“With your ex. Who just happened to drive almost an hour to ask questions he could have received answers to by phone, and who conveniently timed his call around lunchtime, so he wouldn’t have to ‘process’ the details alone. Come on, Dayna. Tell me he didn’t try to touch you today.”
Dayna was speechless, but she had to acknowledge that what Warren was insinuating was fair. Those same questions had crossed her mind. Even though Brent was sick and dying, she recalled him grasping her hands today at the table and how he’d looked at her in the parking lot when she was leaving.
The feelings weren’t mutual, though. Her self-assured, handsome, heart-of-gold boyfriend had no reason to be jealous of another man, one she had released a long time ago.
She put her hands on top of Warren’s to reassure him, but he stopped the bike and stepped down. He headed across the gym, past rows of exercise equipment, and into the men’s locker room without looking back.
thirty-six
Chicken and vegetables were roasting in the oven and Tamara had just opened a new novel when Brent walked through the door around 6 p.m.
She was furious, but she had convinced herself not to light into him the minute he arrived. When he strolled into the family room, she kept her eyes glued to the book, pretending to be engrossed in every word. She would sit here and read the same page until eternity before she acknowledged him first.
The thought that had crossed her mind all afternoon, after she realized that he wasn’t going to call or text her, surfaced again: How could someone so sick and so concerned about forgiveness for past mistakes be such a jerk in the here and now?
Brent paused when he saw her reading. “Hey, baby.”
She didn’t reply, and he walked past her to hang his keys on their designated hook under the kitchen cabinet. Tamara heard him open the oven. “Something smells good!” he called out.
She kept her head in the book and didn’t respond.
Minutes later he was at her side. He sat next to her on the sofa and rested his chin on her shoulder.
“Whatever you’re reading must be good.”
Brent kissed her cheek, and Tamara leaned away from him.
“What’s wrong, Tami?” He sat up and looked at her, surprised.
She glared at him. “Are you serious?”
He raised his palms upward and shrugged. “What gives?”
Tamara sat back and folded her arms. She stared at him for a few minutes before speaking.
“You mean to tell me you think you can leave here early in the morning, in your condition, and never bother to let me know you arrived or how things are going once you get to your destination? Did you stop to think I might worry? Were you at all concerned about filling me in on what the foundation shared and in what direction you might take the charity that you are leaving me to run? Did you?”
By now she was so mad that hot tears spilled down her cheeks. She hated it when she cried in the midst of an angry outburst. Crying diluted the conviction behind her words.
Brent got the message, though. She saw a flicker of recognition register in his eyes. He slid closer to her and she once again moved in the opposite direction.
“Go on, Brent. Your words and hugs can’t fix it now.”
He sighed and rubbed the palm of his hand across his head. He sat back on the sofa and stared at the ceiling. “Tami, I’m sorry. You are right. I left here and didn’t call, didn’t text. I had my mind on one thing only and got caught up in what I was doing. Won’t happen again, okay?”
She ignored his conciliatory promise and looked at him. “What were you doing? Why were you so busy that you couldn’t touch base?”
He looked at her and shrugged. “I visited the foundation and talked to the vice president of supporting organizations, had lunch, and headed home.”
“That took all day?”
She knew she was coming off as paranoid or suspicious, but she didn’t care. All of these words would accurately describe her state of mind today. When Brent didn’t answer, she continued. “Were you with Dayna today? Did she ‘help’ you visit the foundation?”
Brent rolled his eyes.
“No, she didn’t. I met with the officials on my own, thank you.”
She folded her arms and pursed her lips, waiting. Didn’t he know that she knew all of his tricks? Had he forgotten that he’d perfected his “say only what’s necessary” routine while the two of them were dating? That’s why she knew she needed to keep pressing him until the full truth came out.
“Okay, so you went to visit the foundation office alone. What did they say? Were you impressed?”
Brent sat up straight and smiled. Tami saw relief wash across his face and wanted to slap him. He really thought she was stupid.
“I was impressed,” he said. “They offer a lot of support when it comes to the administrative duties that come with operating a foundation. They’ve worked before with people whose foundations were launched with proceeds from their life insurance policies. The key will be to put everything we decide to do in writing, have me sign it, and get it notarized.”
Tamara nodded but didn’t smile. Had she not been so furious, she would have celebrated the news that what Brent had in mind for his foundation was actually possible. Now that his defenses were down, though, she went after the information she dreaded.
“What did Dayna have to say about this? And where did you two go for lunch?”
Brent squirmed. “Well, she just happened to have the day off, so I was able to get her feedback,” he said. “Her thought is that since the Calero Foundation is larger, we’d have more opportunities to reach and serve a national audience of candidates than we would if we went with a smaller program.”
Tamara’s heart sank. She noticed that he didn’t answer her second question, but where they had lunch was irrelevant.
“And you just happened to make a visit by yourself to Calero when she was off work. Less than twenty-four hours after we were there for a group meeting? Got it.”
