Her Convenient Christmas Date

by Barbara Wallace

  “He needed an image makeover and this seemed like the best and most subtle way to do it,” she said. “It almost worked too. Graham Montclark vouched for him to the network. They were talking about giving him a broadcast job.”

  Until this morning. Susan couldn’t imagine Lewis’s despair. To be so close to what you wanted only to have it taken away.

  Actually she could imagine. She wanted to curl up and cry her broken heart out for a week. Only thing stopping her was maintaining a front for Thomas’s inquisition.

  Thing was, she couldn’t blame her brother for being angry.

  “All right.” He sat down in a chair across from her. “I get what Lewis was trying to do. Why would you agree though? What could you possibly be getting? And don’t say publicity for the company, because we both know that couldn’t have been your main driver.”

  She shrugged. “Maybe I needed an image makeover too.”

  “What?” Thomas and Rosalind spoke together.

  “Come on, there’s no need to act all shocked,” she said. “We all know I’m the unloved elf of the Collier family.”

  “The what?” Thomas asked.

  “The one who doesn’t fit in and who everyone would rather just went away.”

  “No one wants you to go away,” Thomas said. “You’re our sister.”

  “Half sister,” she reminded him. “And please, I know I drive everyone crazy. People at the company only tolerate me because I’m your sister.”

  “I don’t believe that,” Thomas said. “Linus told me last night that you were the belle of the ball.”

  “Because I had Lewis with me. When I’m with Lewis I feel different. Likable.” Wanted.

  “Is that why you agreed to the idea?” Rosalind asked.

  She nodded. “Yes. Kind of.” Close enough anyway. “I wanted people to see me as more than I am. I thought if people think someone like Lewis could fall for me, they would see there’s something likable about me after all and I wouldn’t...”

  “Wouldn’t what?” Thomas asked. For the first time since the conversation began, his voice was gentle. The kindness threatened to dislodge her withheld tears.

  “Be the loser outsider anymore.”

  “What are you talking about? You’re not an outsider.” Thomas said. “You’re my sister.”

  “Half sister,” she corrected again.

  “Whatever,” he replied. “It’s not your fault who your mother is.”

  “A woman who took off and stuck you with me,” Susan added.

  He waved off the comment. “Linus and I always figured you dodged a bullet when that happened. You call yourself a loser outsider now. Imagine the damage if she’d stuck around and raised you. Imagine the kinds of issues you might have had to face.”

  Susan didn’t know how to respond. He was right; she would have been worse off. The three of them sat quietly for a few minutes, listening to the baby’s gentle sleeping noises.

  Eventually, Thomas leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees. “Linus told me last night he didn’t believe you. About the relationship being fake. He said you two looked pretty into each other and he thinks you only said it because you wanted to get him off your back.”

  He’d whispered something similar to her when they were on the dais. You don’t look like you’re faking to me.

  “That was wishful thinking on his part.” On her part too. “We had to put on a show in order to make people think the relationship was the real deal.”

  “By loving it up on the roof?” Susan looked up from her lap. “He told me on the phone.”

  “I’ve got to say, that doesn’t sound too fake to me,” Rosalind said.

  “It was nothing serious. We figured since we were going to spend the month together and were attracted to each other, we might as well enjoy ourselves. We weren’t some great romance,” she added, quoting Lewis.

  “And how’d that arrangement work out for you?” Thomas asked.

  Susan didn’t answer. Couldn’t answer really, without her voice cracking. She studied the wrinkles in last night’s dress.

  “I’m sorry,” her brother said.

  “Me too.” But hey, for a few glorious weeks, she’d felt special. “I’ve got no one to blame but myself. The whole point was to go against type, so I knew going in he wasn’t going to stick around. Caveat emptor or something like that.”

  A tear escaped. The first of the day. Swiping it away, she looked over at Thomas. “I never meant for Collier’s to get stuck in the middle of this. I’ll step away from the company.”

  “What? Why would you do that?” he asked. “No one is suggesting you step down from anything.”

  “But the bad publicity. You’re going to need to do something.”

  “It won’t be firing my sister. You’re a Collier. The company is as much a part of your legacy as it is mine and Linus’s. Was I the only one who listened to Grandfather when he brought us to the company museum?”

  He crossed the room to sit next to her. “Bottom line is that family is what makes Collier’s. We’ve survived four hundred years. We’ll survive a few weeks of tabloid coverage. Might even help. We’re getting a lot of free advertising.”

  Susan gave up trying to rein in the tears. Letting them escape, she hugged her brother tight. “Thank you.” It was the first time she’d ever truly felt like a Collier.

  “You’re welcome. And you’re not an unloved elf. Just an annoying one.”

  Annoying, she’d take.

  “Now,” Thomas stood up and smoothed the front of his sweater. “I’m going to call the office and see what kind of statement they’re putting out before Rosalind and I go Christmas shopping.”

  As she watched her brother head upstairs to his office, Susan felt moderately better. At least things were okay with her family.

