“I don't know. I'm not thinking clearly. So, what did he say exactly?”
"We were talking about the dance and he asked if I had a good time. And I said yes. So then I asked if he had a good time and he said yes and then—”
"Get to the real question for the love of God," I interrupt.
"Well you asked what he said ‘exactly’."
"About us dating, not every single word he said. I mean, I do want to hear that, too, just not right now."
"Okay, geez. He said, 'How long have you and Ashley been dating?'"
"And what did you say?"
"I said, 'What?' and then he said, 'I saw you guys kissing on the dance floor.'"
"And then what did you say?" I ask as my stomach starts turning over as if I’m on a roller coaster.
"Well, I wasn't sure if I should pretend we were together or if I should be honest."
"Sooooo?" I am dying to know, but I’m not sure what I want to hear.
"I said, we were dating."
"You what?" I am hanging on his every word.
"Yeah, I figured it would solve a lot of problems; it would definitely help me keep my secret a little longer and maybe Todd will get jealous. It's a win-win.”
"Yeah, except Todd thinks I'm taken now and, oh wait, WE AREN'T DATING! Now we need to keep up this charade. What about Sid? I don't think you really thought this through." I guess I’ve figured out what I wanted his answer to be.
"Oh yeah, I didn't think about Sid," Shane says under his breath.
There is silence on the phone as we both absorb this.
"Give me some credit. Do you really think I'd tell him that?"
"You were kidding? Are you serious?" I ask as I start filling with hope and rage at the same time.
"Yes, but it's so nice to know how excited you'd be to date me."
"Shane! That is so unfair, besides not only do you not like me, you don't like girls!"
"Alright, keep your voice down," Shane says, getting nervous; he is really sensitive about this, not that I can blame him with everything else that’s going on for him right now.
"So what did you really say?"
"I laughed."
"Oh gee, thanks!"
"I'm sorry." I can hear the smile in his voice. "I said we did kiss, but we aren’t dating. We're just friends."
"And what did he say?"
"He said, 'Oh cool. I get it' and then I said ‘kind of like you and Rebecca’ and he said, ‘yeah.’"
"That's it? 'Yeah.' He didn't correct you?"
"Nope."
"But doesn't he think you'll know something is up when they are always together at rehearsals?"
"I don't know; he's not very into PDA."
"Yeah, but she is." Just thinking about them together makes my stomach flip over again.
"True!"
"Was there any PDA today at rehearsal?"
"Not really, but we were rushed. They both had to get to practice and we got a late start. "
"Did anyone else see us kiss?" I start to wonder if maybe more people think Shane and I are together. Luckily, Ryan's rumor is much bigger news and he is the Taylor everyone really cares about.
"How am I supposed to know if anyone else saw us? I was in such shock, I think I blocked the whole thing out."
"Oh, thanks, it was good for me, too."
"Come on, Ash, I didn't mean it that way. You know what I'm saying." He lowers his voice, "I can't really talk right now."
"I do. I'm just giving you a hard time."
Just then I hear the phone click. “Ash, Mom says it’s time for dinner,” Ryan interrupts our conversation.
“Okay, I’ll be right there.” Shane and I both wait for the phone to click before we start talking again.
“Do you think he heard anything?”
“No. I heard him pick up. Plus, he couldn’t care less about us,” I say, laughing. “Okay, see you tomorrow. Thanks for the update, even though you gave me a heart attack. I’ll remember that one, Shaney.”
“Sorry, Ash, I couldn’t resist. See you tomorrow.”
***
The week flies by and the rumors seem to subside a little. I’ve been keeping an extra close eye on Blythe; I don’t really trust her since I overheard Brian and Ryan’s conversation. Sid and Simon are spending a ton of time together, it hasn’t even been a week since the dance and they are pretty much an official couple. I am really happy for her, but I’m starting to miss her. Sid has a boyfriend, Shane is busy with the Sour Lollipops and here I am with nothing. I can’t help feeling sorry for myself.
