Coming Home

by Stacy Hawkins Adams

  “So you used me.”

  Dayna couldn’t see straight. Yet this blinding anger helped her understand how Audrey could have been upset enough to hurl her shoe. What struck her to her core too was how Audrey’s boyfriend had handled the situation. Unlike Brent, he had chosen his wife over the girlfriend. Audrey’s experience was just another reminder of the rejection she had endured. Why hadn’t she been worth fighting for, like this man’s wife?

  She stood and left the room before her own tears escaped.

  “Where are you going?” Audrey called after her.

  Dayna kept walking and answered without turning to face her. “To bed. It’s after three a.m., and I’ve heard all I can take. Good night, Audrey. See you in the morning.”

  Dayna switched off the light in the kitchen, but left the hallway light on so Audrey could find her way to the guest room. She climbed into her bed and snuggled under the silk sheets as the reality of what she’d just been told washed over her again. Did you ever really know another person, or just the façade they presented to the world?

  Daddy’s voice boomed in her head with one of the messages he routinely delivered from the pulpit: “Know God for yourself. He’s the only friend you can ever trust to be real and true, no matter what. He’ll stick by you and love you more than your mother, your father, your brother, or your sister. God won’t cheat you, mistreat you, fool you, or misguide you. Rest in him always and you’ll be okay.”

  She thought about that tonight as she hugged her pillow and struggled to find some peace in sleep. Could it be that her dad’s sermons had given her some solid advice after all? Maybe so, because the brief request for uninterrupted rest that she’d uttered to God just minutes ago was the only thing lulling her to sleep right now.

  thirty

  Dayna awoke hours later to the smell of bacon and pancakes.

  She sat up in her queen-sized bed and surveyed her surroundings to make sure she was where she should be — in the home she owned and lived in by herself. Then she remembered. Audrey was here.

  How dare she be in the kitchen making breakfast like everything was normal and okay between them? Dayna’s stomach betrayed her, though. The smell of the food ignited her hunger.

  She strolled into her kitchen and found Audrey trying to start the coffee maker. Along with the pancakes and bacon that had tickled Dayna’s nose, she discovered a dish filled with fluffy scrambled eggs on the island countertop.

  “What are you doing?”

  Audrey peered at her with uncertainty. Dayna looked away. A meal wasn’t going to fix this.

  “Just thought I’d prepare breakfast for you, after all you did for me last night. Thank you, Dayna. I know you’re angry with me, and I don’t blame you.”

  Dayna plopped into a chair at the cherry table across the room from the stove where Audrey was preparing the food. “Angry” didn’t adequately capture what she was feeling; furious was more accurate. But she was also hurt, and she couldn’t pinpoint why. She just knew that something inside her had shifted, and it was more than a shift in how she felt about Audrey. She felt as if some of the trust she had in humanity had been lost.

  There I go being melodramatic.

  She decided not to beat herself up this morning. Her feelings were justified. She had been used and deceived.

  Audrey flipped the final pancake out of the pan and carefully placed it atop a stack of perfectly round, golden-brown other ones. She brought the plate of pancakes and the bowl of eggs to the table and set them in front of Dayna. When she retrieved the bacon from the rack where it sat draining its grease, she also grabbed two small juice glasses.

  Her final excursion led her to the fridge and to the pantry, and she trotted back to the table with cranberry-grape juice, syrup, and napkins. She sat across from Dayna and extended her hand so they could join together in blessing the food. Dayna ignored the gesture and settled farther into her seat. She stared at Audrey, silently daring her to speak.

  “Look, Dayna —”

  “Spare me, Audrey, okay? Thanks for breakfast. Let’s just eat and go on with the day.”

  They consumed the meal in silence, with Audrey focusing on her plate, then on the ruby-throated hummingbird just outside the window, hovering in the air, peering in at them.

