Body Wisdom & Uncompromising Portraits

by Lizbeth Dusseau

  “So, maybe I really screwed up this time.”

  “Jessie,” Beth sighed. “If there is one thing Kurt is right about, it’s the way you’re too damned predictable and much too cautious. You’re very tidy about your life, you know that? You have everything figured out, how much fun can that be? Frankly, I’m surprised he’s stayed as long as he has.”

  “Well thank you,” I said offended. “He tells me he loves me.”

  “And do you believe him?” she asked.

  “I don’t know.”

  “I think you’d better,” she said smugly.

  I wasn’t used to Beth being on such a roll of clear thinking advice. But then, I had come to see her after Kurt left me in the deli, so I suppose I had an intuition about it.

  “Maybe I should go apologize?” I pondered.

  She gave me one of her peeved light hearted grins. “He’s good for you.. You’re a good balance for each other; that is, if you’ll let him be one.”

  I wasn’t used to taking my licks from Beth, but this time, I had.

  I swallowed my pride and arrived at Kurt’s place while there was still enough of the evening to salvage something from near disaster.

  “Hi,” he said, when he opened the door of his little private cottage. He was pretty noncommittal in his expression, but at least he didn’t look angry.

  “May I come in?” I asked.

  “That depends,” he said.

  “On what?”

  “What do you want?”

  “To apologize,” I said.

  He shook his head, “That works.” He opened the door wider so that I could come in.

  We sat down at the small table by the window, not on his bed. It seemed too formal when we were used to tackling each other affectionately, and warring in the sweetest of ways. This was going to be a struggle.

  “So apologize,” he stated flatly. “I really want to hear this.”

  “You’re still angry?”

  “I’m fucking furious,” he replied. Though there didn’t seem to be one ounce of anger in him. I think he was more hurt than mad.

  “I’m scared of the bike,” I said, thinking it might be better just to get to the point.

  “I know.”

  “You do?”

  “Yeah, but I didn’t think that was any big secret. The only one that hadn’t seem to figure that out was you. But you know what pisses me off? You start telling me stupid things about my business, like it’s yours to run.”

  “That’s what I’m sorry about,” I admitted.

  “That’s good.”

  “You really are angry.”

  “You know I thought you knew everything about relationships, and I knew nothing. I guess I thought you, in all your infinite wisdom could teach me something I didn’t know.”

  “I think I still can.”

  “As long as you take the brakes off, babe, because I’m not in the mood to pussy foot around with you. You either like who I am and what I do, or you don’t. Great sex isn’t the whole story.”

  “Then why don’t we go on your trip next weekend?”

  “This weekend, leave Friday?” He looked at little stunned.

  I shook my head yes.

  “You don’t have something else planned?” he queried me suspiciously.

  “I might as well get it over with.”

  “What!” he blared. “Get it over with. Gee, I’m sorry this is such a chore.”

  “That’s not what I meant. I want to be with you. It’s just that this trip will kind of be a stretch for me.”

  He eyed me for some time, then chuckled darkly.

  “I’m really glad, Jess. I’ll see if I can scare the hell out of you.”

  “No, you won’t,” I countered.

  He laughed again. “No, I won’t,” he agreed. Something very soft returned to his face, that kind nurturing peace that so easily slipped inside me. “And you’re going to be okay, and you’re going to have fun, in spite of yourself.”

  “Okay.” I smiled, feeling that warmth he was transmitting generate the most delicious sensations in me. “So do we screw to seal this?” I suggested.

  He considered for a minute. “No,” he replied. That surprised me. He pulled me to my feet, and walked me to his door. His arms were as surrounding and tender as ever when he kissed me. The kiss was as demanding as I was used to.

  “You go home now, and get lots of sleep, and tomorrow we’ll check out a few things for the trip.”

  He was doing a very good job of leading again, almost as if the two of us were in a perpetual dance, and while we’d struggled for control, we were now changing directions and adjusting our stride. Getting back in step was a little ticklish, but we were on our way again.

