by DD Sparxx
Then midway through the hour and 15-minute flight, it happened. The cockpit door opened.
In my head I was already envisioning his tall frame topped with that dirty blond hair I used to love to run my fingers through, as well as his green eyes, straight nose, full lips and that dimple in his chin that I used to love so much. Instead, I saw the dark hair and dark skin and immediately recognized Jax. He was entering the restroom when he paused and his eyes snapped up to my face. He blinked a few times as if trying to clear his vision and a look of pure shock appeared across his handsome face.
My expression must have mirrored his because I felt my eyes grow as large as saucers and felt myself biting my bottom lip in worry. I didn’t know what else to do so I offered a little wave as I smiled nervously and gulped down some much-needed air.
Then he snapped out of it and a scowl crossed his features. I could feel the anger radiating off of him, even from three rows away. He had been my friend once, but he was Ford’s friend first. I understood where his loyalties would lie.
I felt my eyes fill with tears and slowly lowered my head to hide the pain I was certain was written on my face. I had been so stupid. I grabbed a tissue from my purse and gently blotted my eyes. Why would I think either of them had or would forgive me after the cowardly way I had ended things?
When I looked back up Jax was gone. I kept my eyes averted when I heard the bathroom door open. I didn’t want to make a bigger fool of myself than I already had. Suddenly a pair of large, black men’s shoes filled my vision and stopped directly next to where I was sitting.
“Ahem,” a deep voice cleared his throat mere inches from where I sat frozen in place. When I finally found the nerve to glance up I saw Jax standing next to me.
“Hi.” My voice trembled when I uttered the small word.
“Hi yourself, stranger. Good to see you haven’t actually dropped off the face of the earth.”
“Is it?” I held his stare, no longer feeling foolish. This had been my friend too. “I know I owe you an apology for just disappearing…”
“You don’t owe me an apology, but I can think of someone else who would love to hear that apology and get an explanation too. Do you have any idea what you did to him?” He was now crouched down in front of me whispering.
“I’m so sorry…” I started again.
He held up his hand to stop me and shook his head.
“I have to get back to the cockpit. This isn’t the time or place for this type of discussion.” He pulled out a piece of paper and a pen and wrote down his cell number. “If you’d like to talk, feel free to call or text. Oh, and Ella, it really is good to see you.” He stood back up to walk away.
“Jax?” I waited for him to look at me before I continued. “It’s good to see you too.” Then I quietly added, “Is he happy?”
“If you want to know I guess you could always stick around after we land and ask him yourself. This is our last leg on this trip.” He looked torn. “I haven’t decided if I am going to tell him you were back here or not yet. Do you even want me to?”
I waged an internal war with myself. Yes. No.
“I don’t know,” was what I finally landed on.
With that, he nodded at me and walked back up the aisle and into the cockpit.
What did I want? I mean of course I wanted to see Ford. Not just see him. I wanted to talk to him, to touch him, to throw my arms around him. To tell him how sorry I was, about everything. There was so much he didn’t know though. The truth of the matter was that I was scared. Could I do this? Was it time to finally stop running from the past and embrace it? What if he didn’t forgive me? What if he decided he could never forgive me? Was it easier to act like the past didn’t exist than to reopen those old wounds?
12
Jax
If someone would have told me that today would be the day Ella came back into our lives I would’ve bet everything in my retirement fund that they were wrong. When I stepped out to use the restroom and saw her pretty face sitting there I could’ve sworn it was my imagination playing tricks on me.
Her eyes widened in surprise. I was certain I hadn’t imagined it. When I blinked and she lifted a hand and waggled her fingers at me, I knew she was really there. I felt the anger flush through me. I stepped into the restroom and closed the door.
What were the odds that she would be flying on our flight? I knew I needed to feel out the situation for my friend.
When I stepped out she was looking at the floor. I decided I couldn’t go back to the cockpit and not talk to her. I walked over to her seat and cleared my throat.
“Hi,” I heard her voice tremor when she uttered the small word.
“Hi yourself, stranger. Good to see you haven’t actually dropped off the face of the earth.” My words were laced with sarcasm, but I meant them too. It was good to see her.
“Is it?” she had boldly held my stare, ever the spitfire.
Our conversation had been brief, but I made sure she knew her options before I headed back to the cockpit. I could tell she felt torn.
What was I going to do?
She looked good, still beautiful, and I noticed there was no ring on her left ring finger, maybe that was a good sign.
What would Ford do if he knew the woman he had loved for more than a decade was sitting 3 rows away from the cockpit? Should I keep it from him? On the flip side, was it my place to tell him? I had given her the option to stay and talk to him for herself. I had also given her my number in case she didn’t have the nerve to stay. At least she had a way to reach out now. How was I going to get through the remainder of this flight and act like everything was the same as it had been when I stepped out to use the restroom?
Luckily when I returned, it was almost time to prepare for our landing. We were both tied up with talking to air traffic control and going through our checklists to land and shut down for the night.
