Coming Home

by Stacy Hawkins Adams

  Dayna wandered away to the jewelry department and left the two ladies to their adventure.

  She found a tie clip that would be perfect for Daddy’s pastoral anniversary gift and added that to her basket. By the time she strolled back to the purse section, a crowd had gathered.

  “I had the bag first, so why should I hand it over to you?”

  Dayna recognized Audrey’s high-pitched indignation before she saw her friend squared off in the middle of the crowd, exchanging words with the purse-shopping stranger.

  “Well, you can go to another store location. They have one down in the city, you know? I live near here; this is best for me.”

  “Look,” Audrey said, then lowered the register of her voice. “This is ridiculous. I found the purse, I handed it to you to try on so I could see how it looked, like you’ve been doing with me for the past twenty minutes. I did not hand over the purse for you to keep; it is mine, and I’d like to go ahead and pay for it so my friend and I can leave.”

  The woman continued to clutch the purse while her grandson clung to her leg, watching her every move.

  “My grandson and I need to go, okay?”

  Dayna envisioned fumes unfurling from Audrey’s eyes and nostrils. Girlfriend was doing a great job of containing her anger. Since they’d just left the courthouse, she decided to intervene before a return visit was warranted. She stepped through the crowd and pulled Audrey away by the hand.

  “You know what?” Audrey yelled at the woman while being led away, “keep my purse; keep it! And every time you use it, I hope you’ll feel guilty and materialistic for stooping so low in getting it!”

  Dayna led Audrey to a register where there was no line. The customers were all in the purse section now, anticipating what would happen next. But the purse-shopping stranger and her grandson went deeper into the store to shop more now that she had the black Calvin Klein purse slung over her shoulder.

  Dayna stood back as Audrey slapped the other items she had selected to purchase onto the counter to pay for them. She was muttering under her breath and rolling her eyes at no one in particular.

  When they were in the car again, Dayna turned to her friend, who was in the passenger seat pouting. “Will you calm down? It was just a purse,” Dayna told her.

  “That’s not the point,” Audrey said. “She took something that was mine. I had it first; I was only showing it to her, and she took it and kept it!”

  The depth of meaning in Audrey’s words struck Dayna to the core. She had to be real with her friend.

  “Do you understand what you just said?”

  Audrey looked confused.

  “You said she took something that wasn’t hers; she took it and kept it when she had no right to it. Wouldn’t you say that’s how Raymond’s wife feels — like you took something that wasn’t yours, because you wanted it?”

  Audrey lowered her gaze. She sat in silence, staring through the windshield, and soon, she was crying.

  Dayna patted her back to comfort her. Wasn’t it amazing how God could speak to a person in whatever way and through whomever he wanted? The woman who “took” the purse was irrelevant; God was trying to teach Audrey a lesson today, and since material things spoke to her, that’s what he used to get her to listen.

  What lessons do you have in store for me, God?

  Dayna was sure hers wouldn’t be easy to accept, either.

  fifty-five

  Dayna parked in front of Brent’s house but made no effort to get out of the car.

  “You are coming in, right?” Carmen asked.

  Dayna chuckled. “Of course. I’m just lost in thought today, that’s all.”

  This was supposed to be her final meeting with the team for a while, but it all seemed for naught, since she and Warren’s relationship had been so strained for the past two weeks. He’d text in the mornings to say hello, but didn’t call in the evenings or join her for lunch or dinner.

  Dayna’s heart ached whenever she thought about him, but she hadn’t pushed him. She pictured him and the boys having dinner with Lily or hanging out with her on the boat. She missed curling up with Warren on his sofa and scolding the boys for leaving their sports equipment on the kitchen floor. She wondered if they asked about her or missed her as much as she missed them. Part of her wanted to stop by and invite herself in, but she always talked herself out of it. Warren knew where she was if he wanted to see her.