  Dayna wondered if the bird were an eavesdropper. She wouldn’t allow herself to enjoy its presence, but Audrey seemed fascinated. When the bird flew away, she turned her attention back to Dayna.

  “I wish I could just let it be,” Audrey said. “But we’ve been friends for too long to let this come between us.”

  Dayna started to yield, but changed her mind. “You’re right — we’ve been friends too long for me to find out something like this about you, in this way. You’re not who I thought you were.”

  Audrey pursed her lips, as if to keep from saying the wrong thing.

  “What makes you think I’m not that person?” she asked. “So I made a bad choice — a really bad one. Are you going to hold that over my head forever? Are you going to tell everyone what happened yesterday?”

  “As a matter of fact, I might,” Dayna said. “Are you planning to break up with this Raymond person?”

  Fear, then defiance, flickered in Audrey’s eyes. “Well …” Audrey began.

  “Well?” Dayna said.

  “I haven’t heard from him since last night, so I might be dumped anyway.”

  “But if you hear from him, what’s your plan? Are you going to forgive him for how he treated you in front of his wife or use that as a wake-up call?”

  Tears formed in Audrey’s eyes and she shook her head. “I know what I should do, but I love him, Dayna. I didn’t know he was married when we started dating, and by the time I found out, I was in so deep that I believed him when he said it wasn’t going to last much longer. He’s part of my life now. I love him, and I’m ready to settle down and start a family. I can’t start over.”

  Dayna frowned. “Did you just hear yourself? How can you start a family with someone who already has one? I assume he does have one?” She waited with eyebrow raised.

  Audrey looked down and mumbled, “Yes, he has three kids.”

  “Do you really think he’ll cast aside his wife and children to start over again with you? And if he could so easily do that to them, what makes you think he wouldn’t someday discard you, Audrey?”

  Audrey slammed her fork onto the table. “If I wanted a lecture, I would have shared all of this with my mother and father, thank you.”

  “You might not have wanted a lecture, but you wanted me to bail you out of jail,” Dayna said.

  “So the price I’m paying is to sit here and listen to you berate me? You’ll be reimbursed before sundown.”

  “Good, but this isn’t about money. What I’m doing is telling you the truth, Audrey. That’s what a real friend does.”

  “Oh, really? Well, maybe I’d rather have Raymond instead of a real ‘friend.’”

  She stormed out of the kitchen. Seconds later, Dayna heard the bathroom door slam. She also heard sobs.

  She half rose from her seat, but then sat back down. Consoling Audrey seemed like the right thing to do, but Dayna couldn’t calm her anger. Plus, in this instance, she had to hold true to her convictions. She meant what she told her friend, and she believed it was a truth she would have declared even if she hadn’t been through this with Brent and Tamara. She couldn’t make this all better for Audrey, and if she was honest, she didn’t believe Audrey was going to be able to fix it either. Raymond had gone off with his wife and had sent police to Audrey’s door hours later instead of knocking on it himself. That didn’t bode well for their so-called relationship.

  Dayna picked over the now-cold fluffy eggs with her fork and then took a bite of pancake. It was good, but it was cold too. It could be reheated of course, but she had no appetite. Such a shame that a good meal was going to go to waste, just like so many other things.

  She walked to her kitchen sink and scraped the food
into the garbage disposal before gazing out of the window. Watching a small black bird flit from tree to tree, she had a realization: She’d spent the past few hours behaving more judgmentally and holier-than-thou than she ever imagined she could. Whenever Mama treated her, or others, that way, Dayna felt sick to her stomach, and here she was, mimicking the behavior.

  Dayna felt burdened and tried to consider what Warren, or her older friend Duchess, would advise her to do. Duchess would urge her to keep telling Audrey the truth, but to temper it with love. Warren would tell her to just love and let that be Audrey’s medicine and lesson.

  thirty-one

  It was nearly noon when Dayna’s ringing cell phone startled her awake.