  Not sleeping together was probably the best thing for me. It gave me time to settle down, perhaps Kurt needed that too. I suppose this was something that Kurt new instinctively. I really don’t know how he got his knowledge, it just seemed to be there sometimes, usually to my surprise.

  ***

  Once adjusting to the idea of the trip, I planted a little excitement alongside my fears. I actually thought there might be something magical about this journey, the way he referred to it as solace, healing, “his sanctuary.” I treated the experience as a necessary compromise that getting to know him required. If I wasn’t going to get in the way of this relationship succeeding, I needed to bend this far, or we’d go nowhere. Beth helped me see that. Kurt insisted that I do. As long as I was barreling down this bizarre path, I might as well not hesitate.

  Kurt bought me leather pants for the trip in a store in town. I’d known Griff, the proprietor, for years; but other than one leather skirt and a vest purchased several years before, I didn’t think I had much need for leather.

  Kurt suggested otherwise.

  In my mind, walking arm and arm down the street with Kurt made a definitive statement to my cloistered community that Kurt and I belonged together. I hadn’t been particularly open with this relationship, and that was probably a mistake. It was certainly time I made up for it by going public now.

  As we entered that wonderful smelling leather shop, I imagined all eyes staring at me when they probably weren’t. I could almost hear the tittering gossip about the librarian and the hippie, and the difference in our ages. I could see the ladies of Shelter Bay looking down their straight pointed noses. The defiant side of my personality really wanted to wave my relationship in their stuffy faces like a bull fighter’s red flag. In a weird sort of way, thumbing my nose at this stodgy community felt good. I’m sure Kurt wouldn’t mind.

  “Leather pants,” Kurt told Griff, as he paced slowly about the room looking at all the possibilities. “Size 10?” He looked at me.

  I shrugged hoping they’d fit; and they did much better than I thought they would. Like second skin. The glove soft leather conformed to me. When Kurt ran his hand over my bottom right there in the shop, I tried a little righteous indignation.

  “Don’t make me laugh, Jess,” he said dryly and he kissed me for good measure, in plain sight of no one, because there was just Griff, Kurt and me in the store. He fondled me at will, just waiting to see if I’d get mad and make him stop. I didn’t, on purpose. I was feeling rather smug and bold, now that I’d made my decision to take the trip.

  Kurt insisted on paying for the pants, which only made me feel “kept” by him. By that time there were several people in the store that witnessed the purchase, our cozy affections, and Kurt’s clear command over me as a lover. The seriousness of our relationship was beginning to override the apprehensions I had. Everything we did, was one step closer to ... I’m not sure what ... closer to a permanent affair?

  “Got a trip planned?” Griff asked.

  “Jess is taking riding lessons,” Kurt replied with such a twinkle in his eyes, I knew Griff was reading volumes in the words, everything Kurt wanted him to assume. “We’re going up the coast for a few days.”

  “The leather will look good on the Harle
y,” Griff said, as both men were staring at the lower half of my body.

  “She’ll wear the pants out,” Kurt decided.

  I had to quickly dash back to the dressing room to get my skirt, or Kurt would have been content to leave it there.

  Once we got back to my house, where I could model the pants properly, Kurt decided that my plain white T-shirt looked right with the soft black leather, though he insisted I go braless, so my breasts bounced and my nipples poked through like headlights.

  “Now, you look like you’re supposed to,” he told me, drawing me close to him. He took the T-shirt in his teeth, right at my belly and tugged at it. When it was loose, he planted a kiss on my belly button.

  “You like your leather woman?” I asked.

  “Yeah, I like the way you smell,” he said. He was too far gone with lust to admire me more, except that the way he screwed me was genuinely more divine than ever. The pants were making us both hot.

  “We’ll get a jacket later,” he told me when he was finished laying me out on the kitchen table. “I’ve got one in mind you’ll like, but we won’t find it anywhere around here.”

