by DD Sparxx
I shook my head, I had thought about this so much that it was like chasing my own tail. It was time to focus on the future. As much as the memories brought questions with them, I was already looking forward to Thursday night and what it might bring. I changed my clothes, grabbed a bottled water and decided it was time to hit the gym. I spotted Trina’s number on my fridge. I would definitely not ever be using it. There was no way I was letting Ella go ever again, so I had no reason to keep it. I crumpled it up and tossed it in the trash, smiling as I did it.
I sent a text to Jax to see if he wanted to meet up, but he was out of a town on a trip, so I was rolling solo today. I hopped in my Tacoma and decided to head to Squaw Peak mountain instead of the gym. It was a beautiful day out and hiking in the fresh air would do me some good. I listened to my favorite 80’s on 8 during the drive. Once there, I parked and started up the mountain.
I didn’t have to think too hard about where to take Ella on Thursday night. I was going to take her to the same park where it had all begun. I just had to go buy another picnic basket and some other items. Time to make myself a checklist. Aside from the picnic basket, I was also going to need a blanket, candles, my speaker to play music from my phone, napkins, plates, flatware, and fancy plastic wine flutes. This time I was going to stock it with some of her favorites, at least what used to be her favorites. Barbecue chicken, sweet potato fries, strawberries with fresh whipped cream and salted caramel French macaroons. Moscato instead of the Malbec she usually preferred because it was lighter and would pair better with the strawberries and dessert. I opened the note app on my phone and spoke the list into it so I would have a hard copy for Thursday.
I slipped in my ear buds and selected my workout playlist from my phone as I ran my way up the mountain. I pushed myself hard and made it up and back down in record time. Fast enough, in fact, that I decided to go a second time. By the time I finished, I was drenched. I hit up a Circle K on the way home for another bottled water and headed home to get ready for my trip.
44
Ella
It was Wednesday night and Sadie and I were headed into kickboxing class.
“So, anything to share about your Saturday night?” We had chatted briefly Monday night, but had both been too busy the past two nights to catch up. I was curious about the guy she had found after I had left the club. The one she went home with.
“Nope. It was a one-time thing that I will more than likely never revisit.” She giggled under her breath and looked off into the distance shaking her head before looking back at me.
I didn’t know why she was being so mysterious. She was usually such an open book, but she definitely didn’t want to share this time. Before I could question her any more about it though she continued.
“And I know you had a good time considering your good time didn’t end until Monday morning.”
“I certainly did.” I smiled broadly at the memories that flew through my mind. “I can’t wait to see him tomorrow night.”
“Have you talked to him since Monday?”
“Yeah. We chatted via text a few times, but he did call to say goodnight both nights. It’s so nice to hear his voice before I go to sleep. I could really get used to it. In fact, I hope I get the chance to get used to it. I really missed him, Sade. More than I even let myself realize.”
“Well, now’s your chance to rectify that. Did you tell him about what happened yet?”
“No. I’ve been selfishly enjoying the now. I don’t want to live in the past. I know I’ll have to open up, and realistically, it should be before things go any farther, but I just want this so bad. I feel like if I can remind him of all the good, then the rest won’t matter. I want it to work. I want what I should’ve had years ago. But I know I owe it to him to be honest. I should rip off the band-aid and hope for the best. I just don’t want to be looked at as broken or damaged or worse.”
“Stop saying that. You are not broken or damaged. What happened wasn’t your fault. There’s nothing you could have done to change it or stop it from happening.”
“I know, I know. And therapy did help. A lot. But part of me still feels like I’ll never be good enough now. Like he deserves more than what I can offer him.”
“That’s for him to decide, Ella. Give him the benefit of the doubt and the option to choose for himself. That’s the least you can do. From what Jax told me, he was basically destroyed when you left and he’s never been quite the same since then.”
“What else did Jax tell you?” I cocked my head inquisitively as I slipped on my gloves and fastened the Velcro around my wrists.