She rose to leave the room, but Brent grabbed her arm lightly and turned her toward him. “Tami, what are you trying to suggest? That I went back to Calero today to sneak in a visit with Dayna? Baby, you know my situation. I don’t want to take any more time than necessary to get everything set up. Who knows how I’ll be feeling in another week or two? I’m just trying to get the foundation off to a solid start. But yes, I called Dayna and asked her to join me for lunch so we could discuss what I learned, so I could possibly determine which way to go before the next meeting. We ate at a Thai restaurant and then I came home; that’s the truth.”
The earnestness in his eyes touched her.
“I’m sorry I didn’t call or text you. I got caught up in the excitement of seeing this dream really take off, Tami. I thought about it all the way home and was excited about sharing everything with you over dinner tonight. Really.”
He leaned in to kiss her, and Tamara’s body stiffened. But when his lips touched hers, she relented. How could she not? She loved him and she loved his kisses, and she couldn’t help but be thankful that her worry today had been for naught.
Whatever had led him to Calero and whatever happened while he was there didn’t matter right now. He had come home to her, not Dayna. That had to count for something. She’d accept it for all it was worth tonight, because the thought of him not doing this very thing someday soon tore her apart.
thirty-seven
Warren was leaning against the wall across from the ladies’ locker room when Dayna emerged.
She took a swig from her bottle of water and paused in front of him. She yearned to tell him how cute he was when he was angry but decided to hold that thought for later.
“You finished sulking?” she teased, and poked him in the ribs.
He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her toward him. “Enough, all right? I’m just not sure about Brent’s motives, that’s all. I saw the way he looked at you when he came over.”
Dayna’s pulse quickened with guilt.
It wasn’t so easy to dismiss what she was seeing or feeling herself when someone else held similar sentiments. It was easy to regard Warren’s feelings as pure jealousy, but Dayna had to admit his radar wasn’t far off target.
Warren sighed and turned her toward the door. “A man knows how guys think, okay? Let’s just leave it at that for now and get out of here. Want to eat out or order to-go? Lily is picking the boys up from a friend’s house tonight and getting their dinner.”
Tamara pulled her cell phone from her purse to check the time as they strolled into the parking lot.
“Looks like it’s almost 7:30,” she said. “I can try to whip up something for us, but it would probably be 8:30 before we sit down to eat. Let’s just grab something quick, if you don’t mind. Even though I didn’t go to the office, it’s been a long day.”
Warren hugged her and opened her car door for her after she unlocked it.
“Deal,” he said. “Got a taste for anything particular?”
“No, it doesn’t matter; anything is good except Thai or Chinese. I’ve had enough rice for today.”
Warren smirked. “I bet you have.”
Half an hour later, they were seated in her family room, on the floor in front of the sofa, eating from the coffee table and watching TV.
Since they had polished off the salad and seafood pasta Warren picked up from a local hot spot, Dayna leaned into him and encircled his waist with her arms. She laid her head on his chest and closed her eyes.
“Mmmmm,” she said. “This is the best dessert, and it’s calorie free.”
Warren pinched her side playfully. “You remember that the next time some other man calls to invite you to lunch.”
Dayna rolled her eyes. “Yes, dear. How about you fill my dance card with dates and then you don’t have to worry?”
He tickled her until she screamed for mercy.
“I’ll stop if you say yes,” he said, once he had her pinned on the floor.
Dayna tried to catch her breath in between bursts of laugher. She opened her eyes. “Yes to what?” she gasped.
“Yes that you’ll marry me.”
She stopped mid-laugh, unsure whether he was joking. “This is becoming a habit, you know? Just about every time we share a meal, you seem to sneak in a proposal. Are you seriously talking marriage during a game of tickle, just after we’ve finished takeout?”
This time he got the giggles. His laughter rang throughout the house. “There’s the Dayna I know,” he said, and grinned. “No, babe, this isn’t a formal proposal — yet. But I am asking you to consider whether you can spend the rest of your life with me and my boys. I love you, Dayna.”
Tears filled her eyes. She stroked his cheek.
It had been a long time coming, and God hadn’t delivered in the time frame or chocolate-brown package she had thought would suit her best. But she loved God, and she cared enough about Warren to make this work.
“I love you back, Warren, and yes, I can see myself in your arms like this for the rest of my life.”
Dayna took his face into her hands and kissed him deeply enough to cause him discomfort. “Careful, babe,” he said. “You’re playing with fire.”
She grinned. “Don’t worry — I’m not going to be your Delilah, sweetie. But the clock is ticking.”
She allowed a smile to bloom in her heart and decided that tonight she’d recite something more personal than the Lord’s Prayer before closing her eyes. Then she’d fall asleep thinking about her future with a man who loved her deeply, instead of focusing on regrets from the past.
thirty-eight
Dayna sat across the boardroom’s massive table from Audrey and tried to avert her gaze as Audrey assisted an accounting department colleague with a PowerPoint presentation on projected costs to finish the addition to Chesdin Medical Center’s hospice.
She had ignored Audrey’s texts and voicemails over the past ten days, but had been forced to sit in on today’s meeting with other members of the executive team, including Warren and Stephanie, a member of his marketing staff.
Even as she avoided looking at her friend, Dayna had to admit that the presentation was compelling. Audrey did her job well.