  Family. She repeated the word to herself with a sense of shame. Lewis had tried to tell her that she mattered to her brothers, but she hadn’t believed him. Turned out Lewis was right. Someday she’d have to thank him. If she ever saw him again.

  Baby Noel was starting to fuss in his bassinet. Must be nearly feeding time.

  “I’m sorry. I disrupted your morning,” she said to Rosalind, rising to leave. “I’ll get out of your way.”

  “Hold it right there, unloved elf.” Wearing a very deliberate expression, her sister-in-law rose from her chair. “It’s high time you got a dose of the truth.”

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  “DO YOU REMEMBER last Christmas when you read me the riot act?” Rosalind asked. “You told me I was as much to blame for my problems as Thomas?”

  “Of course, I remember.”

  “You said things no one else was willing to say. Things that were uncomfortable for me to hear.”

  “Someone had to.”

  “You’re right. Someone did,” Rosalind said. “And if you hadn’t, we might never have had our little Christmas miracle here.” She paused to scoop up the baby and cradle him. “That is why I’m going to return the favor.”

  Susan’s skin was starting to twitch again. “How so?”

  “I’m going to tell you some truths,” Rosalind said. “Starting with the fact that for someone who’s so obsessed with psychology, you suck at self-awareness.”

  Susan felt as though she had been slapped. “Excuse me?”

  “You heard me,” Rosalind said. “Do you honestly believe you’re some ugly little lump that no one likes? Give me a break. If that’s the case then why were you invited to a half-dozen weddings this year?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe because I’m the boss?”

  “Correction. My husband is the boss and Thomas wasn’t invited to half as many.”

  He wasn’t? Susan always assumed he didn’t attend because he’d scaled back his business commitments since their reconciliation. “Probably b
ecause they know he’s been preoccupied, and figured they’d invite the one most likely to attend.”

  “What about Linus? Did they figure he was too busy, as well?”

  “I...” She couldn’t answer that. Everyone loved Linus. “He’s been distracted lately too.”

  “So these people knew Thomas and Linus wouldn’t attend their weddings, but figured you would and that was why you got an invitation?” Rosalind folded her arms. “Do you hear yourself?”

  “If you’re going to put it like that, of course it’s going to sound ludicrous,” Susan said.

  “How would you put it then?”

  Susan opened her mouth only to shut it again. She wasn’t sure. “Company social invitations don’t mean anything. There could be any number of reasons why I drew the short straw.”

  “And what about last night? Linus said you mingled with the best of them.”

  She’d already told them the reason. Lewis had been by her side. “Mingling is easy when you’re dating a celebrity. I’ve been a rock star all month. Everyone wanted to chat.”

  “Or maybe,” Rosalind said, “it was that for once, you were willing to chat back.”

  Susan frowned. What did that mean?

  “I’ve seen you at Collier’s functions,” her sister-in-law went on. “You tuck yourself in the corner and act all aloof. When someone comes up to talk to you, you’re fine, but otherwise you pull yourself away. You’re the one being antisocial, not them.”

  “That’s not true.”

  Rosalind arched her brow. “Really?”

  All right, maybe she did stand off to the side, but it was only as a matter of self-preservation. Pretend you’re not hurting, and you won’t.

  “You would too if your coworkers thought you were a shrew.”

  “What?”

  At the sight of her sister-in-law’s shocked expression, Susan felt a twinge of satisfaction. “Shrewsan. That’s my nickname at work.”

  “Who calls you that?”

  “Everyone.”

  “Seriously.”

  “Well, almost everyone,” Susan said, feeling defensive now. “Courtney and Ginger...” She paused. Come to think of it, they were the only two people she’d heard use the term. She only assumed the rest of the company did, as well.

  Was it possible she was allowing the nasty opinion of two trolls to color her opinion?

  No, because her problems had been going on far longer than that. School. University. She’d been separated from the world her entire life.

  She offered her final argument, daring Rosalind to come up with a counterpoint. “If I’m so damn likable, then why isn’t my phone ringing with invitations? Why am I stuck spending weekends alone?”

  “Probably because people think you’ll say no if asked.” Rosalind adjusted the baby on her shoulder. “I’ve heard you back out of plans with Linus. I’m sure you back out of others.”

  Like invitations to lunch.

  “Look, I get it,” her sister-in-law continued. “Thomas told me what your mother is like. But did you ever think that the reason people don’t socialize with you is because you don’t socialize with them?”

  “Why should I?” Susan said. “They’re only going to...”

  “What?”

  “Leave.” She didn’t need to listen to this. Not today. “I’ve got a headache,” she said, starting for the door.

  “How do you know?” Rosalind asked. “How do you know people will leave if you don’t give them a chance to stay?”

  Was that what she did? Susan sat on the edge of the sofa and thought hard about Rosalind’s words. All this time she was protecting herself, was it possible she was being her own worst enemy?

  “Lewis left,” she whispered.

  “He’s just upset.” Rosalind’s voice softened, the way Thomas’s had earlier. And like before, Susan felt the tears threatening.