“Not much,” she quickly glanced away as she pulled out her own gloves and put them on. “Just that he was glad that he had bumped into you on the airplane and that he really hoped you and Ford would be able to find your way back to each other. He did ask me if I knew why you ran, and of course, I told him it wasn’t my place to share any information I may or may not be privy to. I wanted to make sure he knew that I was and am completely loyal to my bestie.” She placed her gloved hand over her heart.
“Of course you are. It’s one of the many reasons I love you. So, how’s work been?” Just as I finished asking, Rachael our kickboxing coach entered and cranked up the music.
“Crazy! We’ll chat after. I’m gonna get some now.” She laughed as she raised her gloves and tucked her chin into a combat stance.
I turned back to my man-shaped freestanding punching bag. “You ready, Teddy?” I asked jabbing at its chin. I felt feisty tonight and Teddy was going to feel my wrath. This class always made me feel energized and invincible, especially afterwards. I had a feeling I would need that feeling to help carry me through tomorrow and what it might bring.
The hour and a half class flew by and I was exhausted and sweaty by the time it ended. One quick peek at Sadie said she had taken full advantage of the class as well.
We headed towards the exit as we unwound our gloves and toweled off.
“Got any big plans tonight?” I asked as I opened the door for her.
“Um, nothing too big. I, uh, just plan on getting a hot shower and curling up with a book when I get home.” She looked down picking some lint off of her tank top.
“Is everything ok?”
“Yeah, why?” Her head snapped up and she answered in a quick pace.
“I don’t know, you just seem a little on edge. Are you upset with me about Saturday? Cuz I promise I’ll make it up to you. You just pick the day and I’ll be there with bells on.”
“No, seriously, I’m fine. I’m not mad at you. I’m happy for you. I guess it was just a long day at work and now I am even more tired after our kick ass workout. And I do mean literal kick ass!” She laughed.
“Ok, I just… You know you can tell me anything, right? I don’t want you to think that somehow anything is changed between us.” I shrugged. I really didn’t know what her deal was. She was acting kind of standoffish and this was not how our relationship ever was. It almost seemed like she wanted to tell me something, but didn’t know how to tell me or if she should.
“Of course, I know that, girl! It’s nothing. I mean there’s nothing to tell.”
“Ok, if you’re sure. You know how to find me if you change your mind.”
“Honest, it’s all good. Hey, wanna go to Jamba and grab a post-workout smoothie? I want to hear more about your plans for tomorrow.”
“Ok.” I nodded. And we’re back, this is the Sadie I know and love. Maybe I was just reading into things. I’ve been so preoccupied with everything that’s happening with me and Ford, but I didn’t want her to think I didn’t care about whatever was going on with her.
We walked over to Jamba and placed our orders, two Peanut Butter Moo’ds. They were always so good.
“So, what’s Ford got planned for tomorrow?” Sadie asked as we sat in the booth drinking our smoothies.
“I’m not entirely sure, but he told me to dress basically the way he had told me to dress the first time we w
ent out. And he said it was a surprise. I honestly felt like I was having déjà vu.”
“Oh, that’s sort of romantic. I love surprises,” she cooed.
“I don’t care what we do as long as I get to see him again.” I frowned at myself. “That sounds pathetic, doesn’t it?”
“Why would that sound pathetic? I think it sounds sweet. Why shouldn’t you want to see him again?”
“I don’t know. I’m supposed to be this strong, independent woman. You know, ‘I don’t need a man to complete me’ and all that. And now I sound like some sort of lovesick teenager who can’t function without a man in her life.” I took a long sip of my smoothie.
Sadie slapped the table in front of me. “Hey. You know what? I don’t think you sound like a ‘lovesick teenager’ at all. I think you sound like a woman who has found someone she wants to share her life with. You can be strong and independent and not lose yourself in a man. There’s a difference between a want and a need.”
