BLOODBATH

by James St. James

  SIMON & SCHUSTER

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  Copyright © 1999 by World of Wonder Productions, Inc.

  All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form.

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  1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  St. James, James.

  Disco bloodbath / James St. James.

  p. cm.

  1. St. James, James. 2. Narcotic addicts—New York (State)—New York Biography. 3. Drug abuse and crime—New York (State)—New York Case studies. 4. Drug abuse—New York (State)—New York—Case studies. 5. Murder—New York (State)—New York Case studies. 6. New York (N.Y.)—Social conditions. I. Title.

  HV5805.S7A3 1999

  364.15′23′097471—dc21 99-21858 CIP

  ISBN 0-684-85764-2

  eISBN 978-1-416-58326-4

  To Harvey

  Author’s Foreword

  Gentle Reader,

  Galloping alongside this gripping murder mystery, this true murder mystery—is the running commentary of a babbling drug addict—me—and the outpouring of my consequential experiences with the drug Special K. It’s a ghoulish tale, told with brutal candor, and it’s not for the faint of heart or the weak of stomach.

  But if you’ve paid your money and jumped on board—and you really want to get to know these people I’ve laid in front of you, and understand the choices they made—you’ll need to know something about this drug called K.

  Otherwise you’ll be lost in sauce, as they say.

  So let’s start at the very beginning (a very good place to start …)

  KETAMINE HYDROCHLORIDE is actually:

  2—(2—Chlorophenyl 1)—(methylamino)—cyclohexanone hydrochloride

  M.W.—274.2 C13H16CINO-HCl LD50 (IPR-MUS): 400mg/kg, LD50 (IVN-MUS): 77 mg/kg

  White solid with a melting point of 266°C.

  Its water solubility is 20g/100ml.

  And it’s not flammable.

  It’s an anesthetic used primarily for veterinary purposes—although there are unconfirmed stories of its use in the fields of Vietnam, when on-the-spot amputations were required. It blocks nerve paths without depressing respiratory and circulatory functions, and therefore acts as a safe and reliable anesthetic.

  It’s a dissociative drug, and I’ll get into that later, but—PAY ATTENTION PLEASE—it selectively reduces excitation of central mammalian neurons by N-methyl aspartate.

  So basically, it fucks you up.

  It’s hard to explain, but it bends your thoughts into a non-linear, looping sort of format … it pretzels your thoughts into Möbius strips; you see everything inside and out and curling all around itself.

  It’s a powder; you put it up your nose. But first, it comes in a liquid form, in a lovely little bottle with a yellow label, and you should struggle to open it for a good sweaty hour.

  Then you cook it. In the oven.

  Now, you might be asking yourself, “How long should I cook my K?”

  Experts have been debating this matter for centuries. Some say: Air Dry. Some say: Steam Dry. The Net says: Microwave. I have one friend who insists upon an incubator— although I’m just as mystified by that one as you.

  Now, I’m not up on your laws of thermodynamics, but I think I have it figured out.

  I usually set the oven at 250°.

  Then:

  Recite the “Once more unto the breach, dear friends” scene from Henry V.

  Four minutes of bun-tightening exercises.

  Knit, knit, purl. Knit, knit, purl. (Work on that afghan for your mother.)

  Then, I have a little medley of show tunes I’ve cleverly clipped together, to while away the gestation period. I always start with “Rose’s Turn” from Gypsy. Then a little Brigadoon, a bit of South Pacific (I recommend “Some Enchanted Evening” over the rather more obvious “I’m Gonna Wash That Man Right Outa My Hair” …)

  During the Flower Drum Song interlude, I check the oven and tap one foot impatiently, keeping beat to the horn section that is building up to a pulse-pounding, mind-blowing, show-stopping, no-holds-barred rendition of “Bless Your Beautiful Hide” from Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.

  Most likely, it’s ready now.

  It’s magic time. Scrape the Pyrex, grind it into powder, then … up and away!

  Special K.