  After the failed attempt to finish breakfast, she had spoken through the bathroom door to Audrey, inviting her to stay as long as she needed. Then she had retreated to her bedroom to get dressed for work, when all of a sudden, the lack of sleep and weight of the emotions coursing through her body hit her. She called Monica to tell her she’d be taking a vacation day. Sleep came as quickly as her head hit the pillow.

  Now she scrambled to reach across the night stand, to the other side of the lamp where her cell phone had slid, and pick it up before it stopped ringing. She didn’t quite make it and saw that the missed call was from Brent. What did he want this morning?

  She also saw that she had three texts from Warren, asking where she was and whether she was okay. She must have slept through the pinging when they came in, and he must have been in meetings all morning since he hadn’t followed up with a call.

  Dayna sent him a quick text and told him she had taken the day off to help Audrey. Audrey’s plea for her not to tell Warren about her arrest rang in Dayna’s ears, but no such promise had been given regarding the other circumstances, the ones which Dayna was angrier about anyway.

  She climbed out of bed and padded down the hallway in her flip-flops to see if Audrey was still around. Instead of her distraught friend, she found a note on the kitchen island, thanking her for her hospitality and promising to repay her the bail money.

  Please keep this to yourself, Dayna. You don’t owe me anything, but I beg you to be a friend and let me handle this in my own way — privately.

  And I’m really sorry that I hurt you — sorrier than you know. Thanks for your friendship. Audrey

  There. The challenge had been issued after all to keep every shred of Audrey’s drama to herself. Dayna wasn’t sure what she’d say to Warren, and she decided she’d figure that out later. Right now she needed to sort through her feelings about everything Audrey had revealed.

  Could she still be this woman’s friend? And could any man be trusted? This Raymond guy was an official in his church and had a wife and three kids at home. Brent had been a good guy too, and look at how he had behaved.

  Maybe Warren’s too good to be true.

  As soon as the thought crossed her mind, Dayna dismissed it. Warren was a good guy, pure and simple. She couldn’t let her one bad experience, or Audrey’s chosen path, distract her or make her believe otherwise.

  Dayna walked over to the sink, prepared to load the dishwasher with the breakfast dishes, but Audrey had taken care of all of that before leaving.

  She rested her palms on the edge of the sink and peered out of the window for a second time this morning, this time appreciating her lush, green backyard. The blue sky was cloudless today, yet her heart felt heavy. Why was she taking Audrey’s confession so hard? Audrey was an adult who had made a choice that other single women made every day. It was natural to be disappointed in her friend, but why did Dayna feel so disillusioned?

  She got still and quiet and lifted that question to God.

  I know this isn’t a prayer, but Warren said I could talk to you about anything. What gives here, Lord?

  She was on her way back to her bedroom when what could pass for answers dropped into her spirit. Could this be about more than Audrey? Was her friend bearing the brunt of some leftover anger she hadn’t resolved with Brent and Tamara? Those thoughts were too unsettling to grapple with right now, Dayna decided.

  She trotted to the bedroom and picked up her cell phone to listen to Brent’s message.

  “I called your office and your secretary said you were off today. I hope you didn’t get worn out from working on my foundation project last night. Just wanted to thank you again. I can’t tell you how much your help, and that of your colleagues, means. We’re doing something great together. I had a question I wanted to run by you. If you get this message before two, please give me a call, okay?”

  The message wasn’t flirty or suggestive, but something about Brent’s easy, friendly tone didn’t sit well with Dayna. It appeared he thought they were becoming friends, which would make sense, given that she was helping him shape his legacy. On the other hand, he was the ex-husband to whom she hadn’t spoken in years and who had contributed to her extended season of self-doubt, anguish, and anger. Now he wanted to chit-chat with her?

  She sat on the edge of her unmade bed and let her mind wander. What did his cute, little wife have to say about this? Dayna hesitated to call him back, because if Tamara checked his phone and saw her number again, she’d flip. Dayna also knew that Brent should be spending this time with Tamara, who seemed more overwhelmed every time she saw her.