She paused to suck down her smoothie.
“You’ve already proven you don’t need him to survive. You’ve managed just fine in the time you’ve been apart. But seeing the way your face lit up Saturday when you saw him, and again when you left with him, and seeing how you light up now when you talk about him, I think it’s not indicative that you need him in your life, but that you want him in your life. There’s a difference, Ella. Embrace it!”
I pondered what she said for a minute before I looked up to see her smiling. “You’re right,” I nodded. “Thanks for setting me straight.”
“Yeah, well, someone’s got to. What’re best friends for?” She laughed.
“Thanks for being such an amazing friend and sounding board. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” I leaned forward and hugged her impulsively, a lump forming in my throat.
“Thankfully, you’ll never have to find out. Besides you’d do the same for me.”
“Damn straight I would. Like you said, that’s what friends are for.”
“So, what’re you going to wear?”
We chatted about my clothing choices for the following night and Sadie finally gave me her approval on my choice of outfits.
“Ford is one lucky SOB. He’s going to be drooling when he sees you in that.”
“Fingers crossed.” I held up my hand mimicking the words. We chatted a little more before packing it in to leave.
“Good luck tomorrow. You better call me with the deets and let me know how it goes.”
“I will,” I promised, hugging her goodbye.
“And stop worrying. You’ll know when the time is right to explain the past. It’ll all be ok. I just know it. And in the off chance that it’s not then fuck him because he’s not the man he appears to be and he doesn’t deserve you.”
I nodded in assent. I wished I felt as confident that everything would work out as she did. I mean she’s not the one who ended a life before it ever really had a chance to begin. She’s not the one who has to tell Ford that the future might not be as bright as it should have been. She’s not the one that’s damaged.
45
Ford
I just landed back in Phoenix and, even though the hour was late, I had the overwhelming urge to stop by Ella’s, even just for a good night kiss. I needed to see her physically and ensure she was still real. We had texted a few times over the last two days and even though I had heard her voice each night, I had this uncontrollable desire to make sure she was actually tangible and not another figment of my imagination.
Before when I used to travel, I would always bring her some sort of trinket from my travels. Nothing big, but something to let her know I was thinking about her. This time I had stopped at Z Cioccoloato in San Francisco and picked her up some premium fudge in a variety of flavors: peanut butter, caramel pecan cheesecake, milk chocolate sea-salt caramel, and creamy caramel Reese’s. If she was sleeping, I’d just give it to her tomorrow.
I had her address for tomorrow night saved in my phone, but even without it, I remembered intuitively where she lived. I told myself that I would drive by and if the lights were out I would keep driving, but if they were on, I’d stop.
As I drove, I thought about all of the preparations I still needed to make for tomorrow. Aside from the things I had to purchase, I needed to make a playlist for our evening together. I wanted to remind her of all of our good memories. I needed to solidify for her how perfect we were together. As I approached her neighborhood, I prayed her lights would be on. I kept telling myself if they weren’t I was not going to stop.
When I pulled up I thanked my lucky stars they were. I didn’t want to freak her out, so I sent a text from the front porch.
“Come open your front door. I missed you.”
I watched the thought bubbles pop up then disappear, seconds later her front porch light popped on. When the door opened, she looked absolutely beautiful, her hair was a wild disarray of curls and her face was free of all makeup. She stood before me barefoot in an extremely thread bare off-the-shoulder T and some yoga pants. I could see her nipples cresting through her top, and immediately my mouth began to water and my cock began to harden as a multitude of filthy images flew through my head.
I had to remind myself I was only here to give her a kiss and drop off the fudge I had brought. I forced my gaze back up to her face.
“Hi,” she smiled opening the door and pulling me into her house. “What’re you doing here?” She pulled her hair over to one side of her neck and fussing with it, trying to pull it into some semblance of order.