As we were deplaning for the night, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I could feel myself looking around. Was she going to be waiting for us, or more accurately for him?
“Dude, what’s up with you?” Ford interrupted my thoughts.
“What do you mean?” I made sure not to look at him. I didn’t want to let on that something had actually happened.
“You’re acting all, I don’t know, just off. You keep glancing around like you’re all nervous. Almost like you’ve seen a ghost. What was there a clinger from your past on board or something?”
“Or something,” I muttered to myself, running a hand over my face. “I’m just tired, man. Glad to be down and headed home.”
We got to the curb and were waiting for the shuttle. I pulled out my phone to make it look like I was busy checking emails while we waited. Should I have told him? What would he have done in my position? We had to prepare for landing when I got back to the cockpit, it’s not like there was any time for him to do anything with the information if I had told him. The excuses kept coming. I was protecting him from potentially getting hurt again. Besides if she wanted to see him or talk to him she would’ve waited as I suggested, right? Instead, she chose to walk away again. She did ask about him, though, so why hadn’t she waited? I felt torn about keeping my mouth shut but, for now, I knew it was the right choice.
The shuttle pulled up and we rode in silence to get our cars. Ford’s Tundra was parked closer than my car so he got out first.
“Call me and we’ll make a plan for this weekend?”
I nodded in response. “Will do. See ya, later.”
“See ya,” and with that, he was headed off.
I may have passed on this opportunity to share what had happened, but maybe another one would present itself. Was he going to be pissed that I didn’t tell him immediately? I had to follow my gut on this one, it just didn’t seem like the right time. I was doing the right thing, I reiterated to myself. I wasn’t going to worry about it anymore. This was her call to make.
13
Ella
I heard F
ord make the landing announcement, and yet again my heart skipped a beat. Even though I hadn’t heard his voice in years, I knew it was him over the intercom, not Jax.
I felt my palms get sweaty. I wiped them down the front of my capris. Could I do this? Could I wait for him? Once we were on the ground I stuffed my book back in my purse and then stood and pulled my carry-on down from the overhead bin.
As I walked up the jetway and I felt myself starting to panic. I couldn’t do it. I needed more time to face him. I patted my pocket, where I had placed Jax’s cell number.
“Please forgive me again, Jax,” I thought to myself as I walked quickly out of the airport. At least I had a direct way to find him now. I knew Jax must not have told him I was there since he didn’t come out to see for himself. That or he wanted nothing to do with me now. I remember my family telling me how desperate he was to find me in the beginning. I had my reasons for going. I didn’t want him to resent me for the rest of our lives, and I didn’t want to feel incompetent around him either.
Sadie was waiting for me at door eight on the south side when I walked out of the airport. She had on black yoga pants, a tank, and flip-flops; her blonde hair was in a messy bun on top of her head and her hazel eyes were shining with happiness.
“Hi!” she squealed as she hugged me. “Welcome back!”
I held on a few seconds longer than necessary.
“Everything ok?” She looked at me quizzically when I finally released her.
“He was the pilot; correction, they both were,” I muttered, getting into her car.
“He? As in Ford? Who’s the both, in ‘they both’?”
“Jaxson and Ashford were piloting the plane together. I’m sure I must’ve told you about Jax, he was and, I’m assuming, still is, Ford’s best friend.”
“Hmmm… pretty sure I’d remember the name Jax, but get on with it, what happened,” she climbed behind the wheel and started driving. “How’d he look? What did he say?”
“I didn’t actually see Ford, but I heard his voice. I felt like there were hundreds of butterflies slamming around inside my stomach. I did see Jax though. The years have been very kind to him. He was always good looking with dark hair, dark skin, and these really pretty gray eyes. Anyways, he stepped out to use the restroom and…” I recounted our discussion.
“So, I take it you didn’t wait?” she glanced sideways in my direction.
“No! I’m a complete chicken! I have no idea what would’ve happened. I’m so torn about it. Part of me wanted to stay more than anything, even if I just hid off to the side so I could catch a glimpse of him. But the other part of me was stronger than that and I ran, again,” I sighed. I closed my eyes and leaned back, pressing my head into the headrest, “What is wrong with me?” It was a rhetorical question, but of course, my bestie answered even knowing this.
“Hmmm, I don’t know. If I was in your place I might’ve run too. The fact is, that you were about to see the man you’ve been in love with for over a decade. A man whose heart you know you smashed into pieces. You have no clue what’s going on in his life or if he even wants or cares to see you after all this time. But on the flip side, you do have Jax’s number, which seems like a good sign. Maybe he was giving you an opportunity for the future in case you chickened out this time, like you just did. Plus, if Ford hated you, wouldn’t Jax have hinted at it? It seems like he wants you to have a way to get in touch if you ask me,” she side glanced me again raising her eyebrows.
“Maybe…” we pulled into my driveway. “Thanks again for coming to get me. I hate parking there if I don’t have to. Want to come in for a little while, maybe share a bottle of wine with me,” I tilted my head and smiled like a crazy person.