  It’s a clean smelling trip up the nose.

  You wait twenty seconds.

  Then, there is the roar of a jet engine, so you lie back and wait a while longer.

  Close your eyes and it’s a whole new world.

  There’s a lot of unfolding. Everything just slides away, like many curtains opening at once.

  And your muscles hallucinate—they feel lifted upward, quickly, so your stomach drops. Nothing can prepare you for that up, up, up feeling—when you’re on the ceiling, and the ceiling keeps getting higher.

  You are borne upon a wave, and pushed upward and forward.

  And then: eyes—open.

  But they’ve been open.

  You’re in the K-hole now.

  When you focus, you look around the room—but is it the same room?—do you know this room? It may seem ultraclear, or hot and shadowy, or ’50s kitschy … and then it changes.

  The set changes … a quick turn of the floor and …

  There’s a Moroccan influence, or a slick and modern approach, then it blends back into what it is—until it shifts again.

  K is a displacer—you are outside of your head, and everything, everything, is new. You must look at that couch for the first time—define what it is—make a connection—and that’s hard.

  For some strange reason, that couch looks like a dancing tree frog. Not literally, like an acid hallucination … but subtly, so you can see both, the couch and the tree frog existing at once.

  Now if you face the hallucination, and acknowledge it, you can change that frog into, say, a can of corn. The couch is still there, but now it looks just like a can of corn.

  It’s the damnedest thing.

  The room changes, quickly, and … where was I?

  Eyes closed, because something wondrous is happening. The universe is decoding itself to you, and even though nothing makes sense, it all comes together—and if you try to think about it, it’s gone again and you’re back on the ceiling sitting on your can of corn.

  Welcome to the land of K.

  MARCH 31, 1996

  THERE ARE TIMES, when the drugs are flowing and the emotions are running high, the lights and music can make you dizzy—and the world slips out of control.

  It’s like a car accident that happens too quickly … you can’t stop it, you can’t think about it, you just have to lean back, and watch as everything changes forever.

  You’ve lost control, you say to yourself, as the wheel of the world slips from your hands—“It’s happening too fast”—and all you can do is wait for the ride to end, the car to crash, the world to stop.

  It’s like chasing after time, chasing after the things that have already happened, because the drugs have made you too slow.

  You’re thick and awkward, but if you can just catch up, then maybe you can grab it, maybe you can grab at time and stop it—

  But no.

  It’s already happened.

  You have no choice. Play it out.

  That’s how Michael described to me the moments leading up to the murder. That’s the way he described killing Angel.

/>   I didn’t realize when I came over to his house to warm my feet that we would be having such a serious conversation. I must confess, I was rather unprepared for it.

  You see, my night had started off very typically …

  When I surfaced from my K-hole, I didn’t know where I was, exactly, but that’s not unusual. I didn’t recognize anybody, either, but that, too, is not unusual. Often on Special K, everybody looks like Mrs. Butterworth—all clear and brown and syrupy slow. It’s usually quite comical to watch them pour over each other and on to each other, then ooze across a dance floor.

  I panicked, though, this time, and bolted from whatever club I was just in—too quickly perhaps.

  I was barefoot and without a coat. I was wearing … hmmm, what was I wearing? Goodness! I guess I was wearing a peignoir— not at all suitable for a blizzard in Times Square.

  But yes, by the looks of it, I was in Times Square, nearly naked, in half-drag, and those spots in my eyes were snowflakes.

  I didn’t have any money and, for the life of me, I couldn’t remember where I lived. And the club I had just left? It had already disappeared.

  A sticky situation.

  I stumbled through the storm until I came across a police station.

  The doors were locked, so I knocked, and when an officer opened the door, I boldly announced that I was turning myself in. “I would like to be taken into custody immediately, please. I’m very cold.”

  Strangely, they wouldn’t let me in. “Please, sirs, I’m sure I’ve done all sorts of illegal things this evening. We can work out the charges later. Now about that one phone call …”

  “There’s a phone booth on the corner,” the officer growled and locked the door on me again. “Go away, you.”

