Soren

by Enid Titan

  “Understand what?”

  I rise, my tall, twisted horns nearly bumping into a primitive light fixture.

  “I cum in it and it's mine.”

  “Excuse me!?”

  “I came inside you. I seeded you. I mated you. From that moment, you became mine.”

  “Don’t I get a say?”

  “No.”

  She scowls.

  “You’re an asshole, aren’t you? Some kind of alien fuck boy.”

  “Fuck boy? I do not fuck boys…”

  “That’s not what that means! Ugh! Am I your prisoner?”

  “Not exactly.”

  “Not exactly?”

  “You must not leave.”

  “What happens if I try?”

  I inch closer to her and she steps back, grabbing a vase off her counter as she retreats. That stupid vase could not hurt me and she’s not fast enough to hit me, but I allow her the weapon.

  “I will bring you back. You are mine, Nadia... to fuck. To keep. To have.”

  To love.

  But I don’t say that part yet. I cannot tell her how I feel, what it means that I could protect her from an idiot like Bradley, the way I couldn’t protect…

  “I’m not an object.”

  “I know. But my seed is inside your sex. It bonds me to you.”

  “We don’t know each other!”

  “We will.”

  “Is that how things work on planet Mars…”

  I spit on the ground.

  “I am not a damned martian! I am from Tau!”

  She squeaks and rounds the counter, putting distance between us.

  “Geez, I didn’t know it was that serious.”

  She sets the vase down.

  “Sorry for calling you a martian, I guess, but I’m not exactly ready to bring a giant alien to the Friendsgiving dinner party.”

  Even with the translator, some of her words baffle me.

  “I want to protect you, Nadia, but I cannot help my biology. I warned you.”

  “You didn’t warn me that fucking you was some lifelong bond.”

  “I told you I was dangerous.”

  “So it’s my fault you can’t keep your enormous cock to yourself?”

  “Nadia…”

  “I’m sorry, Soren. I know I’m being a bitch. I just… This is all overwhelming.”

  “You are not a female dog. You are a female human…”

  “Ugh! I’m going to bed, okay? I’ll see you in the morning.”

  “You will go to bed alone?”

  “Yes! I don’t want you coming with me. What happened between us... it was a onetime thing.”

  “No, Nadia. It wasn’t.”

  “I can make that decision for myself, thank you very much…”

  “Nadia, wait.”

  “What?” she huffs, utterly frustrated with me.

  “Are you in love with Bradley?”

  She scoffs.

  “I haven’t been in love with Bradley for a long, long time. But that doesn’t mean I want you — I don’t want anyone. Love only seems to fuck me up, Soren. I get that you have this weird warrior protective thing with me, but I don’t want it. I don’t want anyone in my life. I want to be alone.”

  “I will allow you to sleep alone. But I will watch over you.”

  I rise and head to the door.

  “Where are you going?” she says, panicked.

  “To sleep. I prefer the dirt to this discomfort.”

  “You sleep in the dirt?” she sounds sorry for me.

  “Worry not.”

  “Soren…”

  “Hm?”

  “I’m sorry.”

  I grunt and leave my precious Nadia alone for the night.

  10

  Nadia’s Mistake

  I return to my ship. I have missed an update and I will be in trouble if I do not send in these reports. I send my required report, neglecting to tell my superior the truth about first contact. I breached every rule. I disrupted the life of a civilian and I interfered in a way that I should have never done. But Nadia. I have claimed her. She is mine. Every instinct in my body focuses on protecting her.

  I do not sleep very long and then I return to her house to find it dark. And I cannot hear her… anywhere. She has escaped. She's run. The prospect of Bradley finding her again is apparently less terrifying than the prospect of being with me… A freak. A creature. A beast. An alien. I should have predicted this. My desires clouded my instincts. I did not notice what was obvious.

  I do not know if I can guess where she has gone, but I can smell burnt rubber from her primitive vehicle and if I follow the scent, perhaps I will be able to find her. I track her vehicle easily. I only run at a consistent pace of around 35 miles an hour for two hours. I stick to the woods along the road. I catch up to her vehicle and hang back. She drives to another neighborhood, similar to her own but more densely populated. I will have to be careful as I hide here and watch.

  Who is she going to see? Who is she going to tell? This is the exact reason they forbid me from interfering. The general's worst fears play out before me and I know that I cannot do anything to stop her from telling someone about me — the alien.

  I hate that I love her. I hate that I succumbed to bonding.

  She is inside the house. I need to get closer. I take a few moments to sneak closer to the house, close enough for me to hear, and then I hear the two voices inside: Nadia's and Bradley's.

  "We are not getting back together, Bradley. I need your help. You are the only person I can trust who saw what I did. He’s an alien."

  “He?”

  “It. Whatever.”

  She has not told him the whole truth.

  "You don't trust me."

  "Fine. I don't trust you. You're a complete monster. But you're the only person on this earth who has a chance of believing what I've seen."

  "Who says I believe you? You could be crazy. The way you kicked me out like that?"

  "Don't act like that wasn't your fault," she snaps.

  "It is my job to discipline you. And look at that, you can't survive one day on your own without me. You’re weak. And you’re stupid."