  Dayna opened the car door and grabbed the shoulder bag that contained her notes and documents related to the creation of the foundation. She ran down a mental checklist for what felt like the hundredth time to make sure nothing critical had been missed: funds had been set aside or allocated, a board of directors had been formed, and the application for oversight by the Calero Community Foundation had been signed by Brent and submitted. The team felt pretty confident that there’d be no problem.

  Dayna rang the doorbell and waited for Tamara to answer. She and Carmen were surprised when Brent greeted them instead.

  He smiled broadly, then stepped aside so they could enter. “Hi, ladies, come on in.”

  Once inside, Dayna tried to hide her dismay over the disheveled state of the living room. She was embarrassed for Carmen to see Brent’s house like this, when Tamara usually kept it so neat.

  “How are things going, Brent?” she asked, dreading the answer.

  “Come in and have a seat,” he said. “Excuse the clutter; I’ve got to do better.”

  Dayna and Carmen glanced at each other in silent agreement and perched on the edge of the sofa.

  Brent cleared a newspaper from the chair across from them so he could sit, then began removing food cartons and juice bottles from the coffee table. He looked like a war refugee who hadn’t eaten for days; had he really consumed enough to amass this much trash? He also looked too weak to be trying to clean.

  “Brent, what’s going on?”

  He collapsed in a chair and lifted his chin. “Seems that Tamara got overwhelmed by my illness and decided to take a break.”

  “Excuse me?” Dayna leaned forward to make sure she wasn’t hearing him wrong.

  “She left me a note two days ago indicating that she was tired and that she wasn’t sure I loved her anymore. So rather than stay here and watch a man die who had his heart in another place, she has chosen to give me space to do what I need, without regrets.”

  Fear coursed through Dayna. “What does that mean, Brent? What was she trying to say?”

  Brent shrugged and wrapped himself in a blanket. Watching him made Dayna break out in a sweat.

  “She’s trying to say what she’s been saying since that first night we all had dinner — that she believes I’m still in love with you, Dayna, because I’ve spent so much time lately working with you on the foundation,” he said, and gazed out of a window. “She flipped through a notebook that I’ve been using to journal my thoughts and read my plans to ask you to serve as president of the foundation. That did it. She just got fed up with me, I guess.”

  His eyes darted from Dayna to Carmen, and he looked frail and defeated.

  “So you let her go? You didn’t go after her?” Carmen asked.

  Brent slumped further into the seat. “I didn’t because, in part, she was telling the truth.” He looked at Dayna. “The reason I tracked you down six weeks ago was because when I realized I was dying, I knew I couldn’t leave this earth without seeing you again, Dayna. I knew without a doubt that I still loved you. I never told Tamara that, but she wasn’t blind.”

  Dayna shook her head, as if that would dislodge her disbelief. Had she really been naive in thinking this had been about his need to seek forgiveness? Had it been about rekindling a lost romance all along?

  “But, Brent, she is your wife. Has been for nearly seven years. Has that all been a lie?”

  “No, of course not,” he said. “I tried to tell her that. But she said she has always lived in your shadow, with me and with my family. And now that you’re back, there’s no place
for her in my life — what’s left of my life.”

  “Do you love her, Brent?”

  He paused for so long that Dayna questioned whether he had dozed off.

  “I do, Dayna, I do,” he said. “But I don’t know that I’m willing to lose you again to have her back.”

  Dayna felt sucker punched. Had she led him to believe he actually had her back? This felt like déjà vu, except she was certain that he must have spoken those words to Tamara all those years ago about her.

  She didn’t feel flattered. If anything, she was angry. “Brent, you can’t keep doing this.”

  He frowned. “Doing what? Being honest?”

  Dayna wished her colleague wasn’t sitting here to witness such a personal exchange, but it couldn’t be helped. When someone needed a “Come to Jesus” meeting, they needed it, right then and there.