Yet the questions that had plagued Dayna for the past couple of weeks surfaced again: How could Audrey have been so selfish? So weak?
Spencer Hayes, the hospital’s chief executive officer, interrupted her reverie. “This is great, Audrey.” His blue eyes danced, and he beamed with approval. “It appears that we’re moving forward with lightning speed, in both construction and fundraising efforts.”
Robert Rogers, president of the hospice foundation’s board of directors, chimed in. “Indeed we are. Kudos to the staff and board for their hard work!”
Spencer turned to Warren and to the hospital’s development director. “Can we get word out to the public and to our donors thanking them for the help so far and asking them for one last push to reach our goal?”
Warren and Dean nodded.
“We’re on it,” Warren responded.
Audrey took her seat, and Warren gave her and her colleague a thumbs-up. She smiled, then glanced at Dayna, who looked away.
Audrey had sent her a text a few hours ago, asking if they could meet for coffee after the meeting, or maybe for lunch. Dayna hadn’t responded. She hoped the dismissiveness she displayed this morning would be answer enough.
When the meeting ended with Spencer applauding everyone for a job well done, Dayna quickly gathered her files in hopes of escaping before Audrey could approach her. Before she could tuck everything away, however, Audrey was at her side.
“How are you?”
“I’m busy, but good,” Dayna responded without looking her way.
“Got a minute to chat over a cup of coffee?”
Dayna stood and tucked her folders under her arm so she could grab her purse with the other hand. “Actually I have a pretty full day, but thanks for asking.”
“I’m sure you can spare fifteen minutes.”
The response had come from Warren, who had snuck up behind her. Dayna’s eyes widened. Since when had he felt comfortable speaking for her?
She turned and asked him that question with her eyes. He didn’t flinch.
Rather than make a scene, she decided to go along. “Okaaay … you know what? I’ve got ten minutes. Good enough?”
Audrey gave Warren a grateful glance, then smiled at Dayna. “Good enough. I’ll meet you at the coffee shop down the block, in ten minutes.”
Dayna nodded. She wondered why Audrey hadn’t chosen to meet on the first floor, in the hospital’s café, but figured whatever she wanted to say must require some privacy. Hospital staff frequented the coffee shop too, but it was more of a general public hangout than the on-site restaurant.
When Audrey was gone, Dayna glared at Warren, too afraid that if she spoke here in front of their colleagues, she might say the wrong thing and cost them both their jobs. She pushed past him with a nod.
“Call me later?” Warren asked.
She waved good-bye while walking away and closed the door to the boardroom behind her.
When the elevator opened, she was grateful to have it all to herself. A few seconds alone would help her prepare for this awkward meeting with Audrey. As far as she was concerned, nothing had changed. She was still angry. Audrey was wrong, and there was little that could change that.
When she strolled into the bustling coffee shop minutes later, Audrey sat up and waved her over. She motioned for Dayna to take the seat across from her, where a steaming cup of coffee was waiting.
“I ordered your usual, so you wouldn’t have to stand in line.”
Dayna nodded but didn’t smile. “Thanks.”
“Thank you for taking time to meet with me, Dayna.”
Dayna stared at Audrey, who looked both fearful and hopeful as she gripped her coffee cup and waited for Dayna to reply.
“Are you still seeing him?” Dayna asked.
“No,” Audre
y replied. “He dumped me the night of the incident. I haven’t heard from him since he left the restaurant with his wife. I called him repeatedly over the next few days, and by the following week, his number had changed.”
“Wow,” Dayna said. “Have you heard from his wife again?”
“No — I guess she said all she needed to say the night we met.”
“Why did you keep calling him after meeting her?”
Dayna didn’t know why she was dousing Audrey with questions. Maybe the interrogation was for herself as well, to purge herself of the questions she wished someone had asked Tamara seven years ago when Tamara was stepping out with Brent. Once again, she clearly saw herself channeling her frustrations with her experience onto Audrey, and she knew it was wrong.
“I have no excuse, Dayna. I’ve known all along that it was wrong, but I love him.” Shame and pain canvassed her face. “I’ve loved him for more than a year. It’s hard to turn off, just like that.”
Dayna sat back in her chair and took a sip of her coffee. Love was hard to turn off, wasn’t it? She supposed that after a certain point, when the heart took over, it didn’t matter to those involved how they came about falling into it.
“How did you get in so deep? Wasn’t there a point when you could have restrained yourself?”
“He confessed to me about six months in because he had to go away with his wife for a summer sabbatical, and he knew I’d be trying to contact him while he was with his family. I was crushed, and I had that six-week period while he was gone to get over him and move on.”
Audrey took a deep breath and looked Dayna in the eye. “But you know what I realized during his absence? I was lonelier than ever, dating guys who only wanted one thing. I was sick of making great money and buying everything I wanted or needed but not having anyone to share it with. And with Raymond, I could be myself. He cared about what I thought and what made me sad or afraid. He asked about my parents and my work. He spent time with me, just because. And yes, we did have a full-blown affair; but for me, it wasn’t just about that. It was having a meaningful, emotional connection with someone.
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