“I told you I missed you. I just wanted to drop a little something off and possibly get a goodnight kiss before I headed home.” I offered up, handing her the box that was in my hands.
“You got me something?” She beamed up at me as she took the box I offered.
“I did, an assortment of fudge. I thought about you the while I was gone, and wanted to bring you something small back to let you know you weren’t far from my thoughts even though we were apart.” I stopped myself before I added ‘just like always’.
“Thank you,” she stood on her tiptoes and kissed me gently on the mouth. She turned and set down the box on the table in her entryway and then turned to me more fully. Her fingers laced through my hair as she pulled me in for a kiss that was a lot less innocent. My hands instantly slid around her waist and down to cup her ass, pulling her body fully against mine. She moaned into my mouth as our tongues wrestled each other. My hand slipped under her shirt and my thumb grazed her hard nipple. We were both struggling for breath as we parted. My hands returned to her waist.
“I missed you, too,” she whispered looking up into my eyes. “Jeez, I must look a mess right now. I wasn’t expecting company.” She stepped back, but I grabbed her hands before she could put too much distance between us.
“You look beautiful, as always.” And she did. To me, she was perfection personified.
“You’re just saying that to be kind,” she bit her lip and down glanced at the floor.
“I assure you I’m not.” I tipped her chin up so she’d look me in the eyes and sang a little modified Bruno Mars to her, “Your eyes, your eyes make the stars look like they’re not shining. Your hair, your hair falls perfectly without you trying. You’re so beautiful and I’ll tell you every day.”
I grazed her bottom lip with my thumb and continued, “Oh, your lips, your lips, I could kiss them all day long if you’d let me. Your laugh, your laugh, you hate, but I think it’s so sexy. Girl, you’re amazing, just the way you are.” It might seem cheesy but I knew how to romance her. “Yeah…”
“Aw, you really know how to make a girl melt inside. I always did love when you sang to me.”
“Those aren’t just pretty words to make you feel better,” I winked. “I mean every single one of them.” And I did. I wouldn’t change anything about her, not before and not now. “We still all good for tomorrow?”
“We are. I even have my outfit all picked out. Any hints about whe
re we’re heading?” She had the most hopeful look on her face I felt like I had to give her something.
“It’s someplace I know you’ll love, but that’s all I’m going to say at this point. A pair of shorts and a nice top. And stop giving me those puppy dog eyes,” I laughed, turning my head and shielding myself from her pouty look. “You’ll find out in less than 24 hours.”
“Ok,” she laughed.
“Alright, I better go or else this night will get a lot longer and I promised myself I was only stopping for a goodnight kiss. Besides I have to get everything set for tomorrow.”
“I can’t wait. Maybe we can finish tomorrow what we started tonight?” She wiggled her brows at me and she had the devil in her eyes. I swear I could see every impure thought she was having pass through them, and they mirrored my own. God, give me strength to turn and leave I prayed silently.
“Maybe…” I teased. Without a doubt, we’d be finishing tomorrow what we started tonight. I turned back to the door and opened it with one hand while still holding onto hers with the other.
She tugged me back in and leaned up on her toes again. She gave me a sweet kiss on the lips, “Night, Ford.”
“Night, Ella,” I breathed as I pulled back and headed to my truck. She waved from the door as I put my truck in reverse and backed away. I started thinking about tomorrow’s playlist again. I had a fairly good idea about which songs to add to it and that Bruno Mars song was going to be one of them. I wanted them all to serve a purpose and add meaning to our date. I wanted to make sure she knew I wasn’t planning on letting her go again.
46
Ella
Ford stopping by was completely unexpected, but I was so glad that he had. Well, except for the fact that I was super horny now. I watched him pull away before I closed my door. I turned out the light and locked up. I took the fudge into the kitchen and opened the small box. I allowed myself a small bite of one that tasted like peanut butter and caramel. It was so good. I closed up the box and wandered in to brush my teeth before heading to bed.