  “Do you realize what you just said to me?” she asked Brent. “You acknowledged that you are willing to lose your wife, who has cared for you throughout your illness and who loves you desperately, because you’ve had a sudden change of heart, or a desire to go back in time. We can’t go back in time. And truth be told, if we did, you’d realize that back then you were head over heels for Tamara, not me. I’m not sure what’s going on with you; I just know you don’t want to leave your marriage like this or be the kind of person who toys with other’s feelings. You’ve done that once, and it’s not becoming at all. You need to grow up, Brent. I’m not going along with your fantasy. I am in love with Warren Avery, and if he’ll have me, that’s who I intend to be with.”

  Dayna felt like storming out and driving off, leaving him to figure it out. But since Carmen had taken the time to come, she needed to honor her commitment.

  “Carmen is here today to take over the process to get your foundation up and running, and like we discussed, she’s the best woman for the job.”

  Brent stared at Dayna for a while before turning to Carmen. “Well, thank you, Carmen, for agreeing to lead the charge,” he said. “I really appreciate it.” He addressed Dayna again. “Does this mean you won’t be on the board in any capacity?”

  She shook her head.

  “Probably not, Brent. That wouldn’t be for the best. I’m moving on with my life, and you need to …”

  “I need to end mine with dignity, right?”

  “You need to find your wife and ask God to help you work things out with her.”

  Brent lowered his head for a long time. When he looked up, he seemed defeated. “Tamara’s been gone for two days. Her mother comes by to make sure I’m eating, but she doesn’t stay long or clean up or any of that. I’m alone in this now.”

  “You don’t have to be,” Carmen chimed in. “Go find Tamara. Talk to her. I don’t know her well, but when I’ve chatted with her at these board meetings, I can tell that she loves you and she wants the best for you, and with that combination, you can heal a lot.”

  Brent delivered a strained smile. “I don’t even know where she is.”

  “Did you ask your mother-in-law?” Dayna asked.

  He sheepishly looked away, and Dayna knew the answer was no.

  “She’s probably waiting to spill the beans the second you ask the question, Brent. I guarantee it,” Dayna said. “If Tamara doesn’t come home tonight, why don’t you call her or go find her?”

  Carmen nodded. “I’m all up in your business where I haven’t been invited, but I agree,” she said. “Let’s chat about what needs to happen next to get the foundation established, then you can go work things out with Tamara, okay?”

  Brent looked from Carmen to Dayna, where his gaze lingered. Dayna could tell he wasn’t ready to let go just yet. What would wake him up, before it was too late? She knew she was treading where she shouldn’t, but Brent clearly needed someone to take care of him.

  “Where’s your cell phone?”

  Brent frowned. “Excuse me?”

  “Just give me your brother Winston’s number, then,” Dayna said. “That’s why I’m asking. You don’t need to be here alone.”

  Brent shook his head. “No worries; Tamara took care of that before she took off. Winston and my mother called this morning to let me know they’ve booked a flight and will be here in the morning. Let’s just do what you two came to do, okay?”

  By eight p.m., Dayna and Carmen were on the road, en route back to Calero.

  “Can you believe that?” Dayna asked once they were zooming along on the interstate. “I can’t tell you what I would have paid just a few short years ago to hear that man come to me like he did tonight, telling me he had made a mistake in leaving me. But I realize now that God’s word is true; earth has no sorrow that heaven can’t heal. Part of me will always love him, but when I looked at him tonight, I didn’t see the Brent I adored seven years ago; I saw Tamara’s husband, a dying man in desperate need to find himself before it’s too late.”

  “Wow, Dayna,” Carmen said. “Neither of us know what he or Tamara is going through with death at their doorstep. It has to make them both do and think strange things. I’ll keep them in prayer.”

  They settled into a companionable silence, and half an hour later, Dayna dropped Carmen off at her home. Pausing in the driveway, Dayna quickly called Tamara before she lost her nerve and was relieved to get her voicemail. She spoke quickly but carefully, hoping her words could make a difference.