One huge positive to Sid’s relationship is that she is now really easy to convince to go to the field after school since it is also where the band practices and she can see Simon. The more I get to know him, the more I like him. He is a really nice guy and he’s pretty smart. We’ve been in classes together for years, but I’ve never really gotten to know him until now. He is also a great artist; he's drawn Sid some incredible pictures this week turning her name into a work of art. Even though he plays the trombone in the band, he really loves the guitar. He actually has a lot in common with Todd, not that I would ever say that to Sid, but I'm sure that’s why she likes him so much without even realizing it.
Seeing Todd in action at practice without having to make any excuses is incredible. Brian and Ryan still seem a little off since, for some reason, Brian is paying more attention to Gretchen than usual. It’s almost as if he is trying to prove something to Ryan. Although they’ve been best friends since they were little, I think he has always been a little jealous of Ryan and especially Ryan and Gretchen’s relationship.
At the moment, the players are on a water break, which means the cheerleaders are like magnets, the players are drawn to them. I find myself looking forward to water breaks; it’s fun to watch the drama and it brings the players much closer to the fence which helps the view.
The band is also on a break so Sid is down talking to Simon. The Sour Lollipops aren’t back from rehearsal yet so I’m alone on the bleachers, but what else is new? As I watch the latest break, I think Ryan is talking to Gretchen, but when he turns around, I see the number ten on his jersey and realize it is actually Brian. He starts massaging her shoulders and I immediately look for Ryan only to find that he is talking to Blythe who is standing on the other side of the fence. This is odd. It is obvious Brian is watching their every move and, the closer Ryan gets to Blythe, the closer Brian is getting to Gretchen. Brian starts to whisper in Gretch’s ear and she seems upset.
I wouldn’t put this past Blythe, but what is Ryan doing? I’m sure if something is going on, they wouldn’t be doing it so out in the open for everyone to see. Suddenly, Coach’s whistle pierces the air and he calls all the players back on the field. It’s time for drills; my favorite because it means Todd will be back soon. Every day the Sour Lollipops only practice until four o’clock and drills always happen at that same time every day.
“Hey, Ash.” I hear from my right and turn to see Blythe coming up the bleachers to sit next to me.
“Hey, Blythe.” I notice Sid from the corner of my eye; she sees me and Blythe and decides to give us some space. She knows I’ll tell her every word anyway. “How’s it going? “ I try to break the ice, but I have a feeling she already has an agenda.
“It’s good. I just wanted to talk to you for a sec.” She sits down next to me. “I know you’ve heard the rumors about Olives and I’m sure you probably think I’m horrible like everyone else.”
“I don’t think you’re horrible.” That’s not entirely true, but I feel like she needs to hear it anyway. This is a side of Blythe I haven’t really seen before. I guess she is human.
“I feel like we’ve been friends since I got here and I need someone to talk to other than Ryan. He’s a great friend, but I know it really bothers Gretchen and Brian when I talk to him." She pauses and runs her lace up boots along the metal bleachers. "I get it. I know he has a girlfriend and he doesn’t feel the same way about me.
It’s just, he’s such a good listener.” She looks at me and our eyes connect for the first time. She seems genuine, but I am cautious.
“Yeah, he is a good listener, but what about Brian?” I’m not going to sugarcoat this, besides, I really want to know.
She thinks about it before she answers, “I like Brian a lot, but he seems to be more interested in being with me than in getting to know me, if you know what I mean.”
There’s a sentence I’ve never said. I don’t really know what she means from firsthand experience, but I figure this isn’t the time to bring that up. “That makes sense." I finally respond.
“Ryan just gets me. We've had a connection from the first day we met." She looks back over at me. "I'm sorry, I know he's your brother; this must be weird."
"It's ok." It is weird, but I also want to hear every word she has to say. All of a sudden I hear this annoying banging noise and I realize that my foot is nervously tapping against the metal bleachers. I quickly place my hand on my knee to stop it and smile at Blythe.