  I had to beg for change, and New Yorkers proved to be a callous lot. Maybe it was that my eyes were going, lizardlike, in two directions. Maybe it was my potbelly spilling out of the filmy little negligee that I was wearing. But nobody stopped to help, which was just as well: I didn’t know my phone number, anyway.

  I sat down in a puddle to cry.

  Then I looked up and saw a beacon of hope. Miles away, but there. A point of reference—Riverbank! My old home. My fortress of solitude. Michael’s home now. I can go to Michael’s! I can go home to Riverbank!

  I hobbled through the snow, with a little string of snot swinging from my nose in the frigid night air. I had only a few rocks thrown at me on the way.

  The doormen, God Bless Them, remembered me and let me go straight up. Michael’s door was open, wide open, but nobody was home. I sat down and inspected my battered little body for frostbite and chilblains—and I don’t even know what chilblains are.

  But I was safe.

  Safe and sound on friendly ground.

  I took a quick look around, and was surprised by what I found. Since when, I wondered, did Michael Alig ever show any interest in home decorating? When did he get taste? He’d always been alarmingly unoriginal, as far as I was concerned.

  But this! It wasn’t Brooke Astor’s taste, to be sure, or even mine, but his apartment had undergone a rather radical transformation in the months since I’d last seen it. A decent Louis Quinze replica rested in the corner, a marble bust of some mad composer in the foyer, a red velvet sofa with golden claws and ram’s head arms … Not bad. Little glass drug vials filled with colored liquids dangled prettily from a new chandelier and tinkled in the night air.

  Very odd.

  He clomped into the apartment and when he saw that I was there, threw his arms around me: “Skrinkle!” he cried.

  “Oh! Hey, Skroddle …”

  “Lover-la-da, I’m so glad you’re here. We have so much to catch up on. Would you like some tea?” he asked. “Here, come get nice and comfy.”

  We went into the bedroom and climbed onto his big new bed. He put a Bergman film (Wild Strawberries? Michael was watching Wild Strawberries?) into the new VCR on top of his new television, that sat next to his brand-new computer. Something was very wrong here.

  “Michael, you can’t even read. What on earth do you need a computer for?”

  “Oh … ah … it’s a … gift for Freeze.” He waved his hand dismissively. “Scone? They’re from Balducci’s …”

  I shook my head no. Then he got out nine bags of heroin and lined them up on the tray next to the tea cozy.

  I reached for a bag and he slapped me.

  “After. I want you coherent for this. Now try the tarts.”

  We nibbled and sipped and giggled like geese.

  Then twenty minutes later …

  “James, we have to talk … Do you notice anything different? Anyone missing?”

  “Missing? From this room? I don’t get it.”

  “No, just missing in general. A drug dealer who hasn’t been seen in a while?”

  “Freeze?”

  “No, no, no. Another drug dealer. Used to stay here …”

  “Freeze stays here.”

  “The other drug dealer who stays with me. I hate it when you do Special K.”

  I shrugged thickly.

  “Angel, James. Angel. Haven’t you noticed Angel hasn’t been around?”

  Angel? Ech.

  I mean, well, sure, I guess Angel was a drug dealer … oh, but he was the worst kind of drug dealer: the kind who actually wanted money for his drugs. How rude is THAT? So, I avoided him like the plague, of course, which wasn’t easy. He strutted around the clubs like he was God’s Own Cousin, sporting a ridiculous pair of wings, yes WINGS. Dingy old white wings, that were always knocking off my wig or spilling my drink. Oh, he was such a nightmare!

  “No, Michael,” I said, “I haven’t seen Angel lately. I don’t care enough for him to keep track of where he is. In fact, you really ought to get rid of him. He makes you look bad. He’s so nasty. And those wings are so damn annoying …”

  “Oh. Well, you’ll be happy to hear that I did just that. I got rid of him, all right.” He laughed in that staccato, half snort and gulp that is uniquely his. “Yep, I got rid of him, boy, once and for all. Skrink-la-da-doo! I killed him.”