  Brent hadn’t promised to do what Dayna and Carmen had asked regarding Tamara, but Dayna felt like he finally had grasped that he had no chance with her. She hoped that Tamara wouldn’t let Brent die alone. If that happened, Tamara would never forgive herself.

  fifty-six

  A clap of thunder jolted Tamara out of a brief after-dinner nap.

  Neither sleep nor rest had come easily since she had left home and encouraged Brent to figure things out on his own, and the storm that was brewing fit her mood. She wasn’t ready to go back home though. She needed to take care of herself and her spirit right now, or she’d be no good to Brent at all.

  Mrs. Chestnut had been telling her that by phone for the past week, during early morning prayer calls she had initiated with Tamara after giving her the prayer book. Still, even Mrs. Chestnut had been stunned when Tamara had called her in tears, frustrated and ready to give up because of Brent’s selfish behavior.

  “Come to my home, and let me pray with you in person,” Mrs. Chestnut had urged.

  While Brent was out running errands, Tamara left a note on the kitchen table telling him she was going away and a voicemail for her mom asking her to check on him while she was away. She knew her mother would fume because she hadn’t shared her destination. She also called the bank to let them know she’d be taking some vacation time.

  Tamara had driven the half hour to her client’s palatial home and had arrived at seven in the evening, two days ago. Mrs. Chestnut had opened the door and welcomed her with a long and meaningful hug, but she had been stunned to see Tamara with an overnight bag.

  “I told you to come for prayer, child, not to leave your husband.”

  Tamara assured Mrs. Chestnut that her mother lived nearby and would make sure Brent ate sufficiently and took his medicine. Plus, she had sent an email and a text to her mother-in-law and one of Brent’s brothers encouraging them to visit while she was away, so they could have some time with him. Tamara hadn’t talked to her mom or her in-laws, but she prayed that they were on their way or already caring for Brent.

  Mrs. Chestnut had offered her either a guest bedroom or the guest house, which was detached from the main house and featured a winding path that led to a tree house.

  “I’m here all alone now, since my husband went on to glory and my children and grandchildren are too busy to stop by,” she told Tamara. “Make yourself comfortable, my special friend. You are welcome here anytime, but please know that I also want you to be there for your husband. Let’s take your concerns before the Lord and leave them there, shall we?”’

  Tamara had taken the older woman’s
hand minutes after her arrival and knelt in prayer in the living room. When they got up off their knees later, Tamara felt lighter and decided she could best help Brent right now from her current location, serving as a prayer warrior on his behalf. Going home to resume her wifely duties would signal to Brent, and to everyone around him, that whispering a few apologies or sweet nothings would make everything okay. But it wouldn’t.

  Now approaching the third day of her retreat, she desperately missed Brent and was trying not to worry about him. She wanted to call, but she had to let him be.

  God’s got this, she repeated whenever her concerns engulfed her. No one was forcing her to stay away, but maybe this was a trial run for what life would be like without him. She pondered that notion, but more importantly, she wanted to give him whatever space he needed to clear his head and get honest about his feelings.

  As uncaring as this method seemed, it had been the easiest way for Tamara to step back. If Brent didn’t want her around, or needed Dayna around more, she would deal with that; but first he had to own that truth.

  Tamara sat in the guest house this evening eating popcorn and wondering whether Dayna was at her and Brent’s house, enjoying her time with Brent as they held their routine foundation meeting. Dayna had claimed tonight would be her last meeting, but maybe that would change when she realized Tamara was gone.

  Before her imagination took her further down a path she didn’t want to travel, Tamara picked up the book Mrs. Chestnut had placed on the kitchen table for her this morning after breakfast. Its subject was how to live through grief.

  A mystery or suspense novel would have suited her better right about now, but she supposed Mrs. C. was wise — the book on grief was what she needed. The passages she read tonight affirmed the self-care journey she was on. Maybe not her method, but certainly the importance of doing so was encouraged. The author’s message left Tamara feeling validated, and she wished more of the text related to her particularly unusual circumstances. With Dayna in the picture, her situation was more complicated than the issues this book addressed.