  "Don't talk to me like that, Bradley. I only need your help for one night. And we are still over."

  "Whatever you say. I know you're messed up in the head so this is probably your stupid way of trying to get back together with me. I have news for you… I've moved on."

  "Moved on? Is that why you kept this place? You were cheating on me, weren’t you? I fucking knew it."

  "So? Lucy and I are together now and she gets me. When she gets back here, I will have to tell her you're my cousin or something."

  "In case you haven't noticed Bradley, we’re different races. She won’t believe that."

  I can imagine him smiling. My fists clench. He’s dangerous, Nadia knows this. How could she go to him? It’s my fault.

  "Women are very easy to fool, Nadia."

  "Maybe it was a mistake for me to come here."

  "Maybe. But I'm not letting you leave just yet."

  "You can't force me to stay here."

  "Yes, I can."

  "Bradley stop blocking the door."

  “Or what?”

  The sound of her hand slapping his face echoes. At least to my sensitive, Taurean ears.

  "Did you just smack me?"

  "You deserve it."

  Thud. Then a scream. He's hitting her again. How could she have been so foolish as to come here? Could the prospect of my presence terrify her to this horrid end?

  I have to remember that I am the first alien she has ever seen. I have to remember that she doesn't know there are millions of species, millions of races out there and that out of all the horrifying beasts who could have stumbled upon her, I am one of the least terrifying. I have to remember that in her fear, she's only doing what she knows best, relying on the only person she has relied on for a long time. Bradley. That fool. That abusive, violent fool. I am the one w
ho drove her straight into his arms. It's my fault. And I promise to protect her.

  This time, it seems like one hit was all it took Bradley to subdue her. They continue talking in hushed voices and I think my chance will soon come where I can sneak into the house and rescue her. Then another car pulls into the driveway. This must be Lucy.

  I wait for an explosion.

  A flat voice with heavy vocal fry insists, “Who the hell is this?”

  It begins. This male is not intelligent, and he makes up for it by swinging his fists. A remarkably ineffective tool for countering his lack of intellect. The brute mumbles something about Nadia being his cousin.

  "Yeah right, Bradley. I know that she's your girlfriend."

  "She's not my girlfriend. She's my cousin."

  "She's not your damn cousin. Are you his cousin?"

  I imagine Nadia shakes her head because Bradley punches a wall.

  "Dammit!"

  He stumbles through another attempts to convince Lucy that Nadia is not a threat.

  "Fine. She some dumb hooker I brought here so we can have a threesome. I thought you were into that."

  "When did I say that?"

  "All women are into it."

  "Listen, I'm sorry. Bradley is my ex. Don’t let him lie to you. I’m only here because something weird happened at my place, and — ”

  “Listen, whore. I don’t know who you are, but Bradley is my boyfriend. He's been my boyfriend for the past six months. I don't know who you are, but — ”

  “Six months?!”

  “Don’t listen to her babe. She's lying.”

  "Babe?" Lucy shrill's.

  "I'm getting out of here. This was a mistake. I’m sorry, Lucy. I’d run if I were you," Nadia says.

  "Not so fast."

  A slap. Lucy screams. Nadia grunts. Then Bradley hits the wall. She must have pushed him off of her. Nadia bursts out of the house and runs for her car. I leap out from my hiding spot and surprise her. She screams.

  "Nadia."

  "You followed me, you creep!"

  "You were in danger."

  “From you!”

  She gets in her vehicle. I can't fit in that tiny box. Plus, someone might see me. I go into hiding as her car pulls away. I can follow her safely from the side of the road. I can make sure she gets home.

  11

  My Nadia

  She gets out of her car, scowling.

  “I know you followed me here! Come out of hiding, you coward!”

  It’s dark enough and we’re alone, so I leap out of my tree as she approaches the forest. She gasps and once I’m before her, she throws her keys at me.

  “I hate you!”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “You followed me. You want to keep me as your sex slave and I won’t have it.”

  “Why did you return to Bradley?”

  “I didn’t return to him. I needed a break. I need space.”

  “He hurt you. I can smell your fear.”

  “If there’s one thing I’m afraid of, it’s you…”

  “Do not lie to me, Nadia.”

  “You might have been watching me from the woods, but you’re a stranger to me. What I feel for you… what I felt when you fucked me... it was WRONG!”

  What she felt?

  “What did you feel,” I ask.

  “It was stupid to get Bradley’s help. He’ll think I want him again. He’ll come back. But what you did... what we did… It was fucking terrifying!”

  “I did not mean to scare you, Nadia.”

  “Stop saying my name like that.”

  “As you wish.”

  “I don’t know how I’m accepting this so easily. You’re alien in every sense of the word, but my body…”

  She bites down on her lower lip and I can smell the blood rushing to the bit of her lip she chews on. I adjust my stance.

  “Come inside,” she says, “We can’t make love again, but I can’t be alone tonight knowing Bradley might come back.”

  “As you wish.”

  “You won’t try anything?”

  “No. I won’t.”

  I can control myself. I have already seeded her. She is my female. Mine. And I can restrain myself for a night. I reach for the vial in my pocket and take a hearty sniff. Inside her house, Nadia removes the fabric from her head. Blue hair spills over her shoulders.