  I didn’t believe it at first. He was exaggerating, I thought. Something happened, of course, something always happens.

  Oh, Angel probably was dead, all right. No big deal. Or maybe he was in the hospital. Who cared? They had probably been partying too hard and Angel overdosed. Happens all the time. People die around us all the time. Drop like flies. Overdose. AIDS. Sometimes they kill themselves. People come. They go. Dying is the same as rehab or moving back to Missouri. It just means I won’t be seeing them again. New people were already in line to take their place.

  Hey ho. I grabbed a bag of heroin.

  “Please, James. This is serious.”

  I could tell that he really was upset.

  So he told me the whole story, from beginning to end, how he and Freeze had murdered Angel during a fight, and how they dismembered the body and threw it into the Hudson River.

  There is a fight, an argument. Each one contends, in turn, that he is owed money. Michael, of course, has been robbing Angel blind for months, stealing his drugs, dipping into his profit margin. Everybody knows it. Angel knows it, but because Michael is his idol, he has chosen not to say anything. Until now. Suddenly, he wants it back. He wants it all back. Michael is outraged. Angel owes him money, he says, Angel owes him rent.

  Such a confrontation would have been inconceivable just a few short weeks ago. Angel wouldn’t have dared.

  But times have changed.

  The fight escalates. They’re both angry, out of control. Michael is like an ape-child who doesn’t know his own strength, who frequently bites and draws blood, who doesn’t notice—doesn’t care—feels justified in fact, and is oblivious to the pain and discomfort of others. Michael, the ape-child, punches Angel, or kicks him; he’s petulant, angry, not about the money, not about the argument, but about the shift in power. Angel is fighting back and that means Angel is lost to him forever.

 
Angel has been empowered, you see. There had been another fight, an earlier fight, two days before, in which Angel finally stood up to Michael. It was a first, and a precedent was set: he can fight back, so he does. He pushes Michael up against the wall.

  Things are happening quickly now.

  At this point Michael’s roommate Freeze walks in. With Daniel. No, that’s not right. Maybe Freeze walks in alone. Maybe Freeze wakes up when Daniel arrives, or maybe Daniel wakes up when Freeze walks in. Who can tell? Michael’s story changes with each retelling. The official story, though, according to the newspapers, is that a boy named Daniel was asleep in the next room when Freeze entered the living room. So Daniel is asleep and therefore not a part of what happens next. Cot that? Here we go.

  Freeze then leaps into the fray, although this is unlike any side of Freeze that I’ve ever seen. Freeze, who is detached, emotionally unplugged and unavailable, who floats in and out of people’s lives so carefully, quietly, always, so as not to disturb the balance of things, so that he may come back again and again and nobody will mind—this very different Freeze leaps into the fray to help Michael. Apparently, just this once, he felt compelled to muster up some energy, bring himself to care. Maybe he thought of Michael as his last chance, the last person who could possibly help him, and he sought to protect him. Or maybe he had been freebasing again and that accounts for the energy and the anger it must have taken, because a freebasing Freeze is an evil mother-fucker.

  At any rate, help arrives.

  Like all faggots who fight, there is kicking and screaming and much Mary-ism involved. Nelly little girls grab the first thing they see and use it.

  Michael needs help, fast, just grab something and use it, swing, connect, hurt, like anybody would.

  Freeze took a hammer and hit three times, knocking Angel to the floor.

  There are times when the world slips out of control. It’s like an accident that is happening too quickly, and you can’t stop it, you can’t think about it, you have no choice but to lean back and watch as everything changes forever.

  All you can do is wait for the ride to end, the car to crash, the world to stop.

  You’re chasing after time, chasing after the things that have already happened, because the drugs have made you too slow. You’re thick and awkward, but if you can just catch up, you can grab it, you can stop it—