She hesitates and then continues, "It would make things so much easier if I liked Brian, but I’m not sure. One second, I really like him and the next second, I feel like he has no idea who I really am." She takes a deep breath and slowly exhales. "I like being with him—he’s funny and he's really talented—but then when I hang out with Ryan, it makes me see the connection Brian and I are missing. Ryan likes me for me. He's genuine, honest and so easy to talk to." She looks at me and reads my facial expression perfectly. "I'm sorry this is weird?"
It is totally strange; no girl has ever really talked to me about my brother. I mean Gretch and I certainly aren't chatting about their relationship. Sure, my friends tell me how cute he is, but that’s always been the extent of it. I think about Todd and this solidifies that I can never talk to Sid about him; it's beyond strange to hear someone crushing on your brother. "No, really, It's okay." I lie as I make eye contact with her again. "Did you talk to Ryan? What did he say?"
"Basically he said he likes being friends, but he has a girlfriend." I hear the disappointment in her voice, but she’s hiding it pretty well. "For some reason, he feels committed to her, though I’m not sure I see why." she finishes under her breath, but loud enough for me to hear.
"So why do you keep coming to practice if you know it bothers Brian when you talk to Ryan?" I figured I'll leave Gretch out of this one; why pour salt on the wound?
"Brian keeps asking me to come." She is watching the players out on the field. "And today I sort of broke down to Ryan, so that's why he came up; he wanted to see if I was okay." She stops and takes a deep breath. "It's just, I feel like everyone at this school hates me. I could see how angry Brian was getting when I was talking to Ryan." The more emotional she gets, the thicker her southern accent comes through.
"Does he know you have feelings for Ryan?"
"Well, I did kiss him at Olives, that seemed to hint at it," she says sarcastically.
"Well, I think a lot of people think that was an ‘I got caught up in the moment’ type of thing. I don't think people think you are as horrible as you think they do except maybe Gretchen." I look over at Gretch, they are deep in practice, but anyone could feel her glare from across the field. She is not happy Blythe is here; never mind talking to her boyfriend's sister. "Have you talked to Brian about it?"
"That's what I mean, he's not really interested in ever just talking. Don't get me wrong, I've tried, but I also don't think he wants to hear what I have to say."
"Yeah, that makes sense, I guess. I've known Brian for a long time and he's never really had a serious girlfriend. I mean, a ton of girls have wanted to be his girlfriend, but he's never seemed interested in them for more than a week or two. We always call it Brian's ‘Flavor of the Week.’"
Blythe giggles. “Really? How long has he been like that?" I realize this is the first time I've seen her smile.
"Forever. Seriously, since seventh grade, maybe. I think he likes that you are a challenge, but he can't handle that you don't like him as much as he likes you because that's never happened to him before." I know I should seriously stop talking, but I can't. I also know I’m not supposed to know as much as I do so I am trying to avoid regurgitating what I’ve overheard, but it is getting all jumbled in my head. I glance down at Sid who is still hanging out by the fence and Shane is next to her, I didn't even see him get here. Blythe and I must have really been engrossed in conversation for a while. I instinctually look out at the field and find Todd who is looking out of this world, as always.
"They're all really close, huh?" she questions, noticing the direction of my gaze.
I look back at her, startled, but hoping it reads as confusion.
"Todd, Ryan and Brian," she answers the question she thinks my expression is asking. "Todd's been acting differently toward me since homecoming. I figured it's because he's so close with Ryan and Brian." She seems too caught up in her own emotions to realize there is something behind my gaze at Todd.
"Yeah, they've all been best friends since they were really little, but I'm sure Todd wouldn't hold what happened against you." I try to make light of the situation.
"Thanks for listening, Ash." She starts gathering up her book bag.
Wait, are we finished? I wrack my brain to figure out if there is anything else I want to ask her because I know I will think of something as soon as she leaves. "No problem, any time. Good luck with Brian." I can't think of one single thing to ask her and, before I know it, she is gone while Sid and Shane can't get up the bleachers fast enough.
"What. Was. That." Shane asks, gesturing in the direction Blythe just went.
"Nothing."
“What do you mean nothing, Ashley? Spill it now.” Sid crosses her arms with a scowl on her face.