  Dayna stared at her cell and wrestled with what to do. She poised her thumb over the call-back key, but hesitated. What was she going to say if they talked anyway — ask him all of these questions that were racing through her mind? Meet him as he asked?

  She sighed. Life was getting complicated again. Dayna wanted to rewind a few weeks back to when she was contentedly going through the motions at work, dating Warren, enjoying her friends, and living life. These days she felt like a puppet whose strings were being pulled in directions she hadn’t planned.

  thirty-two

  Dayna listened to Brent’s message three more times before deciding to text him instead of calling him back. That way, Tamara could read their exchanges, word for word. Besides, Dayna didn’t want him to get in the habit of calling her on a whim, especially during her workday. She’d have to find the right time to make that clear.

  Her text message was brief.

  Received your message. What’s the latest?

  She sighed in frustration when he responded by calling. She was tempted to send him straight to voicemail but decided at the last minute to hear him out.

  “Hi, Brent.”

  “Hi, Dayna, guess what? I called the Calero Community Foundation early this morning and spoke to one of the program officers, and she told me I was welcome to come by to get my questions answered in person,” he said. “I didn’t tell her that ‘coming by’ meant driving for nearly an hour to get here. It was worth it, though; that is an impressive organization. You mind having lunch with me so I can share what I learned?”

  Dayna hesitated. “Is Tamara with you?”

  “No — does that make a difference?”

  “Of course,” Dayna said, thinking of Audrey’s predicament. She felt confident that Brent wasn’t hitting on her, but he certainly wasn’t using good judgment. “How do you think she’d feel about us meeting without her?”

  Now it was Brent’s turn to process.

  “I see what you mean,” he said, sounding disappointed. “Can Audrey or Carmen join us too? That would make it better.”

  “I’m off work today, Brent, so that’s not an option.” There was no need to tell him just how unavailable Audrey was at the moment, or to bother Carmen when she was already doing so much. He was going to have to be patient.

  “What about Warren?”

  Now he was really pushing his luck.

  “Please, Dayna? We can meet at a public park or the mall café — wherever tons of people are around us and you’ll be comfortable.”

  Dayna closed her eyes. She’d had enough drama for one twenty-four hour period. What was going on? In exasperation, she relented. “I can meet you for one
hour, Brent, at 1:30 p.m.” She suggested a Thai restaurant in a shopping plaza not far from her home.

  She hung up and lay across the bed for a few minutes, staring at the ceiling and pondering the question that nagged at her soul. What is this all about?

  No ready answers had surfaced by the time she showered and slid into jeans and a dressy T-shirt, but she had rationalized this impromptu meeting enough to feel okay about it. Why wouldn’t Brent call her if he was in the area researching some information on the foundation? He was excited, and he needed to get everything finalized sooner rather than later. Of course he’d want to process what he learned today and get her feedback. Plus, he was probably grateful that she had been able to forgive him. She had surprised herself by how well that had gone. Then again, her reaction to Audrey’s situation was sounding the alarm that she had more work to do than she thought.

  Dayna glanced at the iPod charger on her nightstand that also doubled as an alarm clock. She had five minutes to get out of the door and still be on time.

  She reached for her cell phone to chuck it into her purse and paused when she saw she had missed a call from Warren.

  “Back-to-back meetings today about the annual report my department is finalizing,” Warren said. “Enjoy the rest of your day, babe. Get some rest. See ya soon.”

  She smiled at his obvious plans to come over later, but suddenly felt guilty. How would he feel about her having lunch with Brent? Should she tell him?

  The uncertainty drove her thoughts to all that was going on with Audrey — having an affair, then the alleged assault of her boyfriend’s wife, followed by an arrest. She and Warren had promised to always be open and honest. Today’s lunch should be no exception.