asleep like that, and waking up felt even more intimate, to not be making love with our bodies, but to be to edging ever closer to saying the words to each other.

  The following morning, Bea got Alice dressed and made her breakfast. Jake and I tried to stay out of the way until after Ted had been and gone. Afterwards Jake held Bea in his arms while she cried, then I made her tea and we took it in turns trying to offer her activities for the day but nothing we could think up was enough to distract her. ‘I just need to get used to this,’ she told us. ‘Ted is her dad and it is good for her to have a relationship with him.’ I thought she was being far more mature than I could have managed, until she added, ‘Even though I wish he’d go down with a nasty case of bright blue boils all over his arse,’ and to be fair, even then I couldn’t blame her.

  Eventually Bea dug out her old trainers and went for a jog. She said being active might distract her from being so angry. When she came back she was tired and her eyes looked like she’d been crying, so I wasn’t sure how effective her plan had been. She spent the rest of the afternoon in her room. Ted had promised to bring Alice back by four, and at ten to four Bea came back downstairs and started pacing the hall. Jake offered to fetch her a drink, but she said that she didn’t w
ant Ted to smell it on her and have any grounds to criticise. I saw Jake puff himself up, as if he were a wild animal trying to make himself bigger to scare off a predator. I was glad he was feeling protective of his sister, but I wasn’t sure what he would be able to do.

  At five to four, when Bea had almost worn a hole in the carpet, the doorbell rang and Alice was stood there, beaming, with the biggest bunch of flowers I’ve ever seen. ‘For you,’ she said proudly, handing them to her mum. Bea’s face lit up, even as she started crying.

  ‘Sorry,’ said the man who I presumed must be Ted, standing on the doorstep and waiting in vain to be invited inside. ‘She wanted to choose something nice for you. I didn’t mean to upset you. Not any more than I did already.’ He looked at his shoes. ‘I hope we were on time, we tried to be so that you weren’t worried. I wanted to send you a few photos earlier so you’d know she was okay, but I didn’t want to interrupt your day off.’ He looked so sheepish that Bea finally took pity on him and let him in. She gestured towards the kitchen and started to make the tea. Jake growled behind me.

  ‘Down, boy,’ I told him.

  ‘He’d better not try and weasel his way back in here,’ he muttered.

  ‘I think he knows he’s blown it,’ I said. ‘Just trust Bea. She might need this.’ I rested my hand on his arm as we followed them through, to try and help him to stay calm. In lieu of Jake saying anything I introduced myself. Ted shook my hand briefly, but his felt limp. It was a sure sign of how nervous he was.

  ‘You’ve got a beautiful place here,’ Ted said. I imagined all the retorts that were probably shooting through Jake’s head, including ‘no thanks to you’ and ‘I hope you don’t think you’ll be moving in here too’. I was glad for Bea’s sake that he managed to stay quiet. Bea was perfectly capable of telling Ted what a fool he’d been by herself.