“She's just upset about Brian.” I give them details, but not everything. Something about the conversation makes me want to keep it private. After hearing her side of the story, I really like Blythe again. I understand how hard it is to like someone who doesn’t exactly like you back. I don’t, however, have the problem of one of the most popular boys in school liking me so I guess I can only relate to half of her problem.
***
The big game is exactly one week away and I’m getting nervous because Brian and Ryan still seem out of sync. It is only getting worse.
Of course, I start my day by running into Gretchen in the bathroom. This isn’t the first time it’s happened, but usually a quick smile is the extent of our conversation. She is always surrounded by her girls, yet this time, she is alone, rare and she actually speaks to me, even more rare.
“Hey Ash!”
I am in such shock that it takes me a second to respond. “Hi, Gretch. How’s it going?” I decide to play dumb. After all, this could merely be a courtesy hi since we are the only humans currently in the bathroom.
“It’s okay.” She flashes her usual I’m-always-in-cheerleader-mode smile.
“Good.” I’m not about to ask any other questions if she doesn’t want to talk. This is completely awkward, just wash your hands and leave, I keep thinking to myself. I pull out a paper towel and I am inches from being out the door.
“Actually, things aren’t good,” she interrupts my deep concentration on hygiene.
I look over at her and, for the first time, she isn’t wearing her plastered smile, instead she looks vulnerable, sad, real. I instantly feel bad for her. I’ve never really understood why Ryan likes Gretchen, but maybe it’s because I’ve never seen the real Gretchen.
“What’s going on?” I question, not sure what part of ”things aren’t good” she is talking about.
“I’m not sure if Ryan’s said anything to you about everything, but I saw you talking to Blythe yesterday.” She nervously shifts her weight from side to side.
I nod, unsure of what to say.
“I’m sorry. Never mind.” She shakes her head, it seems like she is second-guessing this conversation.
“It’s okay, Gr
etch, I know there is something going on. I’ve seen Brian and Ryan at practice.” I figure that is safe and, if anyone else in the world—other than my parents and Todd—understands Brian and Ryan’s connection on the field, it’s Gretchen.
“Yeah. I mean, I love your brother and I’m afraid things are changing. I’m not sure who to believe. Blythe just won’t leave him alone.” Gretchen suddenly remembers where we are and looks under the stalls to make sure no one else is here.
I am shocked she is talking to me about this, she must really be desperate. “I would believe Ryan. I know he really cares about you. Honestly, even Blythe said Ryan told her he isn’t interested because of you.”
“Really? That’s not what Brian told me.” She quickly covers her mouth with her hands. It’s obvious that she didn’t mean to let that slip by her shocked expression.
“What did Brian say?” I try to be casual. Brian! I knew it! I knew he was causing more problems than there needs to be.
“Nothing. Don’t worry about it." She shrugs it off. "Thanks for telling me that, it means a lot.” I can see the relief on her face; her entire demeanor has changed. This talking to girls about my brother thing is still really new and uncomfortable.
“Gretchen, my brother likes you. He wants to be with you. He’s just friends with Blythe.” I feel it needs to be said for Ryan’s sake. I don’t want her to believe whatever Brian is telling her. I also feel I should leave out the part about Blythe really liking Ryan; that’s the last thing Gretch needs to hear right now.
“Thanks, Ashley.” Gretchen wraps her arms around me.
“No problem.” I hug her back. I didn’t see that one coming, but I can't just stand there and not return the hug.
“Thanks again. Talk to you later,” she says as we both walk out of the bathroom together. Ryan is already waiting for her at her locker. He seems shocked to see us walking out of the bathroom together, smiling and talking.
“Your little sister is pretty great.” I overhear her say as she kisses him on the cheek. Ryan looks down the hall and smiles at me.
***
All is good, at least for this afternoon. Ryan and Gretchen are pretty much back to normal and I’d like to think I deserve some of the credit. Ryan and Brian even seem to be a little more in sync today, almost back to their usual inhuman-like osmosis.
Accidental Crush Page 11