“Ok,” she laughed. She knew I wasn’t ready to be alone, that’s what best friends are for.
Once I poured the Malbec, which was our go-to wine of choice, we sat on the couch and got comfortable.
“So, tell me about Coronado? Was it as beautiful this time as you always say it is?”
“I honestly had so much time to relax, it was just what I needed. I took a few books that I had been wanting to read and I just completely unplugged. Well, except for my cell. Linda from my team called once regarding an appraisal that we had been waiting for, but otherwise, it was radio silence. I devoured a few mysteries, as well as a romance. I love how reading can take you away to a different time and place.”
“I know. You know how much I love to read too. I just finished this sci-fi mystery series. It was awesome. Let me know if you are looking for another good series when you finish up what you’ve got now.” She was helping me avoid talking about what she could so plainly see was still running through my mind.
“So, what do you think I should do?” I jumped up from the couch and started pacing back and forth in front of the coffee table. “Should I text Jax? Am I stupid for even wanting to visit the past again, Sade?”
“Did you ever get closure from the past? That’s what you need to ask yourself. What are you hoping to gain by reaching out to him? I just don’t want to see you set yourself up for heartbreak again,” she looked up at me with sadness in her eyes.
“I don’t want that either. I feel like if I see him, I’ll immediately want to throw myself into his arms.” I grabbed her glass and walked back into the kitchen. I poured more wine in both glasses and as I turned to head back to the living room I found her standing in my entryway to the kitchen.
“Everything’s going to be ok, you know?” She pulled me into another hug.
I rested my head on her shoulder.
“Hindsight is always 20/20, I only wish foresight was the same.”
We went back into the living room and chatted some more, finishing our bottle of wine. She filled me on what happened over my long weekend away and we had a good laugh about a few videos she posted on social media. She knows exactly how to distract me from my thoughts.
“Ok, well, call me about this weekend, maybe we can go out one night. Movies, dancing, whatever you want,” she started again with the distraction tactics as I walked her to the door, but I definitely loved her for it. “And, of course, don’t forget the race Saturday morning.”
“I won’t. Once I get back in the office tomorrow, I’ll have a better idea of what else is in store for me.” I hugged her goodbye once more and waved as she got into her car. Now what was I going to do with myself until bedtime?
I unpacked my carry-on and threw my dirty clothes in the hamper. The house was clean, so there was no busy work to do there. I decided to take a nice, long, hot shower and get ready for bed.
I turned on the water and stripped off my clothes. I remembered the cell number in my pocket just before throwing it into the hamper. I stared at the number for a few minutes. What to do, what to do? Should I text him, call him, throw it away…? I set it on my nightstand and walked back into my bathroom.
I loved my bathroom. It was one of the first things I updated when I purchased this house. My steam shower was large enough to fit at least eight people. It had benches on both ends, multiple showerheads and a deep, inset shelf for all of my products. I installed a double vanity with tons of cabinet space for all of my toiletries, of which I was a fanatical collector, a large soaking tub, which truth be told, hardly ever got used, and a large full-length mirror. I grabbed a fluffy towel and washcloth from my linen cabinet and set them on the rack by the shower.
As I showered memories started to swarm through my head. The first time I met Ford we were both taking psychology.
I was already in my seat when he walked in. He was tall and broad and well-muscled from what I could see. Then he lifted his face and I saw how beautiful he was. I know people don’t often use that word to describe men, but he was. His blonde hair was cropped short, his smile was contagious, and he had the most intense green eyes I’d ever seen. He made eye contact with me and then walked over and sat right next to me.
“Hi,” he smiled at me confidently. “I’m Ashford Westin
ghouse, my friends call me Ford for short.” He extended his hand.
“Nice to meet you, Ford. I’m Isabella Alfieri, but my friends call me Ella for short.” I smiled back, placing my hand inside of his large one. I swear a million volts of electricity shot through my body at the contact. I had never had a man affect me so thoroughly and quickly before. I felt my eyes widen and my breath catch in my throat.
It appeared I wasn’t the only one affected because as he pulled away I caught him momentarily glancing at his hand. Before we could say anything more the professor had walked in, introduced himself and handed out our syllabus.
Class flew by in a blur of note taking and in a flash, it was over. As I gathered up my belongings, Ford leaned over and asked me if I had plans that night. “I hope you don’t think I’m too forward, but do you have a boyfriend?”
“Not at the moment.”
“I’d like to take you to dinner. I know we only just met, but what better way is there to get to know someone?” he asked with a hopeful smile on his face.
“I can’t tonight. I have a late class. But I am free tomorrow night.” his face quickly flashed with a look of disappointment, then delight when he realized I wasn’t blowing him off.
“Tomorrow night works for me. Where should I pick you up?”
“Um, I’m staying off campus.” I juggled my books, wrote down my address and handed it to him. “Where are we heading and at what time should I be ready?”
“Let’s say 6 o’clock and it’ll be a surprise.”
“What should I wear for this surprise?” I asked, tilting my head to the side.