  I nodded, wondering where we’d find this leather jacket. I liked the picture so far, even though it was a far cry from what I was used to. I was even thinking that Beth was right in her evaluation of my needs. Kurt was working out perfectly.

  ***

  Going north on a Harley with Kurt was be the oddest vacation I’d ever taken. It’s true, I was doing it for Kurt, letting him test me again; but I was also doing it for myself, to thwart the complacency that had grown up around me like a choking weed. I was also doing it, because I couldn’t get enough of Kurt. Body to body, on the bike, in bed, anywhere, pressed against his flesh or even thinking about it, I was an easy harlot.

  One hundred miles north, after I was sporting my new leather jacket, we stopped in a mountain tavern, that looked more “redneck” backwoods than leather-hippie. Maybe this was the place where counter cultures clash, maybe where they come together. In any event, Kurt and I looked as appropriate for the roughhewn place as the other travelers or the locals. We sat in a booth and ordered beer. And I gazed at Kurt while he was staring me down.

  “Your crotch hot?” he asked me.

  I jolted not expecting the question, then I smiled. “Yes it is,” I admitted. Now that I was off the vibrating bike, my whole body was still moving with a slow vibrating arousal.

  “Is it really so bad?” he asked.

  “The bike?” I asked.

  “Yeah, the bike.”

  “No,” I admitted. “I never imagined I’d be with any man the way I am with you.”

  “And it turns you on, doesn’t it?” he said with a very gleeful grin.

  “Yes, it turns me on,” I agreed. My crotch was throbbing. The more we talked the worse it got. Sitting in this rustic bar, a solution for my arousal was not immediately available; but I knew we had to do something soon, or I might just be orgasming as soon as I got on the bike again.

  “I think I’m going to have to get those leather pants off of you,” Kurt said, reading my mind.

  “I have no problem with that,” I replied. “But here?”

  He inspected me thoroughly. His eyes first cast their gaze on my chest, where the round nipples only tightened more because of his penetrating stare. Then, it was my lips. I could tell he was imagining them coming down on his cock, over the head, joined by my tongue, making his soft male flesh pop from its movable sheath into a full erection.

  At times like this, when Kurt fixes himself on me, I feel like every rule I’ve ever had to keep me safe from dangerous sex and dangerous men is suspended, or even broken altogether, lying at my feet, in rubble. I got so charged, my body danced inside, thinking I just might strip away my clothes, drop my pants for him in public, and let him screw me at will. “Let’s take a walk,” he said.

  My mind had little choice but to follow what my body was doing.

  Taking a path from the tavern that wound through the trees, we could see the crystal lake shimmering as the afternoon sun was slowly setting. We traversed a quarter mile of rough terrain, until we reached the boulder laden shoreline, and a dozen possible sheltered places to make love.

  Kurt halted abruptly, and when he turned around, I practically bumped into him. I remembered why we came here the moment my breasts grazed against his chest. I responded easily to his hands as they caressed me through the leather. He massaged my crotch, my ass, and my leather covered thighs. The warmth stirring in me instantly turned hot.

  When he pushed me to my knees on the sandy ground, his cock sprung from hiding, bobbing in my face, with my lips readily receiving him as he pushed past the open door. It was almost ritualistic, being taken this way, his hand on my head, his fingers running through my hair, his palm acting as a guide to keep my face engrossed in pleasuring him. He didn’t have to worry that I’d stop. I was ravenous to have him just like this. If I was sexually easy, so was he; Kurt’s climax would be quick. The more I sucked that fragrant prick, the more he moaned, the more he pressed my head harder into his groin.

  “Take off the T-shirt,” he told me, suddenly backing away.

  Pulling from the bottom, I had the shirt over my head in a second, my breasts held in my hands as I waited for him to stroke his cock to the finish, when he finally covered my tits with cum. I looked up at him smiling as he shook off the last drops and put his penis back inside his pants.