  “You’re worth a lot more than a fake boyfriend or a casual hookup. You’re pretty and you’re smart, and if Lewis Matolo didn’t appreciate that for anything beyond what you could do for him, then he’s the one missing out.”

  Susan would listen to a lot of things, but disparaging remarks about Lewis weren’t on the list. “Lewis is amazing. He’s the most amazing man I’ve ever met. I don’t think he even knows how amazing he is. I’m just not in his league.”

  Rosalind sat next to her. “Yes, you are. You’re a Collier. You have four hundred years of legacy behind you. You can be in any league you want.”

  She didn’t know what to say. For the third time in twenty-four hours, she was being told she mattered to the family.

  All you really need are a few people who care. That was what Lewis had said. Looked like she had those people.

  If only she could make Lewis care for her too. “I think I’m in love with him,” she told Rosalind.

  Her sister-in-law snaked her free arm around Susan’s shoulders. “Then let’s hope he smartens up and realizes what he had.”

  Susan didn’t know if that was possible.

  * * *

  Rosalind’s lecture stuck with her the rest of the day and into the evening. How appropriate that it would be her sister-in-law who delivered the tough love. Last year at this time, it’d been Susan reminding Rosalind of something similar. As she nursed her glass of wine, she found herself circling a familiar cliché: the pot calling the kettle black.

  Looking across the street, she saw most of her neighbors had their Christmas trees lit. One apartment was throwing a party. Seeing the people laughing in the window, she wondered if it was true and her insecurities were her own worst enemy. She’d certainly been wrong about her family. All those years of feeling like a square peg, unwanted and unlike the rest, and it turned out her brothers didn’t care what shape she came in.

  Of course, that didn’t change things with Lewis. All the tough love in the world wouldn’t make him want her. She’d laid herself bare and he’d rejected her.

  Did he? Or did you hold him at arm’s length too?

  From the very start, she’d been waiting for their affair to end. Pretending for both their sakes that their lovemaking didn’t mean anything.

  But it did. She loved him. What they shared had been real on her part. She’d never told him though. In fact, she’d pretended she didn’t care. She hadn’t even invited him to Christmas Eve for crying out loud. How was he supposed to know she cared unless she let him in?

  Downing the rest of her wine in one swallow, she grabbed her phone. Lewis’s number was on speed dial. Number one. She pressed the button before her courage ran out.

  His voice mail answered.

  “Hey, Lewis, it’s me.” She rushed the words as fast as she could. “I know I’m the last person you want to talk with right now, but I wanted to let you know I’m sorry for...”

  No, that wasn’t what she wanted to say.

  “I wanted to let you know that you were the best fake boyfriend around and that I love...loved every minute we spent together. As far as I’m concerned, the relationship was real—very real—and I’m sorry that I ever said anything to Linus. If I could take it back, I would because you deserve nothing but the best. Oh, and Lewis...”

  She stopped herself from disconnecting.

  “If there’s any chance you feel the same or could feel the same...please come to Thomas and Roseanne’s vow renewal on Christmas Eve. Not because I need a date, but because I want to see you again and there’s nothing I’d like better than to spend the holidays with you. You...you matter to me.”

  There, she thought with a sniff. No one could say she hadn’t made the effort. The rest was up to Lewis.

  * * *

  There was only one thing to do when the going got tough, and that was turn off his phone and belly up to the bar. And, because he was a glutton for punishment, he picked the place where the whole d
ebacle had started. The bar was as empty as it had been a month ago. Emptier. Because a particular brunette wasn’t perched on a stool nearby.

  “Hey, welcome back.”

  Just his luck. It was the same bartender.

  “Are you here alone or is your girlfriend with you?”

  “Haven’t you read the papers?” Lewis replied. “She wasn’t my girlfriend.”

  “Could have fooled me. You two looked crazy about each other.”

  “Goes to show, you can’t always believe what you see. Lady was way out of my league.”

  “Huh.”

  “What?” Lewis asked. He couldn’t believe he was discussing his love life with a bartender. On the other hand, he was in a bar so who else was going to talk with him? It beat staying home and wondering what he was going to do with his life. “If you have an opinion, you might as well go ahead and say it.”

  The bartender shrugged. “You didn’t strike me as someone who hesitates about going after what you want, no matter how out of reach it seems.”

  “Once upon a time maybe.” When reaching meant getting out of a lesser situation. “Unfortunately, just because you want something doesn’t mean it’ll last.” Especially if you didn’t belong in the same world. People walk away.

  Unless you send them away. Like he had Susan. Why wouldn’t he though? He was washed up. His chance at redemption had blown up in his face. Why would Susan want to stick around when she could do so much better?

  “Here.” The bartender set a bright red drink in front of him. “You look like you could use this.”

  “What is it?”

  “A virgin Christmas Wish. On the house.”

  Lewis had to laugh. There was a joke in there.

  He stared at the bubbles rising in the red depths. Susan. The bubbles reminded him of Susan. Oh, how he wished he could fix what he’d messed up.

  If wishes were horses, beggars would ride. He remembered someone telling him that as a kid. His first foster mum maybe. The one who was like Susan. Because of course.