  “Your hair is beautiful.”

  “Glad to know I’m okay by someone’s beauty standards, even if it’s an alien.”

  “Beauty is vast.”

  “That’s romantic. Do you say that to all the alien girls you mate with?”

  “You are the only one I have mated.”

  “You mean you were a virgin?”

  “No…”

  I do not understand her meaning.

  “Sex and mating differ.”

  She snorts.

  “If you say so.”

  Humans must be different. I make a mental note to include my findings in the report.

  “Are you hungry?”

  “Yes.”

  “What sort of food do aliens eat?”

  “Mealworms, earthworms, talaxchar, that sort of thing.”

  “What? Ew! What about meatloaf?”

  I wrinkle my nose.

  “I do not eat mammal meat.”

  “But mealworms are fine, I guess.”

  “Yes. They are.”

  “So, Soren, what is your planet like?”

  She digs into her food, leaning against her counter, and the smell makes me want to cover my face like a female.

  “Hot. Far hotter than this one. We live underground. The desert is for hunting and rare instances of travel.”

  “Do you plan on taking me there?”

  “We cannot return.”

  “Why not?”

  “I have disobeyed my orders.”

  And I never planned on returning. I planned to die on this mission.

  “So you’re officially exiled?”

  “Not officially.”

  “Why did you come to Earth?”

  “Terra and the lifeforms here interest the senators. I am here because this is to be my last mission. I intend to retire from the military.”

  “Retirement. That sounds nice.”

  “Yes. I intend to retire permanently. I came to this planet to die.”

  Her face loses color, and she sets down her bizarre eating implement.

  “To die?”

  “It is none of your concern.”

  “Seems cruel to mate with me for life and then drop dead.”

  “I didn’t mean to mate with you.”

  “I think you meant it.”

  She glares at me.

  “Forgive me. I must retire. Do you have… a patch of dirt?”

  “Not in the house.”

  “I suppose this soft chair will do.”

  “Sure. Sleep on the couch. I should go upstairs.”

  12

  Nightmares

  I dream of the night it happened. I dream of the bombs. I dream of the weapon fire. I dream of the trench I sat in with minimal body armor. I dream of the stench. I dream of hot blood, cracked exoskeletons, Taurean senators shouting orders.

  I dream of her, the senator's daughter with her supple thighs and her smile. I stole her from her father. She wanted me. She needed me. We promised not to mate until the end of the territorial dispute.

  “We will be together Soren,” she said to me, floor-length black hair tucked beneath her veil.

  I promised to keep Zanina safe. I dream of her, her translucent skin covering veins pumping olive blood. I dream of her wide, pale yellow eyes. I dream of the black veil covering her body, protecting her skin from the sun. I dream of her soft and gentle voice. I dream of the wonder she had when I took her to the surface for the first time. Her father kept her veritable prisoner below ground.

  When I discovered he had daughters, I wanted one. I needed a mate and stealing they expect of a young man. Ten years ago, I s
tole her. She never complained. She never yearned for return.

  "With me you will be free, my love."

  There is no room for love between a military officer and a senator's daughter. Our lifestyles are incompatible, yet the daughters of senators are often inexplicably drawn to men like me. Men dangerous for them. I successfully stole from her father's home, making my claim to her just in the eyes of Taurean law. At first she feared me, feared my animal desires, and then she realized that I was not like other males. I would control myself for her because I did not want a quiet, submissive mate. I always longed for a partner. Someone who could understand me.

  She drew her hand to my face as I left her, giving her a kiss goodbye and withdrawing from her before my desires could overtake me. I dream of that kiss. But in my dream her face morphs, and I am not staring at my lost love but Nadia. Blue-haired, olive skinned Nadia. She has no soft translucent skin, but she is still delightfully feminine.

  "No," I growl in my dream.

  Nadia is not a replacement. Nadia is not another. Because if she is just another woman, another female, then I can lose her just as easily as I lost the first. I dream and I punish myself for allowing my lost love to die.

  I returned from a day in the trenches of the Goleban Desert to my ship to find the hatch open and her blood spilled all over my console. She was cold. So cold. As cold as I am now, as dry as I am now without dirt covering my skin. I dream and then…

  My eyes snap open, and I scream, a plume of steam erupting from my nose and throat. I think I am alone, but then I hear her footsteps.

  "Soren," Nadia whispers hoarsely, "I heard you yelling upstairs. I think you are having a nightmare."

  If I could expunge this weakness from my body, I assure you I would.

  "I'm fine."

  "You don't sound fine."

  "I'm a soldier. Soldiers have bad dreams."

  This dream was worse than bad. It was apocalyptic. I cannot lose Nadia. I cannot. She differs from my lost love. I have touched Nadia. I have kissed her. I have mated her. And although I am hesitant to admit it, I love her. I still owe my lost love my life, and it is most unfortunate that I had cause to love another before I could die.

  I cannot betray my lost love by clinging to this world. I promised to give my life for hers. I promised it over her dead body. Loving Nadia can't change that. It is a simple matter of honor.