  Still looking down at me, he shook his head half in wonder, half in satisfaction. “You think I should let you cum?” he said, with a gentle smirk,

  “Oh, please?” I answered meekly. I could have demanded it and gotten what I wanted; but I rather like this well-used feeling, this easy surrender, so I let him tease me.

  “Let me see your ass,” he said.

  I stood up so I could undo the leather pants and pull them down, while Kurt inspected me with a thoughtful gaze. Being naked out of doors had never bothered me; but bending over to sway my bottom for him, so he could explore every avenue of pleasure between my parted legs, that was shocking proof that the carnal female in me had few boundaries. Only Kurt could find a way to keep me too hot to protest.

  He fondled me at will as I leaned over to grab a rock for support. And as his fingers slipped easily in and out of both holes below, I felt my arousal mount, and then dash beyond the edge in a climax that seemed much too quick for the build-up. Yet, even when it was over, Kurt kept his hands busily employed making my pleasure linger a while, until I finally pulled up.

  I suddenly realized how lewd this scene might look to someone else’s eyes. “You make me do things I shouldn’t,” I said, trying not to think too much about the performance I’d just given him.

  “No, I make you do things you should,” he said sternly, as if he was a little pissed that I was acting embarrassed. “Don’t second guess your desires.” He held me close in my half naked pants down state and continued to fondle me.

  He was right.

  “So,” he jumped in again. “How about I get naked with you and we’ll get in the water?”

  It was a great idea. I particularly liked the equal exposure. Diving in to the clear, cool pool, the water was like satin washing his cum and mine away. It would be a long time however, before the memory of this afternoon would wash away. I wondered if it would always be like this for us. If he’d continue to make me take sexual risks and if I’d continue to treat them with the same excited trepidation that I did this one. I was beginning to regret that I’d ordered my life too well. This boldness was really an aspect of Jessica that needed expression and I should be thankful I was finally finding it, before I lost the possibility altogether.

  Chapter Five

  When Kurt strolled into the library two weeks after we’d returned from our vacation, it put a smile on my face.

  He rarely came into the library and it pleased me when he did

  “Don’t you look like the prim librarian?” he said, waltzing
up to the desk with a neat swagger that immediately jerked my sexual fires awake.

  “Do I look prim?” I answered his comment. I looked down at my T-shirt dress, thinking it was rather sexy the way it clung to my body. If Kurt wanted cleavage, hard nipples and long legs, he had it all.

  “It’s the way you’re sitting,” he explained.

  “Prim, huh?”

  “Like someone has a poker up your ass,” he said.

  “Shush! There are other people in here,” I reminded him.

  “They’re not going to hear,” he assured me. “I could probably screw you right in the library, whimpers and all, and no one would notice.”

  “Sure.”

  “You want to try me? See how blind and deaf the general public is to sex?”

  “You’re serious?” I remarked. He smiled. “Are you still testing me?” I queried, looking at the little boy gleam in his great eyes. He was certainly mocking me.

  “No,” he answered. “But you’re still testing me.”

  “How do you figure that?” I asked.

  “I don’t know, except I know you keep waiting for me to lead you into something you won’t do. By now you ought to have realized that it’s not gonna happen.” He was completely confident.

  “You’re really sure of yourself,” I remarked.

  “About you and your sexual appetites, I am.”

  “And what are you not sure about?” I wondered aloud.

  “Ah Jess. I don’t look for trouble. I don’t try to figure things out in advance, the way you do. I do “knee jerk” reaction well. With you it keeps working. I’m not going to argue with success.”

  “You have a pretty cavalier attitude about us,” I said.

  “I think I’m honest. Sex is the foundation of our relationship. We both know that, but there’s more, we both know that too. I think it’s as simple as that.”

  He didn’t like to talk about deeper things, relationship or otherwise. Especially when he was prompted by me. It seemed to work best to ignite his brain with a few well placed thoughts of my own, then wait for Kurt to process the ideas himself and then spout what he thought, usually when I was least prepared to hear it. He was genuinely a man of few words, and he liked to make those count.